Putting 3 year old full time - :(

(17 Posts)
MyMorningHasBroken Tue 04-Oct-16 20:50:12

Hi, I have three children and have spent the last 7 years raising them. I was recently separated (h always worked and I stayed home to look after them).
I've done bits and pieces here and there but no full time or long term work.
Things have changed, I'm now separated and need to get back to work. My youngest will be 3 next month and has spent 2 full days (9-3.30) in nursery each week until now.
He is happy there and always smiling and happy to see me when he comes out. I am also very happy with the nursery and the staff.
However, now I will have to put him in from 8- 5 pm on 3 days and 8- 3 pm on 2 days. Does this seem a lot?
I know lots of other parents do but can't help feeling guilty.

crayfish Tue 04-Oct-16 21:10:48

My DS is in full time nursery (more hours than yours) and he's only one.

It's not ideal but you have to do what you have to do. Staying at home is a luxury that most people can't afford and I know lots of babies and young children who do fine in full- time nursery.

MyMorningHasBroken Tue 04-Oct-16 21:15:52

Thanks Cray, guess you'd always feel guilty whenever it happens. Right though, it's just not affordable now days. I never claimed benefits before I separated a year ago but they sure are trying to get me working and I'd rather be working tbh than stay on it.

badg3r Tue 04-Oct-16 21:25:31

Sorry you are having a shit time op. You will get plenty of better advice I'm sure but to add my two cents, DS has been in nursery 9-6 five days a week since he was ten months old and it is absolutely fine. Your DC not going is not an option at the moment and they enjoy it. Don't beat yourself up about it, it is what it is and you are doing the best by your kids.

R3ALLY Tue 04-Oct-16 21:27:30

Do what you have to do to get by, best of luck with the job. You'll look forward to weekends and spending lots of time with them then!

MyMorningHasBroken Tue 04-Oct-16 21:58:32

Thanks Badg, I was offered the job today after interview so really happy about that. (gloat!!) Just bugs me a bit about ds but I could spend forever trying to get the perfect job with the perfect hours.
Yes R3ally, I think I will. Hopefully more 'quality' time too. Thanks for making me feel a bit better! flowers

conscientioussuicidee Tue 04-Oct-16 22:05:48

He will be ok. He will be tired at first but will adjust.

My first was full time (as in 7.30 to 5 every day) at nursery. Comparatively I'd be happy with hours you are saying but I know why it's hard - more guilt on top of separation guilt (maybe- I am in the same boat as you right now youngest is a year older tho which helps)

He will be happy getting a routine and having fun with others and will adjust. I'm sure you've got so much on your plate try and give yourself a break on this one.

Few- my eldest who was always FT at nursery bar the last 9 months (I was on mat leave so she did 3 days) is now nearly 8 and doing great. No ill effects. In fact starting school was a doddle for her after nursery days!

Post as you need to xx

badg3r Tue 04-Oct-16 22:23:41

Congratulations on the job!

Namechanger2015 Tue 04-Oct-16 22:38:20

My three all started full time nursery from age 9 months (8-6) as I had no choice regarding work.

They are now 9, 7 and 4, they barely remember nursery but are very confident girls not at all clingy and are quite independent. Extremely loving though, I am also a single mum and I don't feel that nursery affected our bonding in anyway whatsoever.

However I still feel guilty about it, God knows why as no one else really cares or suffered for it.

Good luck with it, your DS will be fine and sometimes you just have to do whatever is best for your family overall.

MyMorningHasBroken Tue 04-Oct-16 23:05:49

Thank you all. Yes, I think the separation guilt also plays a part conscientious. Luckily, they are all fairly independent though and not really clingy kids which helps. Also the longer I stay out of work the harder it will become. I'm very aware of this. (self justification!! [grin)

Popskipiekin Mon 10-Oct-16 14:09:39

Don't feel guilty OP. It's great you've found a job, and there's a couple of shorter days thrown in there. As pp have said, he will be quite tired to begin with but I'm sure he will quickly adjust. Like many, our DS (2) has been full time 7.30-6 since 10 months and is thriving, he absolutely loves it and rushes in each morning. I comfort myself with the fact that they do way more with him than I would have the energy to do. I think he is also fed a far more varied diet there than at home (pasta and pesto again, anyone??) and being around other children and all the exciting toys they have I think is so stimulating and fun for him. Be kind to yourself. It's the only option right now so don't overthink.

ShowMeTheElf Mon 10-Oct-16 14:11:47

Both of mine were full time at nursery. They had a wonderful time and I was able to earn enough to support us with occasional treats. Have no regrets OP.

Threebedsemii Mon 10-Oct-16 14:12:11

Well done on getting a job offer Op that's amazing after so long out of work!

My children also went FT (8-6) at 9/10 months and are fine. Nursery is great fun. Your hours sound ideal

And thanks name
Changer for your post as you've made me feel much better about mine being in- I hardly speak to anyone with children in FT nursery

MyMorningHasBroken Mon 10-Oct-16 14:30:43

Thank you. I don't feel too bad now! I had a chat with his nursery teacher about it and she made me feel better too!!
Now just stressing where all the fees are going to come from ARG! sad
Pop, about the meals, My daughters will be going to a childminder after school and having tea there and he will have his meal at nursery. Mum's food is so boring and I swear they eat much more at other people's places!!
I also think it's important to teach them that people have to work. Their dad has always worked and has a good job but now that we are separated I feel I need to instill this in them too. Does this make sense?

MyMorningHasBroken Mon 10-Oct-16 14:31:31

Thank you Three, Frankly I am pretty shocked myself smile

HyacinthFuckit Sun 16-Oct-16 08:56:44

There are several areas of the country where 3 year olds who are turning 4 this academic year will routinely be offered a full time school nursery place. I know the hours are a bit shorter, but if you lived in eg Salford or the City of Manchester, it would hardly even be remarked on.

Disappointednomore Sun 16-Oct-16 09:13:48

I always said to my DD - everyone has to do something- work, nursery or school. I thought it would instil a good work ethic. She's 6 now and a dreadful lazybones but I don't think it was the full time nursery that did it! Congratulations on the job I have a similar working week to you and the two early finishes definitely help with the work life balance. A bit off topic but several men have commented on my being "lucky" that I get to finish early and that they wish they could spend more time with their kids. I point out that I negotiated it, took the corresponding pay cut and they could do the same. There's always a reason they "can't" though hmm

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