Feels like a failure

(12 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Jesssofia Wed 20-Apr-16 07:32:56

Hi I'm 29 married and have a toddler .
I'm. Currently going through the start of separation leading to what's looking like divorce. I actually don't know what to do .. iv got to start the process of selling our family home and I can see things between me and now the ex spouse getting tense as one we have to live together till the house is sold. And two once it's sold iv go no where to live and not enough money from the sale to support me and my toddler. I'm. Really scared .. I feel like an 18 year old leaving home for first time again. Iv lost of my confidence and independence and I'll soon have to leave my job . I'm utterly heart broken and don't know where to start or my rights etc. I'm going to citizens advice next week while my daughter is with her nanny. My parents said they are able to put a roof over my head but they can't afford us actually living there there just scraping by and to be perfectly honest I don't want to nor to I expect them to ever pay for us. Yet my father doesn't want me and my daughter to be living in like a half way house around here before we were able to be housed. Sorry I'm terrified of the thought of my future for the first time I feel sorry for my daughter . X

LineyReborn Wed 20-Apr-16 07:45:17

Hi, Jesssofia. I see you've posted in the Newbie part of the site but there are actually specific boards where you can post for help and support about your situation, such as Legal Matters, Relationships and Separation/Divorce.

In fact just reading some of the existing threads there might be of help. Do you have to sell the family home, for example? How do people cope living in the same house as partner they're separated from? I've seen recent discussions of these issues.

Wishing you good luck flowers

Jesssofia Wed 20-Apr-16 07:54:39

Thank you not very good at this I find this site a bit confusing can't exactly find the answers I'm looking for but maybe I searching in the wrong places or not putting in the right things to search. So thought I'd put on the newbie as well I am lol oh well I'll get used to it lol x

pizzaeatingmonkey Wed 20-Apr-16 08:07:49

Jess , perhaps restart the thread in relationships or 'report' to Mumsnet and they'll move it for you.
here's some flowers

LineyReborn Wed 20-Apr-16 08:22:43

You're doing fine.

It's a big site! Have you found the Relationships board yet?

BeccaMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 21-Apr-16 10:18:19

Hi Jesssofia - would you like us to move this to Relationships for you?

steffw89 Thu 12-May-16 09:53:02

Yes please!

ArcheryAnnie Thu 12-May-16 10:08:05

OP - making a decision to end a relationship that isn't working is a very brave thing to do. When I was splitting up from my DS's father, a good friend made the excellent point to me that divorce (or separation or whatever) doesn't break families, it mends them. Separation was a horrible, terrifying, painful process that seemed to go on forever, and I was indeed very, very poor for a long time. But I don't regret any of it for a second. I am much happier, and crucially my DS is much, much happier, not living in a house of stress and misery. My ex is a much better father now than he ever was when we were together (it took a while coming, but it did happen in the end), and I have a good relationship with both him and his current wife, which is great for my DS.

You are very far from being a failure. Something was terribly wrong, and you are taking steps to fix it, knowing the road will be hard. That's brave, and your daughter will have cause to thank you for it when she's older.

steffw89 Thu 12-May-16 10:29:58

Sorry my response was an error. Stupid phone refreshing the wrong page!

BeccaMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 12-May-16 13:27:10

Hi steffw89 - no worries! Just to clarify, would you like it moved?

LittleWorthen Mon 16-May-16 21:19:54

It's scary, but you made it when you were 18, and you'll make it again this time 😊 Good luck!

Katie0705 Thu 19-May-16 02:35:47

My advice is get in contact with a solicitor ASAP. When money is very tight, some solicitors will work out a payment plan. Also they may have a very junior solicitor than can work pro-Bono, so you have either a small charge to pay or none at all.

Well done for being so brave
Good luck and best wishes
Katie

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