Children's jokes that a 4 year old can learn please!!

(94 Posts)
Starbear Mon 01-Sep-08 22:40:00

My DS loves telling jokes but I only know 'What do you get on the beach with a witch, a sandwitch...' he loves it and I love watching him laugh.

Moomin Mon 01-Sep-08 22:41:25

Where do cows go on a saturday night?

To the MOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooovies

(dd1 used to tell this one til she was blue in the face)

ChasingSquirrels Mon 01-Sep-08 22:41:51

what's the difference between a teacher and a book?
You can shut a book up.

What did the hat say to the scarf?
You hang around and I'll go on ahead.

What's did one tomato say to the other tomato?
You go ahead and I'll ketchup.

Were the 3 that my ds loved at 4.

Linnet Mon 01-Sep-08 22:42:33

why does a penguin carry a fish in it's beak?

because it doesn't have any pockets!

What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?

a wooly jumper!

Tidgypuds Mon 01-Sep-08 22:43:30

Why did the crab go to jail...
Because it kept pinching.

What is a pirates favourite shop...

Knock Knock
Who's there
Bless you

Lucycat Mon 01-Sep-08 22:44:03

What is brown and sticky?

a stick!

GrimmaTheNome Mon 01-Sep-08 22:44:16

Knock knock

who's there?


Boo who?

Don't cry its only me.

That was the first joke my DD ever learned to do properly.

Thomcat Mon 01-Sep-08 22:45:05

What do you give a sick pig?


NutterlyUts Mon 01-Sep-08 22:46:16

What do you give a sick bird?


foxythesnowfox Mon 01-Sep-08 22:47:20

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Banana who?

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Banana who?

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange who?

Orange you glad you didn't say banana?

Flamesparrow Mon 01-Sep-08 22:48:05

Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because he wasn't peeling well.

Why did the icecream go to the doctor?
Because he wasn't lickin good.

edam Mon 01-Sep-08 22:48:54

What's the fastest cake in the world?

(you have to say the answer VERY quickly)

a scone!

(doesn't work if you pronounce it with a long O, though)

Portofino Mon 01-Sep-08 22:48:54

What's black and white and goes round and round - a penguin in the washing machine. This gives dd hysterics.

Washersaurus Mon 01-Sep-08 22:51:05

What is brown and sticky?

A stick!

Lucycat Mon 01-Sep-08 22:52:15

oy washer! preview! that's the only joke I know!

iLoveIceCream Mon 01-Sep-08 22:52:44

what did one snowman say to the other?

can you smell carrots?


Washersaurus Mon 01-Sep-08 22:54:08

Sorry Lucy! The only joke I know too...therefore it must be a good suggestion grin

LuLuMacGloo Mon 01-Sep-08 22:54:20

Why did the banana go to the doctors?

Because it wasn't peeling well.

DD has no clue what this means but tells it ad infinitum and with great relish.

Lucycat Mon 01-Sep-08 22:55:13

grin at washer and our joke-telling capacities

Mamazon Mon 01-Sep-08 22:55:37

why did the beach blush?

'cos the sea wee'd

LittlePushka Mon 01-Sep-08 23:09:13

Oh these are so cute! I need to learn them ...all!

Dalrymps Mon 01-Sep-08 23:15:05

What kind of bee's make milk?

Boo bees

A man went to the doctor and said 'doctor I feel like a bridge'

Doc says 'whats come over you?'

Man says '2 cars, a lorry and a bus'

A man goes to the doc and says 'I feel like a pair of curtains'

Doc sasy 'pull yourself together'

misspopov Mon 01-Sep-08 23:18:27

Why was the broom late?
Because he over swept.

Why didn't the skeleton go to the disco?
Because he had no body to go with.

bellabelly Mon 01-Sep-08 23:21:21

What do ghosts eat?
Spook-hetti (spaghetti)

supadoula Mon 01-Sep-08 23:21:56

What is the martians' favourite party food?
Martian-mallows! (hours of fun with this one!)

What is a pirate's favourite letter?

LuLuMacGloo Mon 01-Sep-08 23:54:57

Love spook-hetti!

Knock Knock

who's there


cowgo who?

No, cow go moo

Knock Knock

Who's there?


Cargo who?

Car go beep beep

Pan Mon 01-Sep-08 23:58:25

This may hurt...

What's the most common owl in this country...

The Tea Towl....

Knock Knock

Who's there?


Alison who?

Alison to the radio

reginaphilangy Mon 01-Sep-08 23:58:47

Knock knock

Who's there?

Eye dunap

Eye dunap who?

Oooh you dirty monkey - you should have gone to the toilet!


reginaphilangy Mon 01-Sep-08 23:59:52

What do you call a three-legged donkey?

A wonkey!

tangarine Tue 02-Sep-08 00:01:39

What's a toad's favourite drink?

Croak-a cola!

PortAndLemon Tue 02-Sep-08 00:02:37

Who is the world's greatest underwater secret agent?

James Pond

jura Tue 02-Sep-08 00:25:32

What did the cat say on the racing track?


tortoiseshell Tue 02-Sep-08 01:04:20

Oh I'm going to use the Eye Dunap on ds1 - he will scream with laughter.

Their favourites;

Knock Knock
Whos There?
Doctor Who?
How did you know my name?

JiminyCricket Tue 02-Sep-08 06:34:37

OK, dd1(4) is a master - she gets them all from space pirates:

What's a monsters favourite game - swallow the leader

Why did the jelly wobble - because it saw a milk shake

BouncingTurtle Tue 02-Sep-08 06:47:34

OK I have some.

What do you call a man with a car on his head?

What do you call a deer with no eyes
No idea!

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs
Still no idea!

Starbear Tue 02-Sep-08 08:28:49

Thank, Thank you I'll try them out on him later. Cheers everyone

ReallyTired Tue 02-Sep-08 08:32:37

My son likes the jokes on the back of penguin wrappers.

filthymindedvixen Tue 02-Sep-08 08:35:08

why is 6 afraid of 7. Cause 7 ate 9...

Why did the shell blush?
Cause the sea weed

Heifer Tue 02-Sep-08 08:47:32

My DD (4.5) like this one

Knock knock
Whose there?
Banana who?

Knock knock
Whose there?
Banana who?

Knock knock
Whose there?
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana..


buttercreamfrosting Tue 02-Sep-08 08:53:32

What kind of shoes do you make out of banana skins?


Hobnobfanatic Tue 02-Sep-08 08:56:31

What is a dog's favourite type of pizza?


(I'll fetch my coat...)

Hey Heifer, DD1 loves that one too (I wonder where they got it from wink grin) although foxythesnowfox posted the same joke last night.

DD1 also loves - 'why did the skeleton cross the road?'
'To get to the body shop'


'why did the chicken cross the road?'
'to get to the other side...'
'why did the chewing gum cross the road?'
''Cos it was stuck to the chicken.'

<da boom boom tish>

ClareVoiant Tue 02-Sep-08 09:32:36

Lol at the tea towl one.
Doctor doctor i feel like a pig
how long have you felt like that?
About a weeeeeeeek. :-)

lostinindia Fri 17-Aug-12 16:23:01

^ I don't get that one.

BertieBotts Fri 17-Aug-12 16:24:49

Where do apes sleep?
In apricots

BertieBotts Fri 17-Aug-12 16:26:53

DS just told me this one (I don't think he quite gets the idea grin)

What would a frog call a penguin, call itself a frog-penguin?
A lighthouse!

SirEdmundFrillary Fri 17-Aug-12 16:30:41

What's brown, sounds like a bell and comes out of a cow backwards?


SirEdmundFrillary Fri 17-Aug-12 16:32:07

(It helps if you say the DUNG! bit in a loud, resonant voice. Difficult to explain in writing.)

SilkieChicken Fri 17-Aug-12 17:45:33

My DS will LOVE these! I'm horrifically awful at jokes.

SlinkyPebbles Sun 02-Sep-12 08:52:17

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

He wasn't peeling very well.

SlinkyPebbles Sun 02-Sep-12 08:54:28

Not really a joke as such, but we've had recent hilarity at bath times with my 2.5 year old recognizing how similar the world 'shampoo' sounds to 'some poo'. She never fails to crack up when I offer to put 'some poo' on her hair.

diddlediddledumpling Sun 02-Sep-12 09:02:11

Two that mine heard last Hallowe'en and are still laughing at:

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Bear who?
Bear bum!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Europe who?
No, you're a poo.

Molehillmountain Sun 16-Sep-12 19:37:03

Knock knock
Who's there?
Mary who?
Mary Christmas and a happy new year

Molehillmountain Sun 16-Sep-12 19:37:44

And dunop who? one from up thread

MrsSnaplegs Sun 16-Sep-12 19:39:52

Why are pirates called pirates?

Because they aaargh! (said with a pirate accent)

WilfSell Sun 16-Sep-12 19:42:45

Three kids, walking through a forest. Suddenly they see a slide and a fairy, who tells them the slide is magic and whatever they shout as they're sliding down, they will land in a big pile of it.

First kid slides down and shouts 'ICE CREAM!' and lands in a big pile of strawberry ice cream. Eats it all obv.

Second kid slides down and shouts 'CHOCOLATE CAKE!'

Third kid forgets and shouts 'WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....'

Why did the precipice?
Because the seaweed.

Sunshinegirls Wed 27-Feb-13 14:29:00

Why did the mushroom go to all the parties?
Because he was a funghi!!

thingamajig Wed 27-Feb-13 14:34:40

Why couldn't the car play football?
Because he only had one boot.

thingamajig Wed 27-Feb-13 14:35:46

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.

Shodan Wed 27-Feb-13 14:45:20

Told to me by ds2 (5):

Why did the sheep cross the road?
To go to the baaa-bers.

VitoCorleone Wed 27-Feb-13 14:50:32

Why did the pig cross the road, roll in the mud then cross back over?

Because he's a dirty double crosser

Branleuse Wed 27-Feb-13 17:15:57

what do you call a man with 6 rabbits up his bum?


RAFdad Mon 22-Apr-13 09:55:10

What fish sleeps underwater?
A kipper smile

MummyAbroad Mon 06-May-13 01:14:00

here is our "poo" version...

knock knock

who's there?

Smell Mop

Smell Mop Who?

Smell your poo?! I dont think so!

The other great favorite (or if I am honest, the only other one he gets) is:

What is brown and sticky?

A stick!

CointreauVersial Mon 06-May-13 01:17:03

DS's fave joke at that age:

What do you call a man with a boulder on his head?


Felsted Sun 12-May-13 19:47:21

Why did tiger look down the loo?

Because he was looking for Pooh!

FOURBOYSUNDER6 Fri 24-May-13 22:26:11

What wobbles in the sky ?
A jelly copter !!!!

LakeFlyPie Fri 24-May-13 22:32:13

DS(4)'s favourite delivered with complete lack of comic timing

Doctor, Doctor, I think I need a pair of glasses
You certainly do, this is a Fish and Chip shop


Thesebootsweremadeforwalking Fri 24-May-13 22:39:00

Why do giraffes have long necks?

Because they have smelly feet.

MonstrousPippin Sat 25-May-13 09:33:00

Did you hear about the magic tractor?
It went down the lane and turned into a field.

MERLYPUSS Sat 25-May-13 20:42:33

Where di fish keep their money?
In a river bank.

What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.

What wobbles in the sky?
A jellycopter

(all of the punch lines are interchangable and still as funny if you are my DTs)

AndTheBandPlayedOn Wed 10-Jul-13 05:41:46

What did the Baby corn say to the Mommy corn?
"Where's Pop corn?"

Proudmummy987 Fri 12-Jul-13 20:00:27

Ds1 came home last week with "why does a squirrel swim on its back? To keep its nuts dry". Pmsl!.

MadeOfStarDust Fri 12-Jul-13 20:26:45

What do you call a fairy that doesn't like to shower - Stinkerbell

What is grey and squirts jam at you - a mouse eating a doughnut.

How do frogs do DIY - they use toadstools

ZingWidge Fri 02-Aug-13 00:32:50

what do sea monsters eat?

fish and ships

Olivegirl Thu 13-Feb-14 22:46:14

If I had two fish, I'd call them "one" and "two"

Cos if one died, I'd still have two smile

NinjaCow Fri 14-Feb-14 02:29:14

Aww, olive that makes me smile smile

BeCool Wed 26-Mar-14 18:23:19

I got this one for my 4yo from a similar thread a couple of years ago.

Knock knock

Who's there?

Interruptive sheep.

Interruptive ....

(Interupt). BAA!

We still laugh at it and my 2yo now tells it (badly) and in fits of giggles.

MinginInTheRain Wed 26-Mar-14 18:45:28

Haven't read through all of this but our personal favourite is

Why was 6 scared of 7?

Because 7 8 9! Boom boom

Ilovecake80 Sun 22-Jun-14 18:36:13

From my 3 year old

What do you call a train that's got a cold

Aaa choo choo train

He loved telling everyone that one.

sally1978 Tue 05-Aug-14 15:15:39

what do u call a donkey with 3 legs
A wonky

bikermouse1 Fri 05-Sep-14 05:58:37

Do you know the difference between a letterbox and an elephant's bum?


Well, I'm not giving you this letter to post.

Jumpinginside Tue 09-Sep-14 23:19:56

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye dear (no idea!)

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye dear.

What do you call a deer with no eyes no legs and no ears?
Anything you like cause her can't hear you!

PsychicCaramel Tue 09-Sep-14 23:33:16

What's red and sits in the corner?
A naughty strawberry

What do you call a blind dinosaur?

Mumstudentbum Sat 27-Sep-14 23:28:36

Why did the Christmas turkey cross the road?

Because the chicken was on holiday

What did the pirate say when he was having a heart attack?

Arrrrgh mi hearrrty!!

bumbumbee Sat 25-Oct-14 21:37:42

My DD loves telling this one over and over and over and over
How do you make toast in the jungle?
Put it under a gorilla! smile

How do robots cheer?
By shouting 'bip, bip, hooray!' grin

BabyStone Sun 26-Oct-14 07:00:22

My sisters favourite joke when aged 3

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A Fssshhh (she used to love saying it really fast and adding on a different amount of sshhh' s each time)

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

What do you call a lady with a tile on her head?
Ruth (roof)

insancerre Sun 26-Oct-14 07:13:22

Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
Don't get itconfused

Sleepyfergus Sun 26-Oct-14 09:32:10

This is my dds party piece, but naughty, a joke in 2 levels if you like! Caused her great notoriety at nursery!

Why do squirrels swim in their backs?

To keep their nuts dry!

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