Crashed the day after I passed my test. Gutted 😕

(63 Posts)
AlexRose5 Mon 11-Jul-16 13:16:22

Hi everyone, I'm new to mumsnet. I have three sons (11, 4, 1) and two step daughters ((7,8) . I left it so very long to learn to drive and each time I tried, one thing or another snagged it along the way. My son was diagnosed with Kawasakis diseases at 8 months old and the knock on effect from that has been he's only just began to sleep through the night in the past year. Driving lessons were pretty hellish after being up round the clock with a poorly boy . Eventually I got back into lessons and I was so over the moon to have passed my test. I've literally put my life on the back burner since my son got ill and my head has been down making sure the kids get all they need from me 24/7, so this license was a little bit of indepennce for me, no more hour long school runs on foot in the rain 🙏🏻 I went out for my first full day in the car on my own, and managed 6 hours without a mishap, even did motorways , I was so chuffed. It came to 5 PM so decided to call it a day. My husband was driving ahead of me in his car with the kids so I was following him home. I came to a crossroads and turned right , as the traffic to the left of me was in a queue turning right so I was clear and there amwas no car coming straight . Did my checks, crossed over, and out of nowhere a car went straight across my path and we bumped 😢 My husband ran over to check all were OK and got the other ladys car off the road etc, did everything we thought was right. I wasn't hurt but my car is damaged, luckily I was going at creeping speed. The other car was much worse 😢 A man at the scene says he saw the other lady behind the queuing traffic for turning right, got impatient and came outta the queue across the cycle lane and took off straight which is when we collided. I didn't sleep last night and I've not stopped crying since. She says she doesn't know who's fault it was and I'm questioning who's fault it was too so it's 50/50 on fault from what I'm told, but I keep kicking myself. Thank God my kids were in my husbands car. Thank God this lady had no kids in her car. It's going on loop around my head nonstop and I'm so gutted I just wanted to be able to get the kids around easier, now I wish i had never looked at a car. Sorry to ramble on , but I'm taking this really hard and I feel so gutted 😢

ellie264 Mon 11-Jul-16 13:21:20

I feel so bad for you. I had a crash a few years ago - I drove straight through a red light, not paying attention, and wrote off both cars. It was all my fault and I felt terrible.

As a new driver, this must have especially knocked your confidence. But these things happen. My other half, a professional driver, bumped his car the other day, just not paying attention in the petrol station. It happens to the best of us. So don't get yourself down over it, even if you think it is your fault.

Is your car written off or just a bit bumped? You've been through so much to get your license, you need to get out driving straight away to avoid losing confidence.

AlexRose5 Mon 11-Jul-16 13:33:55

Thank you ellie264 🌷
The front right corner of my car us a mess ant the bumper is popped ,according to my husband it's fixable but not worth fixing. The other ladys car is beyond repair 😳 She's had someone contact my husband about settling up without involving insurance,as neither of us are passing the blame or taking the blame, we both literally didn't see the other coming 😕 My husband offered her two grand (half her cars value) as ours has less damage and only cost us 2 grand , but she wants 4 grand, something my husband said is insane coz I'm not accepting full fault . So it's going through insurers . It's all very daunting and I'm annoyed at myself for taking it all so bad , I'm having to compose myself even as I type 😢 It's such a mess I just wish it would all go away 😢

ellie264 Tue 12-Jul-16 09:48:28

Do you feel any better today having slept on it? Get on auto trader and pick yourself up an old run about for under £1k and get back in the seat! You have passed your test because you are capable of driving, they don't just let anyone pass! At the end of the day all that has happened is some metal has broken. It's not a big deal but totally understandable to feel upset and anxious for a few days.

gamerchick Tue 12-Jul-16 09:54:39

Do not give her any money, don't offer her any money and let insurance sort it out. Tell them you don't believe you were at fault and keep this thread as reference because you've wrote it while it's fresh in your head.

As for you, you know you need to get back on the horse asap before it's built up as a thing in your head.

gamerchick Tue 12-Jul-16 09:56:07

You didn't get your witnesses details by any chance did you?

JustABigBearAlan Tue 12-Jul-16 09:59:56

I'm sorry, must have been such a shock.i know hindsight is always a great thing, but I think 6 hours of driving sounds like an awful lot for your first day. It's a huge amount of concentrating. Don't let this knock your confidence but perhaps stick to short but regular journeys at first.

TheFairyCaravan Tue 12-Jul-16 10:05:43

Don't offer or give her any money. Go through the insurance. The reason she doesn't want to is she believes she could be at fault. You have to report that you've had an accident to your insurance anyway.

Did you get the witness's details? Don't engage with the woman any more. Tell your insurance what happened and let them deal with it.

NotCitrus Tue 12-Jul-16 10:13:48

What fairycaravan said. It's likely not your fault or not much, so don't offer any money!
Also by the time the claim is settled and they increase your premium, you'll have been driving for a year and it'll go down anyway.

Cherylene Tue 12-Jul-16 10:20:00

Let your insurers deal with it. That is what you pay them for. It would be helpful to have the witness details. Don't admit to not being sure - stick to the facts.

AlexRose5 Tue 12-Jul-16 10:23:04

Hi ellie264, I been trying to distract myself doing exactly that , saw a little car for 1k and perked up a bit but keep being overwhelmed by anxiety 😕 I just wish I knew what was happening I HATE that this is looming over me. Even the kids have noticed I'm upset . I feel sick thinking about it . You make a very good point that there's only metal broken, I know it could have been so much worse 😳 I'm just not very good at dealing with the stress involved, I think I've just existed in my bubble of kids and house on loop for so long coming up against incidents in the big bad world has floored me a bit 🌷 I just want an outcome at this stage because it's hanging over me and that's what feels the worst 😞

AlexRose5 Tue 12-Jul-16 10:25:24

Gamerchick thank you 🌸 I did not feel comfortable at all with money changing hands I just wanted it all resolved and it seemed to be the quickest way to do it without needing to effect premiums . But in the cold light of day it's really not the right way forward so my husband is onto our insurer as we speak x

Artistic Tue 12-Jul-16 10:30:17

Firstly, it wasn't your fault. Accept no blame. Say this to your insurance company. Your premium will be affected, but at least you won't be paying out huge sums right now. Everyone makes mistakes. Be kind to yourself & get back to driving without leaving it too long. If possible do short car journeys on a regular basis & get home safely in a short span of time. This will build your confidence.

AlexRose5 Tue 12-Jul-16 10:31:53

Gamerchick all the witnesses said it look like a genuinely unavoidable accident, none of them said it was either car to blame, although when my husband returned to move our car a guy walking a dog said he saw what happened, she was in a queue of traffic in the straight lane, but the front few cars were indicating to turn right (ie their left side to my left side as we turned.) she came out of the queue, straddled the cycle lane and part of the left-turn-only lane, undercut her queue of traffic to proceed straight, which is when we collided. Coz there was only room for one lane of traffic and I could see the immediate cars were turning right not coming straight, I proceed to make my turn and bang, she was in front of me. I braked but even though I was going creeping speed we still collided and here I am 😞

AlexRose5 Tue 12-Jul-16 10:34:19

JustABigBearAlan, thank you I fully agree 😕 I think I was just so happy to be out in the car and doing something independently ,and right up to that point, I was doing it well 😕 But definitely agree in hindsight i probably should be doing shorter trips

Penfold007 Tue 12-Jul-16 10:36:02

Let the insurance company sort everything out. Don't admit liability and don't part with any money. You have to tell the insurance company you've been involved in a collision anyway so let them deal v

Ratbagcatbag Tue 12-Jul-16 10:36:11

I know how awful this is. The day I had my car, I drove forward into a parking space, but when reversing i put full lock on (made sense at the time). I nearly wiped out the car next to me and squished the poor woman in between. blush. Luckily legs and cars intact I managed it home. I sobbed and wanted to sell my car. Next day I drove it again and never looked back.
I've also had an accident go 50/50. Just remember as frustrating as it is, that's what insurance is for. Don't offer to pay, get your statement written (with diagrams) and do not admit liability.
Big hugs, it's worth getting straight back on it though.

AlexRose5 Tue 12-Jul-16 10:38:00

TheFairyCaraven thank you 🌷 I think your advice is wise as its really not sitting well with me to deal with her " representative" , I think the initial shock of it all just sent me into a panic and all I wanted was a resolution and to write it off (no pun intended) and move on 😳 But instead it's been like pulling teeth and I'm a bag of nerves. My husband is talking to my insurance company right now coz I swear I've just been a stuttering clown since it happened 😳 I'm pretty disappointed in myself for how I'm not coping 😕

AlexRose5 Tue 12-Jul-16 10:40:08

NotCitrus thank you 🌸 I also agree with FairyCaravan that parting with money is not a wise move at all . My his is all so new to me I feel like I've been living minute to minute since it happened 😳 Don't really know how to get to a moving on point?

AlexRose5 Tue 12-Jul-16 10:41:56

Cherylene thank you , I fully agree it's for the insurers to deal with 🌸 In the meantime though I'm in a state and I'm really annoyed with myself because I can't seem to deal with it. I know it could have been worse but I really feel floored 😕

AlexRose5 Tue 12-Jul-16 10:43:26

Artistic thank you so much 🌷 I think what you're saying makes perfect sense I'm just so worried about the whole process right now x

AlexRose5 Tue 12-Jul-16 10:46:00

Penfold007 I fully agree I don't know what I was thinking even entertaining parting with cash 😳 I think it was just to save effecting either sides premiums etc but it's not the right way forward . I just wish there was a straight forward outcome so I could move on either way, I hate this hanging over me it's got me like a rabbit in headlights 😕

Felascloak Tue 12-Jul-16 10:47:12

That sounds to me like her fault for not driving with due care and attention - she shouldn't have been in that lane and you couldn't see her. She knows it too hence why she doesn't want insurance involved. Don't beat yourself up about it at all. On the claim form just write the facts of what happened.

AlexRose5 Tue 12-Jul-16 10:48:54

Ragbagcatbag I sobbed and all 😳 I don't think I've stopped sobbing since 😞 Thank you for your kind reply, husband has said it looks like it would go 50/50 in the eyes of the insurers but it's all new jargon to me 😕 X

Jenijena Tue 12-Jul-16 10:49:37

It took me six weeks for my first crash (and no question, I was at fault). My insurance still went down at the end of the year as I had more experience, I guess. No one was hurt, your confidence dented, but it is just one of those things and you will recover, I promise. Keep driving!

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