Should I just give up?

(9 Posts)
Preston78 Sun 10-Jul-16 21:10:59

I love my mum but she just disappoints me all the time. She lives a good 2 and 1/2 hrs away but even if she lived closer I'm pretty sure she'd be the same anti social / anti child/ opinionated person.
I have a two yr old and I just feel disappointed that she doesn't want to see more of her. In fact she puts her dogs well before her grandchildren! She recently posted on Facebook that she'd love to foster / adopt dogs but can't because she has grandchildren(!)

I can't remember the last time my parents came to visit me. I always end up going to them and I'm just so done with making the effort.

i guess I just see other people going to coffee with their mum who is genuinely interested in them and their grandchildren and I'm just upset that this is something I can't have with my mum.

I've tried talking to her about it but nothing changes. I can't make her want to be interested or more involved and wouldn't want to as it would be forced.

I just wanted opinions as I'm at the stage where I'm done making the effort as I always end up disappointed.

Coconut0il Mon 11-Jul-16 16:53:39

Hi. My DM can be very similar, she does visit once a week (but only because it's on her way home from work) but she doesn't really talk to me or even listen to anything I say. She does make an effort with my DC while she's here but would never baby sit or take them out. It used to upset me but now I just try to accept that's how she is. I find if I don't expect more it's easier to deal with.

Preston78 Mon 11-Jul-16 19:50:03

Thanks for your response. You're right, I'm going to be more accepting of how she is and that way less disappointed. She's the one missing out in my eyes so that's for her to realise...if she ever does!

Coconut0il Thu 14-Jul-16 11:22:11

That's what I think too. They are the ones missing out. I wish we had the kind of relationship where we could chat/ go to lunch/shopping but I know now thay we never will.
I would never refuse to see her or anything like that but just got tired of always making the effort so now she's welcome if she wants to come, if not it's her loss.

Becky10002 Tue 19-Jul-16 17:21:35

Oh I completely feel for you . My mother is the same but she lives behind me and still doesn't bother with my kids. She falls out with me so often she's a compleat control freek. It used to really hurt me and upset me . Now after a long time I let it go over my head I won't make the enough this time all she does is moan that the kids talk all the time anyway and that she can't get a word in. There just excited to see there Nana that's y there chatting away. I do feel for you . Xxsmile

AishaandTRo Tue 19-Jul-16 18:46:18

You are not alone on this one! My mum has never been maternal or wanted to do things with me,throughout my pregnancy I was so scared of being just like her and detached from my child. But after having the baby I've never felt those feelings which made me angry. Ironically she wants to be involved with my child so I would come across as the villain if I didn't let her. Such conflicted emotion, which does get you down. Somehow doing the right thing leaves you in a worse position.

Preston78 Tue 19-Jul-16 19:16:44

Thanks for your replies, I feel a lot better knowing I'm not the only one in this situation!(sorry).
My daughter is only two but is always asking to ring nanny. Even when we recently went abroad she wanted to ring nanny (from the phone you use to call reception!)
I guess just looking around me at people who's mums want to be involved was getting me down.

Becky10002 Tue 19-Jul-16 22:09:55

My boy also says y does my nana not pick me up from school sometimes like the other nanny's. I felt so sorry for him . He's only got me really as he's dad is dead and his mother ismy interested but also quite ill. I too look around and see "perfect familys" and it to gets me down. Your not alone but it still doesn't change things for you but i hope it makes u feel a little better x

Dipuss Thu 21-Jul-16 11:56:57

Can I adopt one of you lol smile. I'm so sorry you are going through this, some grandparents would just love to be involved in their grandchilds life but are prevented for whatever reason. It most certainly is there loss and I myself feel this loss so desperately. Maybe they will realise through time, I hope so x

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