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How to get DS1 fully independent before baby no. 2 arrives

(5 Posts)
MamaD2014 Sat 22-Jun-13 10:19:32

Hello All,
Our DS just turned 11 months when we found out we were expecting baby no. 2 (though unplanned baby is wanted). The problem is that dear son is almost 13months and still does not sleep through the night,still wakes up a few times to Bf at night. I am often exhausted in the morning still I have a full time job (started working when DS was just 3 months, DS was exclusively BF for 6.5months).
I am worried about bfing through pregnancy as I will want to stop bfing DS before baby arrives. I have tried to stop him feeding in the night but he gets really angry and cries very much. I've tried giving him other food (formula, cereal) and he does not really mind just anxious for food. I am worried he is often really hungry at night.
Did anyone have similar situation/ or any have advice on how to pull through?
Sorry TMI.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sat 22-Jun-13 15:03:22

Hi there

Just a few random thoughts, am on my phone so hard to edit, sorry! Congrats on your 2nd pregnancy.

Have you seen the MN category Feed The World, there's a very helpful section called "Weaning"? Just wonder if that or a section in the Becoming a Parent might get more daily site traffic?

You may find your milk production drops off anyway if you are pregnant, working and bf. Don't attempt to go cold turkey, it is stressful for you both and painful for you. At night when we're tired the last thing we need is a tussle of wills. It is more habit than hunger at this age when he demands you at night if he gets enough to eat in daytime. Closeness and comfort is so wrapped up with feeding when they're tiny no wonder transition to toddlerdom is demanding.

Best to try getting him out of the habit gradually and maybe start 'casually' offering a bottle in daytime at random moments. He may even take to a sippy cup. Of course he will react crossly and you will have to harden your heart and it can feel like you are being cruel. A full tummy and he'll rely less on your milk. Cereal, fruit, vegetables: your DS needs fuel for growth and development. It really helps if DP steps up and helps with giving DS nourishment and maybe another trusted face your son knows like Granny who can help introduce a breast alternative. Water to quench thirst and even a bit of artful pantomime. "Look! Daddy's drinking from this cup!" A fast flow or one with a fast flow was actually the opposite of helpful hmm

You can continue to bf through pg, many women do, but if you don't want to you may find that your supply drops off. This can make it easier to wean them from the breast. I nudged DS to stop bf when pg, by about 16 weeks the flow was noticably less (he commented on it as he was nearly 2).

I would also say with night weaning that you really need to get DP/DH involved. So if DS wakes at night you send him, maybe with a beaker of water. I found that if I went in and tried to not to feed it just led to one enraged baby.

MamaD2014 Sat 22-Jun-13 16:44:12

@ DonkeysDontRideBicycles & RhinestoneCowgirl thanks for your suggestions. I have just added some extra info for more insight.

DS does not reallu bf daytimes except at weekends. He goes to the Childcare centre 5 days a week(8:30 - 17:30) and his daily menu is as follows:
7:30 > Cereal
9:00 > Fruit
11:00 > Cereal/ sandwich
14:00 > Bottle of milk
15:30 > Yoghurt/crackers (optional)
17:00 > Vegetable

He gets home between 17:30 and 18:00 and mostly nurses(goes to bed right away).If he is still awake, he has regular dinner with I and DH around 19:00 and sleeps before 20:00.

He gets up again around 23:00, 2:00 and 4:30 for bf.

We have tried to replace feeding @ 23:00 with yoghurt or cereal and 2:00 with a bottle of formula. The cereal or the formula still do not seem to keep him heavy enough as not to wake up for subsequent meals.

Hope the extra info helps. More advice is very much welcome.

PS:DS drinks water at everymeal time. Guess he gets 300 - 400ml daily.I do not mind bfing DS as long as he wants but I cannot cope(and certainly do not want to) be bfing 2 (DS and the new baby)

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Sun 23-Jun-13 13:14:25

Hi again

I wonder if it's less a feeding more of a sleeping issue? How long does he feed for or is it possible these are mainly comfort sucks and a nice habit of depending on Mummy's milk to get off to sleep again? I would try and cut out a night feed, obviously it takes time and it's tiring in itself to battle this but you are going to be so exhausted come DC2.

How about if you feed him cereal half an hour before bedtime then give him bf to settle him and off he'll go.

I realise if he is cutting teeth or going through a developmental stage he may well be wakeful. Currently he thinks that wake time = feed time.

As RhinestoneCowgirl says, get DH involved in this when possible.
Is DH due any leave, I am just thinking that if so, you could try leaving DS to cry a while - I know, it goes against the grain! It doesn't have to be more than a few minutes, then if he doesn't self soothe, H is able to go in to tend to DS instead of you. I am not saying, deny him cuddles or comfort.

When you do go into him, stay quiet, no conversation, dimmest light, no mobiles or playthings. If you feel it's important to feed, do this quietly and no other stimulation. Leave as soon as that feed is over.

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