Could this be it?

(8 Posts)
TinyTear Wed 05-Mar-14 08:50:49

Hello
First time posting in this section.

I have one DD (2yo) born after 3 miscarriages.
Since having her I have had 2 more miscarriages, the last one diagnosed yesterday (still need to go through the medical management over the weekend)

My husband would like to try again. I am feeling divided.

Yesterday we had a long long talk after the scan when they left us in a private room while we waited for the doctor and we reached an agreement. I will go to Coventry and see Professor Q and do the NK cells testing, and give it one more go.

But if that doesn't work, then that is it... We will stick at one as I can't cope with more than 6 miscarriages... Not even sure I will want the possibility of a 6th... but it's so hard...

My DD is lovely, she is bright and clever and funny and sometimes I say that she is so perfect my body rejects everything that wouldn't even come close... But at the same time I think she would love a sibling and I feel I am failing in not doing that...

Lots of people have one child by choice... others by circumstances... How to come to terms with that?

Retrofairy Wed 05-Mar-14 09:02:27

Ive been asking myself the same question OP but due to genetic problems followed by infertility. I have one wonderful dc who Im incredibly grateful for but my body clock is ticking so loud and sometimes I have a tight feeling in my chest from the longing, but I know I need to work out how to move forward. Hope someone has some words of wisdom.

Sorry for your recent loss OP thanks

TinyTear Wed 05-Mar-14 09:07:41

Thanks.

The fact I am now 40 is also preying on my mind...
If the pregnancy gets to 12 weeks, then there is the worry of NT testing and Harmony testing and all that... and it's all so difficult to cope with...

thekingfisher Wed 05-Mar-14 09:10:06

I ended up with one by choice for a whole host of reasons mostly to do with me … and up until the end of last year hadn't totally come to terms with the reality ( although it really really wasn't a realistic option) I think I felt guilt over there being no sibling and the fact that one would be welcomed by my ds (although what he actually wants is an older brother???)

However I had a hysterectomy just before xmas which clearly has ruled it out and it is a weight off my mind now. DS is 10 and a happy well balanced boy not without his unique issues that all kids have - however I have had to go by the mantra happy Mother Happy child ( and husband) and I'm not sure that would have been the case would I have had another.

Don't beat yourself up about it (although its easier said than done) You have done and been through so much already (far more than I) and essentially you are protecting your mental health and the happiness of the family if you choose to not attempt it any more.

Retrofairy Wed 05-Mar-14 09:13:59

Its a terribly difficult time for you Tiny and i know from experience that hormones play havoc with you during pregnancy loss. Be kind to yourself and may be dont force yourself to make a difficult decidion now when the grief is so new.

TinyTear Wed 05-Mar-14 09:22:22

Thanks retro

I think I am ok with the one more try thing... but in my heart I am not even sure I want it to work

TinyTear Wed 05-Mar-14 09:23:20

Thanks kingfisher, great to know your 10uo is happy and balanced. I get so annoyed with people saying how only children are spoilt

liz98 Wed 05-Mar-14 20:44:46

Hi TinyTear
I'm so sorry to hear about your story - you're going through such a tough time. I had a miscarriage last week, the second since we had a DS by a minor miracle (IVF) when I was 41. I am 46 now so finding out that I was pregnant was a major shock! I also had a miscarriage at the age of 43, just when we'd settled into the idea of having one I fell pregnant, and got quite excited before miscarrying at 10 weeks. I was thinking exactly the same as you - I would have had invasive testing in this pregnancy which would have been hard. I think a miscarriage takes so much toll on your hormones & emotions, I completely agree that you should give yourself time to get over that before deciding on the next step. You say you want to provide a sibling for your DD. My DS doesn't mention this at the moment, though whether he will in the future, we'll see. I make lots of effort to do play dates, times with cousins etc. I do think that with siblings there is no guarantee that they will get on fantastically, I hardly ever played with my older sister, though she is a great support to me now and I do feel sad that my DS will miss out on that. All I think I can do is try to give him a wide range of experiences through mixing with friends and other family members. I've just ordered a book about raising only children to see if I can get any other ideas, but I've decided to focus on appreciating what I have in our little family and living for the moment, as we could so nearly not have had any children at all. Our DS is 5 and is very sociable, funny, and loves life. I do at times find it difficult to keep up with the arranging play dates etc but that comes and goes and hopefully will get easier as they get older. Sorry for rambling, just wanted to say hello and I'm sorry for what you're going through, sending you a hug x

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