Carers kissing children??

(204 Posts)
Magic69 Mon 20-May-13 19:29:45

Hi there I wanted to ask mummies how they feel about childrens key workers kissing the children.

My son's key worker met him at the annual summer fete and she picked him up lovingly and for a good 5 mintues slobbered on him, kissing him endlessly on both cheeks.

I was shocked......i didnt say anything at the time (kicking myself) but i am thinking of writing an official complaint to the nursery manager.

I felt it was inappropriate, not to mention cold sores. I personally would never kiss another child, and if i were to i couldnt slober on them incessently...surly a peck would have sufficed?

does anyone see where i am coming from?

BoysRule Mon 20-May-13 20:00:41

When my DSs childminder told me she kissed him night night when she put him down for his lunch time nap I was delighted. Children need to feel loved and adored by adults other than their parents. It is an important part of their development to have meaningful relationships with other adults.

I can understand that you personally might not be comfortable with it, but I think that is how you should approach the situation. It's not 'complaint worthy' it is just a personal preference.

sittinginthesun Mon 20-May-13 20:00:49

Seeker grin

OP, you are over reacting.

quietlysuggests Mon 20-May-13 20:02:42

If you complain then the worker will be stiff and awkward around your son.
They will no longer be his key worker.
So the new key worker will have been told "Be very careful about touching that boy his mother is trouble" so his new key worker will always look at him with caution.
So write that letter and from now on your son gets no affection from anyone apart from you.
Is that what you want?
I have heard it is very common for mothers to end a relationship between child and carer out of jealousy?

DuttyWine Mon 20-May-13 20:06:55

So imagine the situation when the key worker has to have a meeting with the manager about your complaint? Awkward and very saddening for her I would imagine. Or the manager may tell you if you don't want your child to receive this kind of affection then maybe that setting isn't for you.

I think it's a good thing she obviously has a genuine and loving bond with your child, it will no doubt be helping your sons cortisol levels which will make him feel happy and more able to learn!

chocolatemartini Mon 20-May-13 20:07:33

Children need kisses & cuddles. They are also very good at letting people know for themselves when they don't want to be cuddled or kissed. I'd be delighted if it were my dc

Sirzy Mon 20-May-13 20:08:59

The nursey nurse will also probably feel self concious before showing affection to any of the other children in her care meaning they all loose out.

iliketea Mon 20-May-13 20:11:16

Your OP made me sad . One of the things that makes me recommend the nursery dd attends is that the.staff are clearly not scared to show affection. Dd often runs to her favourite staff in the morning and they hug her goodbye when I pick her up. It's not sinister, it's a great thing that dc are looked after in a place that affection is shown freely.

I agree with the other posters. Carers showing physical affection, kisses and cuddles is great. There should be more of it.
My two love cuddles, off teachers, t.a.'s, nursery nurses, anybody really and I don't mind a jot.

That said, that is my preference and my dc's preference too. If you don't like it and your dc don't either, tell them so, but a formal complaint is a bit much imo.

KenDoddsDadsDog Mon 20-May-13 20:15:31

A formal complaint about someone showing affection for your child ?
What happens if your son needs a cuddle at nursery when you aren't there ? Are you going to command he isn't to have one ?

plantsitter Mon 20-May-13 20:16:13

Did she have a cold sore?

I saw my DD's key worker kiss her yesterday. I thought it was lovely. Sometimes she is just so utterly adorable and scrumptious that it's impossible not to kiss her. Though obviously I'm sure she is cuter and cheek-pinchabler than other 2.5 yr olds.

Chandon Mon 20-May-13 20:16:34

Uptight Brits wink

I remember in our old country, the kids' swimming teachers kissing and hugging the kids when they did well ( some were blokes, shock horror) and the teachers kissing the kids every morning ( and all the parents kissing eachother and the teachers)... To be honest it was a bit much, but this OP is a bit sad really.

As long as the adult does not push him or herself on a child who does not appreciate it, I think there is not problem.

To be fair, I did have a slight problem with strangers in the stet trying to kiss my DS as he was so cute and foreign, but hey

YonilyDevotedToYou Mon 20-May-13 20:18:10

I posted a question on here a while ago asking whether it was ok to kiss my friend's toddler DS. All the posters who replied said it was absolutely fine. Bearing in mind that I have met friend's DS twice in his life, and that carers see DCs every day, I can't see any problem with them kissing them- especially little ones.

CaveyLovesPendleton Mon 20-May-13 20:18:52

Mine are very affectionate with the nursery staff - it is lovely.

Bowlersarm Mon 20-May-13 20:21:38

You sound very uptight OP.

I think it's sad if you make a complaint about this lovely, caring person.

PrincessScrumpy Mon 20-May-13 20:23:10

When dd1 left nursery her key worker picked her up and gave her kisses and cuddles. I was rather surprised in this pc world that she did this but actually delighted she loved dd1 enough to want to do this. She had cared for dd for 18 months and clearly cared for her.
This isn't paedophilia this is someone key in your child's life showing she cares. It's parents like you who get on the pc band wagon - children need affection get a grip!

Dirtymistress Mon 20-May-13 20:24:00

Don't write a letter or complain in any way OP. When I first sent DS1 to nursery, the only question I had was 'will you cuddle and kiss him?'. He is a little boy and needs affection in spades, all children do. Don't go ruining things for the rest of us please. Your post has made me so miserable, I am sad that people as mean spirited as you existhmm

FarelyKnuts Mon 20-May-13 20:26:36

From my whole post you took that OP?

Seriously, please don't write a formal complaint! There is NOTHING wrong with key people in your child's life being affectionate with them. Maybe you need to think about why it bothers you?

acrabadabra Mon 20-May-13 20:29:31

Oh ffs.

Beechview Mon 20-May-13 20:30:11

Its very sad that you want to make a written complaint about a caring, affectionate nursery worker.

I chose my children's nursery because I saw a member of staff pick up, kiss and cuddle a crying toddler with genuine affection while I visited and thought how lovely and warm the staff were.

RubyrooUK Mon 20-May-13 20:31:29

I picked my son's nursery primarily because it was the kind of place where children do get kissed. I would much rather leave my child with someone who cares for him with affection than anything else.

motherinferior Mon 20-May-13 20:33:49

If it really bothers you move him to somewhere where you feel safer that nobody will try to kiss him. Please don't make the poor nursery staff feel they have done something wrong.

flipchart Mon 20-May-13 20:34:18

You would really be a nasty piece of work if you complained about someone who clearly is fond of your child.

No wonder all teachers, care professionals and other professionals are frightened to death of showing any positive emotion to a child.

Has it never occurred to you that some people are just nice.

Even if you have made this up for a laugh there a plenty of idiots out there that think the same way.

Seb101 Mon 20-May-13 20:35:17

Please don't write a letter of complaint; you are being unreasonable. I would suggest the problem is yours if seeing a carer kiss your child makes you uncomfortable.

Fightlikeagirl Mon 20-May-13 20:36:52

I'm a childminder, I kiss the children when they go down for a nap, I give countless cuddles and kisses during the day and they always choose to give me a kiss/cuddle when they leave. Young children NEED affection, its a basic need.

How very very sad for your child that you don't want this for him.
If a parent ever complained to me about the affection I show then I would have to say that are not suited to my form of care. I care for the children I mind for and I would not do my job any other way.

Shocked at how uptight you are Op!!

FamiliesShareGerms Mon 20-May-13 20:37:49

Don't write a letter. Feel happy that your child is getting care and attention from a lovely nursery assistant

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