Is this normal?

(7 Posts)
Freezingwinter Tue 09-Feb-16 14:59:31

I'm back at work next week, two days a week, Tuesday's and Friday's. My little boy is 12 months old and has had two settling in days at nursery, an hour with me and an hour without. At the end of the hour he was upset and so glad to see me, it broke my heart. Yesterday he went for 4.5 hours, my husband called a couple of times, they said he was upset but distracted by toys, and he couldn't hear him crying in the background (speaking directly to the room) when we went to pick him up I couldn't hear him crying but as I opened the door and before he saw me he started to cry, and again was so pleased to see me. I put him down just to get his coat on and he sobbed. He has another day this week and I'm terrified. Today he's been clingy, crying when I'm out of sight, more jumpy and scaring easier than normal (dog barking at postie etc) now at the back of my mind I'm imagining horrors not helped by a mum at playgroup asking me if I'd seen the YouTube video of babies being abused at daycare blushsad I feel like the worst mum in the world but have no choice at all but to return to work, and this nursery has a really good rep within the area and the staff aeem really nice. Am I being a silly overprotective hormonal first time mum? Did anyone else have these (probably irrational) fears? And is this behavioue from my lb normal and a phase that will pass?

Freezingwinter Tue 09-Feb-16 15:04:18

Sorry for spelling, on my phone. Wanted to add they reported he cried on and off but stopped by himself when he saw toys etc. they said they've seen it before and normally have more tears than they did off him on a first day, and they don't think it will take him long to settle. dh says I'm being silly, they could have reported that he was fine and not told us about any crying but obviously they did. When we picked him up it was unannounced and there was a worker sitting on the floor playing with him and another Boy of the same age. On Tuesday's there's only four babies in his group, all similar age. Not sure on Fridays yet.

wonkylegs Tue 09-Feb-16 15:10:40

It's a while since DS went to nursery but I still remember how heart wrenching it was at first. I soon found he would bawl when he could see me but at the nursery there was a little window where I could see him and he couldn't see me and within minutes of not being able to see me he soon wasn't bothered and was more interested in breakfast or toys. It quickly became difficult to extract him at the end of the day (he didn't want to leave the toys) but we still sometimes got crying in the morning.
You do need to give it a bit of time, it's a big change and it takes a while to adjust. I think it's harder when it's only a few days too as the routine takes longer to establish, DS settled quicker but he was FT.

Freezingwinter Tue 09-Feb-16 15:35:13

Thanks for the reply. Yes, I think it's probably harder for him to settle as its only two days! And I suppose it was only his third time there. Today's been a nightmare. He wouldn't even be put down in the park which he normally loves without sobbing. Does that sound normal? Is this part of the settling phase? I should probably add I haven't left him since he was born blush

icklekid Tue 09-Feb-16 15:39:08

It's probably separation anxiety especially after a year of not being left at all. My ds would cry at drop off and when he saw me for a few weeks (3 days a week) but as long as he was eating, napping and happy most of the time in between I was fine with that. He now runs up to childminders and loves it

Freezingwinter Tue 09-Feb-16 15:42:24

Yes, I think I have a bit of separation anxiety too blush he did eat and drink, and was fine with nappy changes, I guess I'm having a hard time trusting the nursery staff as well.. No reflection on the nursery just I feel it's hard anyway.

CinnamonBunYou Tue 09-Feb-16 16:05:16

I would say it was normal in the first few months. My two year old DD has been going since she was 9 months and she cried and carried on when I was leaving for months. She still cries sometimes when I drop her off and clings to me but most days she is fine. I feel guilty for leaving her but like you, I have no other option.
She always cries when I pick her up though and clings to me until bedtime. At home she panics if I even stand up and she runs to me and clings onto my clothes but I think she is on the extreme end of separation anxiety! Most babies go through it and get over it but mine hasn't yet hmm

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