Feeling pressured into another

(8 Posts)
Spud90 Sun 14-Aug-16 21:17:56

I've wanted another baby since I had ds1. He's 5 now and getting more independent every day and it's brilliant. I've been in a few relationships since splitting up with DS's dad when DS was 2 weeks old but it's never felt right. I'm terrified of being a single parent again with a newborn. I really struggled. OH and I have been together 8 months and he desperately wants a baby, drops hints and makes comments all the time. DS wants a baby too and always has done so he uses that to make me feel guilty. Sometimes I think I won't have another at all even though I want to because it just never feels like the "right" time. I love my partner but he drives me insane, is really selfish and immature at times.

Haggisfish Sun 14-Aug-16 21:20:01

Don't have a baby with dp. It's only been eight months and all those traits will be magnified with the pressure of a small baby.

Haggisfish Sun 14-Aug-16 21:20:16

And why do you love himconfused

Spud90 Sun 14-Aug-16 21:29:46

That's how I feel and I've told him that but he thinks a baby will change him and unfortunately it doesn't work like that. I'm trying to be strong and say no but I'm broody all the time. There are plenty of reasons why I love him, like I wrote in my post he's like that "at times" not all the time.

WoburnSands Sun 14-Aug-16 21:32:43

This is difficult - because although Haggisfish has a point, you really want a baby! If your love for your partner outweighs the negative traits you mentioned then go for it.

Ultimately, there's no right or wrong decision. Sticking with one is fine, as is having another, depends how each situation would be played out, I suppose.

Would your partner be fine if you didn't have another and just stuck with your DS? It's good to consider the possible effects of any decision you make.

Haggisfish Sun 14-Aug-16 21:39:05

But your wants don't outweigh the needs and rights of a child, surely? I'd love another baby, too, but I wouldn't be able to give it the time and finances it would need to be truly happy. I'm not sure your relationship sounds stable enough to bring a child into it. Right months is not long for your ds to establish a relationship with dp. How would ds cope with the inevitable huge changes emotionally that would come with another baby?

Spud90 Sun 14-Aug-16 22:26:46

Definitely. He's more good than bad. DS shouts for him in the night instead of me blush he's fab with him.

I don't think he would be happy if he didn't have kids. I've told him I want another just not yet but sometimes I say never aswell which must be confusing/frustrating for him. Maybe he thinks the longer we leave it the more likely it will be that I won't want another. He's just putting a lot of pressure on me at the moment especially since we moved house.

I agree I don't think our relationship is stable enough for a baby either but people(friends, family) keep telling me my expectations are too high.

DS would be fine, I'm not worried about him

Haggisfish Mon 15-Aug-16 00:33:31

I would be very wary of any man that tried to pressure me into a baby, and especially after only eight months.

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