very confused about another baby

(7 Posts)
mumtoacub Thu 12-Jul-12 21:58:20

I need some advice. I have a 7 month old son who I love very much and was very much wanted. We have a comfortable life and we saved enough to allow me the full years maternity. Problem is I have no idea whether I want another baby. I am in my 30s and was totally unprepared for the 24/7 care of a baby (I know, what was I expecting) and although (nearly) everything has settled down now I am fearful that I couldnt cope with a newborn and a toddler (and the total sleep deprivation).
If we have one we could give him so many experiences and oppportunities, I think I could really enjoy my time with him, be relaxed about friends visiting and all that goes with bringing up a child. I know if I have another I will be stressed, not only in the baby years but in the future. I dont want to be one of those mums that is stressed and in a bad mood due to looking after two children.
Also if I have another I would be forced back to work almost full time and they would have to go to nursery wheras with just one I can work two days and be there for him the rest of the time, which is the preferable option for me.
Problem is I never envisaged just the one, and hate to think I am depriving my son of a sibling as I would do anything for him. I sometimes feel that I couldnt appreciate the early months as I was overwhelmed and would like to experience them again.
I really just want to do whats best for my son but have the added feelings of guilt over my indecison. I didnt have a particularly "difficult baby" but really wouldnt want any additional issues either!!
I know I have time to make my decsion but these thoughts absolutely consume me.
Any advice would be appreciated.

you can only do what's right for you & your family smile

and if you don't have any more, your not depriving your son of a sibling at all, so don't feel guilty.

you may decide one thing now & change your mind in a few years, just go with the flow.

COCKadoodledooo Thu 12-Jul-12 22:33:09

You don't have to decide yet smile

Truth be told, at 7 months I couldn't manage one child. Couldn't even contemplate another until ds1 was well over 3, and it took almost another 2 years to make the final decision to have another. Delighted we did though even though we're permanently skint

stickygotstuck Thu 12-Jul-12 22:47:37

Reading this with interest.

I am in a similar situation but a bit further down the line than you OP - I have one 3.5 YO DD and I'm in my (very) late 30's, so I'm feeling the imagined pressure of having to make a decision soon.

DD was a difficult baby for the first few months, and then I had quite a tough time including bereavement and various family worries. I'm only beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel now. I guess I had PND and then mildish depression (prone to that), so not looking forward to any of that again.

"I think I could really enjoy my time with him, be relaxed about friends visiting and all that goes with bringing up a child. I know if I have another I will be stressed, not only in the baby years but in the future." - yep, that's exactly how I feel! Stress is NOT my thing, feeling rushed is not for me, coping is not good enough, I want to enjoy things and that means one thing/child at a time. I am only now beginning to enjoy DD, wouldn't want to spoil that for the world. I think I would do her more of a disservice being depressed and unable to function, than by not giving her a sibling.

Sorry, OP, probably not much help to you, but I'm finding this writing 'aloud' quite useful!

N0tinmylife Fri 13-Jul-12 09:56:58

From reading your OP it sounds like you know what you want, but feel you "should" give your DS a sibling. The only reasons you gave for wanting another child were because you feel he needs a sibling, and so you could do over the first months, and enjoy them. Neither of those sound like great reasons for having another child to me. Children do not need siblings, and your DS may well prefer his parents full attention, as well as a happy relaxed Mum, to a sibling, if it comes to a choice. As far as doing the first months again, would you actually enjoy it more a second time round, with an older child to deal with as well?

As others have said though, you don't have to make any final decisions now. I would concentrate on enjoying your DS for now, and if you feel you want another some time in the future, then go for it, but only if it is what you and your DP want, not because it is something you feel you should do!

mumtoacub Tue 17-Jul-12 08:13:23

Thanks everyone for the support. we have decided not to discuss another baby until this time next year and just enjoy ds for now. Hopefully everything will be clearer then.

WynkenBlynkenandNod Tue 17-Jul-12 08:20:18

I think that's very sensible Mumtoacub. There's no way I could have thought about another baby when DD was 7 months. You'll know if and when you feel you could cope with another.

The bit when they are babies is an incredible shock to the system if you ask me. If you do decide to have another it is much easier as there isn't the whole getting used to being there night and day thing. I have a 4.8 year gap between mine and it is pretty civilised (though am now dealing with a teenager, that's another whole can of worms!)

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