Mumsnet Talk

My DS loves telling jokes but I only know 'What do you get on the beach with a witch, a sandwitch...' he loves it and I love watching him laugh.

Where do cows go on a saturday night?

To the MOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooovies

(dd1 used to tell this one til she was blue in the face)

what's the difference between a teacher and a book?
You can shut a book up.

What did the hat say to the scarf?
You hang around and I'll go on ahead.

What's did one tomato say to the other tomato?
You go ahead and I'll ketchup.

Were the 3 that my ds loved at 4.

why does a penguin carry a fish in it's beak?

because it doesn't have any pockets!

What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?

a wooly jumper!

Why did the crab go to jail...
Because it kept pinching.

What is a pirates favourite shop...
AAAAAAAAAAArrrrgos.

Knock Knock
Who's there
Atish
Atish.who
Bless you

What is brown and sticky?

a stick!

Knock knock

who's there?

Boo

Boo who?

Don't cry its only me.

That was the first joke my DD ever learned to do properly.

What do you give a sick pig?

OINKment!

What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?

Orange you glad you didn't say banana?

Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because he wasn't peeling well.

Why did the icecream go to the doctor?
Because he wasn't lickin good.

What's the fastest cake in the world?

(you have to say the answer VERY quickly)

a scone!

(doesn't work if you pronounce it with a long O, though)

What's black and white and goes round and round - a penguin in the washing machine. This gives dd hysterics.

What is brown and sticky?



A stick!

oy washer! preview! that's the only joke I know!

what did one snowman say to the other?

can you smell carrots?

Sorry Lucy! The only joke I know too...therefore it must be a good suggestion

Why did the banana go to the doctors?

Because it wasn't peeling well.

DD has no clue what this means but tells it ad infinitum and with great relish.

at washer and our joke-telling capacities

why did the beach blush?

'cos the sea wee'd

Oh these are so cute! I need to learn them ...all!

What kind of bee's make milk?

Boo bees

A man went to the doctor and said 'doctor I feel like a bridge'

Doc says 'whats come over you?'

Man says '2 cars, a lorry and a bus'

A man goes to the doc and says 'I feel like a pair of curtains'

Doc sasy 'pull yourself together'

Why was the broom late?
Because he over swept.

Why didn't the skeleton go to the disco?
Because he had no body to go with.

What do ghosts eat?
Spook-hetti (spaghetti)

What is the martians' favourite party food?
Martian-mallows! (hours of fun with this one!)

What is a pirate's favourite letter?
Arrrrrrrrrr