Relief and guilt... DH agreed 1 child (health reasons)

(5 Posts)
squizita Thu 12-May-16 14:44:47

Basically, culturally we have big families (mixed- both heritages Catholic).
Our siblings, for various reasons, might not have kids (single, health, not inclined to etc).

I have 1 DD.
I have medical issues which make pregnancy high risk, very high risk of (possibly late or stillborn) loss, painful and it's horrific MH wise as I have flashbacks and terror for 9 months. Plus it shot my thyroid.

DH absolutely on board with my feelings that if I had a failed or challenging pregnancy it could leave me long term ill, affecting my parenting, finances etc. Thus I feel happier sticking with DD knowing she will have a healthy, active mum who can support her (alongside dad). I'm happy with 1, always have been since childhood.

If accidentally I fell pregnant I would keep the pregnancy (don't dare say 'baby') and medicate to keep it with clexane etc, but not keen to try. Happy to use contraception forever frankly.

But I cannot shake the guilt of denying my parents and his parents multiple grandkids they anticipated because siblings might be childless/childfree.
Of course siblings could use IVF, adopt, or fall head over heels in love and all under 40 so I dare say I'm panicking.

I'm crazy right?

LadyAntonella Fri 13-May-16 21:36:22

<Waves at squizita>. I remember you from pregnancy boards in 2014! Our DDs must be a similar age.

You have very sensible reasons for not wanting to try for another baby and you don't owe your ILs or parents any grandchildren! They won't be the ones facing, what from the sounds of it, could possibly be a very difficult pregnancy. If you are happier and healthier with 1 DC, then stick with 1 DC. I really hope you don't feel pressured, by anyone, to even think about more DCs if you don't want any, or don't think you could cope with it physically or mentally.

flowers

ayria Wed 18-May-16 14:45:46

It's your choice and no one elses. I don't think any parent should have kids expecting any grandkids (I think it's a bit wierd), that's not a reason you should have kids. You say you're comfortable with one, don't feel guilty about that. Like PP said you don't owe anyone anything. It's your life and your health. There are many people that grew up without siblings and they're perfectly happy and fine. It's a choice you make for yourself and yourself alone.

squizita Wed 18-May-16 14:56:07

grin

Thanks. Yeah, it will save them money in the long run anyway hehe grin . They're slight spoilers (which is good as I'm like "you can have fun with this cardboard tube and YOUR IMAGINATION" LOL).

Louisee82 Sat 04-Jun-16 16:31:21

This resonates strongly with me OP. I had a high risk pregnancy & also was on clexane to keep the baby plus miscarriages in the past & high BP. I have been thinking of having another but don't see how I can put myself through it as things are tight financially, & we don't have any grandparent support in case of me being ill during or after pregnancy. A big part of me wishes to have a second but then think I have an amazing little one & why not put all my energies into him. I do worry about him being an only one but I do think you're justified in choosing to have one yourself as its horrible going through that kind of pregnancy especially when you already have one. I'd be thinking what if something happens to me etc & leave my son. People keep asking if I'm having another which is getting pretty frustrating! X

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