only 20 , first baby and no I don't want anymore children.

(15 Posts)
elle93 Tue 23-Jul-13 08:09:58

Hi everyone, I am only 20 and recently had my baby boy. Although myself and partner are still very young we just want the one. Of course we very May well change our minds however myself and my partner had awful upbringings, both parents divorced, lots of nastiness on both sides. Therefore we want to give our son everything - definitely not spoilt. Already both sides of family are saying you can't just have one it's not fair it's torture, etc. But I will be taking my boy to lots of baby groups etc and preschool when older, he also has 2 cousins. All a year apart so they already spend so much time together. Obviously I might change my mind but I feel so privileged to have my son as both my mum and Nan and great grandmother were unable to carry boys. I feel so lucky to have him and want to give him my all. Will he grow up wishing he had a sibling? I already feel guilty for him that I don't want more. Any advice would be much appreciated! And in today's society I'm worried for him :/ thank you everyone smile

FannyMcNally Tue 23-Jul-13 08:16:23

Congratulations to you both!
Forget about having other children just enjoy your son. In a few years time you may decide to have another, you may not. But don't let it overshadow your joy of having your first baby to love and nurture. You don't need to have a conversation with anyone about future siblings, if it's easier, just agree just to get them off your back!

elle93 Tue 23-Jul-13 08:23:14

Thank you smile both our families are very overpowering, therefore we are feeling the pressure! Where like you said it should be the last thing on my mind, thank you.

MissMarplesBloomers Tue 23-Jul-13 08:31:31

Congratulations!

Nobody else's business but yours!

If you're feeling pressurised, just say "we'll see"& change the subject .

elle93 Tue 23-Jul-13 08:36:50

Thank you smile

MonstersDontCry Tue 23-Jul-13 08:42:56

Congratulations! I had my first baby when I was twenty too. We always said DD would be the first and last...

Two years later I'm now overdue with DC2!

If you only want one child it's no one elses business. Just smile and nod at those who say you should have another. If you, your DP and your DS are happy, that's all that matters. smile

PrincessKitKat Tue 23-Jul-13 08:43:42

Both me & my DH are only children and have gone on to lead normal, successful lives smile
You don't miss what you've never had & we've both been incredibly blessed to have loving, supportive parents who had the time and resources to help whenever it's needed.
No torture that I recall....!

CaptainJamesTKirk Tue 23-Jul-13 08:43:50

As the mother of a 3 year old boy I have felt pressure... 'he will be lonely' 'do you only have the one?'. Right down to someone implying that only boys grow up soft and feminine and may 'become' gay! Grrrr but don't get me started on that person (I've dealt with them!). Now he's 3 the comments have stopped a little, but the 'lonely' one continues.

I have come to the conclusion that I don't have to justify myself and my family to anyone else. The three of us (Me, DH and DS) are happy. We will be able to provide for him more, have holidays, go on school trips, maybe even privately educate, help with uni costs etc... With 2 children those are less likely. I'm 36 (so will not and probably won't be able to change my mind).

Enjoy your son, ignore the people badgering you about siblings. You can change your mind at any time or you don't have too... It's your choice.

JRmumma Tue 23-Jul-13 08:56:14

I think there must be pros and cons to having just one or more than one child. Personal circumstances may mean a second child will mean so much sacrifice in terms of being able to provide for you all, and i don't see how being short of money and stuck at home with siblings, not able to do anything would make you less lonely than being able to afford to go places and do nice things etc with friends and wider family.

wannaBe Tue 23-Jul-13 09:05:06

I have an only child - he's ten now. I did want more but it never happened. But often I look at other people with two or more and I see how much they struggle, how much siblings bicker and argue and fight and how much the parents struggle to meet the demands of two children with two sets of activities etc at once and I am glad I just have the one.

There are no guarantees in life. The idea that siblings will love each other, keep each other company and support one another is just a romantic notion really, truth is that throughout childhood most siblings fight and argue, yes it's all normal but there are also no guarantees that they will grow up with a loving sibling relationship and want to support each other once parents get ill/die (another reason I've heard for having more children).

It's no-one else's business how many children you have, and I find this argument that it' s torture rathr nasty actually. what if you were unable to have more for fertility reasons, would that be torture too? just smile and enjoy your baby.

elle93 Tue 23-Jul-13 09:05:36

Thank you all! I just need to block all the comments out and focus on my lovely little family. Thank you smile

mrsjay Sat 03-Aug-13 14:17:47

aww congratulations on your son

YOU dont need to decide now but it is up to you if you want any more I was only having one baby for medical reasons but I have 2 I have 5 years between mine, you may or may not change your mind, I was an only for 12 years I had loads of cousins who i played with i never ever felt lonely

Nexus6 Sun 11-Aug-13 00:04:22

Hey I'm 23 with dd1 and I want to keep it that way too! smile people can be idiots.. A day after giving birth people were saying about 'next time' ffs!

I hated being pregnant (I was very sick all the way through) I also think there are way too many people in this world and things are going to get very tough so I think it's selfish of me to have more than one child. Everyone has there reasons and remember its your body and your life no one can make this decision for you. Just tell them to back off.. People will respect your decision in the end and tbh who cares if they don't!

Good luck, remember there are others that feel the same so you're not alone xx

Snog Sat 07-Sep-13 18:04:26

My dd is 13, loves being an only child and has never wanted a sibling.
Choose what is right for you.

moustachio Wed 25-Sep-13 21:38:07

I'm in the same boat as you! Had my DS at 20 not exactly planned and everyone kept saying that we'll want another. Now that it's been two years and we actually don't want another, people are changing to the tact of 'it's not fair on him'.

I didn't enjoy pregnancy, I had a horrific birth and he didn't sleep for 10 months. None of those things I want to repeat!! I also feel like having him young could be seen as a setback, but in fact it now means that i don't have to worry about mat leave in the future and can focus on my career now that babydom is out of the way for all three of us!

I do have to say though that lots of people who have a 'new' baby say no more, only to become broody in a few months as their little ones grow out of the baby stage and you yearn for a little tiny one again. Just shrug off the comments for now, just incase you do change your mind, you won't feel silly for making a big thing about just having one! smile

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