Horrible nursery manager - WWYD?

(57 Posts)
Lbabyx Thu 11-Apr-13 09:31:39


I dropped my daughter off at nursery this morning (only his third time) and needed to drop off some calpol prescribed by the doctor for her cough and runny nose. It was labelled and prescribed within the last 7 days as required. However, the nursery manager (who I have been warned about in the past), refused to believe that my daughtee didn't have a temperature and said the doctor wouldn't have prescribed calpol without a temp. We doesn't have a temp and hasn't ever had one in the 5 months she's been alive! The nursery manager made me out to be a liar and made me feel like I was convincing her to give my daughter poison!!

I was so upset driving home, tempted to put my daughter in a different nursery but she's happy there?

What would you do?

ReetPetit Thu 11-Apr-13 10:28:14

I don't think she's being unreasonable really. Was she actually rude to you or just assertive in letting you know nursery policy? As a childminder and previously nursery nurse i know first hand the lengths some parents will go to deliver an ill child to childcare as they don't want yo take time off work or care for child themselves!!

Also, if i have read your post correctly your baby is only 5 mmonths old. The manager has to cover herself, they can't just give out calpol to babies whenever parents request it. Young babies can easily go down hill and a baby requiring pain relief should not really be in childcare unless for teething or something .

Fwiw as a childminder i won't give calpol and neither do a lot of nurseries

Lbabyx Thu 11-Apr-13 11:00:10

Like I've said the calpol was diagnosed from the doctor - I didn't just want them to give her some for no reason. And yes, she was rude, not assertive. She has had a number of complaints for the way she lectures parents about childcare and decisions.

And I wasn't palming her off at nursery, she's well in herself, just has a cough. I work at a school so I am off work anyway do keeping her at home wouldn't have been a problem if needed. I just thought questioning me about her cough and temperature was out of order and not needed. She accused me of lying about the temperature.

Sirzy Thu 11-Apr-13 11:03:48

I am more shocked a GP prescribed someone calpol just for a cough and runny nose!

I can see the managers POV and I would also question it to be honest.

If she is well in herself and just has a cough then why do you need them to give her calpol?

Chocoflump Thu 11-Apr-13 11:04:56

I'm with the manager TBH.

Calpol will not help a cough or a runny nose!!!

HDEE Thu 11-Apr-13 11:06:23

Calpol is a pain reliever and a temperature reducer, so I'm not surprised she didn't want to give it. If a baby needs calpol/paracetamol then nursery isn't the place for them IMO.

Koyangwuti Thu 11-Apr-13 11:07:44

To answer the question "what would you do," based on just what was posted I'd not do anything. However, if there has been in the past, or if there then develops an undercurrent of mistrust, my child goes elsewhere. Having my child in someone else's care is a big deal, and I think there needs to be a positive relationship there. At that age it is my belief that the child will enjoy many a nursery; there is not only one place at which the child will be happy.

ThePendant Thu 11-Apr-13 11:08:20

I agree that if she is ill enough to need the calpol then she shouldn't be in nursery.

No need for rudeness though.

NickNacks Thu 11-Apr-13 11:08:23

The nursery manager has a duty of care to ALL the children and staff at the nursery and if your child is ill enough to have a prescription of pain relief for a cough then I think they should be at home, especially since you we're going to be there anyway!

Bert2e Thu 11-Apr-13 11:08:35

Totally what others have said, Calpol is paracetamol which is used to reduce temperatures, it will not help a cough or a runny nose. If your daughter has a temperature nursery is not the right place for her.

blueberryupsidedown Thu 11-Apr-13 11:09:22

I agree that she could have been nicer, but being nice sometimes stops you from getting your point across. If a child is ill and requires medications such as calpol, to manage pain or relief a temperature, then the baby shouldn't be in nursery. It's their policy.

insancerre Thu 11-Apr-13 18:10:32

I'm with the manager.
If a child needs calpol then they shouldn't really be in nursery.
Especially if their parents are not working.

I am confused why she needs calpol if she is "well in herself"

And yes, parents do lie and send in their children when they are ill, having dosed them up with calpol. Some of them even don't bother answering their phone when we ring to ask them to take their poorly child home.

Nursery is not the place for a poorly baby.

megsmouse Fri 12-Apr-13 01:03:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pancakeflipper Fri 12-Apr-13 01:12:54

Calorie is no good for a cough but it's used for pain ( ear aches etc) and temps which is why the nursery manager may have questioned you and thought your child not fit for nursery.

She shouldn't have been rude but she should question it.

Pancakeflipper Fri 12-Apr-13 01:13:24

Not calorie - Calpol.


SavoyCabbage Fri 12-Apr-13 01:13:44

I think you should get a new GP. Paracetamol for a cough?

And if you are at home and your dd is unwell, you could keep her at home with you to aid a speedy recovery.

Perhaps other parents giving you a warning about the manager had made you feel like she's a cow. When she might be perfectly ordinary. It sounds like you don't like or trust her to maybe you should find alternative care.

Chocoflump Fri 12-Apr-13 09:17:53

Agree with other posters that a 5 month old baby should be at home with its mother if the mother was going to be at home anyway!

wonkylegs Fri 12-Apr-13 09:27:34

Calpol is paracetamol it is not just used to reduce a temperature but to relieve pain. A persistent cough can be caused by lots of things and a child may be well in themselves yet find the persistent cough painful and irritating (in babies often this can hinder sleep & taking sustenance)
If the calpol is prescribed by a dr and comes with a prescription & directions for use I see no reason to jump down the OPs throat or to question her dr. (although she may confirm the necessity or course of action should she be concerned)
I have taken painrelief for the majority of my life on prescription - it does not mean that I am unwell and cannot go to work. It means I am in pain and need relief to get on with my day.
The nursery manager is right to 'politely' question as to whether the child is well enough to go to nursery but should also politely accept the reassurances that the dr has said it's ok and the calpol is prescribed.

wonkylegs Fri 12-Apr-13 09:28:26

Meant to say rudeness is not needed by anyone.

Chocoflump Fri 12-Apr-13 09:57:41

Wonky I think it's a bit different a grown adult going to work than a 5 month old baby going to nursery.

wonkylegs Fri 12-Apr-13 12:09:39

I know it's different but just because someone is taking medication be it baby child or adult does not mean that they are too sick to do something.
I was just using myself as an example. Rather than jump to conclusions on the Internet I'd rather leave it to the medical professional(GP) and mother to make that call.
As I said the nursery manager is perfectly right to question the health of the child (after all they will be in charge of their care and some parents do bow to the pressures of work over their kids illness, not always though choice I'm sure) but this should be done politely and once reassurance is given that GP says it's ok then this should be taken with good grace.
My DS since he was tiny has issues with his chest/lungs which can sound terrible but actually he is well within himself. Once he was checked out by GP, I felt quite happy for nursery to have him otherwise he would have never been there. Our nursery were fine with this and could always get hold of me if there was a problem (there never was).
For me the OPs post is about the attitude /tone of the nursery manager not whether or not the OP made the right decision.
Personally think the manager did the right thing but in the wrong way if that makes sense.

Lbabyx Fri 12-Apr-13 20:29:06

Thank you wonky. I came on here to get advice about how to deal with a rude nursery manager - not to get critiqued on my parenting skills. I put my child in nursery for two days to get her use to when I am back at work next week, a cough is not a reason to keep her off and would have distrupted her getting to know the routine of the nursery and the staff. The calpol was perscribed to help with the pain caused by coughing.

I'll remember not to use this site in the future. I thought we were all here to get help - not critisised.

Lbabyx Fri 12-Apr-13 20:31:56

And, like Wonky said, I never asked whether you would have put my daughter in nursery - I was asking about the nursery manager and her tone and rudeness toward me. Unless you know my daughter, you couldn't possibly say what would have been best for her.

I'm actually amazed that because parents are off work, people believe their child shouldn't enjoy nursery!?

dribbleface Fri 12-Apr-13 20:59:51

Wonkey - unfortunately whilst most some parents can be relied upon to be honest about what a GP said, in my experience this is not always the case. Lost count of the amount of times a parents has misled me over the health of their child. I too have to take time off work when my child is ill, I know its a pain.

Lbabyx - if the manager was rude there is no excuse, but she was right to question it. It is unusual for Calpol to be prescribed for a cough, but not unheard of. I suspect as you are just starting the rules are applied stringently until they know you are not the type of parent I have described. Once they know you/your child they may be able to use their discretion more.

ReetPetit Sat 13-Apr-13 10:13:23

I have never heard of Calpol being prescribed for a cough LBabyx - I think the manager was completely right to question it and to question whether your baby was well enough to be at nursery.

Your baby is 5 months old and I very much doubt she would 'enjoy' nursery if in so much pain from coughing that she needs pain relief. If you are off work imo the right thing to do would be to keep your very young child home until she has recovered but like I said, that is only my opinion I'm sure as you work in a school you will know that quite often parents will send their children in regardless of illness and I would hope you agree this is irresponsible, I think that is all anyone here was trying to say and that the manager is right to question you.

She shouldn't have been rude to you and if she was then you should raise it with her. But there is a difference between disagreeing with you (much the same as here on this thread) and being rude. Maybe you were misinterpreting her as you seem to have done slightly here?

lottieandmia Sat 13-Apr-13 10:21:59

I think the nursery manager was rude. YANBU. If I were you I would find another nursery - at my daughter's nursery they will give Calpol if you request it - they only send the child home if they have a temperature of 38 or above. The main rule is not to bring a child in who's had D and or V in the last 48 hours which is standard.

A child may require calpol but still be well enough to enjoy nursery - I think the manager was being awkward. The way I see it, if you don't like the person who is running the provision your child is in then it's really important to find another one. You are a paying customer after all.

ReetPetit Sat 13-Apr-13 10:43:30

all nurseries have different rules lottieandmia - same as childminders. This should all have been checked out before starting child there.

Imo, you shouldn't be moving a 5 month old child around at the slightest crossed word from someone. Sometimes you just have to deal with things and move on from them, not flounce off taking poor child in tow - who is apparently happy there and just settling!!

Obviously if the op is very unhappy with attitudes there/care of child etc then she should go elsewhere but I think she will find that most childcare providers have similiar policies.

Goodkingwalkingslass Sat 13-Apr-13 10:57:47

I'm actually amazed that because parents are off work, people believe their child shouldn't enjoy nursery!?

She's 5 months old! She's got a painful cough and would enjoy being with you not in the care of strangers I'm sure.

ReetPetit Sat 13-Apr-13 11:14:10

agree with Goodking!!

Theyoniwayisnorthwards Sat 13-Apr-13 11:23:14

A 5 month old is too young to 'enjoy' nursery.

lottieandmia Sat 13-Apr-13 13:16:43

It's not for any of you to judge whether the 5 month old should be at nursery - I would think her mother knows better than anyone on here how well she is.

And yes, all nurseries do have different rules. Which is why it's important to find one where you get on with the manager at the very least and where you are treated with respect just like anywhere you pay for a service.

In any case I think the OP has gone and I think it was out of order that people on this thread were judging her parenting. But then, on MN some people always like to have a go at the OP as a sport.

Sirzy Sat 13-Apr-13 14:10:36

The problem is lottie too many parents do send their child to nursery when they should be at home and that is how illnesses spread

poozlepants Sat 13-Apr-13 15:22:53

Get a new nursery. Your daughter is only very little and she won't know the difference. You however will have to put up with a rude nursery manager for the next 4 years.

Lbabyx Sat 13-Apr-13 23:59:19

Had nursery felt my child was unfit for being there they would have called me to collect her. I, as her mother, decided that she was fit for nursery and not uncomfortable, upset or poorly - simply had had a cough and was following doctors suggestions. Many people have said, working in a school or in a nursery, that parents send their child in when sick. In my experience, most parents keep children off for very minor reasons, fr example a Tummy ache or cough.

Now, I don't know about other babies but my child enjoys being around people, and being stimulated by toys. Hence why I felt nursery would be good for my child and why I said she ENJOYS it. Because YES she does.

I am not disagreeing with the nursery managers policies and I understand, as in the school I work in, that these must be upheld in order to protect all involved. However, as I have explained, she was extremely rude.

I have since spoken to the manager and he has apologised profusely and admitted that she was out of order. I also asked her if she agreed that my child was for for nursery and she said yes, to only keep her off for temperature or anything viral.

So, thank you to those who answered my question. And to those who didn't - but decided to make me feel like an unfit mother - I don't really know why you felt you had to judge me when I was already upset about leaving my child at nursery so young (needs/must) and after I was spoken to so rudely - I hope nobody on mum's net makes you feel that way in the future. I am going to disable my account and simply ask family and friends in the future.

insancerre Sun 14-Apr-13 11:41:39

What a fuss about nothing.
So everyone who disagrees with the op is in the wrong.

ReetPetit Sun 14-Apr-13 13:10:13

Flounce away op - you are simply throwing your toys out your pram because others have disagreed with you.

I stand by what i said. I feel the manager was right to question you and i feel you should maybe look for a new GP, rather than a new nursery hmm

Wishiwasanheiress Sun 14-Apr-13 13:13:46

Our nursery is fine with calpol. I'm rather surprised others aren't. The parent signs a form for it be given and says which time.

Calpol is available off NHS. As is teething gel. Honestly. Amazed me too but it's definately done, have seen prescriptions for it!

lottieandmia Sun 14-Apr-13 13:42:28

Our nursery will give antibiotics too, and this is a nursery that is very strict about safety and is rated outstanding by ofsted.

ReetPetit Sun 14-Apr-13 14:13:34

Most nurseries will give antibiotics after the first 48 hours, same as childminDer.
Calpol/pain relief is completely different.

lottieandmia Sun 14-Apr-13 21:07:10

Why is it different? Our nursery doesn't seem to have a problem with Calpol. Obviously if the child has a fever they are sent home immediately.

OpheliasWeepingWillow Sun 14-Apr-13 21:16:05

Bloody hell. It's CALPOL not morphine.

*backs away from thread

DuelingFanjo Sun 14-Apr-13 21:23:52

I think the OP is 'throwing her toys out of thepram' because so many of you made very transparent digs about how she parents and about putting a young child into nursery care when she was actually asking you something completely different.

As someone already said, calpol is more than just something to lower a temperature, isn't it?

I am sure there are some parents who decide they have to work when their children are under the weather but most parents are not try to sneak their sick children into the nursery when ill.

LynetteScavo Sun 14-Apr-13 21:25:38

Settling a child into nursery while you are off work is the perfect time....so I totally get why the OP would send her DC.

Calpol for cough and runny nose? Calpol reduces fever and relieves pain. So I can see why the manager might question the if a baby was well enough for nursery. However she should not be rude, and I would be looking for a different setting, as I wouldn't want to be dealing with such a person for the next 4.5 years.

Goodkingwalkingslass Sun 14-Apr-13 22:33:07

We didn't make digs about how she parents or about putting a young child into nursery care, none of our business IMO. I simply pointed out a poorly baby would enjoy time with mum more so than with strangers.

Goodkingwalkingslass Sun 14-Apr-13 22:34:09

We didn't make digs about how she parents or about putting a young child into nursery care, none of our business IMO. I simply pointed out a poorly baby would enjoy time with mum more so than with strangers.

ReetPetit Sun 14-Apr-13 22:40:26

lottieandmia = it is different. Antibiotics are prescribed to treat bacterical infections. A child can have a bacterial infection, which after 48 hours, nursery staff/childminder can carry on giving doses of antibiotics. Any reaction would normally happen in the first 48 hours when child is being cared for at home by parent and after the first 48 hours the hope is that the child is no longer infectious (assuming antibiotics were given for something infectious in first place...)

Calpol is a temperature reducer and a pain reliever. A child who is ill enough to require pain relief whilst in childcare should not be there! Also, how does the childcarer know what the calpol was origanally prescribed for? It could have been prescribed for high temp and parent then presents the next day with child, giving a completely different reason.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 14-Apr-13 22:49:58

It's your DD's third time at nursery and you've been warned about the manager before?

The manager made you feel like Calpol = poison?

What exactly did the manager say?

LynetteScavo Sun 14-Apr-13 23:02:21

Generally GP's don't prescribe Calpol they tell you to go and buy it yourself IME.

I'm guessing you asked for a prescription, so your DD would be given Calpol while at nursery.

DuelingFanjo Mon 15-Apr-13 10:18:43

is that the royal we?

ReetPetit Mon 15-Apr-13 14:00:40


drhw Wed 17-Apr-13 22:26:38

I think done nurseries can be very difficult about calpol being given. It took my dd to have a febrile convulsion at nursery for them to let her have a bottle there just in case.

LimitedEditionLady Fri 19-Apr-13 22:30:48

I understand exactly what this mummy is saying. Don't bad mouth this lady for taking her child to nursery, her child DID NOT have a temperature. The doctor obviously prescribed the calpol incase ther child got a temperature as with a runny nose and cough she could've developed more symptoms so they do that to one save the parent running out buying it last minute and also having to make more appointments. I'm sure that this lady knows calpol won't cure a runny nose and cough. It is perfectly fine to take a child to nursery with a cough and runny nose it's not a contagious disease it's a cold. They all get them most children are fine they carry on playing and eating so why can't they go to nursery? She didn't tell the nursery manager to give her the calpol and I'm sure the nursery have such a thing as a thermometer which they have to use to check the childs temperature before giving any and they also have to ring the parent before they give paracetamol so the nursery manager doesn't have to be rude to this lady at all. I take my son to nursery when he has a cold and the nursery agrees its best to fetch them in and give them a try at being there and if they are not ok they ring to collect them which I think is great because you could end up keeping them off for nothing,if you're working miss wages and unsettling their routines. If I book a day off work it's still my childs nursery day which I pay 52 weeks a year because thats how it works I still take him and he loves it so it annoys me to read "oh what is the baby doing at nursery if shes at home?" It doesn't make you an inferior parent to have a few hours to yourself, don't bash other people as parents when you know nothing about them.

AuntySammy Fri 26-Apr-13 00:53:36

Some parents have to work and need nursery places and/or other childcare for their child/children. They shouldn't be judged as everyones circumstances and needs are different. Nursery staff are only permitted to give medicine prescribed by a doctor and with written consent by parents. If a doctor prescribes calpol 9or any other medicine) then it has to be adminstered - then recorded on a medical form, however if it is not then they can't adminster it in accordance with Ofsted regualtions and the law. Policies vary on childhood illness - a cough or cold does not render a child to ill for nursery unless they feel miserable and generally really unwell. However, vomiting or diarrohea and other more serious infectious illnesses do, parents should always consider whether their child is well enough to attend nursery/school but generally with a cough they are well enough. For children with medical conditions such as asthma inhalers (or other medications) are adminstered when needed but parental consent is always needed before hand. However, this manager should not have been rude - parental wishes should come first, and she should have explained the nursery policy in a nice polite way.

Sirzy Fri 26-Apr-13 07:25:29

Parental wishes should not always come first at all. Some parents wish to send children into nursery knowing they are infectious. What a daft statement that is.

No nursery has to give calpol that is entirely up to their own policy as to what they will give and under what circumstances.

AlbertaCampion Fri 26-Apr-13 07:36:31

Wow: this thread is a magnet for the judgiest people on Mumsnet! Please don't flounce, OP: you had some bad luck here.

FWIW I sent my under-one to nursery with Calpol on a number of occasions, mostly due to painful teething. It was never questioned by nursery staff: I signed a form, and they gave it on an as-needed basis.

If a stroppy manager had questioned the need for it, I would have questioned if my child was in the right nursery.

insancerre Fri 26-Apr-13 07:40:43

Ofsted has defined what they mean by 'prescribed' and this doesn't just mean a written prescribed from a doctor. They define prescribed as any medicine recommended by a doctor, nurse or other medical practitioner.
But different nurseries will have their own policies.

DoYouWannaDance Fri 26-Apr-13 08:17:25

There seems to be some confusion here about what a cold actually is confused.

A cold is a contagious disease, it's a virus that is easily passed on to others.

Whilst a lot of us would send toddlers/pre schoolers to nursey with a cold due to work commitments, a baby can be much more poorly with the common cold, and in this case the mother was at home anyway. A relative of mine lost their 2 month old due to a very bad cold/medical negligence, and my own child almost choked to death on his own mucus as a baby due to a nasty cold.

I think the nursery manager was correct to question OP, she has dozens of other children to consider.

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