What made you decide to stick at 1?

(32 Posts)
babysaurus Sun 12-May-13 20:26:44

I have a DS who shall be 1 next month. He means the world to me but I was, until very recently, more than happy for him to remain my only child.
However, possibly as his first year is approaching, I am wavering a bit re this. The bulk of the reasons to stick with one seem to mostly benefit me (space, finances, time 'off') whereas the benefits for having another seem to largely benefit DS (companion, direct family for if something happens to me or DH when he's older etc.)

He has been a relatively easy baby, no colic / very happy / sleeps and eats well and so on but its still quite relentless and the idea of dealing with him and a newborn (am 39 so would really have to be considering it by the time he's two) sounds bloody awful. But, after seeing so many families out today with their older children I wonder if I'll regret it.

(I realise a sibling doesn't mean they will get on by the way. There are probably lots of other reasons both for and against I can post if needs be, am typing on my phone so don't want to make this too long!)

So, please can you tell me your reasons to have just one...?

ErrolTheDragon Wed 25-Sep-13 15:04:04

We didn't decide to start a family till we were 35 and then turned out I had PCOS so didn't have DD till I was 38 after a little treatment (just clomid, but lots of tests etc).

She was not a particularly easy baby (colic and didn't like sleeping or being put down) ... just couldn't really see getting psyched up to try again. DH has occasionally said that if he'd known how lovely a child could be we'd have started earlier and had several but TBH he's not really serious. She's fine as an only; quite a lot of her friends are onlies too.

I did talk to DD when she was about 6 and a classmate was about to have a new sibling whether she wished she had a brother or sister... she pondered the question and was quite firmly not keen on the idea, and thought that a second dog would be a much better idea. grin

She's 14 now and is helping to keep me young - we do stuff together. Last night for a change instead of going on FB after she'd done her homework she decided we were going to chat for a couple of hours, which was nice. smile

JohFlow Wed 25-Sep-13 15:17:31

I have a DS at 10 years. Would not have had another with previous partner (split 4 years ago). Now in better relationship may consider again but have to think about the fact that I may have reduced fertility/risky holding capacity after two sets of gynae surgery. Would not take a decision for a second lightly as I had severe PND, ongoing clinical depresion and a poorly baby first time round. I feel the clock ticking at 38 years but will not 'set about' (lol) unless I am absolutely sure and feel I have the capacity to do a good job with two.

MummyBeerest Wed 25-Sep-13 16:05:10

Haha Errol, I can honestly say that I often reply "We'll just get another dog" when asked "When will you have another baby?"

My DD is 13 months. We always figured we'd have another, but some days I think just having her would be great. I had hypermesis and PND, and despite a very tough first year, DD is a happy, sweet little baby. I fear doing it all again though.

ErrolTheDragon Wed 25-Sep-13 18:34:21

I knew for sure I didn't want another baby when I was waiting to pick up DD one day and one other mum was cradling a newborn, surrounded by cooing broodies, while another mum was carrying a little puppy which I found vastly more appealing!

daisydee43 Fri 27-Sep-13 08:04:50

Do you know what I think I've completely changed my mind on sticking at one - saw a mum on a bus with a seven year old girl and they just seemed sad not to be more of them. They get on my bus each week and they are really close like best friends but I think a mum needs to be a mum (I fell out with my mum after she became my 'best friend' and our relationship has not been the same since)

ErrolTheDragon Fri 27-Sep-13 08:21:06

But if you saw some of us with our one-and-onlies you might reach an entirely different conclusion. Its not too healthy to be your child's 'best friend' - you can be a mum, and also a friend, and the child and yourself should have other friends - that's the more normal situation.

mistlethrush Fri 27-Sep-13 09:31:18

Daiseydee - if you saw me and my son getting on a bus you might have a completely different picture. You would need ear plugs of course. And you would learn FAR too much about what's happening with various friends / family members / pets / pets of friends / school / teachers / sport / cubs ... grin

(Oh and whoever decided that 'only children' were loners and or quiet forgot to tell my son)

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