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Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum.

Nurseries

Settling in 1 Year old to nursery going badly - please help,,,,

13 replies

tichey · 09/10/2007 20:38

Hello,

This is the first time I am writing a message on mumsnet and I really need help and advice. Sorry this message is quite long..

I am settling in my DD to nursery as I have just started back at work three days a week.

She was one last week and she will be in nursery for only 1 day a week starting this Friday (her grandmother is looking after her the other two days).

For various reasons I have only been able to have two settling in sessions so far and have one more tomorrow.

Last week I left her alone for 30 minutes and she went for a walk in the park where she cried a bit but was bot too unhappy.

Today I left her for an hour (I was with her for an hour in the room beforehand) and she cried for the whole hour I was away, proper crying, completely inconsolabe and has been quite upset since we came home.

Having read some other messages, I am now really worried that given her age and the fact that she is only going once a week, she will find being in nursery really, really hard. I am really upset about it as feels that it is all my fault that she is so sad.

I can probably ask favours from grandmothers for the next few months to avoid her having to go to nursery on Fridays, but from March she will need to be going to nursery at least two days a week.

Should I just stick with it and hope that it gets better? Or should I take her out and put her back in nursery two days a week in March / April when she is a bit older?

If I do stick with it, is there anything I can do to make the settling in easier?

I am really worried that she will just spend months crying all day and that emotionally this will harm her in future. But if I leave it until she is a few months older, won't I just have the same problems all over again?

Please help / advise.

thank you

thank you

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ohmum · 09/10/2007 20:48

Poor you sounds grim for both of you. Have the nursery advised on how to atcke this - thye must come across this a lot? From my experience they do settle and it is worth percevering. Good luck.

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Marne · 09/10/2007 20:52

Stick with it, next time she might not cry at all, im sure as she gets used to the staff at nursery she will be fine, it must be hard getting used to people she does'nt know or trust.

Dd1 started nursery a month ago and still crys when i take her in but settles after 5 minutes.

Stick it out a bit longger and see how it goes.

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teejay · 09/10/2007 20:53

my ds did 1 1/2 days and settled well at beginning but then had times of not settling- he is now 4 and is fine. i think you need to persevere, ohmum is right - ask the nursery for advice. oh amd my ds had a teddy which he took with him which was a good comforter when he was a bit clingy. she'll benefit from the interaction with the other kids

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ShhHesSleeping · 09/10/2007 21:49

It might not help you to hear this but at DS's nursery they told me they don't take children for only 1 day a week because they find it harder to settle in. They say the first day back after a break (i.e the rest of the week) is always harder for them, but then the next day after that it gets easier. DS goes for 2 consecutive days and it certainly seems true that he is usually much happier on the second day.
Would it make any sense for you to put off nusery until you and she are ready to head straight in to 2 days a week? That way she might have more chance of getting to know the place and build her confidence up before the big 5 day break.
whatever you decide, good luck. it is so hard sending them off to nursery whenever and however you do it.

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tichey · 09/10/2007 21:50

Thank you so much for responses and advice so far. I did not think I would have some so quickly! : )

The nursery's advice is that I should leave her for one hour again tomorrow. They have also said that this happens a lot with babies and I should not worry, but it is so hard when she is crying so much....

DD does not have a comforter, but she does have a favourite teddy which I was going to give to the nursery to give to her for her nap taps. But maybe I should take it with me tomorrow so they can give it to her if she gets really upset again.

I will let you know how it all goes tomorrow. I will keep my fingers crossed but am feeling a bit better now that you all think I should carry on for a bit and that it will get better.

many thanks,

Armelle

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Marne · 10/10/2007 08:27

Fingers crossed for you today tichey.

Dh has just taken dd1 to nursery crying

Its horrible having to leeve them when they are crying, you just feel like picking them up and taking them home.

I have to get dh to take dd1 because if i take her we both end up crying.

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GColdtimer · 10/10/2007 08:36

I hope it went better today. It does take them a while to settle. DD never has her teddy at home, apart from naps but she always carries it into nursery with her so she can cuddle it when she needs to.

She also does just one day a week and it did take her a while to settle. She started going when she was one and now she is 18 months she practically runs into the room without giving me a backward glance so it will get better. So hard for me this morning as I am going away for 2 days and won't see her until Friday.

Could you do 2 mornings instead so she gets used to being left but not for the whole day? That might not be practical but could be a good solution if you could juggle it?

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tichey · 10/10/2007 20:59

Thanks to everyone for their advice.

It went much, much better today. Taking her teddy really helped as apparantly that calmed her down straight away when she saw it. She cried a bit but could be comforted, which is a huge improvement. She really cried when she saw me arrive though, even though she had been fine before hand (!!)

I am going to try to stick it out for a month or so and see what happens. One of her grandmothers has said she will pick her up early for the first month so that she will only be doing half a day to start off with so hopefully that will help too.

Thanks again.

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ohmum · 10/10/2007 22:03

I seem to remember our nursery were not keen for one day eith as it can take a bit longer to settle and suggested 2 half day sessions insetad (whihc we did for 6 mths) - this seemed to work for us - but they are all their own person!

Don;t worry about crtying whne thye see you - I used to peep in the windo and see all was well but as soon as my voice was head the tears started. Apparently this is a build up of emotion and a bit of an act of @i have had a miserabel time (whihc is not trye) so don;t think of leraving me again - og how smart they are!

Good luck

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teejay · 11/10/2007 09:02

and it really does get better- my ds just asked to go to nuresry early today - may have been because I said he could ride his bike but that's not the point.
I think the comforter (my nursery call him the transitional object) makes it easier- even when they are settled if they get tired or grumpy it calms them down

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mistlethrush · 11/10/2007 09:18

DS has been in nursery since 6 months (3 dpw) - now 3.5dpw at 2.6 - we didn't have the settling problems that you did, probably mainly because he was younger.

However, I can imagine that 1 dpw would be difficult as there is a long gap between - and I am sure that it will improve once you get settled even better to 2 dpw.

Re 1/2 days and early pick up - I'd talk to the nursery about this. Our lunch-time pick up is often the time when we have most problem as he tends not to have a nap - or has just been woken up from it - you may find a bit later on in the afternoon better, so that she's had time to do something fun in the afternoon is better - best thing to do is to find out what their routine is as the last thing you want to do is to be pulling her out if she is managing to have fun. And I am sure that she will be soon - don't give up, it will get better and you'll soon be like the rest of us whose dc push into nursery without a backward glance!

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tichey · 11/10/2007 19:12

Thanks everyone,

It will be really nice when the day comes that she loves going to nursery (although a bit sad too!!)

Mistlethrush - I agree about the pick up time on half days. Tomorrow her grandmother is going to pick her up just before the day time sleep and take her straight home and let her have a daytime nap. I just thought that 3 full hours on her first day would be enough. But the following three weeks she is going to pick her up after the lunchtime nap so that the careers have the opportunity to settle her. I hope it works!

Tomorrow is the first day so I hope it all goes OK. I will keep you posted.

best

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tichey · 12/10/2007 19:42

Hello,

It is me again. I thought I would update you all on DD's first day as you have all taken the trouble to give me lots of advice.

Baisically, it all went quite well. She didn't cry at all (!!!!) for the first hour and then just cried on and off for a bit. They even managed to get her to have a sleep - which I was not expecting at all -. She did not have any lunch though, but I am not really worried about that - she eats so much normally!!

Giving her her favourite teddy has really helped so thanks to everyone who suggested that - she was holding on to it for dear life when her grandmother came to collect her.

I am feeling so much better about nursery now. I know she is not yet happy there, but she is so happy to see me in the evenings and giggles lots. I am sure like you all say that soon she will be smiling and giggling at nursery too.

Have good weekends.