Shall I change nursery or am I being dramatic!

[Sashie1]

Hi all, I've joined mumsnet because I want to hear what some others think about my little story.
So my daughter who's two and a half has been going to this nursery since March and I've been having a few issues with the staff or maybe I'm being dramatic. I haven't brought it to their attention because I don't want them to take it out on my girl when I'm not around and I'm not sure if I'm just over thinking it.
After the settling in stage I wasn't given any leaflet or instructions for what I need to bring in for her other than being told to bring a rain suit and boots for outside play. So obviously i put the normal things in her bag. A few weeks after her starting the staff seemed very upset that I didn't know I had to bring in sheets for her to sleep on and said I was told to bring it in (all with a shitty attitude) but no one told me.
When she first started I was only going to put her in for two afternoons but manager gave me a few good points that it would be nice for my girl to spend the whole day there and they would be more flexible if I had to swap a day for whatever reason. So she's there two whole days a week whilst I go to work. Putting their flexibility to the test I asked to swap a day as I had been asked to work a different day. They allowed it but then sent me an email saying I should not change her days because the staff cannot plan her day effectively, I understand they have to plan but I'm still a bit pissed they gave me different information at first and then were shitty when I did what they said I could.
(Hats off to you if you're still with me)
So my girl comes home and is excited to tell me about one of friends in nursery she always plays with. When I was dropping her in for the day I was speaking to one of the staff and the little girl my daughter says is her friend walked past with her dad I said to the staff that my daughter really likes that girl and she seems really sweet. The staff said (I quote) " well you don't have to look after her all day". I was pretty much gobsmacked and didn't even respond to this. I understand staff have their opinions but I thought why would you slag off peoples children to me! This member of staff has actually left now, she was my girls key person too.
So yesterday, I was asked to fill out one of them forms about anything new happening in my daughters home life and new events coming etc. So I was writing that my girl has begun using the toilet more independently and told the staff as I was writing. The staff member pretty much barked "why didn't you tell us?, how long has she been doing this?" I was a bit surprised but laughed it off and said she's been doing it for a few weeks she's been using the toilet all day when at home and around people she's close, I put her in nappies when we're out or when she's having fun so there's no accidents and she tells me when she wants to go to the toilet anyway or uses her nappy. The staff carried on shouting you should have told us if she had a wee or poo accident we would change her what do you think we do all day? I got three of my own kids I think I know what to do. Again I laughed it off and said well I wished I had a manual that tells me how to be a good mum. She carried on to say your confusing her, poor girl etc. I could feel my blood boiling and just ended up saying you know what I'm used to family or close friends looking after my girl as a favour when I go to work and try to put as little pressure on them as possible and I've had the same attitude with her coming to nursery because sometimes I forget I actually pay you. She shut up after that. I suppose I should have told them sooner but I was hoping that my girl would be comfortable enough with them to tell them she wants a wee on the toilet since she does with everyone else she trusts. At the same time I didn't expect that response. I pretty much feel like shit and feel I've been judged at my parenting skills. To top it off the nursery manager was in the room and I could see she felt awkward but even made a few comments herself.
I've noticed that a couple staff have left and in my girls class there's different staff than usual, now my girls begun crying whenever I leave her there but then again lately she has become more clingy.

Anyway, am I being dramatic? I'm not the perfect mum I bring my girl in late sometimes when I'm not at work since I like to have a lazy morning with her, a few times I showed up half way through lunch. I understand that's irritating for the staff so maybe they are a bit pissed at me from that?
I was thinking about changing nursery but then feel bad as my girl has her mates there now and seems settled.
Any thoughts? Sorry for the babbling lol.

[CloserToFiftyThanTwenty]

Lots of what you say doesn't reflect well on the nursery, but are you sure that nursery care is right for you and DD? It can be really disruptive if you drop off and pick up at random times, and you should really be discussing major things like toilet training with them so that you are working together.

Maybe a childminder might be a better fit?

[Sashie1]

Thanks for the quick reply,
I like my girl going to nursery because she loves being with the other children she's very sociable and makes friends easily and I feel if I take her out she would miss the friends she made and unsettle her. I'm a bit upset that I feel like I can't speak to the staff comfortably, there seems to be a bitchy culture amongst them. On the flip side I think they look after my girl well and she seems happy and tells me all about her day at home. You're also right I am a bit naughty at taking her in later than usual when I'm not at work, I like to have them mornings nice and peaceful (ish) and get ready to go without rushing around like a mad man.
I should have spoken to them about toilet training. Pretty bummed I didn't sooner, but I am shocked at the response I got when I did though.
I have thought about a childminder, but I don't know where to start, I like recommendations from close friends and family and haven't had any for child minders yet. I will defo look into it as it would be nice for my girl to have stability with who looks after her since the nursery seems to have staff leaving (i think 3 have left since she started) and for me to have a healthier relationship with someone who's caring for my child. Only bad side is she won't get to keep close to her friends she always talks about.
Thanks for the advice

[TiggyCharlotteElizabethDianaD]

Shit nursery. Leave.

Very unprofessional, and if they're like that to your face what are they like the rest of the time?

Childminder or just a good nursery?

[wizzler]

You are obviously uneasy, and I would trust your instincts . My DC were both in nursery for 4 years, and I never experienced the sort of attitude you describe. I think it is really important for your sanity that you have 100% confidence in the people you have left your daughter with.. and that doesnt seem to be the case here.

[lordStrange]

Horrible. Absolutely don't use that nursery. If they are like this around parents god knows how they are with the kids?

[Justusemyname]

If she's criticising another child to you she could be doing the same about your child to another parent.

[Lausarama]

I wouldnt be at all happy in your shoes. Sounds dreadful. And I'm a firm believer that if you're not comfortable for whatever reason that's a good enough reason to change. You have to feel confident with your childcare choice or you'll be stressed about it at work.

[KaputKiss]

I would ask at a local primary school or children's centre for a list of childminders in your area. Childminders often look after a few children at a time so your dd would still mix with others, attend groups etc.
With regards to the toilet training, you should have discussed this with the nursery so they could continue what you have started. The nursery worker was right that you probably are confusing your dd by switching between nappies and pants.
I recommend you look around at different nurseries (ones attached to children's centres are often very good) and childminders to help you to make the decision of whether to move your dd or not.

[pasbeaucoupdegendarme]

They sound shocking and massively unprofessional.

I also drop my daughter late at nursery sometimes if I'm not working til later and they just deal with it. I pay for her place all day (and it's a flipping fortune!!) and no one has ever said she has to be there at specific times. It's not formal education.

I also use a fabulous childminder but she is less flexible on a day to day basis and I think this is understandable as she takes the children out to activities and it would be a nightmare if she had mums dropping off left, right and centre...

[redcaryellowcar]

Is move her if I were you, I moved ds out of a nursery simply because he wasn't happy, he's now at a lovely place, actually cheaper and he loves it!

[Permanentlyexhausted]

If you aren't happy with where she is you should move her. You need to feel comfortable about where you are leaving her.

Some of the things you've said don't sound good (mostly their attitude to you), but I think you are overthinking quite a lot of it. For example, I personally wouldn't read much into the comment " well you don't have to look after her all day". It's just a way of pointing out that even the sweetest of children can have their moments, although maybe not the best idea to say it to another parent. It's hardly 'slagging off' though, is it.

As I said, I would be more worried by their attitude to you, although I do wonder if you are maybe a little oversensitive. You describe the staff as shouting at you over the nappy/toilet issue - do you really mean that several members of staff raised their voices at you or was it that one or two members of staff spoke slightly sharply to you? Perhaps they were feeling frustrated because they feel they haven't been able to help your daughter as well as they could have with the toilet training because you hadn't told them. Do you phone in to let them know when you're having a lazy morning? If not that probably is extremely irritating as it may affect how they manage their ratios.

Try to be a bit more assertive when you feel the staff are criticising you. If they are suggesting you should know something that you don't think you've been told (e.g. the sheets), say "Oh I must have missed that. Where would I have found that information?"

Remember also that information and communication are key when it comes to childcare. It is your responsibility to make sure you tell your childcare provider everything that is relevant (especially developmental milestones) so they can look after your child appropriately.

[verbeier]

I would move my child in a heartbeat. I think it very inappropriate to talk about other children in a setting like that! They seem very very disrespectful (you are paying for a service) and inflexible. I would worry that they might be just as rigid with the children.

[Pico2]

It doesn't sound very good. The only thing I think you could improve in your behaviour is not dropping your DD off during a meal - presumably they have lunch at the same time everyday.

I'd look at moving nursery. We moved DD when she was 2.5 and having been used to going to a nursery, she settled really easily. I'm really pleased we moved her, it turned out to be the best thing for her.

[Nolim]

I agree that you should have let them know about going to the toilet since they need to be in the same page.

But everything else doesnt sound good. You say that you havent brought these issues with the nursery since you dont want them to take it out on them. Do you think that is a real possibility? You should have to be able to discuss these things openly.

[Nolim]

And childminders have to register with the local authority, they can provide you a list.