Any regrets sticking at 1?

(29 Posts)
mustbewinetime Wed 21-Nov-12 11:57:36

Did any of you decide to only have 1 child after not enjoying the baby stage and then live to regret it?

My DD is now 2.1 and I love the stage she's at. However both me and DP have decided to just stick with her after finding the first year especially the newborn stage so much harder than we expected. Is life really so much more chilled with just 1 child to look after?

sleepymum50 Wed 21-Nov-12 19:42:48

I have just loved having one, and really don't know why more people don't. My dh and I have never felt as if one was not enough. There are so many advantages - as far as I'm concerned it just gets better the older they get. The only downside is that you do have to be fairly proactive with play dates and organising friends for weekends. I guess it helps if you have a largish family. I must admit my DD has 15 other cousins (although we really only see three on a regular basis.

We have always shared holidays and christmas with friends and family - in fact last christmas was the first time we woke up on xmas morning just the three of us - at her request. (she's a teenager now).

I really feel that life is much easier with one - you don't have the endless juggling of priorities. you just have have to be careful not to go down the precious first born route - get animals as well.

People often assume if you have only one child - it must be spoilt. And in some ways they are: they get more time with you - and have you ever heard an adult complain that when they were children they got all the attention they wanted. Most people complain their parents were too busy most of the time.

best of luck

Pinkflipflop Sun 25-Nov-12 20:21:26

I'm looking forward to reading the replies on this thread. Currently pg with number 1 and dh and I know he will be an only. Lots of reasons for our choice but have the usual 'niggles' about having an only child.

sleepdodger Sun 25-Nov-12 20:28:13

Watching with interest
See my threads on DS being challenging with sleep and he is very likely to be an only
As one of 3 it makes me a but sad but the thought of more also makes a nervous breakdown seem likely so same sort of which is right for us queries
Btw aren't random stranger people v nosy and opinionated on it!!

YDdraigGoch Sun 25-Nov-12 20:36:54

I regret stopping at two. I would have loved three or four kids, but didn't get started till I was 34.

UnderwaterBasketWeaving Sun 25-Nov-12 20:37:59

Another, here, watching with interest.

We have 19mo DS who was very tough for the first year, but is just amazing now.

We've ruled out any more for another couple of years as a minimum. But I seem to swing daily between wanting to stick with DS, be able to potentially afford nice things, perhaps be able to work less, and then I think of him having to look after us when we're old, or sick, etc. and think how lucky I feel that I'll have my siblings to help with these things.

But I get this feeling like weve had one toughie, we can handle another. Although by the time we do, we'll just be coming out of the nappies/baby gates/expensive child care phase only to plunge right back in again.

But I want another. But yet I so don't want to be pregnant again! And, and, and.....

How do people make these decisions!

mustbewinetime Sun 25-Nov-12 20:42:12

I was stopped by a lady in the street when DD was in pram. Had never met her before in my life but she felt no shame in asking how long it'd be before I had the next baby. When I said we were thinking of just having the 1 she looked horrified and went on to say 'an only child is a lonely child'! Charming!! angry

Anyway, we're currently in the process of decluttering the house of the baby equipment and clothes and it's giving me a little knot in my stomach. I definitely don't have any desire for another child now, just hope that doesn't change! Will have to keep thinking of all the positives of just having 1!! smile

MamaGeekChic Sun 25-Nov-12 20:42:50

Watching with interest... we have 19mo DD and while she was a great baby our lifestyle suits just having one, I worry we may regret it though.

AppleOgies Sun 25-Nov-12 20:44:26

I'm in underwater's boat... But mine is a 2.9 year old DS and I'm almost 36. sad

If DH also wanted another I would jump at it, but because he doesn't and I do (but at the moment not enough iyswim), I'm not pushing it. I had a very difficult pregnancy and very traumatic failed induction that resulted in emergency c section, so that hasn't helped and is probably the main reason DH is so against.

Yika Sun 25-Nov-12 20:48:37

Babies are so different! You might well have a very easy DC2.

I have one and will not have more as I had her basically too late to provide a sibling! Not my choice but I do see some advantages in it now - I think you can have a very special relationship with an only.

Snog Sun 25-Nov-12 21:09:59

I have 1 child, now aged 13 and have thoroughly enjoyed every stage of her life.
She is certainly not a lonely only, has never wanted a sibling and has always been a very happy child. There is no sibling arguing/ bickering in our house which makes for a pleasant and relaxing life. I don't want what I've never had ie more kids. Maybe it would have been a better life with more kids, maybe worse, it's of no consequence. Life with my dd is wonderful and I have no reason to wish for any different.
There are many advantages of having one child and any disadvantages are not obvious to me. Enjoy your child and enjoy your life together.

Iggly Sun 25-Nov-12 21:12:39

Ds, my PFB, was an awful AWFUL sleeper. Damned near killed me.

However I always knew I'd have another because I didn't want an only. But when pregnant with DD I was terrified and worried I'd made a mistake.

DD, is a WORSE sleeper than DS. Didn't think it possible. She was a tough baby and nearly killed me again.

Now she's nearly 1, it's getting easier and I'm glad we've got them both.

I have no regrets sticking to one. I love having one. Even if I wasn't very very old when I had my son, I wouldn't have had more than one.

sarah341 Tue 27-Nov-12 08:01:17

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Pinkflipflop Tue 27-Nov-12 17:29:24

I currently pregnant as I said near the beginning of this thread and someone told me today that as soon as my first was born I should get cracking with another! Am cross tbh! I really don't want to go through pregnancy again and I want to afford the child I will be blessed with.

paranoid2android Wed 28-Nov-12 04:45:39

What a rude person! Enjoy your baby without worrying about making a sibling. I have a fifteen month old and am erring towards sticking at one for many reasons. And what makes me feel happy is the thought that I can give everything just to one, that I will never be as exhausted and drained as mums with bigger families and that it will be easy to get some Me time. I firmly believe that a happy mum equals a happy child. And so I had a good think about what would make my life happy.
I'm still worried about the old lonely only cliche but we socialize every day with other kids, I love meeting other mums and look forward to friendships lasting as dd gets older

We just have the one, partly because of my age (38 when I had DD) and for health reasons. I have always been happy with just the one. DH would have loved a second although he admitted to me recently after seeing friends struggle with two he is glad we only had the one. Our DD's best friend has a little brother and they agreed to share him so she does tell people she has a brother. She is 3.6.

GetorfsaMotherfuckingMorrisMan Wed 28-Nov-12 06:46:41

Lots of people make very rude comments about only children. You can be equally lonely if you have siblings - there are a surprising amount of people who are not close to their brothers or sisters, or actively dislike them.

My dd is 17 next month and I have never regretted having just her. It wasn't really a conscious decision, but by the time I sorted myself out work wise dd was 10, and then I thought I couldn't really be bothered to go back to the baby stage.

I think things are immeasurably easier with one, I don't have to spread myself too thin, and dd hasn't missed out. I asked her recently if she would have liked a sibling but she categorically said 'GOD no'. I have always had a houseful of kids around, and ended up traipsing everywhere for her activities as I wanted her to ave a good social network, but I think that's probably true how many children you have, just the logistics are easier with just one. Financially it is also a lot more manageable as well. I have just bought dd a car for her birthday, of course that would be so much harder to plan for if I had more than one.

People do love to make snidey remarks, however I think that people like to comment on any aspect of parenting, if you had more than one child yes the lonely only comments would stop, but something else would fill the gap I am sure. Yes it is hurtful but if you feel ou have made the best decision for your family just count to ten and ignore!

FamiliesShareGerms Wed 28-Nov-12 06:59:03

We sort of told ourselves we were happy to stop at one when number two didn't happen. And we told ourselves that DS was happy with lots of friends and cousins, even though he said repeatedly he wanted a sibling, once he got to the age where he realised he was unusual in being a singleton (about five). We subsequently adopted DD, and it was one of the best things for us as a family.

StuntNun Wed 28-Nov-12 07:10:43

I have three DSs so don't really belong on this thread but when I had DS1 we thought one was enough, especially as he has SN. But ultimately I got broody and wanted another child, then another and here I am with a 13-day-old baby wondering if I'm too old and decrepit to have a fourth! It was always a decision of the heart and body, not a rational and logical decision of the mind. In a way I didn't have a choice as I think I would have regretted only having one child. But if you feel your family is complete with one child then you just have to ignore all the busybodies sticking their noses in and questioning your decision.

JoEW Wed 28-Nov-12 16:06:31

<waves manically at underwater from April 2011 thread>

Also watching, but I think we're leaning much more towards sticking with one. DS is 21 months and he was born at 31 weeks. Hardcore baby, pretty much wouldn't be put down EVER till he was 10 months, didn't sleep through once till about 13 months, had reflux, is still quite a diva. I adore him but both DH and I are still recovering from the first year.

I can't say yet whether I will regret it but all I know is the list of cons vastly outweighs the list of pros - I wobble over him being an only but I've taken a lot of comfort from some of the threads here. So many people with sensible, positive comments that make you realise you don't HAVE to have 2.4 children.

My reasons for thinking about another tend to be about DS rather than about me or DH and one of the things I've realised is that fantasies about how your pfb will feel in the future are not really a sound basis for having another child.

I think life probably is more chilled with one, financially we'll be more comfortable but I also think you have to provide more entertainment. As with so many things, it's probably not that simple!

slightlystrange Thu 29-Nov-12 00:44:48

I stopped at one and DS is now 13, so a second one definitely isn't going to happen! I've never had any regrets, in fact as he's grown older I feel more secure in my decision. DS has SN and I have seen so many parents struggle with dc with similar problems, with the added burden of younger siblings, but I've managed to deal with all the extra work in raising a child with SN much more easily, because I've been able to focus on it and still have time for my own needs.

DS also needs more space on his own and a quiet environment - very tricky if he'd had younger siblings! I know parents of bigger families often say that having your own room as a child isn't essential, but with DS it definitely is, because of his SN.

Life is definitely more chilled for me, I get a lot of leisure time now that DS is at school. I did provide a lot of entertainment for DS when he was younger, but I genuinely enjoyed that, I'm not the type to have sent the kids out in the garden to play. I think the 1:1 time he has with me has really helped his speech and language skills.

davlotte77 Thu 29-Nov-12 16:45:40

its so reassuring to hear about your stories. Due to PND with my son and experiencing awful PMT on and off whilst we've been trying, I think i'm at the point where we need to stop. Even though we're thinking about adopting when my son is 4 (the first time we can apply) I feel terribly guilty about not wanting to carry on trying. Am sure once we (I) accept that this is it the guilt will pass!

UnderwaterBasketWeaving Sat 01-Dec-12 13:37:50

Hi Jo! grin

Our DS is like yours (but wasn't early). It's been exhausting.

I've made myself a relatively comfy seat on the fence for the next year or two.

splintersinmebum Wed 05-Dec-12 05:18:12

dd is 8 now and we have never regretted sticking with one and she doesn't want a sibling. She's a kind, caring, generous, fun-loving little girl who makes friends easily but loves time alone or just the three of us. If you have one child for whatever reason just enjoy them - they'll be fine smile

goodmum123 Thu 06-Dec-12 20:55:30

Your thought-provoking comments have really got me thinking at sticking at one. Thank you

CheerfulYank Thu 06-Dec-12 21:14:17

I have just one now (he's 5) but am due with #2 in May. Ideally I'd like 4 or 5! grin

We waited such a long time to try again (it felt like, anyway) that I started to think that it might just be DS, and I could see a lot of positives about it really.

neriberi Fri 07-Dec-12 16:16:23

I'm one of 3 sisters and have always wanted a large family, but have decided to stop at 1.

I was very poorly when I was pregnant and have since discovered that I have a serious medical condition so much so that I've been advised by my consultant that my health and the health of my baby is at risk if I choose to have more children.

Even though I can hear my ovaries screaming at me in a very very very loud voice, I have decided to take my consultants advice and not have more children because the health risks far out weigh my screaming ovaries.

GateGipsy Sun 09-Dec-12 19:12:01

DS is now 7 and I am more than sure we made the right choice. I think that everyone knows when they've completed their family. For some it is at 1 for others it is 2, and so forth. I have two older step children, both in their 20s, and my son, and that's my perfect family. I know that son has this idealised vision of having a younger brother who would dote on him and do everything he says, and keep him from ever having to play alone. But of course it doesn't work like that, and he knows that more now his friends have siblings.

I can give attention to my son, and do things with him that I just couldn't do if there were two or three of them. I enjoy every stage of his life, but I'm happy when we move on to the next one too, and I wouldn't want to go back. I've no desire at all to do it all over again, and am looking forward to my newborn fix when my wonderful step children have theirs!

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