What made you decide to stick at 1?

(32 Posts)
babysaurus Sun 12-May-13 20:26:44

I have a DS who shall be 1 next month. He means the world to me but I was, until very recently, more than happy for him to remain my only child.
However, possibly as his first year is approaching, I am wavering a bit re this. The bulk of the reasons to stick with one seem to mostly benefit me (space, finances, time 'off') whereas the benefits for having another seem to largely benefit DS (companion, direct family for if something happens to me or DH when he's older etc.)

He has been a relatively easy baby, no colic / very happy / sleeps and eats well and so on but its still quite relentless and the idea of dealing with him and a newborn (am 39 so would really have to be considering it by the time he's two) sounds bloody awful. But, after seeing so many families out today with their older children I wonder if I'll regret it.

(I realise a sibling doesn't mean they will get on by the way. There are probably lots of other reasons both for and against I can post if needs be, am typing on my phone so don't want to make this too long!)

So, please can you tell me your reasons to have just one...?

mistlethrush Fri 27-Sep-13 09:31:18

Daiseydee - if you saw me and my son getting on a bus you might have a completely different picture. You would need ear plugs of course. And you would learn FAR too much about what's happening with various friends / family members / pets / pets of friends / school / teachers / sport / cubs ... grin

(Oh and whoever decided that 'only children' were loners and or quiet forgot to tell my son)

ErrolTheDragon Fri 27-Sep-13 08:21:06

But if you saw some of us with our one-and-onlies you might reach an entirely different conclusion. Its not too healthy to be your child's 'best friend' - you can be a mum, and also a friend, and the child and yourself should have other friends - that's the more normal situation.

daisydee43 Fri 27-Sep-13 08:04:50

Do you know what I think I've completely changed my mind on sticking at one - saw a mum on a bus with a seven year old girl and they just seemed sad not to be more of them. They get on my bus each week and they are really close like best friends but I think a mum needs to be a mum (I fell out with my mum after she became my 'best friend' and our relationship has not been the same since)

ErrolTheDragon Wed 25-Sep-13 18:34:21

I knew for sure I didn't want another baby when I was waiting to pick up DD one day and one other mum was cradling a newborn, surrounded by cooing broodies, while another mum was carrying a little puppy which I found vastly more appealing!

MummyBeerest Wed 25-Sep-13 16:05:10

Haha Errol, I can honestly say that I often reply "We'll just get another dog" when asked "When will you have another baby?"

My DD is 13 months. We always figured we'd have another, but some days I think just having her would be great. I had hypermesis and PND, and despite a very tough first year, DD is a happy, sweet little baby. I fear doing it all again though.

JohFlow Wed 25-Sep-13 15:17:31

I have a DS at 10 years. Would not have had another with previous partner (split 4 years ago). Now in better relationship may consider again but have to think about the fact that I may have reduced fertility/risky holding capacity after two sets of gynae surgery. Would not take a decision for a second lightly as I had severe PND, ongoing clinical depresion and a poorly baby first time round. I feel the clock ticking at 38 years but will not 'set about' (lol) unless I am absolutely sure and feel I have the capacity to do a good job with two.

ErrolTheDragon Wed 25-Sep-13 15:04:04

We didn't decide to start a family till we were 35 and then turned out I had PCOS so didn't have DD till I was 38 after a little treatment (just clomid, but lots of tests etc).

She was not a particularly easy baby (colic and didn't like sleeping or being put down) ... just couldn't really see getting psyched up to try again. DH has occasionally said that if he'd known how lovely a child could be we'd have started earlier and had several but TBH he's not really serious. She's fine as an only; quite a lot of her friends are onlies too.

I did talk to DD when she was about 6 and a classmate was about to have a new sibling whether she wished she had a brother or sister... she pondered the question and was quite firmly not keen on the idea, and thought that a second dog would be a much better idea. grin

She's 14 now and is helping to keep me young - we do stuff together. Last night for a change instead of going on FB after she'd done her homework she decided we were going to chat for a couple of hours, which was nice. smile

daisydee43 Wed 25-Sep-13 14:54:53

What's more I hated being one of two and I hardly ever see my brother now, we are like two opposites. Dh was only child so not sure he feels the same, we've always thought we would have more

mistlethrush Wed 25-Sep-13 14:53:39

Why on earth selfish? All your time can be spent looking after her rather than sharing your time with another sibling.

daisydee43 Wed 25-Sep-13 14:49:36

Hi everyone - I have dd1.5 and I'm feeling really selfish in thinking I may not have another. It took me such a long time to fall in love with her which sounds awful but it's true and now she's my little princess and I love her to pieces. I'm worried the same might happen again. Dh says he would like another but he's undecided due to finances so we've held any decisions off until later next year. We have 2 bedrooms and probably could afford bigger when the time came but I would rely on tax credits for childcare as I work part time. Also I have started my own business which I'd love to see grow and I can't imagine doing this with two kids. Still feel really selfish tho hmm

Bluestocking Sun 22-Sep-13 08:33:23

We only planned to have one, mainly because DP already had a DS from a previous relationship. I was nearly 40 when I had DS and it was a very, very bad birth, with three lots of surgery needed afterwards to repair the mess, so even if we'd wanted another we'd have had to wait to conceive until all that was over and done with.
I did have the occasional pang when my mummy friends started to have their second babies, but those pangs tended to subside on seeing them all wrecked and shattered dealing with toddlers and newborns.
We've always loved being a tight little unit of three - we can go where we like and do what we like. Although we enjoy spending time with other families, I do get very tired of listening to the endless sibling squabbles (and there does seem to be a lot more of that than sibling harmony) and count my blessings that we just have our one lovely boy.

Madonna1987 Sun 22-Sep-13 08:23:07

Hmmm, I'm in two minds. Reading the comments make me smile though. Its soooo refreshing to hear other mothers be honest about how hard it actually is. My dd is 5mo - so still very young, but I often ponder on wether to have another due to the fact that it would be sooner rather than later... I couldn't imagine waiting years then going through it all again. That sounds terrible... But i just mean the sleepless nights etc. My heart says another -.my head says no!

Smartieaddict Thu 13-Jun-13 21:00:46

Princessjonsie, but if you'd had another they would leave home eventually too, you can't put it off forever! I am not dreading DS leaving home already, oh no not me!

Tubemole1 Thu 13-Jun-13 00:16:07

I had a difficult birth (had PE, then due to drug fook up had to have GA during caesarean, then wound didn't heal right...) and when I went back to work full time, shifts, on the underground I couldn't cope very well being patient with her. Our finances were very stretched, nursery fees costing more than our mortgage, and her delayed development meant she needed more of my time. The house was a constant tip.

She now is fine, in Year 1, in top sets for everything, and we have repainted our house. Life has moved on, and could I go back to the old days of mess puke, poverty, and smell?

Hell no.

Princessjonsie Wed 12-Jun-13 18:16:12

I only wanted one so I could give him everything. This extended to my time and attention as well as money. I must admit I'm regretting that decision a little now as he is 19 and lives away from home as he attends Uni.i would give my right arm for another but I'm now to old

Artandtravel Wed 12-Jun-13 06:44:45

I had my son late in life at 38. It is too late for a second and I wouldnt have the energy. We have a rabbit instead. A pet is a good option for a single child. My son loves his rabbit and says we are more of a family now...40% him, 40% me, and 20% rabbit. He tells me daily that he loves me and tells me how lucky he is to have me for his mother especially when I'm making pancakes. One child is easier and less demanding- not being pulled in two directions. For us, the advantage is simplicity. We love to travel. We go on adventures abroad quite often. Two flights to find- his and mine. He has been to eight countries and is eight years old now. He is aware that he does more travelling than the average child. I couldn't do this with a family of four or with two children. I travel light.

My DS is 9 and I am more then happy to just stick to having one child. I can spoil him within reason and our bond is unbreakable. He is very happy and has an aunt just one year older, so has a 'sister' of sorts.
I am not in a position to afford another child and mentally I wouldn't manage with another as I have bipolar.

IdealHomeHouseBeautifulLivinge Wed 05-Jun-13 18:06:23

I just wanted one child. Just like some people want 2, 3, 4 or 5. I would never wonder why some people wanted more or less children.

Smartieaddict Mon 03-Jun-13 23:01:57

I didn't really choose to have just one, unfortunately the second just didn't happen for us, but there are so many positives of just having one!

We are lucky in so far as DS has two cousins who live about 50 metres from us, and he spends lots of time with them, so he doesn't miss out on having a close family relationship.

From my point of view, I now find myself feeling slightly sorry for those expecting their second baby. With one you get the best of both worlds. You get to enjoy being a parent, but it is not hard. I find I have plenty of energy to give to DS, and I can enjoy reading with him, and helping out at school. I think if there were two of him I would struggle to find the enthusiasm.

Lolapink Mon 03-Jun-13 22:50:23

I am currently pregnant with my first after IVF treatment. We can't afford to pay for another IVF go. We are so lucky and blessed to have this one!

MrsFrederickWentworth Mon 03-Jun-13 22:39:14

I have one. He was miraculous to is after miscarriages and 9 years of heartache. But I had a difficult pgy and birth, pnd for ages / years and Ds was a very ill child for ten years.

He always wanted a sibling and I think it would have been good for him as he does have all our attention. He was a lonely child out of school/childminder. And it will be hard for him when we are old. He also feels the weight of our expectations, even when we don't have any!

But there it is. We love him very much and he loves us.

NeverendingStoryteller Mon 03-Jun-13 22:29:56

Because you don't have to sort through socks and underpants to figure out which ones belong to which child.

And, those amazing family days where your little one behaves and is brilliant company - those all disappear pretty much completely because every day it is either one or the other who misbehaves or causes havoc. On the very best days, they'll both decide to misbehave and cause havoc. That would be enough to turn me to drink.

I have one. That's fine by me. I have seen my friends who spend their entire lives sorting out sibling rivalries and lament those lost 'special' days. I have also seen friends who have had an 'easy' baby, and assume that number two will be the same. My cousin (after number two came along) advised me that "whoever said having two was just as easy as one was full of shit." Sage advice. Sage advice.

I had a really easy baby, now a really easy 18 month old, but even without any real problems, I still found it hard enough in the early days that I don't want to do it again. Just not sure I'm a newborn type of gal. Wouldn't change him for the world, but I've a 'been there and done that' feeling about babies now. Friends of mine feel unfulfilled with one - I feel lucky that's something I don't struggle with.

Reasons I had:
hyperemesis, PND, DS high needs - didn't sleep well + clingy, relationship on the rocks, finances were tight, was a childminder so he had plenty of playmates, etc

all very sensible but DS is now 8 and I wish I had followed my heart not my head.

babysaurus Mon 20-May-13 22:54:28

Good to hear someone else doesn't like the idea of the baby stage again too! My DS is fab, and a relatively easy baby, but its bloody hard work all the same!

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