Am i wrong to take dd out of Nursery?

[Marne]

I have posted about dd's problems with nursery before, i thought that she was just making a fuss and was fine after i had gone but today i picked her up at lunch time and she was at the door crying and waiting for me, all the others were outside playing, i asked a membeer of staff if dd had been ok and the told me she had been upset all morning, not joining in etc (felt like they did'nt realy care) This realy upset me.
I only need her to go once a week while im working (she has been going for 3 days/mornings)

I realy dont know where to go from here, do i take her out?

What other childcare options do i have, i cant aford not to go to work but i dont want dd to be this upset.

She seems to find it hard to mix with people, she has always hated being around females (not sure why), how can i help her get over her shyness?

Feeling realy , i would love her to bew happy and to play other children.

[wildwoman]

How old is she Marne?

[WigWamBam]

Is there a different nursery you could try? Maybe different staff, with a different approach to your dd, would be all she needs.

[Tanee58]

Would it be possible for you to stay in the class with her for a little while on days when you're not working, then gradually reduce the time? She may just be too young to adjust yet - some children are just more dependent on us for longer - do you have a friend who could have her?

[Tanee58]

And yes, maybe a different nursery would help - with more motherly staff & fewer children.

[Marne]

shes 3, she has'nt realy been around children her age and is used to older children. The nursery she goes to only has around 10-14 kids at a time and has 5 young girls working there.

[wildwoman]

I took my dd2 out of a nursery full of young girls becuase I just felt that they didn't actually give a damn about her.(not saying all young nursery nursea are like that of course) she goes somewhere now that has a loose policy of employing women with children of thier own. She's happy as larry now.

[OrmIrian]

Can you find a CM? Maybe one-to-one (or nearly) would suit her better?

[Jaynerae]

what about a childminder, she would get more one to one care and may feel a little less intimidated by all the other children and noise. I have used a nursery and a CM, DS was suited to the nursery but DD was more suited to a CM as she was shy, DS is incredibly outgoing. Might be worth meeting a local cm or two and see what you think. Many cm take mindees PT.

good luck, there is nothing worse than when a LO is unhappy.

[MaryP0p1]

Am I right in thinking she goes only once a week or 3 times.

I would say perhaps part of the problem might not be the nursery environment but the fact she not used to mixing with other children. Do you not have any friedns with children her age to help her mix better with children her own age.

Perhaps a childrenminder (smaller more homely environment) might be a better option for you?

[WigWamBam]

Maybe it's the young girls that are the problem. Perhaps she would feel more at home somewhere where there were older, more experienced staff. When dd was at nursery school it was the older staff who were better with the children - generally the younger ones, all trainee nursery nurses, didn't engage with the children as well.

[MaryP0p1]

I agree wildwoman, when I lived in the UK I found it a mightmare finding work in a nursery who would allow my son (then nursery age) to come with me. I also was quiet shocked at the judgemental attitudes of the pre kids staff. I wouldn't personally use a chain group of nurseries for that reason (mostly recently qualified younger staff with no parental experience).

[Marne]

Just spoke to Dh about getting a CM, im not realy sure how to find one in our area, maybe i should put an add in the loccal paper?

Im tempted to ask my brother as he is not working, Dd loves him and he is good with her.
Ive also got dd2 who is 1 but seems to be fine at nursery.

[MaryP0p1]

On behalf of the staff though when you have 15/20 kids in a group and one cries constantly every week its very difficult to listen to without it becoming quiet stressful (I realise it their job but no less stressful).

[OrmIrian]

The council should have a list of registered CMs.

[MaryP0p1]

Contact you under8's unit in the council they will give you a list.

[Marne]

She goes 3 times a week ATM,

I hav'nt got many friends with little ones, she mixes with my cousins twins but they are a year younger than her.

[MaryP0p1]

What about asking a couple of the children from school over on a playdate in your home?

[princessCROComel]

Hi, don't really have much new advice for you. Just wanted to post as you seemed sad. My dd is shy too and I dont know how she'll manage at pre school. Ds is so confident and outgoing. They are so different from each other.

You should be able to get a list of your local registered childminders online.

I agree that playdates help. You can go with her, or they come to you and that way she gets to see her friends and be with you while she gets used to them. And you can chat with the parents! Do you talk to any of the other parents?

Your brother sounds a good option too but that may not help her with mixing with other children.

[princessCROComel]

Or start a thread on here to find out if there any mumsnetters in your area? Maybe there are some with children your dds age. Where are you?

[LIZS]

Have a look here or speak to the early years dept at LEA. Is your brother registered as a CM as if he looks after her in his own home for any sort of reward he may have to be .

[Marne]

I dont realy see many parents at nursery as i drop dd off early and pick her up early (due to my working hours)

Im also shy so i find it hard to talk to other parents.

I take her to soft play where she often plays with others. She seems realy confident at home and is very bright. She gets upset if a stranger (female) comes to the house but if a man comes in she wraps herself around them.

[Pinchypants]

Marne, I know how hard it is to make the decision to put DD in nursery, let alone knowing she's not happy. Personally when we looked round a few nurseries I got a much better, warmer feeling from the one my DD is now at two days a week where they are older, nearly all mums, and the philosophy is that it's like a loving family atmosphere.

Perhaps you could have a look round a couple of others to see if they feel better to you.

If she has a prob with women at the moment, I don't know what to suggest, but maybe the consistency of a childminder, or someone who comes to your home to look after her, would mean that the woman in question wouldn't be a 'stranger' after a couple of weeks. Good luck in your search for a solution that makes DD and you a lot happier.

Pinchy xx

[MaryP0p1]

So a childminder might not work because of the fact they are mostly women!

Is she just 3 or moving onto 4? I ask because if's she nearly 4, school is not so far off and if born near an intake is likely to start school sooner rather than later. Perhaps you can stay for the other sessons you don't have to work, then you can assure yourself that they are caring for her appropriately. Try nip out here and there for 5 mins so she gets used to you coming and going. Play with the other children as well as her or even instead of her so she learns how to play with other children, if she hasn't had a lot of contact with children her own age perhaps shes a bit scared. Perhaps speak to the manager and with her come up with a plan which you would feel comfortable with.

[princessCROComel]

You can get male childminders but they are rarer I think.

I promised myself that I'd try and speak to all the mums at Nursery so I'd get to know them all. In fact I organise the nursery mums night out now!

Its easier though as we all collect at the same time. Could you collect her at normal time on the days you don't work??

[morningpaper]

Have you discussed it with her? What exactly does she say is the problem?