Negativity at nursery

(12 Posts)
Inclusioneer Mon 26-Nov-12 08:38:39

Do you just send her to nursery for the socialisation? How many months over 2 is she? If so, and she's coming up 2.5 I'd start looking around for a pre-school rather than a nursery. There are some lovely ones and many take children from 2.5.

I definitely would not stay with this nursery. The fact that you don't know who your DD's key worker is (ok, you could ask, but you REALLY shouldn't have to)would be enough to make me walk away, never mind all the other concerns you have.

DoobznToobzmummy Sun 25-Nov-12 21:45:43

Thanks everyone, this is very reassuring.
DD does seem to like going there but she's quite clingy for a few minutes and drags me into the room which isn't a worry for me because she does settle but they rarely come over to her now to try to take her in - again this has only been recently. Her old key worker was so welcoming and gave her a lovely hug and even though she had to tell her off as such if she was doing wrong, she was always very fair.
My biggest concern is how we'll be treated when we go in if we stay there. It seems quite clicky and with the other staff listening in on our conversation it does suggest to me that there's quite a lot of stuff going on behind the scenes and trying to make waves internally. I'm sure everyone will know about it by now anyway! Just a thought, I'm not there, I don't work there so I don't know but I'm not sure if I was in that profession I would want to.

galwaygirl Sun 25-Nov-12 21:33:16

Totally agree with SJ - would you put up with your hairdresser/mechanic shouting down the phone at you for example?
It sounds like you've quite a few worries and rather than try to reassure you and work with you and your DD the manager rang you up giving out. She sounds so unprofessional - I'd move your DD ASAP and make sure to tell them exactly why!

mercibucket Sun 25-Nov-12 21:29:36

I'd move her if that happened to me. They sound like they are trying to bully you sad

NigellasGuest Sun 25-Nov-12 21:26:21

One of the staff members CRYING?? NOT a good sign.
And what's with the STOP STOP business? Definitely doesn't sound like silly little niggles to me, Doobzn. Yes I agree once a week is not enough, but I'm feeling that perhaps another nursery might be better anyway.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sun 25-Nov-12 21:23:44

Right I'd start looking elsewhere. Whether it's cost saving or new staff = new broom, there's obviously been some changes lately but I bet fees won't be reduced! You won't be able to relax leaving DD so if she's not happy either there's little benefit in keeping her there.

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Sun 25-Nov-12 21:20:42

It's not inappropriate to discuss it with another member of staff if you aren't aware of the hierarchy, also she asked what was wrong you answered. Don't see the problem.
Sounds like new person got the hump so raised it.

Like you say the negativity greeting your child wasn't necessary. I'd be inclined to take my money elsewhere

DoobznToobzmummy Sun 25-Nov-12 21:17:35

These probably seem like silly little niggles and I'm nitpicking but I don't get why they're changing something that was perfectly great and gave children a bit of fun while learning (such as looking at colours - she's 2 - she has no idea what her name looks like in times new roman!)

DoobznToobzmummy Sun 25-Nov-12 21:14:01

Hi and thanks for your response.
I certainly didn't want to make waves, upset anyone or get anyone in to trouble. I didn't want to make a big issue of it - just wanted to chat to someone and air my feelings.
They have made some really odd changes since the new playgroup leader was promoted. DD used to have a teddy picture with her name on to pick off the wall when going in and we'd find it by looking out for the colour (several children had the same colour as it was linked to the key worker) but now it's changed to a plain white name badge. Also her daily diary was hand written before with the activities she'd done but now it's photocopied - I can only presume that it's to save time - but I can't help but wonder if the personal touch is going which is what we really liked about the place. It was DDs original key worker that sold the place to us, I'd heard mixed reviews but DD settled very quickly and was happy with her key worker, now we've not even been told who it is. Also when I picked her up last week one of the staff members was crying and the week before I heard someone shouting STOP STOP STOP. This could have been a parent but my DD has started saying "stop it mummy" a lot lately.
Just so confused and upset by it all. I'm not sleeping and hardly eating - just wondering if its worth the hassle, will she be better off elsewhere?
Thanks for your comments so far x

SJisontheway Sun 25-Nov-12 21:08:13

Stop apologising. You are not an employee. You are a paying customer. You can bring up whatever issues you please with whichever staff member you wish. If it is inappropriate they will redirect you. Their problem. Not yours.
As, for the biting - she's not the first, she won't be the last. If you feel they are handling the situation badly, don't be afraid to voice your concerns.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sun 25-Nov-12 20:53:41

Hi OP
Long time since my two were tinies but I'll start the ball rolling. smile

Two things occur.
Firstly I'd be amazed if your DD was the first and only child at the nursery ever to bite another.

I am quite surprised at the attitude of the manager. Clearly there may be an established protocol but I don't think you sound like you were out to make trouble. You've had a run in before so you already feel on thin ice and not inclined to stir things.

(I'm not saying, if you pay for a service, that entitles you to treat staff poorly, but as a customer talking calmly without slandering anyone it seems reasonable not to be judged or chastised).

Was this nursery recommended to you or did you choose it because it had a good local reputation?

If she doesn't bite every week I think it is likely your DD can grow out of it with adequate supervision. Did the biting start around the time her original keyworker moved?

I used to take my DCs to nursery at least two half day sessions a week, I was told they'd settle better if there was less than a full week between each session, I don't know if that was true or just good marketing. I was a SAHM who thought I'd benefit from a break and the DCs would get used to a more structured setting in advance of preschool, ie reducing stress, not adding it.

If you and DD are getting less out of this than hoped for, perhaps time for a change in nursery?

DoobznToobzmummy Sun 25-Nov-12 12:42:23

Hi. I'm new to this so please bear with me!
My DD has been going to the same nursery for almost a year now, just one day a week, but recently she has become a biter, a habit that I am mortified and so upset by.
She doesn't do it every week but I have witnessed her doing it when her personal space is breached so I know there's a reason - she hasn't just randomly bitten.
When I picked her up I dread going in to the "we've had a couple of incidences today" comment and disapproving look and handed the book recording it for me to read and sign.
The problem is I dropped her off one morning and before she had even got across the threshold her greeting was "oh hello xxxx, are we going to have a better day today?". It wasn't just the words it was the tone that just screamed at me oh good, here's the biter. This is from the newly promoted playgroup leader! It was so negative that I just felt awful leaving my DD there as after a week of not seeing her the first thing they bring up is that she'd done something the week before. Surely what happens in one session shouldn't be bought up the next time but I understand that they do need to watch her to try to prevent it happening.
I left feeling very upset and in hindsight I should have discussed with the manager but I had to go to feed my baby and the manager wasn't there anyway.
When I picked her up after a session a couple of weeks later, my DDs former key worker (and former playgroup leader) saw me and asked if I was ok, obviously sensing that I wasn't entirely happy. I explained to her what had happened and believed it was ok to discuss with her as she was the deputy manager. She told me that I really needed to speak to the manager and I accepted that but it was good to speak with her and put me more at ease. I then got a call from the manager the next day telling me that a couple of members of staff had heard to talking and that I had mentioned the name of the worker that I had the issue with and that I had been completely wrong to speak to her about my issue. She was quite aggressive down the phone and I apologised saying that I thought it was ok to speak to her but was told that she wasn't the deputy manager and it had made a problem for them. The person I spoke with was not indiscreet or unprofessional about their colleague in any way, she just listened to me having a bit of a rant about how the atmosphere seemed to have changed and that it didn't seem to have the same vibe in the room any more.
I didn't want to make a big issue of it in the first place but I've now go to go in, be told off again and set the record straight.
I'm dreading it because I feel quite intimidated by the manager (had an unpleasant experience with her before and have had to raise a couple of issues previously so I'm convinced she thinks I'm a neurotic mother anyway).
I can only apologise but am worried now that I'm going to be treated differently and so is DD when we go there. Should I change my DDs setting? Please help!

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