Should DD nearly 3 be expected to wipe herself & wash her hands unsupervised at nursery?

[mandymac]

My DD went up a room at her nursery at easter. She was only just potty trained. It seems that in this new room (most childen 3 to 3.5) the children are expected to visit the toilet by themselves, wipe themselves and wash their hands completely unsupervised (although the toilets are only maybe 3 metres from the room where the nursery class is). DD seems to be frequently sore by bedtime, which I assume is as she cannot properly wipe herself. In fact we have had to use nappy rash cream on her over the last week or so. Yesterday she came home with skid marks in her pants and a dirty bottom.

I am all for encouraging independance, but really not sure if she is ready for this and also pretty sure she won't do a through job of washing her hands either as she needs some help at home.
I have booked an appointment to discuss this and a few other concerns with the nursery manager, but just wanted to see if this was normal procedure. Can anyone advise if this seems normal for this age range 2.10 to 3.5?
Thanks

[tortoise]

My 3.10 yr old can't properly wipe her bottom and i don't expect her to. Even my 11yr old DS can't do it 100% properly.

So yes i think nursery are expecting too much of the little ones.

Never used a nursery so i have no idea if it is normal procedure. DD2's pre-school will wipe bottoms though.

[liath]

Dd has come back from nursery with a sore bottom, I think they are left to wipe themselves which isn't great IMO after a poo. She's 3 BTW. I haven't said anything to nursery as she's only there one day a week.

[edam]

Nope, seems ridiculous to me. Some 3yos may be particularly talented at bottom-wiping and hand-washing but I doubt many are. In fact plenty of the kids in reception at ds's school still need help.

[SlartyBartFast]

i spect she will learn to hold on to her poo

[micci25]

my dd is four now but even at home she would wipe her own bot and wash her hands then come down stinking of anti bac ahnd frashner and she has always done a good job, her nursery make them go alone too

[brimfull]

I think it's a bit much expecting them to do it all unsupervised.

My 5 yr old still needs help and I thank god he never poos in school.

As for the washing hands ,they really need supervision..think of all their little hands ,not cleaned properly after a poo,playing with all the toys...yuck.

I haven't used a nursery either but don't think it's acceptable.

[Brangelina]

My 2.10yo does both unsupervised, although I suspect she has help with the poo wiping as she is so far skid mark free. She has been wiping herself after a wee pretty soon after she was potty trained, at around 2.3yo.

Her nursery places a great emphasis on independence and I agree with it. It isn't forced, it's done in a play context, but they need to have gained some independence because at preschool (from 3 - 6yo) they are expected to have been potty trained and capable of carrying out simple tasks by themselves because of the higher pupil:teacher ratio.

[mandymac]

Thanks for the replies. I guess I wouldn't be bothered about it if it wasn't for the fact that she is getting sore. I will have a chat with the manager and she if she can suggest a solution ie: maybe middayish they can just give her a wipe with a wipe or something. She is getting to the stage where she wants to do everything herself, so I don't want to force a move backwards.

[FairyMum]

Wow. My boys were still in nappies until past 3 years. I know 4 year-olds still n nappies. So really think it depends on the child and when they are ready. Still have problems getting my 6 year-old wash his hands after toilet

[FairyMum]

Oh, and in our nursery they wipe bottoms and make sure the children wash their hands. Basically go along with what the child and parent would like.

[janx]

mandymac
I have exactly the same problem with my nursery and 3 year old. Coming home with sore bottom and then she told me that one little girl had been helping her wipe her bottom I brought it up with the staff but am still not convinced that she is supervised. She is a very independent girl and is pretty good at hand washing, but I think they should be supervised as it can spread bugs etc

[daisy26]

I have worked in nurseries and when they do go to the loo-sometimes at that age they do need help with the backend-( to put it polite)if there bottoms are getting sore they are obviously goin to still need a bit of help from the teachers, and they should be doin this. I look after a 4year old she still needs help wiping her bottom, as she can't always get it clean

[laura032004]

I would expect help with bottom wiping and supervision of hand washing at 3 and 4 years of age. I don't particularly want DS1 to start wiping his own bum as I'm sure then he'll stop letting me do it properly which would be a nightmare. He goes to school in September though, so I'd best rethink this over the holidays. Not sure he'll poo at school though, which will probably ease the problem.

[twentypence]

In the interests of every child and adult in the place not getting a virulent stomach bug, worms or worse I would suggest that they supervise hand washing.

Still wipe ds's bottom and he's at school. though obviously I don't go into school to do it.

[thegrowlygus]

Is there some health and safety thing? In that they aren't allowed to?

I suspect DS1 is left to his own devices leading to messy pants and a sore bot. (age 3.5)

[FrannyandZooey]

no most 3 year olds can't do a good enough job to do this unsupervised
however most can do a bodge job which enables the nursery staff not to have to deal with this

[belgo]

my four year old has been potty trained for more then two years and I still don't trust her to wipe properly or wash and dry her hands adequately.

[RubySlippers]

your DD shouldn't be left to do this herself

at DS's nursery children are taken to the toilet, supervised and helped if necessary with wiping and hand washing

i would absolutely raise it - sounds lazy IMO and it is clearly leading to problems for your DD in terms of nappy rash etc

[mandymac]

Thanks for the additional replies . Spoke to DDs nursery manager yesterday. She initially claimed that generally the children in DDs room should be supervised, and that if I have seen unsupervised children it must have been at busy end of day period . When I pointed out that if that was the case, why was dd getting sore etc, she then changed tack and said that they were waiting for a new member of staff to be police checked before being able to be left on her own with kids, so problem would be resolved then. I have just said that I will obviously be able to tell if things do improve by the improvement in DDs nethers.
Interestingly had a chat with a few other parents at one of dds friends birthday parties at the weekend and some of them have alreay mentioned they are not happy with the situation too. So if things don't improve over the next few weeks I will talk to them about a joint approach to the manager.

[PortAndLemon]

DS is in a class of 3.4-3.8 year olds and they are all still supervised. And in general the nursery puts a lot of emphasis on independence (e.g. they sort out their own plates and cutlery for meals and clean up after themselves when they've finished eating) so it's not that they are generally mollycoddled.

DS can wash his hands fine unsupervised but wouldn't be able to wipe thoroughly.