We recently had a miscarriage and my nephew has just been born

(7 Posts)
Olsworth37 Sun 13-Nov-16 11:58:54

Me and my wife had a miscarriage about 2-3months ago, at the same time my brothers girlfriend announced she was 6 months pregnant, we were surprised as they hadnt been together very long, the baby was born a few days ago, they have plastered pictures all over facebook, we are part of a whatsapp chat that informs us multiple times a day of the baby from this angle and another angle followed by copious amounts of videos, I'm finding it very hard, am pretty annoyed, now have unfollowed my brother and girlfriend , because I'm finding it so difficult, we've been together 3 years now and is our second failed Ivf resulting in a miscarriage at 8 weeks. We are both on very low incomes and am 15-20k in debt because of ivf, my brother is on a very high income and can want for nothing. I suppose I'm jealous and hurt, I feel life is very unfair, my brother didn't even want children and was a serial dater. Has no intention of getting married. Life doesn't seem fair at all.

ThatStewie Sun 13-Nov-16 12:04:54

It's not fair. Your brother doesn't understand why you're heartbroken right now and it's perfectly reasonable to give yourself space to grieve. Just remember your partner is grieving too. Focus on supporting each other right now.

Lessthanaballpark Sun 13-Nov-16 12:06:34

Wow. I feel your pain at the injustice of it. Your brother who has been given - undeservedly in your opinion- something that you yourself have struggled for for so long.

But there is no fairness in nature and you cannot compare your life to the Facebook lives of others. Therein lies the road to madness.

You can't control your brother's luck. All you can do is your best for your own chances with your wife to conceive and then leave it to fortune.

And be easy on yourself. Your hurt is understandable. Maybe explain this to your brother and just ask for some time.

flowers

Mungobungo Sun 13-Nov-16 12:15:18

Ah, I've been here.

IVF pregnancy and miscarriage at 7 weeks followed a week later by the birth of a nephew. It hurts like hell doesn't it?

I've also been through the utter, crippling jealousy of others who conceive accidentally or moan about having tried for 'AGES' (6 months) then whine about their pregnancy/child after conceiving with what appears relative ease.

There is nothing to say other than this will get easier with time. At the moment you're grieving for a future that you feel will never come and that others seem to have so easily.

I've had to block and unfriend people because their constant updates are too painful. Fortunately I've run through all of the emotions, felt them and dealt with them and now realise that these people don't do it to rub salt into the wound, they genuinely don't understand how you feel. And why would they?

I know it's tough right now, and taking some time away from your brother may be helpful, but don't cut ties completely and don't allow your feelings to damage a relationship. I get so much joy from my nieces and nephews and you may do too, while you're waiting for your happy outcome.

Try to find the joy in life, because it's out there, babies or no babies. You are not defined by your ability to conceive.

X

AyeAmarok Sun 13-Nov-16 12:21:35

It's not fair, OP. Life really isn't fair at all.

Does your brother know about your IVF treatment and your wife's miscarriage? If he does, I think it's quite insensitive of him to be acting this way.

Try and archive the WhatsApp group chat and turn off the notifications of messages for that group.

I hope you and your wife get some luck soon.

Lessthanaballpark Sun 13-Nov-16 12:22:09

Try to find the joy in life, because it's out there, babies or no babies. You are not defined by your ability to conceive.

Lovely words.

user1479226064 Tue 15-Nov-16 16:24:43

I can't give advice on the emotions - but I can give advice on the tech.

Turn off the notifications on both your phones on this whatsapp group immediately. Consider just turning off whatsapp for a while. If you dont want to get into a discussion with your brother maybe say that you've got some bug on your phone and its not working ??? Also dont look at FB etc - have a social media break...

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