Nursery mixed messages

(5 Posts)
MusicMum18 Tue 10-May-16 15:18:20

Hi,
I am probably overreacting but...
My 1 year old has just started nursery, it's her 3rd week, she's in for 2.5 days as I'm working part time.
As for all mums, leaving her there was soooo hard, there were tears, hers and mine, although I did my crying on the way to work not in front of her!
Every time I picked her up or rang for a check up, I have been told "yes she's absolutely fine". There have been days when I've seen her face when ive picked her up and she looks like a little orphan child, bags under eyes from exhaustion etc. She is getting bits of sleep but not much!
Then I spoke to her key worker for the first time today, she's just been allocated one today, who said that she likes to be honest with parents, and she said that yes my Dd has been crying. I panicked and as,ed how much and she said she had been crying for me well more shouty crying. This has made me really upset as I know she's teething at the moment so will be in pain.
I am feeling guilty that I have to work, I'm used to being at work now and am enjoying it but I'm worried about Dd.
It is a brilliant nursery so I trust them as much as I would do any stranger to take care of Dd, plus it's a farm which she loves, when she's not crying.
The feeding lady at hospital said that separation between mum and the baby too soon can damage babys brain and emotional intelligence. Surely this is nonsense.

The nursery staff are lovely but I don't know who I can trust. I don't know if I'd rather know or not know if she's upset, I can't do anything about it after all! The key worker also said she's getting used to things and does settle by being distracted.

I suppose I'm looking for reassurance as I'm feeling guilty for leaving her. Especially because of the mixed messages from nursery!

Billyray23 Wed 11-May-16 22:08:49

It's really hard leaving your little one. As a nursery practitioners if they say she has been fine, that doesn't mean she has never cried but it mean they have been able to settle her quickly.
If they say she has been a bit teary/ crying it usual means they have had trouble settling her either teething/ maybe coming down with some thing.

It's really hard leaving your baby with strangers but remember most nursery workers do this job because they love children and your baby will get used to them in a few weeks you will wonder what you were worried about.

crocodarl Wed 11-May-16 22:27:29

Hi, I hope you both feel better today. For what its worth, I think most parents experience something along the lines of what you're describing. Except for the ones who feel rejected because their children DON'T cry or appear to miss them from day 1!

I have 2 kids, now aged 4 & 2. They both started nursery at 1 year old. Older one was crying and exhausted all the time for the 1st few weeks. Then he settled, but went on crying at drop off for about 2 months (even though he was fine as soon as I'd gone) and then he just stopped crying from one day to the next and ever since he's seemed to enjoy going.

Similar story with 2nd child, except he already knew the building and the teachers from going there to drop off his brother, so he settled in a lot quicker.

I have spent a lot of time questioning whether I was right to send them so young, but now that they are both settled and enjoying it it feels like its best for everyone. So my advice is stay strong, you'll both get there eventually - if you feel good about the place and the staff it's all good. We can't keep them beside us forever (unfortunately!) and loving them to the full is, in my opinion, all one long process of slowing letting them go...

Hope this helps! X

BeckyWithTheMediocreHair Thu 12-May-16 22:37:20

The feeding lady at hospital said that separation between mum and the baby too soon can damage babys brain and emotional intelligence. Surely this is nonsense.

It's not nonsense - you can read up on attachment theory - but she was talking about very tiny babies and their need to attach to a primary caregiver, not one-year-olds!

I started to leave DD at a similar age and found it really, really tough. I used to drive to work mentally composing my resignation letter because I couldn't see how things could possibly improve. They did, but it took time, and it was hard. flowers

MusicMum18 Fri 13-May-16 08:26:17

Thanks so much everyone for your support, it is sooo hard leaving them. I never used to be this emotional about things before Dd came along...what do these babies do to ussmile

What seems to be happening is that she's with me fri/sat/sun/mon then in nursery tues am, weds Thursday. So it seems she gets used to being at home over the 4 days then has a hard time tues morning settling back in.
On the plus side she strains to get out of the car seat when she gets there because she wants to see the sheep! And they are very good, the seem on the ball with things.

Just feel guilty about having to leave her so little. But I agree with crocodile we can't keep them next to us forever. I wish I could though, that way I'd know she'll always be safe, it's so hard trusting others that don't care as much!

Thanks also for putting my mind at rest about the attachment thing. Me and Dd have been inseparable till now so hopefully like you say that won't be an issue for her at the age of 1

Thanks for all your support, we'll keep plugging away!

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