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One-child families

The SIXTH Tea Room - Everyone Welcome

980 replies

Jacksmama · 21/03/2009 00:18

The One Child Tea Room started as a sort of sanctuary for anyone who was a bit tired of the controversy surrounding having one child only, for whatever reason. The topic seems to attract that sort of thing. So we thought we needed a place where a cup of tea and a muffin and a place to sit down and relax was needed - and judging by the number of visitors and regulars, it really was much needed!

The tea room has since undergone a few, shall we say, metamorphoses... it started as a charming bricks and mortar sort of place, with a lovely English garden, a ha-ha in the distance, and wonderful mismatched crockery.

But since the tea room is truly magical, at night, the glitter ball comes out, and booze and sofas canapees are served. During the daytime, there is a stable with (at last count) two horses, Earl and Lady Grey, who appreciate being exercised. We also have (at last count) two guinea pigs, RacingPig and RacingMissPiggy... but since they seem to have been up to no good, that count may increase shortly.

In its most recent incarnation, the tea room became a yurt, and we had Mellors The Gardener show up in buckskin trousers and no shirt (which caused several of the regulars to either fan themselves with whatever magazines were available, or faint prettily, preferably into Mellors' arms), and there seems to have been an errant bison or two.
Oh, and we also had the Naked Mohawk Babies - they were originally cake decorations (for the life of me, I cannot find the link right now) - and they have since taken on lives of their own, adding much amusement to the tea room.

Decorations include cut-outs of George Clooney, Wesley Snipes, and any other hunks of burning love we can think of. Oh, and peace lilies, and (since nothing seems to be able to kill the damn thing) an aspidistra.

For those who are shy of company, or fleeing controversial threads, we have a Priest Hole to hide relax in.

Please remember that the tea room is magical - no amount of Bolly swilled will cause a hangover, allergies of any type mean nothing, so you can eat and drink whatever you like, and if you don't fancy the distressed-looking couch, a brand-new comfy arm chair will appear in seconds.

EVERYONE is welcome, whether you have one child, none, or ten. In fact, one of our regulars is currently pregnant!!

The only strict rule we enforce is no fisticuffs. Anyone who behaves disagreeably will be ejected by Mellors (fully clad).

Most important of all - the tea room is meant for fun and support. It's perfectly acceptable, and in fact, mandatory, to be a little unhinged yourself.

Welcome all!!

(I've had a somewhat trying day so I will leave the crating and moving of china, and the actual shaping of the tea room, to everyone else... I did hear rumours of a spa being added, however, so please, book me in for a pedicure, will you? Thanks!)

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thumbwitch · 21/03/2009 00:28

Well I found it - despite your link not being perfect, if I hadn't wittered you'd have had space to do it again - sorry!



I seem to remember you are in a similar line of work to me, JM - do you find it weird to have massages yourself as well? I can't do it - I keep thinking "what are you doing... why are you doing that... I wouldn't do that... that's not how I would do it..." which is distinctly un-relaxing!

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thumbwitch · 21/03/2009 00:30

Whoops - meant to ask, what has troubled the calm waters of your life?


it's too late tonight really and I don't want to deprive Mellors of a job in the morning>

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Jacksmama · 21/03/2009 00:31

I completely know what you mean - I hardly ever have massages for the same reason!

I have no idea what I did wrong with the link, dammit... but we shouldn't be too hard to find, I don't think?

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Jacksmama · 21/03/2009 00:33

We've been in teething hell. I found on Weds that Jackbaby wasn't cutting one, but FOUR teeth... with the works: fever, crying, green poo, snotty nose, cough... pure misery for all of us. Of course, mostly for him, poor little man.

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Jacksmama · 21/03/2009 00:34

Do you think the introduction to the tea room is ok?
I've been thinking about it for a few days, since we're, ahem, a bit hard to explain...

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thumbwitch · 21/03/2009 00:45

it's lovely! I was v. impressed that you had concentrated 5 threads down into such a succinct precis! (I'm sure there's some tautology going on in that sentence but what the heck.)

I hardly dare type this - DS has two molars now, and so far hasn't had too much trouble with producing either of them.... I'm having all his teething problems for him, I think!

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Jacksmama · 21/03/2009 00:53

for you re: teeth. Jackbaby didn't have any problems with teething until now. I think four at once was just to much for him.

How old is your DS? [stupid can't remember emoticon]

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thumbwitch · 21/03/2009 01:06

15.5mo - So far he has mostly produced one or two at the same time, so I shall watch out for 4! He did have a weekend of smeary nappies on every change as the first molar started coming through but it wasn't green; it did make his bum more sore though. Perhaps because it was only very short-lasting I haven't really registered it as a problem! [doh!]

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Jacksmama · 21/03/2009 01:11

Oh, so he's just 2 and a bit months older than Jackbaby. Was he born around Christmas? Jack's birthday is Feb 13.

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daisy99divine · 21/03/2009 01:14

Hello my dear!



I have brought the essentials with me!

JM that was a truly lovely introduction! Don't forget my lecture info-post on teething and amber necklaces. I would hate it to be lostin Tea Room #%! Poor JM hope he is ok

Lovely to see everyone else, particularly Tea who has been missing for a while!

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racingpiglovestwiglets · 21/03/2009 01:15


Come on! Let's get these twiglets in place and then we can hunker down and shag nest in the distressed sofa
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racingMrsPiggy · 21/03/2009 01:17


Coming my sweet one! Coming!

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Bison · 21/03/2009 01:18


So, which way now?

Left at the haha....

Right at the bishop's palace...

Heck, I don't know!

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Nakedmowhawkbaby · 21/03/2009 01:21

WOOOO HOOOOO!!

Come on boys!





WOW that spa is fantastic!!

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Jacksmama · 21/03/2009 01:26

Wow... I knew the sixth tea room/ spa would be unusual... but pink acrylic nails on the NMB's?

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Jacksmama · 21/03/2009 01:36

By the way, I just wanted to mention, about my almond muffin recipe... CMOT said it's low fat, but it really isn't... almonds, butter and eggs... but it's all good fat!!!

(The eggs can be substituted with apple sauce, but the almonds and butter still have their fat content.)

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thumbwitch · 21/03/2009 02:05

am very weirded out by the idea that apple sauce can be used instead of eggs - how does that work???

Almond muffins...

Yes, DS was born 4th December. Have put my fave pic from today on profile - he looks like he has just escaped (pretty much the case, actually!) and is having the BEST time!

pmsl at tiny pink acrylic nails on NMBs - not on mine, thank goodness!

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Jacksmama · 21/03/2009 03:05

Weirded out by apple sauce??? Personally, I'm weirded out by sushi and other raw seafood... but find apples and smooshed apple prodcuts pretty harmless...

I don't know how it works, but if you Google substitutions for eggs, it definitely says you can use apple sauce.

Your Lordling is absolutely adorable!!!!

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kickassangel · 21/03/2009 03:15

just what are you lot all doing up at this hour? this thread seems to keep going right through the night!!
my excuse, it's only 11.15 where i am. however, i am weirded out that the yanks eat so much apple sauce, it's a snack they give their kids all the time. they have entire aisles dedicated to it in the supermarket, and great big jars of it (like a gallon)
will try some cakes with it instead of eggs, though, but aren't eggs partly a raising agent?
i like pink nails btw

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Catitainahatita · 21/03/2009 03:51


Evening all. Well, where to start? I'm overwhelmed by the whole tearoomyness of the last 24 hours.

  1. Thank you Jacksmama for the biscuits. I am waiting impatiently for their arrival. In fact I will be down at the post office tomorrow making sure that the nice man knows that I know that there is parcel coming for me (to ensure that it gets handed over pronto and not forgotten)).


  1. Also, congratulations to the same Jacksmama for the introductory welcome. Wow! We sound rather cool...


  1. Hello to Tea who has been much missed. Ditto in the case of Justabout. I'm dying to hear how her thesis is getting along.


Racing Will post my recipe in a second post as not to writ too much and be incomprehensible. Your banana recipe will find a willing stomach in my DH. Banana bread is one of his favourites.
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Catitainahatita · 21/03/2009 04:07

Ok recipe for Racing: its a bit haphazard since I made it up myself (more or less) and I tend to put in quantities of flour and bran until it looks right [apologetic emoticon]

600g dried fruit
450ml hot black tea
whisky (quantities optional; indeed it's not necessary but does taste good on special occasions like Christmas and my birthday)
1 and 1/4 cups of Splenda (US baking cups = about 1/2 pint)
350g self-raising flour
1 1/4 cups of bran or flaxseed
1 egg

Put fruit to soak with hot tea (and whisky if the occasion demands it).
Leave a couple of hours or overnight to cool.
Stir in dry ingredients.
The mix will be sloppy, ignore it and carry on. (Unless it looks like water, in which case shove a bit more bran and flour in).
Beat the egg and mix it in.

Put into a greased tin (1kg size at least) and bake at 160oC for about 2 hours. (Start checking it after 1 and half; oven temps vary so much).

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Catitainahatita · 21/03/2009 04:09

Amendment... where it says "self-raising flour" it should indeed say "wholemeal flour plus 2 tsp baking powder" The whole selfraising thing happenend to me; I think I thought I was on Blue Peter or something ...

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Catitainahatita · 21/03/2009 04:10

Kissass via- a- vis apple sauce. You can also use jams....
But in all cases you need to pop in extra baking powder to get the raise on the cake.

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amber32002 · 21/03/2009 07:15


Morning everyone.

Now, has anyone seen the box with the teabags and coffee in it?
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DontCallMeBaby · 21/03/2009 08:19


DH has departed for the week. DD has perked up - she grazed her knees just after being collected from school yesterday (by her mate's mum) and was extremely brave ... but is making up for it now by acting as though she's broken both her legs.

Did Cat just call kickassangel KISSass? It's a good job we have that no fisticuffs rule. And that Cat can blame the dreaded Pregnancy Brain.
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