Nursery troubles, advice please

[slcd2013]

Hi wonder if anyone can help? My son has been at nursery for a year now, and ive just had his first parent evening, but i dont agree with anything his key worker has said to me, i think she is talking about another child, she said he can only say one or two words and the rest is baby babble, however he talks very clearly and has a very good vocab. She says he can only count to 4 but he can count to 14 but then always misses 15 then goes 16,17,18,19,20. So really only to 14! As his nursery is attached to a school he learns phonics and last yr they said he could learn the sounds of the letters and now in the last 6 weeks of being back apparently he cant learn any sounds! My problems is last year he could do all this at nursery, at home he can do all this, but now at nursery they say he cant to anything, im worried about whats changed, he cries everyday that he dont want to go as he dont like it anymore. They cant get anything out of him, so what to do i do??

I want to make another meeting with them as i have videoed him at home and all the progress he has made at home as basicly i feel if they cant get him to do this at nursery then the problem is at nursery and i need to find out whats gone wrong at nursery as she seems to think he turned into a baby, but he isnt like that at home! But when i told her that i felt like she was calling me a liar! When he is my son i should know what he can and cant do!

Any advice or am i being too sensitive to what she has said?

[eringramochroi]

Hi slcd2013, I don't think you are being over sensitive. It is frustrating when nursery are telling you that your ds can't do things that you know he can. I had the same with my ds. I think because there are so many children in nursery, they dont always have the opportunity to see what we see on a 1 to 1 basis at home. If you know he can do these things, then that is the most important thing at the moment. As far as not wanting to go to nursery, they go through phases of this-my dd is doing this at the moment too and it is so hard to think that they are not happy, but I know that once I am gone, she has a great time. I would make sure the nursery are aware of your feelings, so maybe they can observe him more often xxx

[teacherlikesapples]

The thing is- a key worker can only 'assess' what they observe. Your child may well have capabilities they demonstrate at home, but are reluctant to share at nursery for whatever reason. That may be for several reasons: his confidence, the way in which they are assessing, difference in activities etc...
Also- perhaps your child can count in rote but they are actually assessing his 1:1 correspondence, or ability to match number to quantity, those two skills take a deeper level of understanding.

Another thing- it is really not worth making a big fuss about either way. Marching in there with video evidence to prove a point is not helpful.
She has shared her observations, you have shared yours. Perhaps a conversation about how to support your child in becoming more confident in sharing his skills at nursery would be more helpful.

Here are some strategies to start:

RELAX. Calm down about this. It is really not worth getting so upset about. Whether your child can count to 4 or 16, the difference is not a big deal at this age. The point it- he is acquiring the skills he needs to and once he counts to 16 at both home & nursery he won't forget. Same goes with the letter sounds, once he has consolidated those skills- he won't forget. The point is- they are obviously doing activities to encourage the acquisition and your child is steadily making progress. It is the collection of evidence of this that varies- because they can only assess what they see at that moment in time.

Focus instead on the skills that are more difficult to master- social skills, managing feelings and behaviour, managing emotions, independence.

Keep things light & fun, you want your child to continue to want to learn more about these things. It is not a race. Please don't make a big deal of this with your child's key person. She is not saying he is delayed or has any issue- just what she has observed. You two should be working as a team not trying to prove each other wrong. That will not help your child and will shut down the lines of communication.