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4yr old dd will only poo in nappies

(52 Posts)
mystified76 Mon 07-Jan-08 10:28:47

My dd1 is 4 in january, she has been dry in the day for a year, but still refuses to do a poo on the toilet.
She doesn't have any accidents at all in her pants, she can hold onto a poo for up to a week (i think 8 days is her record) and will then ask for a nappy and do an absolute huge poo. She totally refuses to go on the toilet for a poo but is fine for wees.
We have tried every bribe you can think of...chocolate, sticker charts etc etc... the latest bribe is a trip to euro disney but even that isn't working! Any ideas? i have said to dh,mil etc for ages that it will resolve itself in time but keep getting comments and now even my mum who is usually sooo supportive has made remarks sad
What should i do next?

God knows

My 5yo STILL poos in nappies sad
The dr says not to worry that she will do it when she is ready

We have tried everything too

Jackstini Mon 07-Jan-08 10:31:14

Does she watch you and dh doing one on the toilet? Apparantly that's what my Mum did with me and my little sister blush

pigleto Mon 07-Jan-08 10:34:26

ds had the exact same problem. He eventually caved in after he saw his beloved older cousin poo in the loo. When I tried to force him into it he didn't go for a week and made himself quite sore.

I would advise that you back off for a couple of weeks and let her set the pace.

mystified76 Mon 07-Jan-08 10:36:13

Yes she does, she is quite interested and has even seen my mumshockand some of her little friends when they come over but still won't herself, her latest line is.. when i'm six mummyhmm

Jackstini Mon 07-Jan-08 12:38:54

Well at least you have a target Myst! grin

mystified76 Mon 07-Jan-08 14:22:38

True...i'll just have to ignore the 'make her sit on the toilet until she goes' comments from the MIL...do they make really big nappies for children who refuse to go on the loo...silly question but just in case dd really means what she says!!

tkband3 Mon 07-Jan-08 14:31:07

I had this problem with DD1. She finally gave in completely unexpectedly when she was 3.6 - just said one morning, I'm going to do a poo in the potty mummy and that was it. She'd been dry for ages at this point. We made a huge fuss and bought her a present and it's not been a problem since. But every time until then that I'd tried to force it, either with bribery or with anger born of sheer frustration, she got hysterical and it just wasn't worth the bother. Apparently it's a really common problem.

She had obviously trained her bowels so she wouldn't need to go at pre-school or anywhere where I wasn't around, but I think the final incentive was her desire to go on play-dates on her own. I told her that she couldn't do that unless she would poo in the loo as no-one else's mummy would want to change her nappy. We didn't mention it again, but it wasn't long afterwards that she started going on the loo.

Jackstini Mon 07-Jan-08 16:14:07

Myst - yes they do - nappies go all the way up to adult sizes so don't worry on that score.

jeanybeeny Mon 07-Jan-08 17:33:08

I think the best thing to do is back off and let the child do it in her own time. One of my earliest childhood memories is sitting on my potty, and my mum laying down the law, saying I would have to sit there until I did something, just like Myst's MIL. I did'nt, but as soon as my mum put my nappy back on I filled it, much to my her annoyance. I can remember it as if it was yesterday, and so does my mum, who laughs and jokes about it now, but would be upset if I treated my kids like it! Does anyone else have such childhood memories?

evelynrose Mon 07-Jan-08 22:29:39

This sounds exactly like my ds aged 3 and a half. We tried every bribe under the sun and then went for the mean approach, giving treats to his brother in front of him and saying he could only have them once he'd done a poo. A few sulks, but all poos in the loo for the past week.

mystified76 Tue 08-Jan-08 08:29:28

Thanx everyone for your advice - cheers Jacks for your reassurance! Was discussing issue with dh last night and he told me he had 'poo' issues when he was younger and ended up in hospital severely constipated and i admitted that when i was younger i could hold on for a week as well - so poor dd it looks like she can quite legitimately blame it on the genes!!

Nicolette1 Thu 10-Jan-08 19:28:03

I knew I couldn't be the only one with a child with 'poo issues' but it is such a relief to log on and find a current discussion on the topic. I tried forcing the issue with my 4yr old son 1 week before Xmas by putting him in pants during the day but he continued to pee in the potty and poo in his pants (thank god the poos were 'firm'). He claimed on Monday this week that he would ensure no more poo accidents as of Thursday (today) and amazingly took himself off to the potty this evening claiming a poo was imminent - nothing came. But he's clearly trying - why he chose today I have no idea but if he sticks to his word, I'll just be grateful. So while I have no solutions to offer (we tried everything listed in this discussion w/out success) I can say 'hang in there' - you may be just as 'mystified' at the end but I'm confident that it will be a happy ending.

WezzleWoo Thu 10-Jan-08 19:44:51

haven't read all of this thread so apologies if this has already been suggested. I had the same problem with dd and i mentioned it to the nurse at her 2.5 year check. she sent me a short story about a little boy who has to help his poo get home to poo land by pushing him out. Poo has to go and see his mammy and daddy brothers & sisters. I wasn't convinced when she told me about it but it actually worked straight away by making her think she had to help poo get home. it's definitley worth a try.

mystified76 Mon 14-Jan-08 10:39:42

Thanks wezzlewoo, do you know where i could hold of a copy?

mystified76 Mon 14-Jan-08 10:40:11

get hold!

Cathpot Mon 14-Jan-08 10:51:01

have posted about this before as 3 year old dd1 with exactly same problem. Advice from HV is: remember this is about fear of pooing in the toilet, so pressure likely to make it worse. In very very gentle steps edge her towards pooing on the toilet with rewards for each step - (ie only pooing in bathroom/ pooing in nappy but next to loo etc) we have got her to pooing in nappy on toilet this way - but still to get the nappy off! Most useful advice was instigating a 5 minute 'practise sitting' time where there is no pressure for her to do anything at all, just to practise sitting on loo (can give a colouring book or something). If they are very anxious to start doing this at non pooing time of day and move it over time so she is doing her practise sitting before you give her the nappy to poo in. We moved to 'practise pushing' this week and actually got a little poo out! ridiculous amounts of excitement from me at this point as soo fed up with it. HV suggested getting them to do blowing bubbles or blowing up balloons during practise sitting as this causes them to push same muscles. I also pretend I am the poo in her bum and need pushing to the light. Very glad no one but dh witnesses this. Good luck.

ThreeBluecubs Mon 14-Jan-08 22:09:21

Not sure I recommend it really, but we waited until DS had a bad tummy and stuck him on the loo when he asked for a nappy. Once they have done it once or twice it breaks the psychological barrier.

mystified76 Wed 16-Jan-08 08:39:05

Thanks cathpot, that is really useful, am definitely going to try your way, your last comment really made me laugh, have funny mental image in my head as can imagine myself doing the same thing!!!!

WezzleWoo Sat 19-Jan-08 23:16:15

Sorry mystified have only just checked this thread. I would have sent you my copy but it's been scribbled on by DD - although you're welcome to have it if you're still struggling.

Let me know how you're getting on.

PrincessButtercup Sat 19-Jan-08 23:59:39

I would echo Cathpot's HV's advice and add that we found for ds that after a warm bath in the evening is the best time to "practice sit". The child is probably at his/her most relaxed physically (warmth of the bath helps relax muscles) and mentally (no mad rush to be anywhere).

I feel for you having been through this with my ds (now 4.5) and can only urge you to keep trying and to stay as positive as possible. With hindsight I can see that we were quite slack about helping ds (didn't want to force the issue, thought he'd grow out of it etc. etc) but this did not help him as he started to withhold totally (coincided with starting school). Thankfully, he never had to be hospitalised as a result of the self imposed constipation but he was suffering from seepage (result of long term withholding) on an almost daily basis which was really unpleasant for him and upsetting for dh and me. The practice sitting method worked for him in that it helped him to go without any fuss and regulated him to the extent that 2 days out of 3 he can be sure of emptying his bowels in the evening so it is unusual for him now to feel caught short at school.

Best of luck. I'm sure that your dd will be fine.

mystified76 Mon 21-Jan-08 12:36:41

Hello everyone, have so far got dd to do a poo (in nappies of course!) but in the bathroom and my aim is to get her to sit on the toilet over the next few weeks... the only problem i can forsee is that sometimes she can go for days without going so i really must remember to do the practise sitting everyday, i need to adjust as much as her! been so used to "she'll do it in her own time" mentality that i really need to take the initiative myself and instigate small changes daily.

moppymoppy Wed 30-Jan-08 22:03:54

Hello everyone

I'm very interested in this topic as my dd (3.5 yrs) will only do poos in pull-ups despite weeing in the loo with no problem for 18 months.

We've tried everything and find that if we persuade her too much to use the loo she holds it in for up to a week and then we have terrible constipation problems.

I wasn't too worried for the first few months but now worry that this is going on too long. Has anyone else been in this situation for this long?

thanks!

shrooms Mon 04-Feb-08 09:24:52

ROFL about the helping poo get home grin did you also name it Mr hanky?

amazonianwoman Mon 04-Feb-08 10:41:40

I'm relieved I'm not the only one! DD 3.7 has been dry day & night for over a year but has only ever done one poo on the potty (before she was potty trained)

She's had an immature/compacted bowel for almost 2yrs but this seems to be improving - she isn't so constipated and now poos virtually every day but still refuses to use potty/toilet. I'm getting concerned that she'll start holding it in again when she starts all day school in Sept. Have offered every bribe under the sun!

Will try some of your suggestions...

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