I love having one child!

(60 Posts)
CockyPants Wed 27-Jun-12 19:28:31

Partly thru age, partly thru medical ishoos, partly because DD was such a nightmare to feed that it put me right off having any more!

But in all honesty, I'm so pleased I have one beautiful little girl.

Alabama100 Wed 27-Jun-12 19:54:34

Me too :-)

CustardIsMyNemesis Wed 27-Jun-12 19:58:43

Me three grin

Alabama100 Wed 27-Jun-12 19:59:35

smile

I love having only one. smile

cleas Wed 27-Jun-12 20:02:12

And me!
For a wee while we were going to have another but it wasn't to be and medical complications don't necessarily restrict but certainly deter me from having any more. I've come to love the idea of just having one child now smile

scurryfunge Wed 27-Jun-12 20:03:13

Ditto

CockyPants Wed 27-Jun-12 20:27:25

I really like being able to give her one to one attention, especially now she is at school.
There is no sibling rivalry to contend with, so she feels secure and loved.
She still rules the roost though!

Banderchang Wed 27-Jun-12 20:39:24

And me! It's fabulous for all sorts of reasons smile

hev2010 Wed 27-Jun-12 20:42:16

Loved reading this. We have only one and can't have anymore, I was starting to feel very lonely as all my friends are having seconds but will now celebrate that I only have one!

henrysmama2012 Wed 27-Jun-12 21:26:30

Me too smile we're only 13.5 weeks in and we already know we don't want any more and that our little guy more than rocks our world smile

wifeofdoom Wed 27-Jun-12 21:33:25

Thanks for this lovely positive message - I adore my one and only too. I would love more, and am in the depths of ivf dark days, but your post is helping me realise that it isn't the end of the world.

Thank you...

Mine is 10, and at the grand old age of 33, I had a hysterectomy earlier this year. Which had the huge benefit of guaranteeing me no more children.
He is my world smile, in many ways, and by not having another it has lead me to be able to more with him, and support him in ways that would have been harder to do with two

henrysmama2012 Thu 28-Jun-12 07:15:15

Wifeofdoom I remember a thread in mumsnet somewhere about how people struggle terribly with missing the special time they got with their 1st child, when no 2 came along. That's one thing you will never have to face and it is really special that you and your little one will never have to lose that feeling smile

redlac Thu 28-Jun-12 07:18:24

I love my only DD too! She is a delight most of the time! We are currently at center parcs and I think having 2 children here would have me bankrupt!!!

I'm glad I have read this thread, we get so many requests on a daily basis to have another - my family is huge and everyone has at least 2 kids, but the average is 3 - I thought that we would definitely have another, id be able to get the feeding right, I'd know which pram I'd have, our DS would have someone to play with etc but actually over the past month or so I realised that I love our family, we have a great dynamic and DS plays really well by himself! I just don't think I could face the sleepless nights, the feeding, the nappies - basically starting from scratch!

I go from thinking 'I'd love a baby girl, with a big carriage pram' to thinking 'fuck that for a game of soldiers!'

Does anybody else get that?

flapperghasted Thu 28-Jun-12 09:40:37

I wanted a football team, but medical ishoos meant that I got stuck with one. And there are soooo many times that I find myself saying, thank gawd we haven't got to deal with anyone else in this situation.

There are some major, major benefits to having just one and very few downsides that I can see. As long as you socialise from early doors and curb your spending (which I don't do, but wish I could and really need to relook at) your only child will be perfect. And think of the positive impact it has on the environment!

Mine has the additional impact of only having a bath a week, no matter what! That'll stop soon (I hope) cos she's 11 now and I keep telling her that she'll be the stinky kid in class if she's not careful! Sorry..digressed. Lovely thread and yes, it is great to have just one child.

Vicky2011 Thu 28-Jun-12 09:46:27

Love my one DS too. If I'd married a different man and could have stepped off the career treadmill for a while then yes two would have been great, but for our family, one is just right.

CockyPants Thu 28-Jun-12 10:49:43

Great to hear your stories, mums!
I got sick of the are you having any more ishoo.
The other thing is I'm 42, and most women of my age have children older than my DD as well as a child DDs age (6). I get lots of weird looks when I answer for millionth time, no I haven't got any more. DD is it...
Can't say I've ever hoped for or wanted another child either. DD is everyone I've ever wanted and more!
The only downside we've found is that DD is not used to the childish and unpleasant behaviour of her classmates. She's had to learn fast how to deal with quasi bullying behaviour..

N0tinmylife Thu 28-Jun-12 13:34:38

I would have liked to have 2, but it hasn't happened. I can see a time in the future when I will be completely happy with just the one, although I am not quite there yet. Threads like this help, so thanks! smile

becstarsky Thu 28-Jun-12 13:41:28

I'm happy with one too. For a while I hankered for more, but it wasn't going to happen for various reasons inc medical. These days I feel so lucky and am sure that this is the way it's meant to be.

boredandrestless Thu 28-Jun-12 13:42:19

smile

I have an only too and don't want it any other way now. Before having him I wanted 2 or 3, but lots of different factors changed my mind. My DS is 7 now, we have waved the baby days goodbye, we go on days out and modest holidays that I couldn't afford if I had more than one child. He and I are both characters that enjoy our own space, and as we get so much quality time together we have a great relationship.

Quenelle Thu 28-Jun-12 13:53:34

We have only one and after a mc last October at the age of 42 I decided I couldn't try again. I'm still trying to come to terms with it though so this thread has been nice to read.

CockyPants Thu 28-Jun-12 18:28:19

I'm sorry to hear your stories where 'just the one' has not been by choice.
And hope having one child becomes easier for you to accept, in time.
I'm one of two, DP one of 5. Although I love my brother I never really accepted having to share my mum with someone else!!!
DD sometimes asks if I'm ever going to have another. I tell her that she is more than enough!

I am 42 as well OP. My son who's 5 has never asked for a brother or sister. I did bring up the subject once with him just to see his reaction, and he said 'no, because I like being just me and you'. So sweet smile

knittedslippersx3 Thu 28-Jun-12 18:42:31

I wanted 5!

Love having 1 though and she is 16. Having more wasn't possible but in a way I'm glad I had no choice but to stick at 1. No regrets here!

CockyPants Fri 29-Jun-12 12:22:28

Good things about having one amazing child.
Its cheaper.
Easier to plan around only one child.
No sibling rivalry.
You can devote all your attention to them.
Only 1 lot of weaning potty training etc.
They often behave more maturely.
I find it easy to work as a team with my DD. no additional disruptive child!
Only 1 load of tantrums to deal with.

Am finding that quite a few girls at DDs school are only children. So my DD is not alone!

JoEW Mon 02-Jul-12 12:36:52

This is a lovely thread for those of us who are still getting our heads around having one child. I would probably have gone for two if circumstances were different. Thank you to the lovely posters who have said how happy they are. I often lurk around this section reading the 'lonely only' comments and feeling a little sad.

Yay to all the plus sides! I loved getting rid of the jumperoo, clonking great lump of plastic that I would have to keep for the next one otherwise!

MorrisZapp Mon 02-Jul-12 12:43:44

Oh Christ yes, yes, yes and yes.

But for me its not so much 'I'm so happy to have one' as ' how the FUCK does anybody cope with two?'!

I just don't get it. They must spend every waking second doing laundry, cooking or in the car doing drop offs or pick ups. And that's just when nobody is ill.

Nobody asks me if I'm having any more. And if they do, I cheerfully say no effing way.

I love DS v much. But no.

No.

Nooooooo!!!

notsomanicnow Mon 02-Jul-12 15:05:12

Love having the one here too. He starts school in September and I can't wait to take him out to a cafe for an after-school treat and a chat about his day - something I know I wouldn't do if I had two due to the hassle/stress/likelihood of it all ending in tears factor.

GlassOfPort Mon 02-Jul-12 17:21:05

I think I am drawn to the idea of having another DC (although I wonder how much of it is due to social pressure), but when I begin to focus on what the reality of looking after two children would be like, I recoil in horror...

So in a way, I am contented with having one smile

Rowgtfc72 Mon 02-Jul-12 17:44:37

Im 40 and dd is 5. Thinking of getting sterilised whilst the much younger mums are popping out baby number two. I did for a split second think mmm should we and then I realised Im very lucky to have the lovely daughter I have and I would hate to spoil our closeness. Sticking at one !

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud Mon 02-Jul-12 18:50:29

I didn't so much stick at one as get stuck at one but, either way, I am very happy indeed with how things have worked out. I have dear friends with 3 or 4 children, and those children are delightful, but in no way would I want to swap places.

CockyPants Tue 03-Jul-12 20:54:22

Watched my DDs end of year ballet show. Just adorable!

MissPricklePants Tue 03-Jul-12 20:58:58

I have 1 dd who is 3.1 and I do not want anymore. It is just me and her (I'm an L.P) and she is amazing, I do not want to change our dynamic! We have so much fun. People are shocked when I say that I don't want anymore (I'm in my twenties) but I have no desire to do it all again.

passivehoovering Tue 03-Jul-12 20:59:27

Me too! She is FAB.

CockyPants Tue 03-Jul-12 21:18:58

Yes, why doesn't society accept that some mums only want one child?

BsshBossh Wed 04-Jul-12 09:32:07

I love having my one child - but I am lucky in that she's an easy child, has lots of friends but equally can play for hours by herself so I get alot of me time. If she had been a clingy child then I would have been trying for a sibling for her grin. But life is certainly very easy and chilled for us with just the one.

BsshBossh Wed 04-Jul-12 09:33:16

By the way, I've never had any raised eyebrows about having only one (by choice). Some people have asked me and I simply say, Only want one. I tell them that I was an only and was very happy. They never question further.

iseenodust Thu 05-Jul-12 12:48:05

One is fun !
I have a couple of friends who have 3 & 4 DC and much as I'm sure they don't envy our family dynamic I sure don't envy theirs grin

rollingfog143 Fri 06-Jul-12 01:35:13

We have an only by choice and she's great! I have no intention of curbing my spending where she's concerned grin

CockyPants Fri 06-Jul-12 10:44:01

DD finishes school for summer today. This is when I'm relieved I only have 1 child!!

UniS Sat 07-Jul-12 23:12:39

joins on the list.

one is fun.

I will happily take DS's friends and their siblings along to stuff if it suits both families, I will happily baby sit for friends with numerous children, but I do like going back home to just one.

ConfusedMummy1 Sun 08-Jul-12 19:49:15

This is a lovely thread to read. I am happy with my one and only DD but there are times when I have a wobble and feel guilty about not providing her with a sibling. It was hard enough the first time around, what with all the fertility treatment. I feel having one suits us as a family and I generally feel my DD will be just fine.

CockyPants Sun 08-Jul-12 22:29:25

DD now 6, wants 3 children. By the time she is 12....is this a reaction against being a one and only?!
It'll be interesting to see what our little ones decide to do.

CockyPants Sun 08-Jul-12 22:31:22

Oh, I don't feel at all guilty about not providing a sibling. DD would lose out in so many ways, another child would completely change the dynamic of our family.

rollingfog143 Sun 08-Jul-12 22:33:02

No, Cocky, it's not because she is an only - it's because she is 6 smile

Eggrules Sun 08-Jul-12 22:38:51

No 1 benefit is no squabbling. Without any exception, siblings we have contact with argue and quarrel over petty things. All of the time.

I would have loved another and I was more keen (70% sure) to DH (5%) it didn't happen. Like others, I medical ishoos during pregnancy and was seriously ill afterwards. Just yesterday I answered 'it wasn't meant to be' to the DM of someone going through unsuccessful IVF attempts (and should know better) .

Very happy with my lot. Wouldn't change a thing.

GlassOfPort - I think I understand what you mean - I love my family, we have one DS and he's great, 2.10 and just getting into the swing of life, he's potty trained, eats well, sleeps very well and gets on with everything - but I do sometimes feel like I'm doing him a misjustice by not providing another - and this is because society says "where is number 2?"

But then again when I look at the big family threads they have to deal with a similar vein of questioning! "why 3+ kids, don't you think that's wrong?" - so 1 is too little, 2 is perfect but 3 is too many - says who? Why?

And god forbid you don't have 1 of each if you do have 2!

It just winds me up so much! I am 24 I do not know what the next 15 years of my life and going to be like, how can I answer "will you have anymore?" without being berated for saying "not just yet"

Grrrr ha ha

MyelinSheath Sun 08-Jul-12 22:41:58

Me too. So happy with my one dd and no desire for another.

yes, another happy mum of one here, too. I did used to have 'twinges' about having another, but I'm 100% in my decision now. I love my daughter and she's a happy, well adjusted little girl.

(it does help that dd's friends, 2 sisters who live near by are constantly, constantly squabbling and falling out, and dd just views this with bewilderment smile)

ShowOfHands Mon 09-Jul-12 09:37:26

This is such a lovely thread for the main part. I was adamant that I would only ever have one and while it was just dh, dd and me, I was so content. Our family dynamic was perfect. Which brings me to...

Celebrate having one child because it's brilliant to have one child. It's too easy to say oh having two would ruin x or take something away from the dc I already have. It's the same as celebrating having one gender over another. Enjoy it for what it is instead of a comparison to what you don't have (and a judgement of it). I used to do it too and it was a double standard. I'd get pissed off with the 'dd needs a sibling' stuff but then realised that I was judging the other way by saying oh but having another would just introduce bickering or spoil things for dd. And isn't that just me deriding other people's choices? I suppose I did it with having dc1 too though. How would it affect my marriage? Would it spoil things? Of course it didn't but I can see why you'd think in that direction with regards to adding any child to a family. I did try not to do it though once I'd realised my mistake.

For myriad reasons I ended up with a 2nd dc and it's none of the things I thought it would be. It's neither better nor worse than having an only. Just different. It ruined nothing, it fits into no pigeon hole.

But, hurrah for this thread because celebrating having an only is wonderful and I remember feeling like it was something odd or incomplete due to a lot of comments we received at the time.

Eggrules Mon 09-Jul-12 10:00:18

I agree with you Showofhands. I also think that if you don't have children have one, mutiples, whatever your family dynamic; it is ok to enjoy your family for what it is.

IMHO sibling squabbles does not prepare children for negotiation and debate. I always knew what buttons to press though.

Rubirosa Mon 09-Jul-12 10:20:18

I disagree - there are positives and negatives to however many children you have, and actually a positive of 1 is that you avoid the negatives of 2.

ShowOfHands Mon 09-Jul-12 14:57:51

Of course there are positives and negatives to however many children you have. But you can't make sweeping generalisations because what you describe as a negative of having 2 might not be true for the vast majority of those with 2 anyway. For example on here people have said that they'd hate to lose special time with no1 or ruin a closeness. Well I have 2 dc and actually have more special time with no1 now for various reasons and we are as close as we ever were. It's very important (and much nicer) to celebrate something for what it is instead of negatively describing somebody else's experience in order to make yours sound somehow more desirable.

I only bring it up because like I said, for a long time I thought we'd only have one and I used to comfort myself with platitudes about 'at least there'll be no sibling rivalry' or 'I'll have a better bond with dd' and so consequently when I fell pg with dc2, I was terrified about ruining everything. It turns out that all the brilliant things I loved about having dd are unchanged. Because it's not about having just one or having an army, it's about having the relationship you have with each child. Another child is just another new relationship and it does not detract from the first in any way. Maybe it might change things slightly but who's to say it's in a negative way?

CockyPants Mon 09-Jul-12 16:41:30

Apologies show of hands.
I really started this thread because I was so fed up of the negativity surrounding having one child, whether forced or by choice.
I was fed up if being told I should have another.
That my DD needed a sibling.
That DD would be happier.
That DP and I would be happier with 2.
That DD would find it hard to make friends
Etc etc.
So I thought sod it. And want to shout loud and proud that we're happy with one.

ShowOfHands Mon 09-Jul-12 18:15:51

"So I thought sod it. And want to shout loud and proud that we're happy with one"

And amen to that. Gawd I've been there. From family to friends, through complete strangers. From the benign to the outright rude (you're being cruel not having a 2nd). And it was ridiculous. You sound lovely and so does your family. One dc or seventeen, a good mother and a happy family is not created by numbers.

And you know what, I have 2 dc and hand on heart, it isn't better. Honestly. It's just different.

I really like this thread. It's lovely to celebrate the family you have in the face of bloody rude criticism.

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud Mon 09-Jul-12 19:33:53

For the most part, ShowOfHands, I agree with you. Everyone should enjoy and appreciate their family life (however it is constituted) for what it is.

But I don't think that anyone who says "Sibling rivalry? Ugh, no thanks" is passing judgement on people who have more than one child. Surely they're just making an individual and personal statement of what for them might be an argument against having a second child. And not everyone with one child has made a deliberate decision to stop at one - health issues, divorce or death of a partner might have made the decision for them - in which case, I wouldn't judge anyone for emphasising the positives of their own situation or the negatives of a situation that isn't available to them.

GateGipsy Tue 07-Aug-12 14:58:39

why is it that I don't feel I can say how happy I am to just have one child?

Well, I am. I have a beautiful, gorgeous son. I have as many children as I both want and can afford. To be honest though, I think that the money side is a bit of a red herring. The fact is we know inside ourselves how many children will make our family complete, and barring medical misadventure, that's what we go by.

So I am very happy to have one child. My family is complete. And being the mother of one child is really the best sort of mother I can be.

Middy86 Fri 10-Aug-12 13:10:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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