Should I tell her mum?

[noonar]

I just dropped dd at nursery. a little girl called rosie- just 2- has just started a couple of weeks ago at the same nursery. i don't know her well but often chat to her mum at the park. anyway, she was upset as we arrived and when she saw me threw her arms around me and didnt want to let go. it was nice to be able to give her a big cuddle but upsetting to see her so distressed. i know that she's finding it hard to settle , as her mum told me and is upset herself about it.

anyway, should i tell her mum, its playing on my mind?

[Enid]

I wouoldnt

but I might mentuion it to the nursery staff

[Enid]

hopefully they should be the ones cuddling her I meant to say

[maggiesmama]

god. i woud absolutely want someone to tell me if mine was so upset. because the nursery staff should be settling her, and if they arent she should know.

[noonar]

the nursery staff could see! they were happy to cuddle her, but she saw me as a slightly more familiar person- connected to mum, i suppose. i think maybe i should just play it down and say, 'rosie gave me a nice cuddle when she saw me'. wouldnt you want to know if your dd was upset at nursery?

[noonar]

The staff mean well, but they're all young gnvq types, ifkwim, and i think i was the more appealing 'mumsy' option. they are trained, but seem to lack the insight of a parent.

[maggiesmama]

this is very tricky. i wouldnt suggest you wade in and say she was inconsolable, or whatever. but if the situation were reversed - well, i'd want to know, thats all i'm saying...

[noonar]

thanks for the advice

[noonar]

well, we went to pick up dd at lunchtime and rosie did the same thing again! i felt awful. then later, bumped into her mum at the park. she asked me how rosie was when i saw her, so i gave a wetered down account of events.i had to be fairly honest, as i felt that i wanted to be. also, dd1-aged 4.5, wouldve said something if i didnt, as she saw it all. she still doesnt fully know how upset her dd was tho, but its not my place to tell her, is it?

[brimfull]

I would want to know if it was mine,but do see the point that it may upset her more.But really the staff should be honest with mum and tell her anyway.

[noonar]

actually i was surprised that the nursery hadnt told her what rosie was like with me, as i did tell them i knew her mum! you'd think they'd want to tell her before i did, otherwise it makes it look like theyre not being upfront about things.

as a slight aside, i find it disturbing that a child's distress is considered so routine when settling in to a nursery. ' oh they'll soon settle', they say. this attitude seems too casual somehow.

[brimfull]

I agree,I wouldn't be happy if it was ny ds,however I was chatting with another mum today whose son sobs for about an hour and half each morning at nursery.She said it didn't bother her at all as he's that type of child and sobs at anything.Maybe this little girl is a bit dramatic like that?Does she calm down after a while?I take it it isn't a preschool type nursery but a daycare type,because of her young age.

[noonar]

at your friend, gg! surely a sensitive child needs more compassion! yes, it is a daycare nursery. i'm actually thinking of swapping to the local preschool as soon as dd is old enough.

[DynamicNanny]

I have just read this thread as a nursery nurse and without causing offence I would like to put forward a nursery nurses side of the story.

Yes we may not be mums and only gnvq types (actually most nurseries only employ NNEB equivelants as OFSTED require) but we do love the children in our care.

RE a crying child - when a new child starts at nursery it can take a child a little while to settle. The staff in the room will work with the child and the parents to try and calm the child and although they might cry when they see mum someone fammilliar they soon settle themselves but obviously in the first couple of weeks they will become upset every so often.

Nursery nurses pride themselves on making sure that the children in their care are happy and well cared for - unfortunalty some children are just not happy all the time, and if you see a child just as they become upset then....

I would also say if you do have any concerns that you should speak to the manager.

[MightyMoosh]

I'd agree with dynamic, as a long-term nursery nanny (slightly different to nursery nurse) its rare to see a child settle without some fuss, if not the first day then during the first week or so. we become experts at settling but more so at reassuring parents, its them that have a worse time than the children. if a distressed new child was an indicater of problems there would be no nurseries open as every child needs time. think about it, starting a new job or living in a new house, are you not emotionally wrought? I know I am! and I can verbalise, use the phone, post here for reassurance. how does toddler/preschooler let us know? whingin, cryin and clingin.