Ok I give up, what's wrong with me?

(32 Posts)
Micha54178 Sun 11-Nov-12 20:27:28

I don't mean to sound like I'm feeling sorry for myself, but I really don't understand why I have no friends at all!! I am 35, married have three children (14, 4 and 6 weeks). I think I'm a nice person, loyal and honest and yet I am complete unable to hold on to a friendship. The last time I had a friend to chat to, go out with etc was at least ten years ago?
I don't get it? I'm not a horrible person, I'm friendly and chatty? So why can't I have a freind? I have found that I tend to loose friends as they move away or do something fairly unforgivable. I would love to make a few freinds for girls nights, shopping, trip with the kids? Am I asking to much? Where is everybody? After having my baby a few weeks ago and no longer working I do feel lonely, I guess it never really bothered me before... What am I doing wrong? How do I go about making freinds? Any ideas?

HorridHeffalumpsWickedWoozles Fri 16-Nov-12 00:17:43

Right so I think I've managed to pm you but again it hasn't told me its sent... <irritating> Sorry if you get a hundred messages again!

HorridHeffalumpsWickedWoozles Thu 15-Nov-12 18:39:02

I've got yours but it won't let me reply now! Will try again when I'm home on wifi maybe my phone connection is too slow. Glad playgroup went well, did you mange to get much housework done?

Micha54178 Thu 15-Nov-12 13:56:47

Heff I just tried to send a pm to you but it's not working!!!

Micha54178 Thu 15-Nov-12 12:28:32

A successful morning at playgroup, dd2 now eating lunch and watching barbie, while ds1 feeds and may just drop off for a little while. Today is beginning to look like it might go to plan, I might even be able to get some housework done!! Hope your day is going well

CatsRule Thu 15-Nov-12 07:58:51

Tornado grin that's exactly it...and what ds is doing to my living room right now!

HorridHeffalumpsWickedWoozles Wed 14-Nov-12 23:31:23

cats I have the same feeling of bewilderment at the tornado effect my two can create, and DD2 is only 6 weeks old!

CatsRule Wed 14-Nov-12 23:16:35

It has only been in the last couple of weeks that I have left him...more to help him cope when I go back to work...if I had my way I wouldn't let him out of my sight too...how pfb am I grin

It has amazed me how possessive I have become with him! I trust my mum to do things the way I want too (she was a crazy pfb type mother too so understands)

I still can't believe how someone so small can create such havoc in a house...he has more things than dh and I put together!

HorridHeffalumpsWickedWoozles Wed 14-Nov-12 23:16:04

Epsom is about 45 minutes from me (according to google maps!) so you're not miles out, I'll pm you smile

Micha54178 Wed 14-Nov-12 22:41:41

Hey horrid - I've been on the local friends bench, not much happening there. I'm in Epsom not too far away, where abouts are you?

Cats - I'm still at the sad stage of not wanting baby out of my sight. I don't know why, each baby I am exactly the same? I really need to start letting go a little!! hmm
A bath and coffee sounds like bliss, it's a shame that a small amount of free time and you spend a lot o it running round doing housework!!

CatsRule Wed 14-Nov-12 20:58:58

3 hours at the moment is a long lie in ib my book grin

Ds is my first so I feel very helpless when he seems in pain...I'm just doing all the recommended stuff, gels, teething rings, powders...at least they distract him for a while.

Today he went to my mums for a few hours...I rushed round my housework then had a bath...alone without an audience! Then a hot cuppa coffee...funny how the simplest of things become bliss smile

HorridHeffalumpsWickedWoozles Wed 14-Nov-12 20:48:53

Hi OP I think the new MN local site has a friendship bench or something, not sure how up and running it is though. Making friends seems to come so naturally to some people but I agree to most people its really hard, and I always wonder if so many people find it hard but do want to make friends why we can just say to each other "hi I'm hoping to make friends here, fancy a chat?' But I have a feeling people would think I was odd if I actually did confused

What end of Surry are you in? I know parts of Surry are quite close to where I am in Middlesex Gtr London if you aren't miles away I'm always looking for new friends to enjoy cake a chat with smile

Micha54178 Wed 14-Nov-12 20:35:51

Hey cats,
Baby doing well, he actually slept last couple of nights which is lovely!! Only three hours, but so much better than it has been.
I'm not looking forward to the teething stage, hope your little one isn't suffering too much. It not much fun and horrible not being able to do much to help them. I put a posting on a couple of local talk/friends threads.... We shall see. Playgroups tomorrow so maybe I'll find a real life friend there? How's your day been?

CatsRule Wed 14-Nov-12 17:42:41

How you doing today?

Did you start a thread in mn local?

How's your snuggly newborn doing? My ds is teething so badly just now...we are really hoping for a tooth soon!

Micha54178 Wed 14-Nov-12 16:15:31

grin

Micha54178 Mon 12-Nov-12 14:44:21

I know what you mean, some decent people would be lovely. I'll have a look on Facebook and see what I can find. I've had a look on the mumsnet local bit, but there doesn't seem to be anything in my area. Maybe I could look at hosting meetings myself? Hopefully we will get somewhere soon. Xx

CatsRule Mon 12-Nov-12 08:04:55

Ah I suppose there's pros and cons of working for/with family!

There might be some postnatal classes at your gym too.

Someone introduced me to our local facebook via netmums group where people meet up locally for walks/coffee etc. It was a good idea but this particular one wasn't for me. Unfortunately I found that while there were some nice people there were a lot of silly girls bitching about one another...not my thing at all! And being considered a geriatric parent compared to them I never ended up taking part in their meet ups. That's not to say you couldn't check out local sites and it could be better where you live. I think mn has a local site too. Maybe worth a look.

Micha54178 Sun 11-Nov-12 23:12:08

Ruby - I've joined some play groups, library, story time etc anywhere that I can take the little ones and am likely to meet people around my age with little ones of their own. I'm going to start back at the gym next week, providing doctors signs me off as ok after my six week check. Trying!

Cats - I went back to work after my the four year old was born, unfortunately it's a family company and its me, my husband, mum, dad and brother!!! No chance of meeting people there. It is beginning to look a little bleak!

Maybe I should post in the wanted section, friends wanted!

rubyrubyruby Sun 11-Nov-12 23:02:17

Ok - sorry.

Is your 4 year old at school or nursery?
Could you join some sort of play group commitee or PSA or something?

CatsRule Sun 11-Nov-12 22:43:16

Well I'm good at the running about like an idiot part grin

You don't sound sad at all, I think a lot of people can relate, I certainly can!

Did you work or plan to return? I always found making friends at work a bit of a grey area but in the last few years I have met some nice people through work. Most of our lives are very different but it's nice to still be in touch with some of them even if it's not very often.

Micha54178 Sun 11-Nov-12 22:35:29

Sorry cats, mil meant to say the only way I manage to get anything done is having all their clothes laid out the night before, bags ready and then get up really early and run round like an idiot for the next two hours before shoving the kids out the door wink

Micha54178 Sun 11-Nov-12 22:33:44

ruby the only people I have any contact with is my parents, husband, brother and children. I do have anyone else that Is any where near local to meet up with etc. I would love to organise a night out, but don't know any one to ask. sad
cats meeting up would be lovely, sadly I'm in Surrey, not likely to be passing through!
drcrab I had a very small group of friends at school (2), one I lost touch with and one moved away. I have moved area three times since I left school and it has left me with no one around that I have any connection with. I guess my family have always been very insular and now trying to build any relationships with others is difficult and not something I'm use to. I do appreciate that all the other mums I see are busy doing 101 things, just would be great to have someone in real life to talk to and share things with. How sad do I sound?

drcrab Sun 11-Nov-12 21:32:10

I don't think it's necessarily you. I work full time, moved halfway across the world from my birth country so don't have school mates hanging around the same city so to speak.

I have made a few girlfriends through dc1 and his friends. But with dc2 I've hardly made any new friends. Her friends tend to be the younger siblings of her brother's friends! They go to the same nursery.

I thought I'd make more friends through dc1's school now that he's started reception and I'd say that I've probably reacquainted with some post natal group friends but haven't done anything social apart from shouting 'hello!' At the school gates.

I think at my age, I'm not too concerned about making new friends - I don't even have time for the old! At the music class I attend with my dc2 I have one friend there and we agreed to make that class together in an effort to see each other at least once a week in between wheels on the bus! I embarrassingly don't know the other mums and we just say hi. They seem to know each other though or at least there are pockets of small groups of them.

Not sure what I'm trying to say...but just wanted to say that I'm pretty sure it's not you - life is so hectic. I wish I could be friendlier with other people but I don't have the time!! blush

CatsRule Sun 11-Nov-12 21:25:00

I'm going to have to get my act together as going back to work soon...it's a thought! Any tips on how to get out the door on time? You must be an expert with three!

I'm in Glasgow...if you're nearby I'd love to go for coffee and always open to making new friends smile

rubyrubyruby Sun 11-Nov-12 21:21:00

You must know people though?

Have you tried organising an evening out yourself?

Micha54178 Sun 11-Nov-12 21:18:51

So far the parent and toddler groups haven't worked our so well, we have only been a handful of times but have been unable to have a conversation longer than two sentences with anyone. Surely we're not that bad. The class does sound good, nor sure I'd have time with new baby? Don't feel bad cats, I wouldn't make it either if it wasn't for having to take the eldest to school.

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