simple jokes needed for my 7 year old ds to use in talent show ...

(63 Posts)
pepsi Wed 04-Jul-07 10:22:53

DS7, who is mild aspergers, has put his name down to do the school talent show, he wants to tell jokes, trouble is he doesnt like any of mine and his current one he made up.....Why did the body cross the road......to get his head, wont I think get any laughs. He loves trains and animals so anything along those lines great. He likes knock knock stuff and why did the xxx cross the road and what do you get if you cross a xxx with a xxx sort of thing. Come on make me laugh!

AnneJones Wed 04-Jul-07 10:32:01

How does a cat go down the motorway?

MEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW

(ach that joke takes me back....)

My currrent fave is: What's ET short for? He's only got little legs.
(if kids know ET these days...)

Also a deep reservoir is the "what do you call a man...?" style - eg What do you call a man with a seagul on his head? Cliff! What do you call a girl standing in the middle of a tennis court? Annette! Etc etc.

aDad Wed 04-Jul-07 10:37:09

What's the loudest pet?
A trumpet

ludaloo Wed 04-Jul-07 10:39:31

Whats Orange and sounds like a parrot?

A Carrot

jura Wed 04-Jul-07 10:44:27

What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?

A woolly jumper.

nailpolish Wed 04-Jul-07 10:47:46

why cant an elephant ride a bike?

cos he doesnt have a thumb to ring the bell

pepsi Wed 04-Jul-07 13:45:02

I like the one about that cat on the motorway.

geekgirl Wed 04-Jul-07 13:46:13

what do jellyfish get when they get married?

Jellybabies!!!

KezzaG Wed 04-Jul-07 13:47:23

whats brown and sticky
A stick

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Atish
Atish who?
Bless you have you got a cold?

purpleduck Wed 04-Jul-07 13:56:37

knock knock?
who's there?
dwayne
dwayne who?
dwayne the tub!! I'm dwowning!!!

knock knock?
who's there?
dr
dr who!!!


knock knock?
who's there?
boo
boo who?
there's no need to cry about it!!!

And the one on Chris Moyles this morning
"what do you call a one eyed deer?
No eye deer (no idea)
!!!!!

good Luck to your son!!

lemonaid Wed 04-Jul-07 13:57:03

Who is the world's greatest underwater secret agent?

James Pond

pepsi Wed 04-Jul-07 13:57:08

Ah yes, remember the Atish who one now, excellent.

BettySpaghetti Wed 04-Jul-07 13:58:44

Knock knock

Who's there

Interrupting sheep

Interrupting sh....

BAAAAAAAAA

purpleduck Wed 04-Jul-07 13:58:49

Oh!!! Pepsi, is your son's joke a variation on the "why did the skeleton cross the road?........to get to the body shop!!!!"


you gotta love the jokes on wotsits!!!

Debbiethemum Wed 04-Jul-07 14:01:57

What do you call a dinosaur with 1 eye
D'yuthinkhrsawus (Do you think he saw us)

What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes
Cantofsawus (Can't of saw us)

Debbiethemum Wed 04-Jul-07 14:04:18

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
So they can hide in cherry trees
Do you ever see elephants in cherry trees?
No -
Must be a good disguise then

Debbiethemum Wed 04-Jul-07 14:05:12

Whats red and invisible?
No tomatoes

Message withdrawn

MamaMaiasaura Wed 04-Jul-07 14:07:49

Where do cows go on a saturday night??

To the MOOOOOOOOvies

wurlywurly Wed 04-Jul-07 14:08:06

why was the sand wet??

Because the sea-weed.

SquareSausage Wed 04-Jul-07 14:11:39

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick


Whats brown and quacks?

Donald mince


Did you hear about the guy who was found dead in an ice-cream shop.

He topped himself

saffy202 Wed 04-Jul-07 14:37:44

Why wouldn't the crab share his sweets?

Because he was a little shellfish!

Ds1 entered this joke a few years ago into a competition run by Adams and won it and they printed the joke on their labels.

Mellin Wed 04-Jul-07 14:54:52

What's a funny book about eggs called?
A yolk book

HullaBalloo Wed 04-Jul-07 15:01:22

Why was 6 afraid of 7 ? Because 7 8 9 !

What sort of sandals do frogs wear?

Open TOAD!!!


How do you get two elephants in a mini?

One in the front, one in the back!!!


How do you get two whales in a mini?

You can't - it's full of elephants!!!!


How do you get two whales (to Wales) in a mini?

Over the severn bridge!!!

TootyFrooty Wed 04-Jul-07 15:12:31

One snowman said to the other "Can you smell carrot?"

What lies trembling at the bottom of the sea??

A nervous wreck !!

doughnuts Wed 04-Jul-07 15:14:40

What's brown and sticky ?

A stick

ds loved that one for some reason....

fanella Wed 04-Jul-07 15:17:55

why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide....guffaw!

knock knock
who's there?
banana
banana who?
knock knock
who's there?
banana
banana who?
knock knock
who's there?
banana
banana who?
knock knock
who's there?
orange
orange who?
orange you glad I didn't say banana?

CaptainUnderpants Wed 04-Jul-07 15:49:27

Knock Knock

Who's there ?

Edbutt

Edbutt who ?

Edbutt ( egg but ) no bacon thank you .

Why has a giraffe got a long neck?
Because his feet stink.

Lolly68 Wed 04-Jul-07 16:00:00

What do you call two happy mushrooms?












Funghi.

Ellbell Wed 04-Jul-07 16:08:49

How does an elephant ask for a bun?

[Put arm up to nose and make like you have a trunk...] Can I have a bun please?



Why did the banana go to the doctor's?
Because he wasn't peeling well. (That's dd2's favourite)

Ellbell Wed 04-Jul-07 16:08:49

How does an elephant ask for a bun?

[Put arm up to nose and make like you have a trunk...] Can I have a bun please?



Why did the banana go to the doctor's?
Because he wasn't peeling well. (That's dd2's favourite)

Ellbell Wed 04-Jul-07 16:09:14

Whoops, neither was really funny enough to need telling twice

purpleduck Wed 04-Jul-07 17:34:06

my son just said:
Why did the biscuit go to the dr's??

Because he was feeling crumby!!!

jura Thu 05-Jul-07 10:07:10

what do you call a fish with no eyes?




Fsh!

totaleclipse Thu 05-Jul-07 10:12:09

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
no idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
still no idea.


What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
time to get a new one.

anniebear Mon 09-Jul-07 11:33:09

Knock Knock

whos there

Ipe

Ipe who

eughhhhh do you?!!!!!!!!!


Ok, maybe dont use that one for school lol lol but I do like it!!!

sanae Sat 14-Jul-07 20:01:19

why did the one handed chicken cross the road?

To get to the second hand shop!


Why did the head teacher quit?

Because there were too many rulers in the school!


What did the ghost teacher say to her pupils?

Look at the board while I go through it again!


What goes up very slowly and comes down very fast?

An elephant in an elevator!

Stroo Sun 15-Jul-07 23:11:34

Joker - Knock Knock

Person - Who's There?

Joker - The interrupting starfish

Person - The interrupting starfish Who?

although the recipient of the joke doesn't get to finish the last sentence because the joker pus his / her hand in front of the person face halfway through the line and goes "bloughbleurghblough" (hand = starfish)

Trust me - it's funny!!!!!!!!

ahundredtimeturners Sun 15-Jul-07 23:13:14

What did the 0 say to the 8?

I like your belt.

LegoLeia Wed 18-Jul-07 12:15:34

Who gets drunk and kicks darleks?

Dr. Who-ligan



Oh, my!

cleaninglady Wed 18-Jul-07 12:45:30

my dds favourite:

why did tigger look down the toilet?

because he was trying to find poo(h)

MaryBS Tue 31-Jul-07 08:03:05

What do you call a camel with 3 humps?
Humphrey

2 snowmen talking - one says to the other,
"Can you smell carrots?"

Did you hear about the hyena that swallowed an Oxo cube?
It made a laughing stock of himself

Why did the chicken cross the football pitch?
Because the referee called for a fowl

What goes "Ha Ha Bonk"?
A man laughing his head off

Tortington Tue 31-Jul-07 08:21:56

what pie flies?

a magpie

Tortington Tue 31-Jul-07 08:22:47

what's black n white black n white black n white black n white?

nun rolling down a hill ( partic good in catholic school)

surprise Tue 01-Jul-08 20:38:59

what do you call a fly with no wings?
a walk.

ChipButty Tue 15-Jul-08 22:37:59

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?



To get to the bottom!

bluebellwood Thu 18-Sep-08 19:56:06

What did the policeman say to his tummy?

You're under a vest!

peasoup Thu 18-Sep-08 19:57:54

Q- What's a Wok?
A- Something you throw at a wabbit

beanieb Thu 18-Sep-08 20:00:12

What do Maggots read...

Maggotzines.

My brother got best joke in a magazine with that one, he's been annoying us with terrible puns ever since.

hughjarssss Thu 18-Sep-08 20:01:39

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
He wanted to win the No-bell prize.

(how come this thread is back?)

IAteDavinaForDinner Thu 18-Sep-08 20:02:25

Waiter asks for order from customer in restaurant. Man says "Steak and kiddly pie, please". Waiter says "Do you mean steak and kidney pie, sir?". Man says "That's what I said, diddly I?".

I know some 7 year olds who will laugh about that for aaaaaaaaaaages. hmm

IAteDavinaForDinner Thu 18-Sep-08 20:03:20

Oh goodness me, I hope the talent show went well ... last year! blush

What did the traffic light say to the car?

Don't look at me, I'm changing!

WowOoo Thu 18-Sep-08 20:06:51

I thought your son's joke was very funny, he should give it a go!

Knock knock
Who's there
Arthur.
Arthur who?
Are there any more biscuits?

Zola78 Fri 18-Nov-11 09:11:58

Sorry but DS7 joke was by far the best one! I'm still laughing now :-) Its pure comedy lol.

MummyAbroad Sun 25-Mar-12 03:52:34

I know this is a really old thread, but I have really enjoyed reading it, cant wait to tell DS some of these tomorrow. Here is my effort:

What do you call a horse with three legs?
A Wonky Donkey

What do you call a horse with three legs and one eye?
A Winky Wonky Donkey

grin grin grin

Littleprincessrocks Tue 24-Jul-12 00:31:30

Just thought I would add one I heard from a special little guy

Why did the computer catch a cold?
Because he left his Windows open!

And DDs favourite 2:
What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?
Nacho Cheese (not your cheese)

What cheese can you use to hide a horse?
Mascarpone

Cremolafoam Tue 24-Jul-12 00:32:11

What kind if biscuits fly?

Plain onesbiscuitwink

Littleprincessrocks Tue 24-Jul-12 00:33:29

What type of bee's make milk?
Boobies! grin

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