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Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum.

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum.

Nurseries

DD scratched. Am I being over sensitive?

22 replies

micegg · 02/03/2007 21:45

I am going to try and keep this as brief as possible. About 6 weeks ago my DD (16 months) was scratched on the face by another child. The cut was deep and bled and a red mark can still clearly be seen now. I would have expected the cut to have disappeared by now so I am worried my DD is scarred. The injury bled but we were only informed about it when we picked DD up. I am really upset with the nursery as not only did they tell us which child had done this but also told us the NN wasnt watching because she was doing something that should have been done when the kids were asleep! I am also upset with the parent as they have never even said a word to us about it and they must know what happened. I am considering speaking to the manager to ask what actions they have taken since this happened and to express my disappointment that the nursery have never spoken to us about this again despite the fact that my DD is still injured. I just feel like I should 'do' something but I am not sure I am rationale enough about it all. I ahve considered moving DD but she is happy there. I can accept kids scratch one another etc but this child must have had long nails to ahve inflicted this level of damage. I will stop now before I go into full rant mode.

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whyamisoweak · 02/03/2007 21:48

Try not to stress too much, am sure there will be no scar. Maybe the other parents are too embarassed to mention, I am sure it wasn't done maliciously- esp if the other kid was young like yours. If it was an 8 year old who did this then yes, hit the roof. but another toddler I'd just put it down to experience unless it happens again.

FrannyandZooey · 02/03/2007 21:54

I can understand your anxiety about your child being injured, but am not sure what you would like to happen now. It isn't necessary for the parents to apologise for their very young child's behaviour while in another person's care IMO. I expect the nursery feel the matter has been dealt with - what do you feel the point of them speaking to you again about it would be?

My own son has scratched himself badly enough to leave a scar twice. This is just during normal play, he was not self harming. He doesn't have particularly long nails.

micegg · 02/03/2007 21:56

I thought someone would say that. I am just finding it hard to be detached about it. Everytime I see that mark on her face I feel bad about it. I know it wasnt delibrate as the child is only a bit older than DD. I just cant help feeling that he shouldnt have had his nails long enough to cause that type of damage. My feeling towards the parents are not really the main issue. To be fair I can see its not their fault it is after all what kids do. I have only just found out that the nursery now check all the kids nails in the mornings since this happened. It would have been nice to have been told this by them. I really am getting too uptight about it all. Its just the maternal instinct coming out. Deep breath an count to ten ........

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pooka · 02/03/2007 22:21

I always actually found that after I cut my chidren's nails, they were more prone to scratching themselves (when they were little - accidentally). Think that the cutting made the nails sharper IYSWIM.

Is really really hard to be detached when it's your dd who has been injured, but accidents do happen. DS for example is absolutely covered in bruises on his head because his legs can't keep up with his brain and so he keeps tripping up. And one of the bruises came after he'd been with my (lovely) childminer - just one of this things. He was tired, fell over and whacked himself in the face with a toy.

I'm not sure what else the nursery can do to reassure you.

FrannyandZooey · 02/03/2007 22:25

I agree that freshly cut nails can cause more damage sometimes...

I think talking about it and working out what you feel about it will help you get it partly out of your system. It would upset anybody, and as you say is a natural, maternal, instinctive reaction.

micegg · 02/03/2007 22:27

i know. thanks to MN who have replied. I can see I am being over sensitive or to be precise, making a mountain out of a molehill. I just want to 'do' something about this but I guess the bottom line is that I feel guilty for not having been there when she was so upset and that dam mark is a constat reminder of it. The joys of motherhood.

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blodwen · 02/03/2007 22:28

It's and interesting point about the nursery checking all the nails in the morning. I wonder what do they do if a child's nails are too long, as they wouldn't be allowed to cut them ? Mittens?
Sorry to digress from the main issue here.

Aimsmum · 02/03/2007 22:29

Message withdrawn

booge · 02/03/2007 22:33

It's easy to be upset when your child is hurt but toddlers do push, scratch and bite and with the best will in the world it can happen in an instant even if you are being very alert.

tatt · 02/03/2007 22:35

accidents happen. Trying to wrap your child in cotton wool would damage them more than a scratch. I'm surprised they told you which child had done it and feel they were wrong to do so.

If you're really concerned about the mark ask your health visitor as there are dressings/ creams that might help it disappear faster.

hana · 02/03/2007 22:36

this reminds me that I have to cut my baby's nails when she wakes up !!

micegg · 02/03/2007 22:36

The nursery told me who it was. I dont think this was a good idea as now it all feels a bit awkward between me and parents of the other child. Also if I am being very honest (this is not good) I really have to stop myself from giving that child a swift sly nudge when I pick DD up - that is so bad!!

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lisad123 · 02/03/2007 22:37

we had the same a few months back, but Nursery told me that they could disclose the childs name but DD ran up telling me "Tyler did it" LOL got to love kids. I just put it down to one of those things, and it was deep and has left a scar. I figure one day my DD might hit, stratch or bite someone (not to date woo) and I would hate someone to make a big deal.
I would try and forget about it, so many bigger things to worry about in their little lifes
lisa

micegg · 02/03/2007 22:38

BTW I wasnt being serious about wanting to kick the other child! Just relaised that typing messages doesnt always convey how they were inteneded to sound IYKWIM. I

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themoon66 · 02/03/2007 22:43

It is horrible the first time this happens, I know. But try not to get stressed over a scratch. I wouldn't class a scratch as an 'injury'. I might have done at 16 weeks, like you, but honestly it's not in the scale of things.

My DS cut his head on a radiator at 1 year whilst toddling around at nursery. He broke two fingers from trapping them in the toilet door at pizza hut whilst chasing his sister into the ladies at age 2. He fractured his femur at age 3 chasing his sister around a crazy golf course in Mallorca.

A scratch is not an injury.

edam · 02/03/2007 22:44

Lisa's right, one day it will be your child who hits, bites or scratches another (or kicks, or pulls hair). I know it's upsetting but it's par for the course with a group of toddlers and at this age, they aren't doing it intentionally.

I'd be more worried about the nursery nurse being kept busy with stuff she shoudln't be doing or asked to do while the babies are awake, tbh (and they are still babies at this age, really).

wheresthehamster · 02/03/2007 22:45

Do you know for sure that the other parents were told?

Even if the nursery had mentioned it to them they may not have said who the child scratched.

Try not to be too hard on them!

Lazylou · 02/03/2007 22:47

The nursery should not have told you which child was responsible for precisely this reason. They are in breach of the confidentiality policy and that would worry me.

As far as your DD's injury, I know it isn't nice when it happens, but these things do happen. If you know for definite the NN was not watching the children and doing something at an inappropriate time, I would bring it to the attention of the manager.

hana · 02/03/2007 22:49

agree with lisa and edam here - Not so many years ago it was dd1 who was the one getting bitten/shoved/hit ( whether accidently or whatever) but now dd2 seems to be the one doing to others and I'm rather shocked to be on the other side of it.

lisad123 · 02/03/2007 23:04

I would def try and speak to nursery nurse or manager about why she wasn't watching. And as someone said they parents of the other child might not know who their child hurt.
My DD was bitten in the head when she was 6 months old by a friends little girl who was one years old. The little girl hurts quite a few of our little friends, which is a shame, but its just one of these things!

Lisa

Busybean · 04/03/2007 01:14

Im supirised nursery disclosed that info to you. At ours, they wont say wgo did what to another child, but ds1 always says ......but me ......puched me etc etc
lol bless them

Busybean · 04/03/2007 01:15

*bit

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