Anyone awake? I could really use some opinions right now

(11 Posts)
MumofoneAsthma Fri 19-Aug-16 01:35:15

I have brittle asthma, and have done for all of my life. I was offered some treatment that would significantly improve my day to day life just before I conceived, however I had to delay the treatment because I wanted to have a baby. The treatment is ongoing for the rest of my life provided it works, I am now delaying treatment because I am breastfeeding, DD is 9 months old. My consultant has told me to discuss with partner whether we want another baby as it would not be advisable to stop treatment. My hubs said he can't imagine sharing his love with another baby previously but is starting to come round to the idea and has agreed to discuss next year... HOWEVER

this afternoon I had one of the worst asthma attacks I've had, causing me to feel as though I was going to die, while going through this all I could think about was my beautiful little girl, who is a total mommas girl, and how my heart bursts with love and pride day in day out, and then I started to think, am I being selfish delaying treatment to have another baby? Should I just stop breastfeeding and take the treatment to lower the risk of this happening again or worse? I feel as though delaying treatment is me putting my daughter having a mummy around at risk, just so that I can potentially have another baby.

Now don't get me wrong my little girl has a wonderful and I am mobile when I'm at my best, but today just before I came to hospital I couldn't even pick her up and walk her to the car. It just made me think that there could be more days ahead just like today where she's going to be distressed because I'm gone for a while.

What would you do? Would you stop breastfeeding as hard as it may be, and start treatment and rule out having another baby? Or would you persist in breastfeeding and try for another baby when the time is right & THEN have treatment? However long that may be away, and risk more potential days like today, or worse??

Interested to know

Floralnomad Fri 19-Aug-16 01:42:13

I think you need to do what is best for your health , both physical and mental , which is probably to take the treatment . Good luck with the decision it's a tough one but asthma ,as you know is not a disease to mess with . Hope you feel better soon .

MumofoneAsthma Fri 19-Aug-16 01:44:20

Thank you flora it is very hard. Especially on days like today 😔 I think you're right though!

CheeseFlavouredDiscs Fri 19-Aug-16 01:54:45

I agree with Floral. I'm in a similar (ish) position, and we have come the the decision that I won't be having any more babies, as having our first child caused me to have some serious medical problems that would recur again and be more serious for me in subsequent pregnancies.

However that doesn't necessarily mean that we won't have more children in the future, just that we won't be having them in the conventional way. One day we may adopt a child or children, but not yet.

MumofoneAsthma Fri 19-Aug-16 01:59:59

Cheese discs, adoption has always been on the cards for us too. We've been to many conferences and signed up to adoption agencies, and will put our name forward when the time is right for us. I think you're both right. It honk I know/have known this all along deep down. It's just very difficult to come to terms with, not only the aspect of having another baby, but also giving up breastfeeding which has been a wonderful journey for me and my little girl.

I'm feeling very emotional tonight. Hopefully when I'm home I'll have a clear head to make a proper decision.

MumofoneAsthma Fri 19-Aug-16 02:00:19

Also very sorry to hear of your experience! X

CheeseFlavouredDiscs Fri 19-Aug-16 02:15:09

It's horrible to be in your position, and it takes time to come to terms with the idea of never having another baby. It's OK to be emotional about it, you need to grieve for the thoughts of other children that might have been. But it is important that you keep in mind that you are making this decision for the benefit of you and your child. Your asthma sounds incredibly serious, and you need to be alive and well to cope with the rigours of daily life with a child. Your child needs you to be there for them as a mum. You can do that with the treatment, but it sounds like you may struggle without it.

I don't want to upset you further, but you may want to consider counselling, as it can really help with sorting out the emotions and grief that you will feel whilst making this decision, and even after you have made it. I found counselling really helped, and even now, several years after making our decision, (and I know its the right decision) it still makes me feel sad sometimes.

Best wishes with your recovery and I hope you feel better about your choices and how you are feeling. x

Roystonv Fri 19-Aug-16 02:15:21

I have no experience to offer but 1 - you have fed your dc for 9 months which has given her a wonderful start in life and been a lovely experience for you both, 2 - to be blunt you already have been blessed and you now need to look after yourself so that you are in her life for as long as possible i.e. protect and improve what you already have rather than thinking about what could be which might not go to plan and could put your health at risk. Difficult to accept of course but I think this is one decision where head must rule heart. Best wishes.

Atenco Fri 19-Aug-16 02:50:23

I have absolutely no knowledge to offer, but if you do consider counselling before taking the final step of taking up the treatment, why don't you try some alternative therapies at the same time. I'm not suggesting you suspend whatever you are taking at the moment, but just check them out. Sometimes there are therapies out there that work.

Pumpkingirl Sat 20-Aug-16 13:30:33

We have recently made the final decision not to have another baby for reasons related to my health following a serious illness. For us, it came down to the consequences for our daughter - losing her mum or having one not physically able to look after her. We couldn't take the risk. It was a very difficult decision with many tears but now we are at peace and looking to the future as a happy family of three.

Nine months of breastfeeding has given your baby a great start - perhaps it is time to think about having the treatment to preserve your health and the whole family's quality of life. Could the decision about second baby wait for a while?

PurpleAquilegia Sat 20-Aug-16 13:36:42

I would, without hesitation, stop breastfeeding and start the treatment. To me, being alive and well to be a mother to the child I have would be far more important than a theoretical second child, and also far more important than breastfeeding when you've already done 9 months. I would advise you to look after your health so that you can look after your daughter. flowers

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