Nursery settling in period

[Delita]

Hello,

I just dropped my 18 month old off at nursery for the first time. We'd visited last week and she went off to play with the other children for 15 minutes or so. Today was supposed to be her settling in session - I had assumed I'd stay with her for most of the 1.5 hour session but when I got there a worker (who I'd never seen before) took her and said, "See you in an hour and a half." I said I'd expected to stay but this woman explained that they think it's better for the parent to leave straight away. She then said, "I didn't know anything about this."

I called when I got home and spoke to the manager - she assured me everything was fine and my daughter was playing out in the garden but I feel a bit uncomfortable. Am I overreacting?

In your experience(s), is it better for the parent to stay with the child during settling in?

Thanks in advance

[cadidog]

The whole point, I'd have thought, is that you leave. Then come back. Baby learns mum comes back and spends time playing with other kids. First time leaving them is as much a shock to you as it is to them

[LuckyLopez]

What's the point in you staying? That's not settling g her into the new routine,that's giving her false messages that you go there together.

[jendot2]

Agree always better to leave, then you daughter gets used to you leaving and moving back. If you stay you are setting up that she will expect you to stay. Hope she had a good time.

[Lindy2]

It is normal for the parent to leave the child for their settling in session. If you stay they won't get used to being there without you. Settling ins are just like normal childcare sessions but shorter.

[Littlefish]

I disagree with the previous posters. I am a nursery teacher and we always follow the parents' lead whenit comes to leaving their child with us, or staying with them for the first few sessions. Parents know their child better than we do and know whether they need support initially. Some parents stay for the whole session, some stay for part of it and then go, and some drop and go.

I believe it's because of this flexible approach that the children settle so quickly. Very few parents choose to stay after the first 2 or 3 settling in sessions. They have spent time with their child at nursery, and know that they are settled and happy.

[hollie84]

With both of mine we have done a short session where I stay. One where I settle them for 10 minutes then leave for an hour, then they do a half session on their own before starting properly. No need to drag it out with small children.

[Mrsgrumble]

The nursery worker was very abrupt.

That aside, I think it's better for you to leave. I did this ands settled quickly.

That said, when I visited nurseries and had a sniff of bad feeling or uneasiness, I discounted it. In the end went for cm.

[HSMMaCM]

I think the problem was that you Weren't expecting it. I would let a parent stay in special circumstances, but the General idea is for the hold to learn it's ok to be there without you.

[LittleBearPad]

The first nursery we used settled in over a week.

First session I stayed for the whole 2 hours and was completely ignored

Second one I left her after 30 minutes, third after 10 etc and at the same time the sessions got longer so by Friday she was doing a whole day with just a normal drop off.

It worked well.

Tbh though with her second nursery it was much more like you suggest and that was fine too.

[Delita]

Thanks for all the replies. It wasn't a successful first visit.... when I went to collect her barely an hour later I was told that my daughter had had a fall in the garden and cut her lip. Of course we all know these things happen but as I walked to the car I noticed two sizeable bumps and scratches on her head which had not been pointed out to me and which hadn't been noted on the accident form they'd asked me to sign.... clearly they hadn't seen them.

I was mighty unimpressed with the whole place... from the woman who expected me to hand my daughter over to her whilst telling me, "I didn't know anything about this."... to the lack of clarity about their settling in procedure before I actually dropped her off. When I asked who had been looking after her directly and if that person was her key worker, they looked at me blank, saying, "Well we've moved a few people around d so there isn't really anyone at the moment."

A member of staff called me later to apologise about the confusion... apparently she had forgotten to let the toddler room know there was a new child in that day. She also explained that the woman who said she didn't know anything about this was new. Not sure how that was supposed to reassure me.... When I mentioned that they had failed to notice that not only had she cut her lip, she'd also banged her head quite badly, her response was, "oh the bruises would have only just come out so they wouldn't have seen them." I pointed out that they were clearly visible as I had noticed them in the car park of the nursery. I was offered another free settling in session but I think I'll pass.

[adsy]

Tey to find a CM. Very difficult not to take notice of a child when you only have 3 of them at a time!!