DS not settling, don't know what to do

[Klio]

Ds is 10 mo and has three half days and a full day at nursery. I started getting him used to going about three weeks before I went back to work, building up the visits gradually and he was fine, seemed to be really enjoying himself. However everything just seems to be falling apart since I started back at work four weeks ago. He is just really upset and doesn't like to be left buy himself. He will drink milk, nap (but usually no longer than 30 mins vs. minimum of an hour at home) and eats like a trooper but is just really miserable. I have had to collect him early on each of his full days so far because he has been so unsettled. Outside of nursery he is a happy, confident little boy who is content playing with himself and with other children. Also he is never extra clingy once I get him home from nursery and will happily go straight from his buggy to playing by himself whilst I get on with making tea, etc...

The crazy thing is nearly all my pathetic salary goes on the cost of his childcare so I am beginning to wonder whether he is just not ready at the moment and I should just give up work and be a SAHM until he is a bit older. Can anyone offer any help, I really am at my wits end

[steinermum]

You already know the answer to this one don't you? Unless you have a brilliant job that you couldn't live without and unless if you don't work now you'll never be able to go back and unless you would go insane as a SAHM...WHY are you putting him and yourself through this??

[JodieG1]

Agree with SM. Stay with him a while, they're only young once.

[Klio]

I do agree with you. I really enjoyed being on maternity leave and could happily be a SAHM. Both he and I are miserable at the moment and the stress and tension is having an effect on my relationship with dh.

[steinermum]

These days women put a lot of pressure on themselves to work and have children, but little kids don't always cooperate with our expectations of what we should be able to do with our lives. You CAN have it all, just not all at the same time. Do what makes your life better - then you'll all be happy. I know a lawyer who had a nanny employed ready for her to go back to work. She lasted half a day, had to pay the nanny off and is now a SAHM to three boys! Talk it over with DH. Does he want/need a working wife?

[Klio]

No we can manage with me being a SAHM. Not surprisingly I didn't really anticipate how motherhood was going to be when I was pregnant. I hate the thought of ds being unhappy as he is always such a cheerful little chap with us and I know dh isn't enjoying the situation either. I think it is just taking the step and acknowledging that what we had though was going to happen and what is happening are two different things. At the end of the day I do really enjoy my job, but I enjoy ds' company much more

[steinermum]

So if you, ds and dh are all unhappy and you can easily be a SAHM it sounds fairly straightforward. Is there anything holding you back? What job to you do?

[lupo]

be a sahm if you can..before you know it he would be at school..some little ones are just not cut out for nursery environment

[Klio]

Had a nightmare with internet and only just back online, Virgin grrr

SM I'm a photo archivist at the local library, used to ejoy it before ds but not all the petty council nonsense just makes me realise that there is far more to life. But in an exciting turn of events this week I have been offered a a few hours a week working as a youth worker and I can take ds with me to work, so things and i are so much more positive. I have got to do five weeks at my current job then I will have fufilled the critera so as I won't have to pay back any maternity pay and then I'm out of there. It is such a weight off my mind, especially as there is an article in the Telegraph today about the potentially damaging effect of nursery on young children.

[stressteddy]

Klio - I agree. If you can afford to and WANT to then stay at home. Also, don't beat yourself up too much about your ds and what he's going through - he is quite young to settle into nursery anyway imo