DS saying he wants our family to be bigger - gutted.

(11 Posts)

See as a child I had siblings and I never wished I was an only. My mum does say she was lucky we got on so well though! The only adult only I know is/was insistent he would not have an only child.

I do get that whole grass is always greener thing but he spent the first 4 years of his life in a very busy household (as did I through my entire childhood). He knows what it's like to live that way and so he is able to compare the two, he is definitely wistful for a bigger family than we have. However he would not enjoy me struggling with hyperemesis, or a baby crying, or vomiting, or taking over my personal space that he likes to invade.

Shallistopnow - I stopped at one for a hold bunch of very sensible reasons but do you know what, looking back I wish I'd had another child with my ex. They would have had the same dad, been close in age, etc. I wish I had followed my heart instead of my head. Even now I can list all those reasons and they still exist but here we are - I'm single, DS is 8, and me and him both wish we had a bigger family.

(I haven't told DS I want a bigger family too BTW, have just said who knows what will happen in the future, lets have fun just you and me)

I don't think telling him "bad luck" when he is sobbing that he is lonely and our house is too quiet will help really QOD. confused If he was just doing a bit of whinging for a comic or a kinderegg I'd probably go with the tough love but on this matter I can see his point.

QOD Mon 20-May-13 22:19:07

Ah well, bad luck!

That's what I always say to DD who is 14 and asked me only a couple of months ago to adopt a sibling for her. Actually, a sister now I think of it.
I get how you feel, but they have to understand we can't all have what we want.
My dd is a surrogate baby so no more for me although we did try about 7 yrs ago

Fairylea Mon 20-May-13 22:09:57

Sorry just seen you're a single mum... so was I till dd was 7 and then I met dh and had ds when she was 9 (so in two years).

If it doesn't happen or thats not what you want, I'm sure your ds will be absolutely fine. As others have said dc usually see the grass as greener !

JoyMachine Mon 20-May-13 22:01:09

IMO, children always want what they don't have- those that are single want siblings, those with siblings wish for solitude. smile

My DD's good friend has told her recently that her Mum has had a baby boy (who amazingly has the same name as the baby of their favourite TA <cough>). It isn't a bit true, I suppose she feels that by saying it aloud enough, it will make it real. I always wanted to be a singleton, and frequently denied any existence of siblings confused

You haven't let him down in any way- all families are different- some don't even have any children at all! wink

Fairylea Mon 20-May-13 21:56:38

I have an age gap of 9 years between dd and ds. Dd always enjoyed being an only child but as she got older she really wanted a sibling. So... I had ds smile

They adore each other.

Not particularly helpful I know but honestly age gaps don't matter.

RandomMess Mon 20-May-13 21:56:24

sad my dds generally get on well but they still sometimes really really resent each other and not getting their own way, I think they're always grass is greener?

Shallistopnow Mon 20-May-13 21:54:20

My daughter is 7 and wants a sibling. It really hurts me when she's upset about it. I'm with her dad but things have always been a bit rocky & money a bit tight so we haven't had another. Recently though I'm starting to think to hell with it & that life's too short. I don't want to regret not having another. Saying that the age gaps far too big now but at least they'll have each other when I'm gone.

Thank you so much for your reply, I was beginning to think I smelt or something!

DS has autism and I do agree he doesn't understand the reality of what life would be like with a full time sibling. I still feel quite sad about it am trying my best to continue to focus on the positives.

NynaevesSister Sun 19-May-13 17:39:26

Don't let it get to you. My son says the same but I know he thinks a younger sibling would trot around doing what he wanted. He thinks that everything else would stay the same. If he knew the reality he wouldn't be so keen. I happy that we have made the best possible choice for him.

And now my friend has told me she is pregnant. Happy for her but sad for me. sad

DS is an only, he's 8 now and I'm a single mum.

He's always been happy having me to himself but lately he's talking about babies all the time and how he wants our family to get bigger.

I feel so upset (I've not shown it though).

I've always focused on the positives of him being an only and now feel like I've let him down somehow.

sad

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now