My Wife

(20 Posts)
Robthefun1 Thu 27-Oct-16 08:30:14

I need to tell you about my wife. I don't know why but I do. She is a wonderful woman. Unlike me she is kind, compassionate and considerate. She is the type of person who always finds the best in people. The type of person who will travel 50 miles to make sure a Birthday card is received on time.

She has wanted a baby for 13 years, pretty much since we were married, everything from then until now has been a prelude to becoming a mother, her one greatest wish.

On Tuesday we had our 20 week scan. Something we expected to be routine. However we were told our baby had a severe heart defect. We were directed to a specialist who has now confirmed that the defect is of such an extent that it is not survivable.

We have a further appointment with a fetal cardiologist to run through the necessary beauracracy, however my wife will need to endure the anguish of labour and birth without the prospect of the event being the start of the life she has wanted for the past decade.

I am incredibly sad. The saddest I have ever been. For me to a certain extent, but mainly for my wife. She is obviously inconsolable. She has done everything right, we waited the many years we have to make sure we could give our child the best possible home and future. I feel robbed of that future and most painfully I feel my beautiful wife has been robbed of it too.

My wife, my wonderful, amazing wife has always been happy, I hope that she can be again, but I fear that with everything she has been through and the emotional and physical strains that are to come she will not recover to be the person she was only 2 days ago.

Tiny things are so painful for her, we have a nursery already furnished with no baby to make use of it. She has maternity clothes she must now still wear until she has gone through induced delivery, we have email updates from baby shops etc. She has had to tell her friends and work mates. She has friends who are themselves pregnant. With each small thing I see her heart fade more and more and see how angry she is. I can't help her because I am so angry too. The injustice of it all when she has worked so hard to be ready to be the best mother she can be whilst scum fritter away the joys and responsibilities of motherhood is so impossible to reconcile.

I'm not sure what we're supposed to do.

I can't believe how brave you are my darling. I love you so much. I wish I could take all your pain.

Afreshstartplease Thu 27-Oct-16 08:32:38

What a beautiful post flowers

So sorry you and your wife are going through this op. Sometimes life is so cruel.

PurpleWithRed Thu 27-Oct-16 08:37:46

I am so, so sorry for your loss flowers

FetchezLaVache Thu 27-Oct-16 08:38:14

So, so sorry to read this, Rob. It's beyond awful. I hope that you and your wife will be offered the appropriate grief counselling.

Lweji Thu 27-Oct-16 08:38:16

flowers
Not much to say, really.

Just that it was my biggest fear during my pregnancy of much wanted DS.
Sorry, not helpful.

Keep talking to her and take one step at a time. You'll have to mourn your baby and it will be hard. It will probably hit you hardest in a few days too.
Make sure you both eat and rest.

Eventually, you'll be able to think of the future.
Also, remember that you can ask for professional help.

A big virtual hug to both.

Crankycunt Thu 27-Oct-16 08:39:04

I'm so sorry that you and your wife are going through such a horrible time flowers

The way you write about your wife is beautiful. Just be there for her.

Hassled Thu 27-Oct-16 08:39:10

I'm so sorry - this must be unbearable for both of you.
There's a MN topic/sub-forum - here - it covers pregnancy loss - if you have a look (or repost what you've said here on there) I hope you'll find people who have been through similar and can provide support.

Hassled Thu 27-Oct-16 08:41:03

My previous post sounds awful - hoping Rob'll find people who've been through similar. Sorry. I don't wish anyone ever would have to go through this. I hope you know what I meant.

Leslieknope45 Thu 27-Oct-16 08:42:21

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your wife sounds like a wonderful woman and you obviously love her dearly. Life really is very unfair.

Rubberduck2 Thu 27-Oct-16 08:44:05

Oh god I am so very sorry.

I would like to point something out to you here.. you are the one person who can help her through this and be her rock. The way you talk about her is just gorgeous, and I'm positive that you will be her saving grace in this.

I hope you both find a way through this, and that given time you are able to try again.

My thoughts are with you both. flowersflowers

HerSpookyFattyness Thu 27-Oct-16 08:44:39

I am so sorry OP. flowers

I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you will get through this. Your love for your wife is obvious, and that will help. You said you're both angry and that's completely understandable, but be prepared for the grief to hit hard in a few days.
I can't imagine how.devastated you both must feel, all I can say is I am so sorry. flowers

Graceflorrick Thu 27-Oct-16 08:45:55

Sorry to hear this OP flowers

alwayshappy101 Thu 27-Oct-16 08:48:13

OP im so sorry for your loss flowers

Your post has made me cry.

Life can be so cruel.but know that in the darkest of days you and your wonderful wife have each other.that one person in this earth who knows exactly what you are going through.

I wish you all the best.
flowers

WhereTheFuckIsMyFuckingCoat Thu 27-Oct-16 08:49:37

I'm so so sorry OP. I have no constructive advice but had to let you know my thoughts are with you and your beautiful wife. I wish you both strength. xx

GrinchyMcGrincherson Thu 27-Oct-16 08:59:56

So sorry to hear this news.

It is going to be very hard. You can get through this though together. Keep talking and listening and crying together. Let it unite you and not divide you. Ask for counselling to help you work through it. Seek support on the pregnancy loss forum above.

You can do this. It won't be easy but you can do it. flowers

Spadequeen Thu 27-Oct-16 09:19:39

I'm so sorry for the both of you.

Please tell your wife what you've shared here. It's ok for you to grieve too, don't try and be the strong one or try to solve it. Be sad and angry together.

I wish you both all the best.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Thu 27-Oct-16 09:20:05

Hi Rob, what a very sad post, I'm so sorry.
You are both living a nightmare rightnow, but it will, like everything else in life, eventually come to pass.
The beautiful love you share with your darling wife, will be your strength.
My thoughts are with you both. 💐

user1471534185 Thu 27-Oct-16 09:29:56

I am so very sorry for you both, your post made me cry it was so heartfelt. Your wife is also very lucky to have such a great husband you will get through this together, just take one day at a time. Sending you both big hugs x

Needchange Sun 01-Jan-17 11:13:28

Just came across your post, I'm in tears as it's just to sad and unfair, I realy do hope things look up for your both. You have each other and so much love it seems, I hope this enables you to get threw each day. I wish I had someone who loves me the same as you love your wife. Don't forget you are grieving to and need suport. Your both equally important. Best wishes to you both.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Sun 01-Jan-17 11:52:58

Such a heart wrenching thread.
Are you still around Rob ?
I don't think any of us will forget you, or your darling wife.
I hope that this, the New Year, is kind to you both.

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