Things you wish you hadn't seen on Holiday!

[Kia]

Hi everyone, back from holiday in kefallonia and noticed my name on the where are you from Star - thanks - I'm back refreshed and ready to go - NOT! Apropos of the hair or not to hair board some time ago, I'd like to share something with you about what should and should not be revealed on holidays!! I was lucky enough to do a cruise round the Ionian on a boat that had only 20 cabins, so smallish and intimate-ish. There were the usual Dutch, Germans and Italians shaming the Brits with their several languages, stylish clothes and lots and lots of what my teenage son called 'hairy scarey' women in various stages of undress. However, an Italian man who obviously thought he was God's gift, swaggered out on deck for the swims stops wearing what looked like a pair of underpants that had had their sides cut out and only the elastic waist band remaining, this then was pulled up under the arm pits as far as it would go allowing his er manhood (?!) to be revealed in all its glory! The kids all called him Signor Pigeon because they said thats what it looked like he had down his pants! He of course was oblivious to the barely contained hysteria, clearly believing that we were admiring his er acoutrements! Lastly, we were in port, pretending to be zillionaires with all the big yachts around us and on the next boat to us a young perfect woman wearing only a thong, proceeded to shower off the back of her boat as if she were alone in her cabin. Needless to say our boat suddenly heaved to one side with all the men taking a sudden interest in the type of boats on the port side (!) actually alot of them were doing the Vic Reeves rubbing of the thighs which we taught them! We women were torn between admiration for someone with more front than Harrods (yes!) and saying 'its probably part of her job description, dear. and you still can't afford her.' I did try the 'anyone fancy paying me NOT to do that?' but had too many takers! Decided that I must must must have a motor yacht and live in Greece for the summers - Make it so!!

[Janh]

kia, you mean you had the dutch/german/italian men doing the vic reeves thighs???

who said the english can't communicate with foreigners! well done!

[Jj]

Hilarious! My husband thinks so, too. But what are the Vic Reeves thighs?

[Janh]

jj, did you ever watch shooting stars (?), the "game" show with them and ulrikakakaka and the chap with the teddy-boy hair (forgotten his name)? (got it - mark lamarr.)
whenever an attractive young lady was on vic and bob would sort of half squat beside her and rub their hands up and down their thighs in a very suggestive way...

[Marina]

Ah, Kia, just about to add to the "Where are you now" requests. Good to see you back on such hilarious form

[Jj]

Didn't see the show, but I can imagine.. Thanks!

[Kia]

Of course the children taught each other rude words in each other's languages first. They were the ones doing the Vic & Bob thigh routines and their parents wanted to know what it was all about! Further to that luxury yacht fantasy list.. We decided that should we win the lottery that we would have to have a vulgar name for our yacht, simply because alot of the names we saw were the most pretentious/boring ever! ('If Only' 'El Chris' etc etc etc barf) So if you see a beeyooteefool boat called 'The Slapper' - its mine - welcome on board!! I also intend to have fitted along with my executive sound system, double jetski and satellite TV (for him) - a large bronze Norwegian to do the public showering (for her)!! 'Drape yourself over the front, sweetie, we're coming in to port! (ooer missis!) And, lastly of all before I bore you to tears, we went to a Greek night ashore (arr mateys!)and there was a singer doing the shirley valentine number on the assembled lovely ladies of a certain age!! I had to pinch myself hard that night I can tell you, it was incredible watching mr smooth do his stuff!