Those with school age Onlies- what is life like for them?

[elvislives]

My DD2 is 15 years younger than her next brother and 21 years younger than her sister. By the time she starts school she will effectively be an Only.

I'm worried about weekends, holidays and life in general. Will she ever play by herself (she's 2 ATM) or will I always have to entertain her? Am I going to have to take other people's children on holiday or will she be ok with just adults?

If I have to continue to work full time will she be ok going on her own to summer clubs? I've only ever dealt in multiples before and these aspects concern me

[paddingtonbear1]

hi there, I am the mother of an only - dd, who is 6 in July. dd is like I was as a child (am also an only) - she has a great imagination and will play by herself for quite long periods. Sometimes I say I'll play with her, and she tells me no, 'I want to play on my own mummy!' Socially she's OK though I think, has friends at school and also plays with the boys of my best friends, who we see every other weekend. So yes, she does spend a fair amount of time in the company of adults - especially in the holidays - but so far doesn't mind this. dh and I both work and last summer she went to play scheme at the high school. I wondered how she'd get on but she really liked it, and still asks when she'll be going again!
I do expect though that when she's older, I might sometimes have to ask one of her friends on holiday - my parents did this with me, but tbh I was ok with just them - I was used to it.
Please don't worry, your dd will do just fine.

[elvislives]

Oh that's reassuring. Thank you

[amber32002]

My only has coped just fine with it being just him and adults in the family home. He has plenty of friends, we share holidays with friends when needed, he phones, he texts, he chats online etc. And we've used playclubs or council-run sports events for holidays which has worked out well. Better, from what I can see, than some of my friends with more than one dc, who spend their time mediating between the two/three/four and spending their entire lives as a taxi service. Probably it isn't really better - just different. But it works fine.

[MadBadandDangerousToKnow]

It works fine for us too.

My daughter is very, ahem, outgoing and has a very active life with various activities after school and at weekends. She has got to the stage where she likes to take a friend to (say) the theatre, but now that we've discovered that family tickets (two adults + two children) cost the same as two adult + one child ticket, that's fine by us. Until now, our holidays have just been the three of us but we may start sharing.

As Amber says, it's not better or worse, just different.

[RockinSockBunnies]

No problems here either. DD (8 tomorrow) has always played just fine on her own. She's very imaginative and happy in her own company.

She's also very social at school and has no problems being with friends. She's lucky in that at least one third of her class is made up of only children too, so she's definitely not the odd one out in any way.

But I wouldn't worry unduly, most of the only children I know are absolutely fine!

[Podrick]

There are lots of only children in my dd's class. They are all different. Some like to be with friends as much as possible ouside of school, others aren't fussed!

My dd is 9. She enjoys the company of other kids at school and sees her friends outside of school sometimes - probably once a week, more in the school holidays. On days out we would take another child probably 50% of the time. On holiday we might go with another child and if not she will make friends on holiday anyway.

She also likes her own company and being with adults. I spend a lot of time with her myself as we have some shared interests eg nature and art.

My dd hasn't wanted to go to summer clubs or to after school club but again I think this depends on your child's personality. This hasn't been a problem for me as I work part time and have support from my parents in the holidays. I am not sure if it would have worked out so well for us if I were full time.

I don't think there are any definitive answers to your question since kids are individuals - personality is probably a bigger factor than being an only though imo.

[MaureenMLove]

DD is 13 and weekends are fine, because it makes no difference what-so-ever, whether her mates have siblings or not. She goes out with her mates, who are usually glad to see the back of their brothers or sisters!

Holidays are a bit more tricky tbh. We usually holiday with friends, which makes it easier, but if we don't, we try to go places that have childrens clubs. Like others have said though, it's not that difficult, just different. Afterall, I only have one child to keep happy, so no uphappy younger siblings, when we do something geared for teenagers, iyswim! Parents of two or more, have to take age differences into consideration.

[Podrick]

yes, you are never going to have to drag her to sit through siblings' tedious dance lessons/ music lessons / age inappropriate events she can't join in etc

[morethanyoubargainfor]

my Ds 6 is an only, he loves the company of other children and adults equally, occassionally he will ask for friends to come over after school, and i do try to arrange something maybe a couple of times a month. He rarely asks for other children at weekends. We never holiday with others, just the three of us and we travel places that are remote,(never with childrens clubs etc) He does have a say in where we go but he likes it just to be us 3.

He is very confident and outgoing and some friends at school complain to thier parents as they never get to play with Ds as he is just too popular! so we make extra time for those after school etc!

we do however make an extra effort for him to socialise, we are having an easter party in the easter hols, and we often have a summer pinic/party in the local country park for children and adults(normally about 30 of us), we have big birthdays, playdates in the hoildays etc. The only downside of this is the parents, who see it as free child care for the day!

When we ask him about having siblings he says he doean't want them, so we are all happy with that.

[Hulababy]

My DD is 7 in a couple of weeks, in Y2. She is an only child and very likely to remain one.

DD loves school. She is very sociable and has many friends. She has never had any problems regarding social skills, sharing, taking turns, etc. I guess she elarnt them throgh nursery. activity classes and at home anyway before school.

DD has had playdates from day 1 - initially quite a lot when friendships were first being forged. These are a little less frequent now but still 1-2 a month, plus she does activities after school. We also have a regular play date on a Friday as I collect her best friend and bfs little sister fom their school every week, and they come back to ours.

She does a drama class seperate from school which she loves. She knew no one when she started and was at least 2 years yunger than the other children, but she just settled in immediately. She is also about to start Brownies - again not knowing anyone in advance. And she does an after school Playball class at school too - so during the week she is very busy.

At weeknds we often see family and friends. DD loves to socialise if she can and happily plays with children of any age, from toddlers upwards.

In the holidays I am off (work in a school). I do have children over to play and arrange for DD to go and play at friend's houses too. Sometimes I am there (if family frined) and sometimes she goes alone.

DD is also very happy to play on her own for good periods of time and will spend many an hour in her bedroom or playroom.

[Hulababy]

Oh, and we also choose to go on our holidays with friends with children too (good friends of ours) at least ince a year, which is fab.

[Gunnerbean]

Life for them will be whatever you and they make of it.

It will also depend on the make-up and character of the child, what their parents are like and the way the child is parented.