I'm unhappy about something I was told this morning, but not sure how best to address it

[Monkeybar]

My ds (2 years old) goes to a nursery where he seems very happy. Over the weekend there were two occasions where I told him off and he immediately said sorry, then took himself off to a corner and sat down facing away from me. Once he then started to cry and lay on his front (I started doing something interesting to get him to come to me, which he did, and stopped crying).
When I dropped him off at nursery this morning I asked one of the staff how they were disciplining him, because this behaviour seemed to have been learnt somewhere, and it wasn't at home! The bloke I spoke to said that they don;t use time out, but if he has need to tell ds off, he PICKS HIM UP to bring him to eye level!! I said that I go down to his level at home. I have been stewing on this all day and I am not happy about ds being picked up to be reprimanded, it just feels wrong. Am I being unreasonable if I raise my concern with the nursery, or is it a bit of an odd thing for a member of staff to be doing? I'm really not happy about it. Do I raise it with the bloke himself, or speak to the manager?

[fruitymum]

Speak to the manager ASAP. You pay them to take tender care of your LO. If you have any worries I would nip it in the bud and ask what the policy is on discipline and explain your concerns.

[lulumama]

if he picks him up to cuddle him, to talk to him, then that is differnt to holding him up and at arms length to reprimand him

[moljam]

id tell manager your concerns.i worked in preschool and dont understand why youd bring child to your level instead of going to theres.do they do this everytime they adress a child?id also mention the behaviour at home.

[PrettyCandles]

If you're not happy about it, speak to the manager. Is it the fact that he is being picked up that yo dislike, or that it is being doen for a reprimand? TBH it doesn't strike me as strange - I have seen people holding a child close while gently reprimanding them - but this is your child, and if you feel uneasy about something it's your right to clarify it.

[luckylady74]

i think a quick word with the manager - the man has tried to do what is thought to be a good technique and got confused - just say you'd prefer for someone to get to his level - not lift him to their adult level.

my 2 yr old sometimes flings himself on the sofa if i raise my voice, but he's never sat down like that - he doesn't go to nursery though where sitting down on the floor is requested.

[DANCESwithTheMorningOff]

I would NOT be happy with this at all, eye contact isn't supposed to be threatening but to ensure the child is paying attention, if they are being held up by an adult at the same time then I think they would feel threatened. I would speak to the manager, mention that you have already sadi to the the bloke that you get down to your ds's level and say that you would like that to be done at nursery by all staff and that you aren't happy about ds being picked up to be reprimanded, make the complaint quite general so it doesn't sound like you're getting at one member of staff.

[DANCESwithTheMorningOff]

OH and I DO hold dc's hands/arms if I need to make eye contact and they are trying to squirm out of it but a) I'm their mum and b) I'm not holding them up in front of me which is how what you said sounded.

[Monkeybar]

Thanks. It's not hte fact the he's being reprimanded - he's a little monkey and is testing boundaries right, left and centre at the moment. I just don't like the fact that this man is picking him up to do so. I would prefer them to get down to his level as for me, picking up (unless to sweep out of danger, of course!) is for comfort and security and this goes against that. Although to be fair, I don't know whether it's and arms length or a hold close, but if it's to try to get eye contact I assume it's arms length

[francagoestohollywood]

I'm with lulu. Nothing wrong with picking up a child and gently talk to him looking in his/her eyes, imo. I'd establish how this picking up has been done, to start with.

[francagoestohollywood]

Just read your last post, and I understand now.

[sugar34plum]

id be fuming its sounds likeit would be very frightening for a 2 yr old. poor little mite. def talk to manager and i would casually ask other parents at the nursery too.

[PrettyCandles]

I would consider arm's lenght holding to be completely unacceptable.

[sweetbean]

I agree if its at arms length then its not right at all!!!

I took my dd out of her nusery because she came home with the fraze"F"%king babies!!!"
She was 2yrs old at the time !!!!!

[browncat]

OMG sweetbean

[sweetbean]

I know what a shocker !!! still makes me so ANGRY just to tink of it

[Monkeybar]

I will clarify when I go and collect ds, and also pick up a nursery brochure so I can read what it says about discipline in their policy. I am completely a mouse when it comes to confrontation, as I have a fear of making things worse rather than better, so I think I will speak to the supervisor in the first instance (as she's supposed to be the one who oversees everything and will know who is picking up ds and in what way). I don't want ds to not be picked up and cuddled, just not picked up to be told off!

[1dilemma]

sweetbean that's so sad

[bubblepop]

monkeybar. you are right to have concerns, i would too most definately. speak to manager asap to get this sorted. it seems kind of aggressive somehow, to lift up a child, rather than bend down to meet them at their level. explain most clearly to them that you are not happy with it, no matter what they say, and make it clear you do not want it to happen again. time out at our nursery involves sitting next to a member of staff for a couple of minutes, or having a favurite toy removed, they don't do this sitting in the corner thing at our nursery.