Has anybody switched from nursery to a childminder?

[NotThatGirl]

Regular MN er but have named changed in case I out myself.

DS has been in the same nursery since he was 11 months old (he’s now 3.6). We went for a nursery over a childminder because he was a very active baby, always needed lots of stimulation, and loved other children, so we felt a busy nursery would suit him. He loved going and we had no issues (aside from a short biting phase when he was about 18MO – his key worker at the time was fantastic and it was sorted very quickly).

However, since moving up to the Preschool room in January things have gone dramatically down hill. Unfortunately we have had a lot of stressful events at home (death of family pet, then me being very ill with hyperemisis, death of DS’ grandma and the imminent arrival of DC2). DS’ behaviour is awful, biting, hitting, throwing and even spitting. He’s not keen to go to nursery (although we never have tears or anything, he’s just happier not to go).

I have suspicions that the staff are playing down some of the problems. On occasion I have gone to pick up DS and been crowded with 3 or 4 other children all clamouring to tell me about how DS has hit them / kicked them etc whilst DS clung to me, before a staff member shooed them all away. More often than not the staff just say DS has had a “thumbs down” day if there have been problems. Unfortunately as I pick up at lunch time, the staff are usually quite busy and often don’t have time to have a chat.

I'm also expecting DC2, who will need to go into childcare in May 2017. We have applied for this nursery but they are dragging their heels over if they can offer the hours we need. DS will start school in September 2017 – almost certainly the primary school that the nursery is attached to.
I can’t decide whether to start looking around for a childminder for both children, or persevere with the nursery. On the one hand I think the nursery prepares the children for school really well, the links between nursery and school are fantastic, and in most ways they've been great. On the other I'm worried that DS will keep “burning bridges” with the other children and end up starting school with a group of children who already don’t like him. About half of the 30 children that will go to this school usually come from the nursery.

I'm starting to get a vibe from some of the other parents, so I suspect their children are telling them about DS. I've also noticed piles of party invitations on a few occasions but never one for my DS. On two occasions his key worker has said “hang on, we've got invitations here” then flicked through the pile, not found one for DS and muttered that she thought everybody had one. So he’s clearly not building good relationships with the other children.

If I move him to a childminder now, will it make starting school harder? Or will it give him a chance to have a fresh start?

Also – to note- I never went to nursery as a child and really, really struggled to adjust to school, so am quite possibly projecting somewhat!

and for anybody that managed to get this far!!

[NotThatGirl]

[HSMMaCM]

I would ask for a meeting with his key worker. Ask them to be completely honest about his relationships with the other children and how they are managing it.

Does the school have more than one form intake? If so, maybe you could ask for him to be separate from the children he currently has a bad relationship with?

In the meantime, you could visit a few local childminders, who maybe able to take your other DC too and do schools runs for you if you need them.

See how you feel after all this. If his key worker sounds completely on the case and knows him well, then I might be reluctant to move him.

[HSMMaCM]

Oh ... And people do move from nursery to childminder as several of my mindees previously attended nurseries.