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Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum.

Find nursery advice from other Mumsnetters on our Nursery forum.

Nurseries

DS's change in feelings towards nursery...advice please?

16 replies

robin3 · 05/04/2006 14:27

DS has been going to nursery since 6 months old for 3 days a week. He's now 2.5. Obviously in this time we've had a variety of phases but for a long time now he's been very content going.

In the past month or so he has started to battle us about going...not wanting breakfast, to get dressed etc. When we arrive he's fine but then gets upset when I/DP leaves him. Of course the staff say it passes in minutes after we've gone and when we come to pick him up he is happy to stay longer and isn't upset.

Is this a common phase at his age or should I be reading more in to the situation? I hung around this morning but didn't draw any conclusions. I just wanted the staff to know that I am concerned and that I want to know if he's upset. He changed rooms a few weeks ago but knows the children in the new room. I'm paranoid that it's the staff in that new room that have changed his feelings but maybe I'm analysing this all too much AGAIN! He's a really sociable child and loves his friends at nursery.

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robin3 · 05/04/2006 14:54

bump

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Feistybird · 05/04/2006 14:56

I would guess it's a phase. My DD is 3.4 and still goes through phases of this.

It's a bugger isn't it?

catgirl · 05/04/2006 14:57

if it is any consolation my ds has been like this about going to his childminder for a while now - he is 3.5. I know hex settle very quickly - and some days are better than others. He also never wants to leave there at hometime! just a phase, just a phase, just a phase...

catgirl · 05/04/2006 14:58

'he settles' - obviously, not 'hex'!

robin3 · 05/04/2006 15:55

Thanks Feisty and Cat.

I guess I thought he'd grown out of the nursery phase thing so I was looking for other possible explanations.

The trouble at 2.5 is that he can tell me how he feels but not why.

It makes me so sad to think he doesn't like it but thinks he has no choice.

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catgirl · 06/04/2006 10:51

just to add to the mix, my ds walked into his childminder's this morning, started telling a story and barely said goodbye to me before asking for some toast - not a backward glance! We did nothing different this morning at all - there is hope! I think they know how to push buttons, rather than being genuinely unhappy.

robin3 · 07/04/2006 09:49

Catgirl...I know every day is different. Unfortunately today was dreadful and also resulted in DP and I having words (as these things often do).

Could be him pushing buttons - he's 2 after all, but right now I'm at work feeling like I've institutionalised my son for the day!

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harpsichordcarrier · 07/04/2006 09:55

god that is really hard robin3 - it could be a phase, but it could be that he is unhappy for a sustanstial reason.
my dd1 is nearly three and it is a battle to get her out of the house at the moment to go anywhere.... I think it is just a phase. but it might be that he doesn't get on with the staff in the new room or there is a child he is in conflict with. I think I would give it some time. Is it possible for you to stay with him for a morning and try and observe him?

threebob · 07/04/2006 09:59

Probably the new room - since ds moved room every question has been "I don't know" or the slightly less annoying "I don't know yet". We have also had him realise what guns are, what death is and that when a big kid crashes his bike into you it really hurts.

Suddenly being the baby in the class is very tiring if ds is anything to go by.

robin3 · 07/04/2006 10:03

I did that on Wednesday Harpsi and he was much happier when I came to leave. This morning he was obviously expecting the same thing but as I have to work it's not possible every day.

He has a very strong bond with a couple of the carers, after all he's been going there for a year and a half. I left him having a cuddle on her lap but I still can't help but think he feels like I've dumped him there and his calming down is just a sign that he's resigned himself to having to be there.

The thing is it is great fun - they were outside on all the toy cars when I left him. Then they come in and have sultanas and milk, then play, then lunch, then naps, then this afternoon is dance and movement....I wish I could stay.

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harpsichordcarrier · 07/04/2006 10:06

threebob has reminded me that when my friend's son moved rooms he was hell on wheels for a while
very boisterous and difficult and challenging until he settled down
if your instincts were good when you were there, it's prob just a phase
I know what you mean about being sad he has not choice. I am sure he will settle down soon
HC xx

catgirl · 07/04/2006 10:08

could he be coming down with a cold or something? - have found my ds is always worse just before he gets ill, then I have something else to feel guilty about ie not realising he was going to be ill!!

Today was another good morning for us, so there is hope.

robin3 · 07/04/2006 10:36

Don't think he's ill at the moment...we've had those phases before and it's been exactly that but it hasn't gone on for so long....in fact he hasn't even slowed down and they've called us to say he seems fine but has a high temperature.

Sods law on Monday at nursery he fell over and whipped a large amount of his finger nail off. Now if we ask him about his finger he says it's sore and stops using that hand for a few minutes but yesterday at home the finger didn't stop him from gardening in fact he didn't mention it at all. That's what makes me realise that he's reached an age when he's able to minipulate situations or present his emotions in a way that suits him.

Having another baby in 3 months so I want to resolve this before more massive change comes along.

Thanks everyone...I might try talking to the staff in his room and see how I go.

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catgirl · 07/04/2006 11:24

another thought: does your ds behave like this when your dp drops him off? If possible, it might be worth him doing it for a couple of days? My ds is less likely to do this to his dad, so he occasionally does the drop off.

welshmum · 07/04/2006 11:44

We've just come out of a phase (dd is almost 4)She didn't want to be left at nursery (new brotheritis, bless her) Her lovely teacher suggested that we delivered her directly to her - that is handed her from one 'special person' to another. It worked like a dream and all is back to normal now. Good luck

harpsichordcarrier · 07/04/2006 14:30

I wonder if it might also be to do with your pregnancy? dd1 was a little unsettled during the late half of the pragnancy, I think mainly because everyone kept giving it all that when she was around about the new baby arriving.they pick up on more than we give them credit for I think sometimes

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