ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
Witty answers when asked...(48 Posts)
'so you only have one then?' or 'you just have one then?'
I have never been able to find a good answer to this that doesn't make me sound rude or bitter but that also puts people in their place with their implication that I am somehow 'lacking'!
I chose to have one child and love it so I'm not sad at having one. Some witty answers please!
chunkymonkey i loved what you said here:
''Plus my son is amazing - I'm not searching for something else, there's nothing missing, my family is perfect''
I am going to use that!
Another one here who has had two miscarriages (one of them v late) so it is painful when asked. Someone said to me 'isnt it time you had another' i replied 'well yes probably but i would like to get over my recent MC first'
2.5 yrs down the line and at 40 yrs old, me and DH are starting to get used to the idea that another isnt forthcoming. We are so much in love with DS that as chunky says - our life is perfect
"We went for quality not quantity"
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
My latest ones are 'I'd rather have a new handbag' (jokey/flippant) or 'there is more to life than babies'. Other times I say my partner won't let me have any more, and I am not going to push it (which is true, but not to say I definitely would if he changed his mind). That turns the focus on to him and away from me.
I really appreciated the approach of one of my DD's nursery workers when I picked DD up yesterday. I said I felt like DD wasn't 'my baby' any more and that I sometimes wished she was a baby again. she misunderstood and said 'maybe it is time for number two then?'" She instantly picked up on my expression and body language and went on to say that she doesn't want children herself and people always ask her about it especially as she works with kids but she said she doesn't want any because she knows what it involves and she is 'not mad enough'!
Once at work someone said 'it is no one else's business how many children you have'.
I seem to encounter these types of responses and end up having interesting conversations about it more and more, rather than feeling offended or cornered. I guess I am lucky though in that for me it is (partly) choice and not that I desperately want another and am not able to. Also have several friends and colleagues who are sticking with one.
Shes like a russian doll, shes actually quads.
We wont be bothering, how do we top this!!
She ate the others...dont get too close ok.
I like your respose TryDrawingAPicture...i will use this!!
I love these answers. Sometimes just saying "I just have the one because that's what we want" doesn't seem to work and most of the time it would turn into "just give it time and you'll change your mind"...... I have said "thanks, what happens in my vagina is none of your business" a few times out of frustration. that can shut them up.
No witty answer here. It depends on how the question is asked. If offensive or aggressive I go into detail on the years ttc the miscarriage and health issues after birth in hope they don't do that to anyone else.
If nice, genuine, then I just say that it was a surprise to me but I knew in my heart my family was complete when my son was born.
I love that Bullets How the hell would me and DH be able to double team our DD when she's acting like a loony if there was another one to deal with!
we came up with loads of replies I am known for being brash so we used them all the time,
when she was a baby my fav was ' no no i left the other at home he didn't go with these shoes'
or because I was 17 there was "yeah, well condoms are 99.99% effective so we have a couple of years yet "
As she got older she was very inquisitive and independent so I was always pulling her out from a dark hole or under a counter or once from under a roller-coaster
so I would say "this one I got GPSed" or "I'm worried more would lead to the Armageddon"
but the one I use today as my daughter and I look so alike we are often mistaken for each other is "cloning is still hit and miss" or "cloning is too expensive" my daughter will say "two of us is enough"
ChunkyMonkeyMother I couldn't agree with you more.
I was 17 when I gave birth to my girl (now 16) she was clearly a very happy accident but everyone asked when we were having another? It drove me crazy.
I stayed home until she was in school then returned to education. now I have brilliant daughter who I love to spend time with and who enjoys my company as well.
both i and my ex came from larger families and both wanted just one so we could have the luxury of being able to have a favourite.
I always say that I was born to be an only child and my parents ruined it by having my other sibling - I won't put my child through that!
I am asked all of the time, I'm 24! Most people haven't even had 1 by my age never mind planning another, we're happy - he's happy - I love my spare room plus come September we'll be rid of nursery fees and I've just got a job after being a broke student!
Plus my son is amazing - I'm not searching for something else, there's nothing missing, my family is perfect
I knew a Mr and Mrs Smith who said they thought there were enough Smiths in the world.
However, They split up and Mr Smith remarried and had another family.
I used to say "There's no just about 1".
Our current favourite: "Two just looks far too much like hard work and we are very lazy"!
This is actually the truth
This gave me a giggle!
I have one son, two years old, and I get asked this all the time. Makes it even more grating having had 2 miscarriages this year. Just at that point where I'm considering stopping ttc.
I'm so sick of being asked I tell them straight - usually shuts them up and they regret being so nosy...
I often tell the plain truth, we can't afford the cost of ivf again. That tends to stop them but if I don't feel like laying my fertility status in front of them I tend to go along the " can't improve on perfection" angle. I sometimes say ds was a miracle and asking for a second miracle is a bit greedy which hints at the fact it's not our choice to only have one. I agree it's very hard not to sound bitter though, whatever you say.
Sometimes the act as if they can persuade you to have another (oh go on) or as if its something that may never have occurred to you (more than one?). Its hard not so tell them to mind their own business (would they ask how much tax you pay or how often you fart?).
I am as blunt as they are.
I could only have the one .
That soon takes the wind out their sails.
I only wanted one and when I was told I couldn't have any more it wasn't the end of my world. However, it makes me really angry that people ask in such a thoughtless way never pausing to think that for some people it's not a choice.
Really sorry to hear that sesw and snow - guess the question must be even more difficult when you do actually want more DC .
Hopefully you will have the nerve to use one of these great answers.
I'm with snow wise, just has second miscarriage and the question just kills me. I love these responses and wish I had the guts to use my dh missed!
A bit of a festive response: 'it was good enough for Mary and Joseph'!
Absolutely fab answers everyone! You are so great! .
I particularly like your reference to the carbon offset CMOT - DH likes to think we are helping the environment
Yellowdomino - quite happy to answer your question. Personally I don't mind being asked how many DC I have. What I don't like is when the question is phrased in a certain way with the emphasis on 'just' and 'only' (this is why I put these words in bold in my OP). There is no doubt that if said in this way the implication is that you are somehow lacking, are inferior or have lost out in some way. There are so many positive ways to ask a question - this is definitely not it!
The next problem has always been how to answer it without sounding annoyed or as though you actually did want more DC. This is why I have finally asked for some witty, non-bitter sounding responses .
I have 10 years between my dd & ds & for years had these comments now have complete strangers asking why such big gap? Arghh so nosy!! Need to try think of some witty comments for this
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.