Witty answers when asked...

(48 Posts)
Pincushion22 Fri 30-Nov-12 18:59:02

'so you only have one then?' or 'you just have one then?'

I have never been able to find a good answer to this that doesn't make me sound rude or bitter but that also puts people in their place with their implication that I am somehow 'lacking'!

I chose to have one child and love it so I'm not sad at having one. Some witty answers please!

We tried for a second but DP kept missing and putting it in the wrong hole.

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud Fri 30-Nov-12 22:15:36

We got it right first time round accompanied by withering look at their unappealing progeny.

Scout19075 Fri 30-Nov-12 23:41:46

Why mess with perfection?

No? Shit! Where have the others got to?!

Pincushion22 Sat 01-Dec-12 14:22:22

Oh these are great! grin

Hope I have the nerve to use them at some point!

Keep them coming!!

SantasNaughtySack Sat 01-Dec-12 14:26:27

We got a new milkman and I didn't want the kids to have different dads? grin

puds11 Sat 01-Dec-12 14:27:17

'used up all my good genes on this one'

or the honest response for me 'one is more than enough'

puds11 Sat 01-Dec-12 14:27:49

'I like my house the way it is thanks'

goralka Sat 01-Dec-12 14:33:02

'I've got some others in the cupboard at home'

SantasNaughtySack Sat 01-Dec-12 14:35:11

I only had this one in case I ever needed a kidney?

That's a brilliant one Santas.

I'd probably put on a really smug look and say "there is nothing 'just' about my DD". That is what they are implying. That each time they look at one of their DC they think that that DC is insufficient.

DoIgetastickerforthat Sat 01-Dec-12 14:59:14

Well a second your mean having to have sex again and I'm not some dirty, nympho, whore. Once in a marriage is quite enough.

DoIgetastickerforthat Sat 01-Dec-12 15:00:06

would, not your hmm.

SnowWide Sat 01-Dec-12 15:03:41

Two miscarriages after my first born DD, so puds may be right. I did use up all my good genes. Hmmm....

Oh well, if they were really brilliant genes, cant improve on perfection grin

yellowdomino Sat 01-Dec-12 15:04:20

Wow, you all assume people are implying something negative when they enquire if you have any other children? Why would you think that? Genuine question.

Frontpaw Sat 01-Dec-12 15:04:38

Mind your own sodding business
Oh do fuck off
Id love more but... Waaaaaaahhhhhhh!

Maybe I need a few new ones...

SnowWide Sat 01-Dec-12 15:07:24

Well, the condescending tone /incredulity when asking the question... Really negative.

Followed by "I could never have JUST one, but thats just me..." Aaarrgh!!

Frontpaw Sat 01-Dec-12 15:09:57

Its usually negative! I was once cornered in a toy shop by a nanny I had been on nodding terms with when DS was tiny.

"Only one??? Where are there more? (She is Polish)
No. You must have more. One is not enough. I have only one (but he is a boy, so that is good) and you will be lonely when he is grown up. Have another before it's too late. What are you now, 40, 41, 42? Not too late. Have another." etc etc etc.

But then, mum used to get crass comments about the number of kids in our family (not huuuge amount but higher than average). "How many children? Dont you know how to stop?"

CMOTDibbler Sat 01-Dec-12 15:10:02

Exactly Snow - theres ways that people can say things.

My light brush off is 'well, I couldn't afford the carbon offset for another'

DameFanny Sat 01-Dec-12 15:29:39

Genius responses here grin I particularly like the 'have sex twice?' response

CaroleService Sat 01-Dec-12 15:48:34

"He has an identical twin"

I have 10 years between my dd & ds & for years had these comments now have complete strangers asking why such big gap? Arghh so nosy!! Need to try think of some witty comments for this smile

Pincushion22 Sat 01-Dec-12 16:57:21

Absolutely fab answers everyone! You are so great! smile.

I particularly like your reference to the carbon offset CMOT - DH likes to think we are helping the environment grin

Yellowdomino - quite happy to answer your question. Personally I don't mind being asked how many DC I have. What I don't like is when the question is phrased in a certain way with the emphasis on 'just' and 'only' (this is why I put these words in bold in my OP). There is no doubt that if said in this way the implication is that you are somehow lacking, are inferior or have lost out in some way. There are so many positive ways to ask a question - this is definitely not it!

The next problem has always been how to answer it without sounding annoyed or as though you actually did want more DC. This is why I have finally asked for some witty, non-bitter sounding responses smile.

mustbewinetime Sat 01-Dec-12 21:04:44

A bit of a festive response: 'it was good enough for Mary and Joseph'!

sesw Sun 02-Dec-12 14:21:29

I'm with snow wise, just has second miscarriage and the question just kills me. I love these responses and wish I had the guts to use my dh missed!

Pincushion22 Sun 02-Dec-12 16:52:22

Really sorry to hear that sesw and snow - guess the question must be even more difficult when you do actually want more DC sad.

Hopefully you will have the nerve to use one of these great answers.

Lonecatwithkitten Sun 02-Dec-12 22:29:35

I am as blunt as they are.
I could only have the one .
That soon takes the wind out their sails.
I only wanted one and when I was told I couldn't have any more it wasn't the end of my world. However, it makes me really angry that people ask in such a thoughtless way never pausing to think that for some people it's not a choice.

Frontpaw Mon 03-Dec-12 08:14:14

Sometimes the act as if they can persuade you to have another (oh go on) or as if its something that may never have occurred to you (more than one?). Its hard not so tell them to mind their own business (would they ask how much tax you pay or how often you fart?).

SlimJimBra Mon 03-Dec-12 08:25:23

I often tell the plain truth, we can't afford the cost of ivf again. That tends to stop them but if I don't feel like laying my fertility status in front of them I tend to go along the " can't improve on perfection" angle. I sometimes say ds was a miracle and asking for a second miracle is a bit greedy grin which hints at the fact it's not our choice to only have one. I agree it's very hard not to sound bitter though, whatever you say.

OvenReady Thu 27-Dec-12 20:21:58

This gave me a giggle!

I have one son, two years old, and I get asked this all the time. Makes it even more grating having had 2 miscarriages this year. Just at that point where I'm considering stopping ttc.

I'm so sick of being asked I tell them straight - usually shuts them up and they regret being so nosy...

Bullets Tue 01-Jan-13 22:07:42

Our current favourite: "Two just looks far too much like hard work and we are very lazy"!

This is actually the truth grin

BikeRunSki Tue 01-Jan-13 22:09:57

I used to say "There's no just about 1".

Startail Tue 01-Jan-13 22:18:18

I knew a Mr and Mrs Smith who said they thought there were enough Smiths in the world.

However, They split up and Mr Smith remarried and had another family.

I always say that I was born to be an only child and my parents ruined it by having my other sibling - I won't put my child through that!

I am asked all of the time, I'm 24! Most people haven't even had 1 by my age never mind planning another, we're happy - he's happy - I love my spare room plus come September we'll be rid of nursery fees and I've just got a job after being a broke student!

Plus my son is amazing - I'm not searching for something else, there's nothing missing, my family is perfect

jayq Wed 09-Jan-13 22:14:25

ChunkyMonkeyMother I couldn't agree with you more.
I was 17 when I gave birth to my girl (now 16) she was clearly a very happy accident but everyone asked when we were having another? It drove me crazy.

I stayed home until she was in school then returned to education. now I have brilliant daughter who I love to spend time with and who enjoys my company as well.
both i and my ex came from larger families and both wanted just one so we could have the luxury of being able to have a favourite.

jayq Wed 09-Jan-13 22:39:49

we came up with loads of replies I am known for being brash so we used them all the time,
when she was a baby my fav was ' no no i left the other at home he didn't go with these shoes'
or because I was 17 there was "yeah, well condoms are 99.99% effective so we have a couple of years yet "
As she got older she was very inquisitive and independent so I was always pulling her out from a dark hole or under a counter or once from under a roller-coaster
so I would say "this one I got GPSed" or "I'm worried more would lead to the Armageddon"
but the one I use today as my daughter and I look so alike we are often mistaken for each other is "cloning is still hit and miss" or "cloning is too expensive" my daughter will say "two of us is enough"

cowboylover Thu 17-Jan-13 22:37:23

I love that Bullets How the hell would me and DH be able to double team our DD when she's acting like a loony if there was another one to deal with!

NynaevesSister Mon 11-Feb-13 20:17:06

No witty answer here. It depends on how the question is asked. If offensive or aggressive I go into detail on the years ttc the miscarriage and health issues after birth in hope they don't do that to anyone else.

If nice, genuine, then I just say that it was a surprise to me but I knew in my heart my family was complete when my son was born.

ChelseaKnows1 Fri 15-Feb-13 09:35:29

I love these answers. Sometimes just saying "I just have the one because that's what we want" doesn't seem to work and most of the time it would turn into "just give it time and you'll change your mind"...... I have said "thanks, what happens in my vagina is none of your business" a few times out of frustration. smile that can shut them up.

OKnotOK Thu 07-Mar-13 12:55:47

Shes like a russian doll, shes actually quads.

We wont be bothering, how do we top this!!

She ate the others...dont get too close ok.

I like your respose TryDrawingAPicture...i will use this!!

Arcadia Fri 08-Mar-13 03:59:50

My latest ones are 'I'd rather have a new handbag' (jokey/flippant) or 'there is more to life than babies'. Other times I say my partner won't let me have any more, and I am not going to push it (which is true, but not to say I definitely would if he changed his mind). That turns the focus on to him and away from me.

I really appreciated the approach of one of my DD's nursery workers when I picked DD up yesterday. I said I felt like DD wasn't 'my baby' any more and that I sometimes wished she was a baby again. she misunderstood and said 'maybe it is time for number two then?'" She instantly picked up on my expression and body language and went on to say that she doesn't want children herself and people always ask her about it especially as she works with kids but she said she doesn't want any because she knows what it involves and she is 'not mad enough'!

Once at work someone said 'it is no one else's business how many children you have'.

I seem to encounter these types of responses and end up having interesting conversations about it more and more, rather than feeling offended or cornered. I guess I am lucky though in that for me it is (partly) choice and not that I desperately want another and am not able to. Also have several friends and colleagues who are sticking with one.

27helptoall Tue 16-Apr-13 21:45:13

I just say one is enough

PearlyWhites Sun 12-May-13 21:57:15

But Jesus had brothers

I usually follow a hard stare with 'I'd have to find someone to procreate with first'. Which usually shuts them up, and occasionally results in a pleasing blush from the men who were stupid enough to comment.

"We went for quality not quantity"

MarthasHarbour Sun 09-Jun-13 22:46:57

chunkymonkey i loved what you said here:

''Plus my son is amazing - I'm not searching for something else, there's nothing missing, my family is perfect''

I am going to use that!

Another one here who has had two miscarriages (one of them v late) so it is painful when asked. Someone said to me 'isnt it time you had another' i replied 'well yes probably but i would like to get over my recent MC first'

2.5 yrs down the line and at 40 yrs old, me and DH are starting to get used to the idea that another isnt forthcoming. We are so much in love with DS that as chunky says - our life is perfect smile

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