worried

[lazyminimoo]

I have a 2 year old boy who wasnt planned i find it hard looking after him and dont even enjoy it half the time plus have mild depression which i have had for most of my life and nothing will change me i dont think , i have never seen the point to things in life so im not a positive person but im happy sometimes when im doing what i enjoy, i just dont really enjoy feeling stressed and having to do things for another little person all the time and its honestly quite boring trying to play with my son most of the time, i know i sound like a mean selfish person and i guess its true but some ppl are not selfless fun preople im not a fun person

but i am worrying about his future happiness and whether i should try to give him a sibling , i dont really want to have to do more work with a baby being up all night again and i am to scared of how much more stressful it would be then the first time which i found so bad and really didnt want to carry on being a mum but couldnt walk away even tho i was not an still dont add a great deal to his life , but i suppose a sibling would , i just dont know if i should have another child tho for his sake, and know its selfish maybe on a new baby to bring it into my messed up family situation where my kids dad dosent live with us as i cannot live with him or sleep next to him i just dont want to, but he is a great dad tho ,

so in a way having a sibling might make up for not having the best most happiest mum as i feel sorry for my son maybe a sibling would make up for him having a rubbish mum ?

plus i worry he will be lonely he has no cousins and probably wont get any

[Ardha]

Maybe you need to get some help for yourself before you consider this.
Counselling to find out why life seems pointless?
Childcare so that you can do something other than childcare? Give you a purpose?
You are worrying about your child's future happiness but what about your own? Finding out what might make you happy would be a start and if you were happier you might have a better idea about the future, what you need to do for you and your child.

[sparkysparkysparky]

Faking fun is tough, particularly with a little one. As he gets older his delight in things will surprise you and will help you. But that is not helpful now when things are so tough. You are not alone in feeling like this but it clearly feels like it.
I would strongly recommend you speak to a GP or other health professional.

[sparkysparkysparky]

And another thing. People have only one child for all sorts of reasons - medical, financial, active preference etc. It can feel a bit emotional when your contemporaries are on No. 2 or more and you aren't.
It's what is right for your little family that matters. My DC has a handful of cousins who were all a fun gang when they were young. They're all in their 20 s now and far away so DC has no cousins to play with. When your little one starts school the loneliness question fades. My dc now has a nice little circle of pals even though I feared it wouldn't happen for all the reasons you are worried about it. But it's a long time from here to there, so try to get some help to make you feel more comfortable emotionally.

[Lonz]

I remember when my son was a few months old, all I did was fret over the potential fact that maybe oneday I would have to have another baby. But really all I was thinking was "I really don't want that". I had a new partner so was thinking more about the future of our relationship.

But what I learned from that "arguing with myself" for a good while was... If I don't want another baby, then I'm not going to. I wont be happy with going through it again. And I will not have a baby for someone else, either.
If you don't feel like it's the best decision for YOU, then maybe it isn't. A sibling wont "enlighten" your son's life.

Do you have hobbies?
If you like doing what you enjoy, maybe you could incorporate hobbies in with your son's play? Or make little memories for when he's older, like footprints and hands prints on big sheets of paper? Get him to do drawings that you could then use to decorate something with..?
It sounds like you need time for you.