Pls help: snowy sad & lonely only :(

[empirestrikesback]

Dd is an only, 12. her school was shut yesterday, and she rang round a few friends but they were all playing in the snow at home with siblings. She has nobody and although i did go out with her & we did stuff, it's not the same as mates, and I had a load of work to do at home so I had to leave her alone a lot. School is shut again today. Last night she was so sad, she cried and it broke my heart. Is there anything she/we can do? Shd she be more assertive & invite herself round to others houses? she didnt invite anyone to ours after they all said they were doing stuff with families. I should be working now but I feel too down about this to concentrate.

[DecorHate]

I think 12 is a hard age - they are not old enough to be confident to arrange their own social life but getting too old for mummy to arrange playdates!

My dd is the same age and all her school friends seem to live miles away, she seems to no
longer be friendly with primary school friends who live nearby. So in holidays she often does just play with her (much) younger siblings. She would love if a schoolfriend phoned and suggested meeting up! Do you know any if the other parents well enough for you to arrange something?

[PollyTechnique]

Is she the type to strike up play with kids in a park? There often a friendly vibe going on in situations like this. Can you get yourselves down to where there's some action going on, sledging etc?

[SueW]

Do you need to work all day? Can you take a couple of hours off later? Ring a few people and arrange to walk to a local park so you can all meet up, or offer to escort some of the kids to the local park so your daughter has some people to play with.

Or just go outside/take her yourself and have some fun being a big kid

[CMOTdibbler]

Def go to the park or any other open space - yesterday on our green there were packs of feral children lots of assorted children out, and mostly the siblings were on opposing teams anyway

[PollyTechnique]

And if the freeze goes on (heard it could be two weeks ), then ring her friends again as they may be a bit bored with siblings by then and welcome a change of scene after a couple of days.

[Baileysismyfriend]

How about offering to take some of her friends and their siblings to a local park, even an hour or so would be fun for her.

Or take the day off, put some music on and make a massive snowman, then have hot chocolate and biscuits when you come back in.
Oooh how about watching a film too, make it a girlie afternoon.

My DD is 11 and her brother is a five month old baby so I know how you feel, the guilt of them being bored gets too much sometimes!

[Baileysismyfriend]

Also, I would get her to invite a friend over, even if they say no as they are playing with their siblings at least she asked.

[empirestrikesback]

thanks SO much everyone.It feels so good to have understanding people out there. I'm going to get her up now and have some breakfast and a chat..

[MadBadandCoveredinTinsel]

I'd echo everything that's been said. The fact that her friends are playing with siblings doesn't mean that they're not open to better other offers.

Twelve can be a shy and awkward age, as others have said. Can you coach your dd in how to be more assertive or more forthcoming with invitations?

[empirestrikesback]

Her school was shut again yesterday and i followed your advice, told her to be more assertive and just invite round anyone who's available. she texted round and got 6 replies all saying they'd love to do something with her. She spent the day outside in the snow sledging with her friends - that's more like it She's also learnt an important lesson - ask for what you want and don't wait for someone else to offer it.
Fantastic result - thank you everyone!

[Baileysismyfriend]

Glad it all worked out

[MadBadandDangerousToKnow]

That's fantastic! I'm glad it worked out so well for her.

[CMOTdibbler]

Great news !

[PollyTechnique]

Lovely to hear that!!!!

[MrsNorthman]

Ah. Your post has bought tears to my eyes (I only have one DC too). Read through and feel better now that she had a great time. My son LOVES being with other people infact it's his fave thing and over Christmas I found it hard because everyone seemed to be doing something and he was desparate to get out to play (he is 6). I shall certainly remember your phrase and use it as my mantra:

ask for what you want and don't wait for someone else to offer it

ask for what you want and don't wait for someone else to offer it

ask for what you want and don't wait for someone else to offer it