people always make out how easy it is having "only"one child, yet you do actually have to play with that child alot more and entertain

(34 Posts)
diamondlizard Fri 28-Feb-14 23:43:08

that child loads more, so its not easier its just different

i get really annoyed about people saying this, and ive had three children, but sadly lost the middle one

i also dont like the way peolple say when you only have one child

people never say oh well when you only have two do they

anyway three cheers for everyone out there being playmate entertainer and dping a great job

SoonToBeSix Fri 28-Feb-14 23:46:51

Are you a bit drunk?

HenriettaPie Fri 28-Feb-14 23:56:59

I'm not quite sure what you are trying to say

MorrisZapp Fri 28-Feb-14 23:59:56

I've only got one, and it is of course easier than having two.

In the same way that ten pounds is more than five.

How could it be otherwise.

diamondlizard Sat 01-Mar-14 00:01:42

Well I think having one is actually just as hard because they require so much more attention from you imo

MorrisZapp Sat 01-Mar-14 00:07:14

Two pregnancies, two maternity leaves, two kids of different ages requiring childcare, double the laundry, double the food, double the birthday parties, play dates etc etc etc...

Of course there are economies of scale. But having two is harder. For longer.

Hexbugsmakemeitch Sat 01-Mar-14 00:20:00

We have twins so I don't know what it is like to have just one. When they were babies is was quite considerably harder for me than my friends with singletons. Those that went on to have a second child often remarked about how much harder two was.

Now they are older it is lovely to see them play together without adult input and yes my friends with one DC do have to put more effort in arranging play dates etc, dealing with a 'bored' child on holiday. However they don't have to listen to the competing demands to two children to tell you all about their day immediately you walk through the door, or sibling rivalry or even just the attempt to schedule 1:1 time with each child. They only have one set or needs to focus on.

There are pros and cons to having any amount of children, it doesn't have to be a competition. When my babies were very small each day was a struggle but I still felt sorry for my friends with only one baby as opposed to our two rather than jealous of them and I'm really sure none of them were jealous of me.

I am very sorry you lost a child, I can't begin to imagine how terrible that must be.

Nocomet Sat 01-Mar-14 00:23:29

Two is massively easier than one, long term in many ways.

Yes there is more washing and more food to make and more taxi driving to do...

But we live in the middle of nowhere and having two DDs who mostly rub along very well, play together and lookout for each other in our big garden and cycling and walking to the shop is brilliant.

Also when one is driving you nuts the other is keeping you sane. Without DD1(16) giggling at her DD2(13) would be a bundle of teen attitude. But it's pointless because DD1 has already demonstrated not all teens are vile and she knows no one will take any notice.

Conversely when DD2 kept me sane while trying to teach dyslexic DD1 to read.

cupcake78 Sat 01-Mar-14 00:44:26

2 is harder most definatly! Ds was on his own till 6, we thought he was hard work. Then dd came along 8 months ago.

One child was so easy in comparison. Two is exhausting, how anyone copes with more is a mystery to me.

FamiliesShareGerms Sat 01-Mar-14 01:31:27

I found two no harder than one and sometimes easier. Though I think it really depends on the age gap, and am in no doubt that twins (or other multiples) is the hardest of all.

diamondlizard Sat 01-Mar-14 03:57:32

Well suppose its just personal opinion
But I think one child is harder in many ways

It's not really much bother with the extrabqash I ng etc imo

and they have each other for entertainment

but guess we all find it defferent

just get annoyed with these comments
Mind you I told him what I thought to his comments

and I agree multipilies is a whole different level or difficult
thanks hex x

Flexiblefriend Fri 07-Mar-14 04:57:40

I have found having one child very easy, to the point where I sometimes feel like I'm cheating and not a proper Mum. I rarely feel like it is hard work, I have plenty of time for myself, as well as time to devote to DD.

In my case DD doesn't need me to entertain her, she happily fits in with whatever we are doing, and she can entertain herself for hours at a time.

I think it depends on the personalities of the people involved. Everyone's experience is different.

thenoodlemachine Fri 07-Mar-14 05:12:13

I find life a hell of a lot harder with two. It's twice the work, innit. WHen I only have one it's like a holiday. Sorry but it is.

zoemaguire Fri 07-Mar-14 06:01:34

I agree with you. Dd1 and ds entertain each other, I find if just one is there it is much harder work.

PeriPathetic Fri 07-Mar-14 06:10:03

My one child -- hard work when small, required a huge amount of attention. Never see her now she's a teen! Much easier.

My mother's two children, hideously hard work as we alway, always fought. Never 'played nicely together'. Now total NC.

All depends on the kids, I guess.

Blueberrymuffint0p Fri 07-Mar-14 11:06:43

Yeh, I think it depends on the child.

My son is a breeze. I make a big effort with arranging his social life so he has lots of opportunities to play with other children. Being his playmate is tedious-I don't enjoy pretending to be a dragon/ninja turtle etc but I get on with it and I think a sibling may not want to do those things either so I still might have to do the imaginary play. Activities I love but role play is hard work.

stickygotstuck Fri 07-Mar-14 12:57:11

I also agree that it depends massively on the child's temperament. And yours. Really, on the combination of both.

For me, it's not the physical/practical stuff that I find exhausting but the mental side of motherhood. I think with two or more the intensity gets diluted, which can be a very good thing.

My 5YO DD was a horrendously difficult baby, then turned into the clingiest, most sensitive and most emotionally intense toddler/young child I have ever seen. I am independent, introverted and emotionally intense by nature. That particular combination was almost lethal for us. Literally. That is the reason why we only have one DC. As lovely and wonderful as I (now!) think she is.

When DD was around 3.5YO I began to think that having a second one would be a good idea after all for a break. I asked in here and many posters acually agreed! I am just terrified a second DC might be of the same temperament. People tell me it would be extremely rare to get the same sort of child the second time around. If someone could guarantee that the next baby would be more 'chilled' I'd have one in a heartbeat. For a break wink.

Ecclefechan Thu 20-Mar-14 13:15:27

Well it depends on the child/ren and the parents, doesn't it?

My brother has a boy and girl who adore each other - are now teens and always been good friends. My friend has a boy and girl and they loathe each other; she has spent the past 12 years refereeing the pair of them.

Our only DD doesn't have any more playdates than her friends with siblings and DH and I don't feel the need to entertain her. We just get on with normal family life and she never says she is bored.

shrunkenhead Sat 03-May-14 11:44:51

One child is obviously easier, you only have one child to think about! Only one lot of uni fees. But they are stuck with you when you're old!

BurdenedWithGloriousPurpose Sat 03-May-14 11:48:59

I can imagine one child would be harder.

I'd have to listen to minecraft talk for hours if I had only one. shock But instead they talk to each other.

I'd be mentally exhausted with just one. I find I can ignore them more now there's two.

Misfitless Sat 03-May-14 16:16:35

I think it depends on the parents mostly, and how they bring up their child/ren. When my eldest was an only (upto the age of almost 9 yrs,) she wasn't one for expecting to be entertained, and she wasn't one for saying she was bored.

If as a parent, regardless of how many DCs you have, you bring them up to be constantly entertained, they will grow to expect that, and not be able to function so well when they are left to their own devices, I think.

Having said that, DS (8yrs) is struggling with being left to his own devices at the moment. All he seems to want to do is play on laptop/PSVita/my phone etc etc. If he was an only I might think it was because he's an only, but in actual fact I know it's because he's been off school ill for a week and I've let him have way too much access to technology, nothing to do with how many siblings he has at all! Oh and obviously not down to my crap less than perfect parenting skills either wink!

The main thing to remember is, it's not a competition, is it?

I came on here to sort of say the same thing as the OP following on from a few comments I've been getting recently.

But I'm not sure if it's necessarily a one-child thing; the more I think about it, the more I've noticed that it's actually a case of if you are doing something which someone else wouldn't or couldn't do, they automatically think you must be doing it because it's easier, and they have it so much harder.

So I've had comments about being able to do xyz because:
- it's easier with only one
- it's easier with a boy
- it's easier when they're that age
- it's easier when they are naturally imaginative/quiet/sociable/sporty/boisterous/tall/musical/cautious/well-behaved etc etc

superstarheartbreaker Sat 16-Aug-14 01:52:12

How on earth can you not be a proper mum with one child... hmm its exhausting!
And what ifvsiblings dont get on? The bickering bwoulddrive me potty!

Rinkydinkypink Sat 16-Aug-14 02:16:33

I had 6 years of only one then the second came along. I thought like the op. Two must be easier in some ways. Believe me 2 is harder work.

They both demand attention!!!! All the time. They compete for it. The eldest sulks more. Feels left out.

The expense of two lots of clothes/ food etc.

Two is harder than 1!

MarthasVineyard Sat 16-Aug-14 20:47:44

Do we have to make a competition of this?

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