INTROVERTS THREAD ...shhhh, we're over here

(874 Posts)

Hello fellow introverts. I hope the last thread exploded due to time since it was started, and not because it was controversial. grin

I started the original thread after reading the wonderful book quiet and realizing that I was not alone.

Lots of people were kind enough to share their thoughts and experiences, and it was a good support for those of us who like being alone; hate parties, especially hen nights; love reading, crafting, walking, painting, creating; enjoy solitude; need some recovery time after being in a crowd; prefer thought to action.

We are not necessarily shy, we can be confident and even outspoken, but we are at our happiest having a bit of a think on our own, thanks all the same

It's a bit odd to have a group of introverts, but I prefer to think of us as a collective. Separate but together.

As Christmas approaches, I thought we might need a thread to help us through it all

Alwayscheerful Fri 08-Nov-13 11:35:44

Just noticed this thread, can we talk NYE? I have always hated NYE, I spent my early teens and twenties hiding at midnight. I now stay in or have a quiet meal. I suspect I belong on this thread.

farrowandbawl Fri 08-Nov-13 11:46:34

"Does anyone find that people talk at you? I know someone who does this, I find her very hard work and don't think I have ever managed to have a proper conversation with her. As soon as I see her (mum of one of DC's friends) she rattles off a big list of what they've been doing/who they've been seeing etc. It just exhausts me..."

This describes my mate to a "T". I love her for it but phone calls are brilliant...she talks and the only words I'll say are "hiya love", "yeah ok" "no thanks" "ok see you later" "bye love". It's hillarious.

Sometimes it bugs me that people (my mate and ds) talk at me, but I know they don't know they are doing it (friend does every now and again but she really, can't help herself - she does try though, bless her).

For me it's a case of trying to balance it all out. Not easy but the Ipod helps, just plug myself into that for about half an hour and I'm ready for the next barrage of words.

Hi Always - another one here who can't see the point of it. I'm hiding inside with a take away..that's my idea of celebrating the new year in and observing a few superstitions I have for NYE. I turn my phone off and unplug the house phone for the entire NYE and NYD...too many people trying to talk all at the same time - just NO.

Mefisto Fri 08-Nov-13 12:12:25

Oh smudged I hope I didn't make you feel bad. I meant to say (but expressed badly) that very often my favourite part of an evening out is the bit before anyone else has turned up and I'm in my bubble (as illustrated very nicely in peermon's cartoon). By the time everyone has arrived I'm ready to go home <bubble emoticon>.

smudgedgraffiti Fri 08-Nov-13 13:45:32

Noooo of course not Mefisto of course you didn't! I think I was trying to say in a sort of tongue in cheek way that introverts are all different, just as any other classification of people.

I'm actually not very good completely alone - I need DH or DC around. When I'm alone I live in my head a little bit too much and it's not always the best place to be.

Mefisto Fri 08-Nov-13 14:23:54

I get you. I often find the most comfortable circumstances are those where there are other people around but everyone is doing their own thing, so you are alone but together.

Alwayscheerful Fri 08-Nov-13 14:54:11

Farrow&brawl - YES, new year day is just as bad, all those people who expect a call to say happy new year, it's so fake ...right I am going to unplug the phone this year.

<smiles happily >

SeagullsAreLikeThat Fri 08-Nov-13 23:05:09

Norks, something freaky is either happening to your post or my eyes! On my phone, your post is blank but I'm sure on the website version it says <smiles happily> (or something). What's going on?

Freaky stuff. Perhaps creepy wee brackets do freaky stuff to your phone? smile

SeagullsAreLikeThat Fri 08-Nov-13 23:24:53

They must do because the thing I'd written in those brackets isn't showing in my post either so mine doesn't actually make sense!

Ginfox Sat 09-Nov-13 06:58:49

Ami my dd is shy - by which I mean she hides from strangers behind me or her dad, even if she knows them/sees them regularly. I guess she is self-contained, but she does play quite happily with strange kids at softplay (if she's in the mood).

Always the best NYEs I've had have been small gatherings of good mates (my Dsis is good at organising this sort of house-party), or nights in the local tucked into a cosy corner. As long as no-one forces me to "enjoy myself" by dragging me from my seat and making me dance <shudder> I'm fine.

Last few NYEs we've had DD, and this year I'm diffed, so nice excuse to duck out of any "festivities".

HenriettaMaria Sun 10-Nov-13 20:40:34

Just read through most of the thread -skim read here and there, TBH smile and this, from Seagulls, really stood out for me:

Another one here who has a lot to thank this thread (and Norks, by association!) for... Quite honestly, I have spent my life feeling abnormal, feeling guilty, feeling like I would never fit in and this thread has made me feel that I have nothing to be ashamed of in not enjoying "fun" nights out, and provides a sanctuary full of people who understand. It is heart-warming to hear so many people saying the same. Thanks, Norks!

I could have written that! The feeling that I wasn't normal and that I couldn't fit in. It is such a relief when you realise that there are other people out there who feel as you do and that you are not the freak your family and 'friends' made you feel that you were.

I am so grateful to have discovered you all here. And I am planning to get 'Quiet' on my Kindle thanks to this thread. thanks to you all.

Another book that I saw recently recommended on Goodreads is The Book of Silence by Sara Maitland. Has anyone read that one? Apologies in advance if someone has mentioned it already and I missed it.

PeerMon Mon 11-Nov-13 10:02:14

After a tiring weekend of socialising almost non stop, I am relieved to be back at work today for some peace and quiet smile and hope to spend this evening pottering about with DH and sewing some new cushions.

Hope you all managed to get some quiet time this weekend.

ElizabethBathory Mon 11-Nov-13 16:20:38

Alwayscheerful oh yes, I have always dreaded NYE sad I love Christmas (cosy family time round the fire - I don't have a big family and most of us are introverts, so it's luuurvely). So I hate the fact that it's followed a week later by NYE, kind of ruins my post-Xmas glow. Last year was very nice - DH and I stayed in, then climbed a massive hill on new years day.

But this year our (his really) friends are planning a fancy dress party. Aaaaarghh!

SuddenlySqueamish Mon 11-Nov-13 16:32:23

Nutella, I have changed my working days so that I only have 1 day with my ultra-extravert colleague and that day I have worked from home on for the last 3 weeks. Starting to worry that people will question my commitment to the job and I'm hoping they'll make me permanent so I can take advantage of some mat leave and make some babies so think I'm going to have to suck it up and face her this week sad

SecretNutellaFix Mon 11-Nov-13 18:24:22

Squeamish- I am currently on three weeks and counting.

It's not just the fact that she is uber extrovert that is the issue. It's the fact that she is a horrible person as well as being so loud and in your face the whole time.

SuddenlySqueamish Mon 11-Nov-13 18:51:33

If it weren't for the fact there's nobody in my office due to go on mat leave, I'd think that we worked in the same place. Person in my office is like that too. I tend to just stick my earphones in and try to ignore it but I can feel the stress coursing through my veins just knowing she is there so it doesn't help. I hope the time goes quickly for you.

NYE angry

Yet more rigorously enforced jollity. My mum, a total extrovert, used to force me out of the house to "socialise" on NYE. Why? "Because you are wasting your life being weird". Ha.

The whoopers are always out in force, auld lang syning and faux embracing their faux friends and I end up glowering in a corner or hiding in the loos.

Thank god I married an introvert. We get to stay in being weird all we like, or occasionally invite some friends round for scrabble/monopoly/jenga and booze. One year we completely missed the year changing due to a matter of honour, a spirited discussion row and some strong accusations of cheating at Ker-plunk.

6 friends in my front room is lovely. 600 sweaty, roaring drunks in a nightclub is hellish.

smudgedgraffiti Mon 11-Nov-13 22:21:30

I love being older (40s) with a small kid so I have an excuse to not go out on NYE!

DH and I usually stay in, have a glass of champagne, then get an early night. This year we're going to stay with (lovely) relatives so it'll still be nice and simple.

Mefisto Tue 12-Nov-13 10:33:00

LittleGrey I may adopt 'wasting life being weird' as a family motto!

Am so grateful to have a DH who is of the same mind when it comes to NYE. He is a creature of comfort so our NYE will be wine, ale and a small band of like-minded people gathered around the fire being generally anorak-y.

It is so much easier being older - no more NYEs spent clubbing, freezing waiting in queues to get in and then queuing again for taxis (Why? Just why?), trying not be kissed by randoms and finding dark corners to avoid having to dance/whoop <goes to darkened room for a little lie down>.

You should mefisto, it works for me grin.

This is what they think of us, the extroverts. "Weird". Better weird than constantly babbling like a stream. I think they fear their internal monologue and try to drown it out. That is my theory anyway...

I have become a bit of a militant introvert as I settled into myself. I play my own way and I won't be made to play their game. So there!

(Dons citizen smith garb, goes to corner to inspect people at my leisure, quietly).

'Militant introvert'
I am going to quietly embroider that on a little banner. I love it
and 'wasting life being weird'

in fact, this could be a whole series of embroidered messages...gentle colours, hidden elements,

(City and Guilds embroidery course...can you tell?)

Mefisto Mon 18-Nov-13 10:21:20

<whispers> Power to the (quiet) people!

I do wonder about the effects of the dominant extrovert culture on us introverts. A common theme seems to be feelings of being somehow lesser or inadequate in some way, just for not conforming to extrovert norms. I know for me at least school experiences contributed greatly to these feelings. I would so love to see DalmationDots approach adopted widely in schools. Maybe this is already happening a bit (optimistically hoping?)

Another phrase I'd add to introvert bingo is "live a little", the implication being that I am living less because I don't want to bungee jump or throw myself out of a plane. I like the theory (I think norks mentioned up thread) that introverts are stimulated by much lower levels of activity so high risk activities have less appeal as we can get our kicks from walking through crunchy autumn leaves, concentrating on tasks like sewing (have noticed very high interest in crafts/art among us) and the like.

MrsSquirrel Mon 18-Nov-13 11:11:04

grin at militant introvert.

YY to sewing and crafts. I had a lovely evening sewing with my dd yesterday. She is like me, with that concentration and attention to detail. I reckon she will end up being an even better dressmaker than me [proud mum emoticon].

Along the lines of "live a little", somebody asked me what I do to "let my hair down." Again implying I need to do some bungee jumping or go out and get drunk or some such. Walking the dog doesn't count, apparently.

farrowandbawl Sat 23-Nov-13 17:20:28

I consider myself a very strong introvert but I have to admit, I'd give my right arm to go paracute jumping - it's just something that appeals in me. After all - you can't hear anyone talking at you when you are hurtling towards the ground.

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