drug dependant baby, advice needed

(524 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

I've been asked to foster a baby expected to be suffering drug withdrawal when it is born next week.

It is years since I've cared for one of these and any advice would be most gratefully received.

france8 Wed 03-Mar-10 18:20:28

I suppose it will be in a sort of 'shock' being born and withdrawing all in the same week... ( I always bathed my son in chamomile tea (just a make a mug and add it to the bath) seemed to help him be calm and sleep. Good luck and well done!

Oscy Wed 03-Mar-10 18:27:01

If the baby is fully addicted (which it probably is) then it will spend the first month of life in a special care unit weaning/withdrawing off the drug, I don't think you would be expected to care for such a sick baby so soon after birth - I am of course open to correction. If you are expected to care for this baby immediately postnatally, then you should be made very aware of the help available to you and the baby, medically and otherwise, good luck with it all.

earthmother my friend took her nephew who she adopted as her ds at a few weeks of age straight from the hospital with drug dependancy (Ireland so different rules for fostering within family), the only way she could get him to sleep was tight swaddling because he was basically going cold turkey and would make himself jump all the time. Anything you need to know I can ask her.

Thanks all, I'm expecting baby to have quite bad symptoms as his mum has tested positive repeatedly.

Verity I remember swaddling one of the babies years ago on the advice of a midwife but I'd forgotten that until your post.

I may be back in the next few days once baby is born and the extent is known.

Quick update, baby born late last week, Was fine at first then developed withdrawal symptoms and is now in the high dependency unit at the hospital.

I'm busy re-reading all my stuff on drug dependent babies from courses I've gone to over the years and keeping my fingers crossed for lo.

solo Wed 10-Mar-10 16:55:23

I'm no help at all, but this thread just made me very sad. Poor little mites.

Hope all is well EMIN.

Alouiseg Wed 10-Mar-10 16:55:35

Wishing you all the luck in the world. You are a marvellous person.

Thanks solo, me too.

don't, you'll make my head grow wink

As long as lo is ok I'll be happy.

Baby may be discharged early next week.

I've spoken to the sw and baby is on Oramorph?

and is being tube fed at present. She weighs 2.22 kilo's, god thats tiny isn't itsad

CMOTdibbler Thu 11-Mar-10 15:17:54

Oh bless - teeny tiny for term. The oramorph will be to let her be weaned off opiates, rather than going cold turkey

Would you have any idea how long she'll need to take that for CMOT?

2.22 is under 5lbs I think.

CMOTdibbler Thu 11-Mar-10 16:41:58

I don't know - sorry. The little I know was from chatting to the foster carer of a little boy who was born to an addicted mother, and when I met him, had a brain tumour aged 18 months. I remember him so well as it was such a sad story, and his foster mum was so fabulous

Thanks CMOT, poor little boysad

I've had a chat to my hv and she seems to think baby will be off tube feeding and Oramorph before she is discharged but I guess its just wait and see really.

Alouiseg Thu 11-Mar-10 17:02:24

One of the side effects of oramorph is constipation. Just in case they forget to tell you.

Wishing you all the luck in the world x

Brief update:

Baby got here yesterday afternoon. She is tiny!

I obviously knew she was small but opening the door to the sw's and seeing her for the first time made me gasp.

She is absolutely breathtakingly beautiful.

She is a very slow feeder and it is very obvious when she needs her medication. I had forgotten how piercing a drug dependent baby's cries are. She is quite jumpy and doesn't sleep for longer than 10 minutes at a time, hence the silly-o-clock posting.

Wish me lucksmile

MissWooWoo Tue 16-Mar-10 06:06:25

good luck and well done you smile

chimchar Tue 16-Mar-10 06:15:20

wow...how fab you are!

good luck with your new baby on your first full day together. do you know how long you'll have her for?

can you try "wearing" her in a wrap or a sling to help with the sleeping and jumpiness?

Thank you smile

I am wearing her, she is tucked inside my dressing gown as we speakgrin
She is due her medicine around 7am and is beginning to show signs that she needs it.

harimosmummy Tue 16-Mar-10 06:26:10

EMIN - Gosh, what a hard job. Good luck with the little one.

Do you know how the mother is coping? I hope she is also getting help and support.

Sad situation. Just lovely to know the little one has you.

From what sw's said baby's mum is not doing too well, she is trying desperately to cope with her addiction as well as having to let her lo go.

I cannot begin to imagine how she must feelsad

harimosmummy Tue 16-Mar-10 06:52:27

Oh, how desperatly sad.... I simply cannot imagine being without my babies. My two were both 6lbs 8oz and that seemed so tiny.

I hope that she can beat her addiction and perhaps have a chance to have a relationship with her baby.

D0G Tue 16-Mar-10 07:05:48

What a wonderful thing you are doing. It can't be easy.

Do you have any idea how long she will have to be on meds for? Will it have long lasting effects?

She sounds so tiny, does she have a name?

Best of luck.

No idea, I know they very gradually reduce the dose until she's weaned off it.

Again I'm unsure of lasting effects, I will ask that when we see her consultant.

She is the smallest baby we've cared for so far. She has a beautiful name chosen by her mum but obviously I can't say what it is I'm afraid.

D0G Tue 16-Mar-10 07:55:34

Of course blush. She sounds beautiful. What a sad situation though. I hope if there are any lasting effects they are minimal.

It's scary isn't it the smallest baby I ever held was almost 5lb and I was terrified just holding him he was like a little tiny bird. I couldn't imagiane having to dress him etc. Mine were all 7lb plus and seemed quite tiny at that size!

Do keep us informed if your not too sleep deprived. smile

Will do DOG smile but what is this thing called "sleep" please, never heard of it wink

D0G Tue 16-Mar-10 08:27:56

grin I know the feeling. Hope you manage to get some rest. Not so easy if you have others to look after as well.

Shaz10 Tue 16-Mar-10 08:31:53

This thread is making me cry and smile at the same time. Those poor babies that need your help and you wonderful, wonderful people that look after them. I'd love to give you all big hugs.

Hi all, baby has been extremely unsettled, longest sleep until this morning was 15 minutes.
In the early hours she finally slept for just over an hour, I can't tell you what a blessed relief we had for a short while.

The midwife was concerned enough to contact SCBU who arranged for her consultant to ring me.

He feels if I'm ok to continue he'd rather not up her dose as she is feeding well, if slowly, and taking her meds ok.

I've got his number and that of SCBU in case she gets any worse. apparently she was becoming quite settled in hospital so it may just be the change of scene.

I feel so sorry for her, she must be knackered poor mite.

CMOTdibbler Wed 17-Mar-10 15:21:43

Oh bless. Does swaddling her quite firmly help ? I understand that the babies can be quite jittery, so that might help

She is swaddled CMOT, but what seems to help more than anything is being held really close with her head under my chin, if that makes sense, seems to calm her, albeit briefly.

I am finding myself quietly making ssh ssh noises at the same time, no idea if that helps but there you gosmile

Valpollicella Wed 17-Mar-10 15:56:29

She can probably hear your heartbeat quite well in that position which may be soothing her smile

YoginiBikini Wed 17-Mar-10 15:58:14

You sound like you're doing so well. I worked in SCBU/NICU and always had a special love for addicted/withdrawing babies. They are very special. You are also very special to be looking after her so well. I admire you and your love -and patience!

That may well be it Valpoll, as long as it works I'm happy to do it. Strangely I've tried demonstrating this to DH but she doesn't calm as easily for him.

Thank you Yogi, did your workplace advocate swaddling by the way?

YoginiBikini Wed 17-Mar-10 16:11:38

Absolutely swaddling and as much skin to skin as possible. You sound like you're doing so well

hifi Wed 17-Mar-10 18:11:48

she will probably start to scratch herself frantically soon so have some gloves ready.good luck.

lljkk Wed 17-Mar-10 18:15:42

You are doing something lovely, EarthMother .
My aunt looked after babies in withdrawel, I can't remember all the things she said about them, alas.

Earthmother you are incredible. I wish I had an ounce of your strength and courage. Good luck and give that mite a big cuddle from me.

D0G Wed 17-Mar-10 18:34:52

Oh sorry to see she has been so unsettled sad poor her and you. I can imagiane it seeming very frightening for you and distressing to see her so unsettled.

Had you ever seen those teddies that are meant to make womb sounds? I wonder if something like that or recorded noise may help her settle a bit? Just a bit more comfort iyswim.

mloo Wed 17-Mar-10 18:38:39

I seem to recall that being very unsettled is normal for crack (etc.) babies.
Thank Heaves for people like you, EarthMother.

Good morning (huh) all.

After quite a peaceful evening lo has had a bad night. She seems to settle then startle herself awake.

I feel like death warmed up now and I've had a couple of hours sleepshock Dh has just gone to bed for his break.

She is tucked up in my dressing gown with her little head under my chin, this is definately her favourite place.

Still 2 hours before her next meds are due!

D0G Thu 18-Mar-10 06:55:10

Oh dear another rough night then. You must be exhausted. I guess even without withdrawal problems she is still so tiny and so young iyswim. Sleep will come soon. Enjoy those lovely newborn snuggles with her.

Do you have a battery powered swing/cradle? I don't know how long you are going to have her with you but my local paper always has second hand ones. I used to pop mine in the swing, swaddled on the fAstest setting with music playing and it always settled them. Probably a Sensory overload grin

Hi DOG, I have one of those swings but she doesn't seem impressedsad

Her sw was meant to visit yesterday but had to cancel. She asked if she could "pop in" on her way to work this morning.

She turned up at 7.45am shock I was less than pleased I can tell you.

Health visitor just been out to weigh lo,

woo hoo 5lbs 2ozs.

Poor baby not even on the centile chart yet thoughsad

D0G Thu 18-Mar-10 16:28:43

Yay well done her.

Am still in shock at sw visiting so bloody early!! I bet you were furious!

Well given that I'd been up since 4am I wasn't cooking her eggs n bacon thats for sure.

Baby has had a couple of really good spells this afternoon, not screaming and looking curiously around the room and at my face.

Dh wanted to know why my eyes were full, told him its cos it's the first time I've seen her with her eyes opensmilesad

bumpybecky Thu 18-Mar-10 17:06:48

awww what a wonderful, wonderful person you are EarthMother. Hope you have a better night tonight

purepurple Thu 18-Mar-10 17:10:09

What a fantastic thing you are doing, Earthmother. I am in complete awe of you. I have tears in my eyes reading this thread.

wannaBe Thu 18-Mar-10 17:15:43

emim, did you used to be flower35? or are you someone different? <nosy>

D0G Thu 18-Mar-10 17:23:05

Ahhhh that's so lovely must be great to see her improving like that and looking around. Hoping you have a peaceful night tonight.

cat64 Thu 18-Mar-10 17:38:34

I hope you're not a confirmed atheist as I'm sending a prayer up for you, your dh, and the LO. Keep posting to let us know how you're all getting on please. smile

Thank you all smile

Well sussed wannaBewink

cat64 when the man upstairs takes his turn walking up and down or rocking the bouncer I'll be more inclined his waygrin but thank you.

She has been the tiniest bit better tonight/this morning so fingers very tightly crossed.

D0G Fri 19-Mar-10 08:04:00

Yay an improvement is an improvement grin

And........ she's had brief interludes of being awake and not crying (blessed relief emoticon)

ok only read to bottom of page 2 - cant read any more, got tears in my eyes and the school run to do.

EMIN - you are a truly amazing person to do this. I hope the little one settles soon, it sounds like she is getting there.

Wow! A friend of mine adopted 2 babies who were drug dependent, but were in hospital for 5 weeks to come down.

You are doing an amazing job smile

Thank you the hills and ilovesmile

I know we are cruelly sleep deprived but Dh and I have just had the following conversation and I'm crying with laughter.

Dh "Emin, do you know we've been storing baby's medicine in the wrong place?"

Me "huh" shakes self awake "why, where should it be stored"

Dh "well it seems ridiculous but the bottle says in the cd cupboard"

Me "that stands for "cool dark" you numpty not cd cupboard grin

D0G Fri 19-Mar-10 10:14:29

Lol at your dh. And am grin at awake and not crying periods.

cat64 Fri 19-Mar-10 14:03:27

This is what sleep deprivation does for you grin

D0G Sun 21-Mar-10 08:14:37

How are things emim?

We've had some "issues", her sleep is still in fits and starts and the slightest noise seems to wake her. I'm not sure if she needs her dosage upped a tad but we are struggling to get her to go the 4 hours between doses.

None of this has been helped by our new next door neighbours who decided to throw the mother of all parties last night, complete with banging screaming and running in and out of their front door in various states of undress.

Dh went round to them at 1.30am and thank god they turned the music down. I've tried to have a word this morning but even though I know they're up they are not answering the doorangry

On top of all this the hospital have screwed up the amount of medicine they've given us and it will, in all likelihood run out before their pharmacy opens on Monday.

Phew thank god for a mini rantsad
Bet you're sorry you asked now DOGhmm

D0G Sun 21-Mar-10 15:06:43

Oh no. How annoying noisy house parties are so not what you need. Can't believe they haven't given you enough meds either what a bloody nightmare angry. hope you manage ok till tomorrow. Keep us updated. Is she due another weigh in soon?

MrsSantos Sun 21-Mar-10 15:21:33

God - good luck. What an amazing thing to do smile

Health Visitor is calling this week so she'll probably weigh her then.

I think we've been lumbered re the neighbours because the loud music has started again tonight. I'll be ringing the police if it goes on thoughangry

I can't begin to tell you how tired we all are, normally one of us would snatch some sleep then the other but it's impossible with the music and the banging.

They are refusing to come to the door when we've knocked so we're stumped as to what else to try.

D0G Sun 21-Mar-10 20:34:07

Fgs some people are so bloody inconsiderate aren't they. I hope you have managed to reason with them by now, and that you have a more settled evening

D0G Tue 23-Mar-10 16:56:07

How are things ?

Hi DOG, she is doing quite well, she sleeps a little longer through the night, an hour sometimes twogrin

We've had problems getting her meds sorted, apparently a lot of community type pharmacies don't like issuing the drug as it can become unstable and its quite a trek to the hospital.

A lovely mner sent me some tiny baby clothes today and I'm looking forward to putting her in tights that are not a-la Nora Battygrin

you're a star

chegirlWILLbeserene Tue 23-Mar-10 20:39:34

Hello Earth,

How are you getting along with the teeny baby?

My DS was born after exposure to drugs and alchohol but was actively withdrawing (thank God). He came to me at 8 weeks.

He didnt sleep through for a VERY long time (sorry). He wanted to be fed very small amounts 1oz every hour. I am not sure how much of this was the drugs and how much was the insecurity he was feeling.

Have you spoken to the paediatrician responsible for LAC in your LA? Our one is lovely and knows LOADS about drug addicted babies. She is very approachable and has always been willing to get me info when I have needed it.

Hope your little one settles soon. It sounds like you are doing a fab job.

Hi chegirl, she is doing oksmile

She can sleep for about an hour now, before it was 10-15 minutes at the most.

She is feeding well 3-4ozs every 4 hours and taking her meds fine.

The lo's consultant has been lovely, always willing to talk to us and has, in fact given us his personal phone number so we don't have to waste time getting past secretarys.

We have had quite a few babies with drug issues but she is our 1st on meds, I was terrified at first but it's amazing how quickly we've adapted to our 4 hour life.

Can I ask if you found any lasting effects with your DS?

mrsjuan Wed 24-Mar-10 15:22:02

Hello EarthMother
I have left you a little message here

Glad she's doing so well - you must be exhausted

mrsjuan Wed 24-Mar-10 15:23:30

Oh no - that didn't work - it's in chat with your name on.

Basically to say thank you very very much and you shouldn't have smile

You're so very welcome, and yes, I should havewink

Enjoy x

chegirlWILLbeserene Wed 24-Mar-10 19:32:16

Hi Earth,

Glad to hear little miss is doing so well.

Its hard to say with my DS. He has learning difficulties, auditory processing disorder and developmental delay.
How much of that is due to the drugs, the neglect or genetic factors is impossible really.

I know b.mum didnt have a habit. She wasnt a junkie, more of a binge user.

DS doesnt have the adhd sorts of behaviours often associtated with drug exposure. But we are trying to get him out of mainstream schooling because he is struggling so much.

Who knows really?

Hope you are getting some rest smile

Hi chegirl, I had a lie-in today until 6am (bliss) as Dh did the 3am feed/meds.

lo's birth parents are both long term users and not just of one substance, more whatever they could get IYSWIM so I am fearful for lo's future.

At the moment she is doing well, I know that soon they will want to reduce her dose and I understand that can make them jittery again.

It's an awful thing for anyone to go through but she is so tinysad

QBEE Thu 25-Mar-10 10:13:51

how often do you have to do contact and did they tell you how long she will stay with you for?
glad you got a lovely lie in wink smile

contact is every day bar weekends, it has to be supervised and ss don't "do" weekends.

Its for an hour and I think she'll be here until at least summer, hopefully anywaysmile

chegirlWILLbeserene Thu 25-Mar-10 13:48:14

Wow that is a lot of contact.

DS had 4 a week but they were 4hrs each. For the first 9 mths or so they were very badly managed and didnt do much to help DS or his b.mum.

They couldve been so much more productive but I got the feeling they were for box ticking rather than anything else. DS didnt start rolling over until they decreased and he actually got a chance to lie around a play! He spent so much time travelling to and fro and then being taken to McDonalds in his buggy he just didnt get a chance to develop.

I know exactly what you mean, it's hard having any sort of life when you're tied in every morning. Lo is collected at 8.30am each morning and is, in effect out for most of the morning so any family plans are afternoons or nothing.

Minnerva Mon 29-Mar-10 21:54:47

I have been following this story with great interest and would just like to commend you EarthMotherImNot for your compassion and the special ability of being able to keep a sense of humour and perspective on it all.I hope that i can be half as positive and optimistic as you when I start with my placements-you have been quite inspirational.
I am looking forward to further updates-when you have the time and/or energy-good luck!

Thank you Minnerva, thats most kind of you.

My link worker tells me that my sense of humour has probably saved quite a few social workers from a good slappingwink

As for compassion, well sitting here at silly-o-clock with a baby who still has more than an hour to go til her meds are due and sadly can't tell the time, (and if I'm brutally honest makes me want to shake her mum for putting her in this position) breeds its own compassionhmm

Can I add a good luck to you alsosmile

Tambasher Tue 30-Mar-10 07:10:18

You're a star and I can relate to your last comment about the mother. Poor Lo. Let's hope mother has learned a lesson, I am afraid though sometimes they just don't and repeat the cycle.

Thank goodness for people like you. x

Baby weighing in at.......drum roll..........

5lb 13ozsgrin

She has lost that pinched look and while she's not exactly on course for sumo wrestling she's getting theregrin

I'm so pleased with her I could dance a jig but I'm too tired so a quiet yeayyyyy will have to do.

As an aside I sent some photo's of her when she went to see her her mum and got a message back.....

Thanks but they're too small to put on my wall can you enlarge them for meangry

WHen my DD2 was in SCBU, there was a baby withdrawing in the same bay, the crying was so high pitched, it made me so sad you are doing a great job and your FD sounds delightful.

Poledra Wed 31-Mar-10 11:00:28

EarthMother, I've been lurking on this thread, and I just wanted to say how wonderful you and your DH are. I'm not sure I'd be able to do something as generous and selfless. Thank god we have people like you.

I hope the LO continues to improve - good vibes to you all!

SGK that high pitched cry is unique isn't it.

I think, for me, it's the knowing that there is nothing I can do to help her until her meds kick in or until she's due to have them again. I've honestly never felt so helpless in my entire lifesad

Poledra thank you, good vibes welcomedsmile

wannaBe Wed 31-Mar-10 11:19:24

what will happen to her em? Will she be put up for adoption?

Its not a cry I will forgot easily. She was huge compared to the other babies, but the nurses struggled to feed her. I often wonder what happened to her, the parents came up twice in the 3 weeks we were there.

chicaguapa Wed 31-Mar-10 11:22:49

I'm humbled. What a lovely thing you are doing. I'm having an emotional day anyway as it's DC's last day at school before we move, but lo's story has just about finished me off. I will keep my fingers crossed for her (and you & DH)

I don't know wannaBe, mum is apparently trying to work with them re her addiction.

This is not by any means her only child to be taken into the care system because of her addiction. (trying to be discreet here so don't ask how many please)

A few years ago I would have said no chance of lo going home but I have no idea how ss thinks anymore or where their priorities liesad

SGK thats unusual for drug dependent baby, I understood they were usually tiny because the mums didn't eat well/used too many drugs.

lol, she was prolly only about 5lb but she was huge compared to the 3lbers in the same room

Lol oh I see, not so huge then.

wannaBe Wed 31-Mar-10 11:52:18

I guess she might have been huge compared to other babies in scbu who might have been seriously premature for eg?

So there are more children like this LO out there by the same mother? sad angry

my sister had a 5lb 3oz baby and 4 days later I had Ds2 early at 33 weeks weighing 4lb 8oz, her DD2 looked huge compared to Ds2, but only half a pound in it.

Poledra Wed 31-Mar-10 12:14:34

On this slight tangent, DD3 was in SCBU for 4 days as she had HDN. She was 8lb 11 oz.......

wow, bet the other babies looked really tiny. There was a baby boy on the ward when DD1 was in SCBU he was at least 8lb, he was so cute, big and cuddly compared to my baby bird

yes wannaBe, quite a few, but one didn't make itsad

Quick update:

Baby doing really well smile

She is weighing in at 6lbs 7oz at 1 month old.

In consultation with her doctor we are now giving meds every other feed, not every feed and he has now asked that from today we reduce the dosage by half.

Her shaking and almost constant screaming are lessening every day thank god!

He says if she becomes distressed we are to up the dose again for a few days but....fingers crossedgrin

Minnerva Sat 03-Apr-10 22:33:18

Many thanks for the update EarthMotherImNot~
wonderful to hear that she is improving slowly every day.
How long is she sleeping for now-are you managing to get several hours in a row?.
I really appreciate you posting regularly~it's not as if you have nothing to do and lots of time to waste.


Hi Minnerva, thank yousmile

She happily goes an hour sometimes 2 between some lovely wide awake alert times.

I can honestly say in all our years fostering this tiny scrap has brought me the most satisfaction in a "my god we're getting there" sort of way.

Her face is filling out and doesn't have that pinched transparent look now.

DD2 who stayed over last night took a photo on her phone of lo lying on my front with her head nestled under my chin and that windy half smile on her face, blisssmile

She has now been on the reduced dose nearly 24 hours and, fingers tightly crossed, so far so good!

littledawley Sun 04-Apr-10 07:24:13

What an amazing couple you are. I will be thinking of LO x

CMOTdibbler Sun 04-Apr-10 07:51:47

Aw, great news EMIN - def sounds like you are through the worst of it now.

Oh scary stuff now, The consultant asked me to ring him this morning to let him know how she's been doing on the reduced dose over the long weekend.

I told him that, fingers crossed, she seems to be coping well.

"I'm tempted" he says "to stop the medication all together, lets do that and see how she manages, oh, and by the way, I'm on holiday for the next couple of weeks but you've coped so well I'm sure you won't have any problems"

WTF. I'm terrified. He says he'll email me another contact when he gets back to the hospital, just in case. hmm

Snuppeline Tue 06-Apr-10 11:50:45

Hi EarthMotherImNot, I've been reading your thread but not written anything yet, I just wanted to say today that your amazing and that I'm sure the consultant wouldn't go to the step of stopping the medication without feeling confident about it. Make sure you get another contact though and you can always ask him to let you have some of the medication on standby in case you think the little one needs it - given that he will be away he should agree to that surely. Best of luck!

Thank you Snuppeline smile

I can't believe, after all we've been through with her that the end may, just may, be in sight.

We have enough medication to get us through and I've just had a chat to my HV who said to think of it as a positive step not a scary one.

CMOTdibbler Tue 06-Apr-10 12:55:33

Def a positive step - I'm sure it's that when you get to a certain point, she is no longer really dependant on it so theres nothing to be gained by her being on a low dose anymore. Sooner she's off the drugs totally, the better eh ?

Still being snuggled in your dressing gown ?

Hi CMOT yes, still happier in there but without the shakes now.grin

CMOTdibbler Wed 07-Apr-10 09:36:03

How is she doing off the meds ?

I can't type with my fingers crossed silly wink

Actually she is doing well, very very wellgrin

She was a bit niggley in the early hours but that could just be her IYKWIM

She has gone for contact this morning and I sent a note telling her mum so I hope she'll be pleased too.

CMOTdibbler Wed 07-Apr-10 10:04:32

Fabulous ! Sounds like she (and you) are doing really well

Thanks CMOT smile

I feel as though we've all climbed a huge mountain and, although exhausted we are exhilarated as well. It's hard to remember what sleep is, apart from the cat-nap variety but I feel on top of the world today grin

ToastieLover Wed 07-Apr-10 10:17:26

You are very inspiring, EMIN. It is a wonderful thing that you do and thank god you do it.

MrsRigby Wed 07-Apr-10 10:20:10

The baby's mother should be shot for what she's done to this poor baby. What a bitch. Thank god the baby was taken away from her.

earthmotherimnot you are an amazing person. If only there were more people like yourself in this world.

MrsRigby Wed 07-Apr-10 10:26:50

I've just been reading through the other pages.

I'm close to tears with what these poor babies are made to go through.

All drug dependant women should be made infertile.

And this woman has more than 1 child in care. I hope to god none of them go back to her.

OP you are amazing, I hope the little one continues to do well. I can't imagine for a second what you or it are going through.

This thread has made me so sad and angry. Thank god that baby has you OP.

Thank you Toastiesmile

MrsRigby, thank you too but I'm not sure we should be shooting or making infertile anyone.

I confess that sometimes holding lo while she screamed and trembled I gave in to similar thoughts but I've never had to walk in her shoes and live the sort of life she's lived. I understand she is trying to get off the drugs so I'm hopeful this time for her.

ToastieLover Wed 07-Apr-10 11:15:33

Mrs Rigby - my naturally liberal views make me want to disagree with you re sterilising/forcing contraception upon drug dependent women. It seems like such a gross breach of human rights.

However, I cannot think of a single better alternative and that makes me feel incredibly frustrated and sad. It is down to SS and people like EMIN to pick up the pieces for the babies whose own rights have not been prioritised by their mothers.

Like I say, EMIN, I think you do a wonderful job and I am very grateful you do it.

Eglu Wed 07-Apr-10 11:35:31

I have just come across this thread for the first time.

EMIN what you are doing is amazing. I'm so pleased to see how well the lo is doing in your care, and now no longer drug dependant.

ChickensHaveSinisterMotives Wed 07-Apr-10 11:47:13

EMIN, thank God for people like you. You're doing such an amazing thing. Really hope that baby continues to thrive and goes on to have a happy, healthy loved life.

PandaEis Wed 07-Apr-10 12:23:37

what a fantastic thing you are doing for this little girl earthmother smile

you are surely a shining light in her little life and you should be very proud of what you and your DH are doing for hersmile

this is something i have been mulling over recently myself and it is maybe something i would do in a few years when my DD is at full time school. i would have to discuss it with DH first but i think it would be something i would really feel great about doingsmile

Thanks you guysgrin

Panda there is no feeling like this, there really isn'tsmile

Be careful how you broach the subject to your DH though, mine choked on his tea when I first raised the ideawink

PandaEis Wed 07-Apr-10 14:12:03

grin earthmother yeah...my DH would probably laugh at me for suggesting it but i think it is such a worthwhile thing to do and i have the space, patience and love spare for another child (sadly not been able to have another of my own what with my crappy body and allhmm)

Ok need some help here, this is what you have to do for me please.

At 10am this morning I will be meeting lo's mum for the first time at a review.

It would be most unfortunate if I gave in to my base instinct of grabbing her by the throat and slapping her silly, given that the room will be full of social workers etcwink

Could you all please (metaphorically) sit on my hands and hold my oh so sincere smile in place.

I thank yousmile

CMOTdibbler Fri 09-Apr-10 09:24:07

I'll be sitting on my hands with a rictus smile for you EMIN. Whilst totally sympathising with your base instinct.

How is the LO doing ?

MrsRigby Fri 09-Apr-10 10:02:34

Can't you just give in to your base instinct. I'm pretty sure all the social workers et al will be supportive of your outburst grin.

Once again, I just want to tell you what a wonderful person you are. It makes me so happy to know that that baby finally has someone like yourself to look after them.

I was hoping there would be no more posts as this thread makes me so sad and angry.

I trust the little one is still doing well and continues to do so.

Thank god for people like you in the world.

I'm back phewsmile

I managed to contain myself, actually the mum presented as an extremely fragile and pathetic person.

She thanked me for caring so well for lo and for sending her photo's from time to time.

She has so many issues that my life seems blessed in comparisonsad

Lo is doing great, she had an unsettled night but otherwise seems fine and very alertsmile

MilkNoSugarPlease Tue 13-Apr-10 08:35:28

EMIN your amazing.


PurplePillow Tue 13-Apr-10 09:25:54

Just found this thread and I too think you are an amazing woman for what you have done for this poor wee soulvery lucky little baby grin


Health visitor just been to weigh lo and she is...........drum roll

7lbs 5ozs yeayyyyyyyyyy, she is actually on the centile chart nowsmile

She is sleeping a lot better and is alert when awake, not crying anywhere near the amount she was. She will be six weeks old on Thursday and by god we're proud of hergrin

CMOTdibbler Tue 13-Apr-10 11:18:41

Wooot ! Sounds like she is making really good progress now grin. Am sure that now she isn't expending lots of energy on crying/shaking/being awake too much, she'll be piling on the weight.

MrsRigby Tue 13-Apr-10 21:30:07

Well done earthmotherimnot, keep up the good work smile.

bumpybecky Wed 14-Apr-10 12:42:31

fantastic progress since I last read this thread huge big round of applause to you and your DH EMIN, so glad to hear your baby is doing so well

Minnerva Wed 14-Apr-10 19:37:03

Wonderful to read the update-keep up the good work and thanks again for the regular postings,they are much appreciated by us all.

Thanks everyonesmile

6 weeks old today and she gave us a giftgrin
Having a cuddle with her this morning, just the two of us with Dh snoring in the background and she looked at me and smiled, the most awesome wonderful smile.

It took my breath away! Sometimes, just sometimes, this job is such a joysmile

PurplePillow Thu 15-Apr-10 10:03:21

AWWWW that is sooo lovely grin

MrsRigby Thu 15-Apr-10 21:01:01

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww grin grin grin

hairymelons Thu 15-Apr-10 21:21:50

You earned that smile!
What a lovely moment for you all

Gay40 Sun 25-Apr-10 22:14:41


8 weeks old today shocksmile

Lo is doing really well and exceeding everyones expectations. She is just over 8.5lbs and is a very alert baby, she smiles readily now and when she cries it is the more "normal" baby cry and not that god-awful high pitched scream which I can only liken to a piglet screaming in terrorshock

She has come a long way and I think, fingers crossed, she's through the dependency.

We both look like walking zombies mind you as she still doesn't sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time but, compared to a few short weeks ago this is heavenwink

shortandsweet2 Thu 29-Apr-10 08:35:48

My god EMIN you and your DH are amazing people. You have done a fantastic job!!!

She sounds so beautiful, I would love to do fostering but would never be able to pass them back plus my flat is tiny.

Thank you shortand sweetsmile but lo is the amazing one methinks!

Giving them back isn't really an issue because they aren't mine in the first placesad It's the letting go thats the killer!

Oh and babies take up very little space, especially if they spend a lot of time on your shouldergrin

SirBoobAlot Thu 29-Apr-10 09:53:38

EarthMother just wanted to say what an inspiration you are. I am total awe of you, and other people who do this. Thank goodness this little girl has such a wonderful FM in you.

kando Thu 29-Apr-10 10:23:56

You are wonderful earthmother - what a truly special person you are, the lo is a very lucky little girl to have you looking after her. Have just read the whole thread and have a massive lump in my throat reading how well she is doing. You are an absolute shining star smile

Health Visitor just called out to weigh lo

Drum roll.............8lbs 12ozs woo hoooooo

Thank you guysblush

Minnerva Thu 29-Apr-10 14:02:26

Thanks again EMIN for the update-it's a pleasure to read of lo' progress and long may it continue-thanks again

Minnerva Thu 27-May-10 13:35:50

Dear Emin

I was wondering how lo is coming along?.

Now that I am caring for a baby going through similar steps I have revisited these pages and found them helpful so I would be grateful for any updates especially sleeping habits as I look like death warmed up and am hoping (fingers crossed) that a few weeks down the line your lo will have a more regular pattern of sleep habits.

Here's hoping!!

Many thanks xx

Hi Minnerva

Our lo is just 3 months old, as of yesterday, and I can honestly say this has been the hardest slog of my life.

Of all our babies she has given us the most worry and concern but, and it's a huge but, she is getting there.

The improvements in sleeping patterns are slow and there are still nights I consider how bad would it really be to shove her in the shedwink but there are nights she wakes to feed then settles herself back to sleep.

Her personality is appearing with cheeky smiles and her obvious pleasure when I pick her up. I guess it's a little like giving birth, a few short weeks ago I would never have considered taking another lo withdrawing again but now, looking at a smiley baby in her bouncy chair, I feel such a sense of achievement I can't tell yousmile

How is it going for you?

Minnerva Fri 28-May-10 16:24:13

Thanks for your reply

Things are slowly improving but I think the hardest part is dealing with mum-I seem to be criticised an awful lot which has eroded my confidence a bit.DH says it is just because mum has no control and tries to assert herself in the only way she can and I do think he is right but I still feel a bit rubbish and dread baby coming back from contact as I know that she will question something.

Lo is hands on 24/7 and really just wants to be held all the time-she is quite happy snuggled up but doesn't like being put down at all-housework and dinners on the table have taken a hit but it's fine-when I look at her little face and think of all of the adversities that she had already had to go through to get this far my heart melts.

The drugs seem to have worked their way through her system although I did buy Infacol on your recommendation and that has helped with her wind-she lets rip her comedy farts with alarming regularity much to everyones delight !!.

She is having a few more alert periods now-at 4 weeks old she still only weighs just over 6 pounds and is a tiny little bundle of love.

I am trying very hard to stay focused and not stress too much about lo's future as I know that it is out of my hands anyway but it is difficult emin-does it get any easier?.I dread the thought of her going to her mum (who has already had 2 children taken from her)rather than for adoption but I know that ss dictates that to be best for baby.

Anyway,I'd better go now as she will be back from contact soon-I really appreciate your reply and I shall pick my mood up off the floor and open the door with a big smile and give her a large kiss on the head and a huge cuddle.

Minnerva xx

Oh Minnerva I know exactly what you mean and your Dh is spot on.

I usually agree to what I can change easily but fight the stuff I'm not prepared to compromise on.

I have found doing a contact diary helps.

Just a spiral notebook I note down how lo has been, when feeds are due, any observations, eg smiles etc.

Lo's mum writes in it too about what happened at contact etc.

It's meant we both understand when feeds etc are due, it's written down and I always put the date at the start of the day.

All you can do is your best, don't expect any gratitude and keep plodding on.

It works for me wink

D0G Fri 28-May-10 16:41:11

Glad to hear lo is doing so well EMIN. smile

Alouiseg Fri 28-May-10 16:41:53

You amaze me.

You are both doing such a wonderful job. I am very sad that lo will have to go back to mothers who can't possibly look after them as well as you have been doing.

I wish the lo could be adopted by people who could look after them and give them a nice life. Is there no chance of that happening?

sheeplikessleep Fri 28-May-10 17:47:38

Wow, you are such an inspiration.
I've just read the whole thread on the verge of tears, but your post EMIN about the first smile sent me over the edge and Im sat here blubbing with a mixture of admiration, wonder, happiness and sadness.
Fantastic - you've given me faith in human nature and I'm so chuffed there are people in the world like you.
All the best to you both and may your fostering continue for years and years. Good on you.

Aw thank you, all of yousmile

I've found the support I get on here has been so amazing, honestly at times, lots of times, it's kept me going.

The lo is my inspiration, she has come through something that most adults would cave in at and has come out (fingers crossed) the other end whole and happy.

As I type she is lying on the playmat batting at the baby gym kicking her legs like her life depends on it.

Just a few short weeks ago I wouldn't have been able to put her down without the, seemingly incessant screaming starting.

There is light at the end of the tunnel Minnervasmile

I have, and still do, struggle with the idea of her going home but, in all likelehood thats what will happen. Her mum is trying very hard and I have to accept that and hope she will continue to work on her addictions and have the strength to get through as well.

iwastooearlytobeayummymummy Fri 28-May-10 21:51:29

EMIN and Minnerva and your families,

Thank you.

You make this world a better place.

TinaSparkles Fri 28-May-10 22:01:03

Just want to offer my admiration an respect at what your doing.

I hope the love, attention and affection will see these poor little babies on the right road.

You are priceless.

EMIN I think I remember a thread of yours when your last foster baby left to be adopted, it broke my heart (apologies if I've got the wrong person)

Thank god for people like you smile


sungirltan Fri 28-May-10 22:29:47

just read the thread start to finish with tears all the way through

you're a strong lady emin!

yay for lo being a little fighter!

Lo weighing in at 10lb 3ozs smile

She is doing well apart from a reluctance to sleep after her late feed hmm

This week her sw took one of the contact sessions which had been extended to 4 hours for parenting assessment purposes.

Lo's mum met sw and baby at a local shopping centre and she brought her own pram to push lo around in.

When sw returned with lo she remarked that seeing mum walk away after contact pushing the empty pram was one of the saddest things she'd ever seen.

I was shock, seriously? Baby born with heroin, methadone and diazapham in her tiny system, weeks and weeks of horrendous screaming and pushing an empty pram is sad.

I don't get it, I really don't.

sailorsgal Wed 02-Jun-10 17:27:02

Maybe she just thought the whole situation is sad.

Thankfully there are people like yourself who are able to care for these babies.

I hope to god she doesn't get lo back until she is well rid of the drugs.

Minnerva Wed 02-Jun-10 18:09:55

Emin I know just what you mean......

At our lo's looked after child review baby's sw said ah-it's so sweet to see mum caring so well for the baby.................
this because she sat with her on her lap and fed her and burped her throughout the meeting.

I too thought 'are you for real?'-crack cocaine and heroin in her little body-it's taken her weeks to flush it through her system-only now is she starting to respond more normally.

Not a single one of us at that meeting said what we truly thought- not mum-sw-me-health visitor-we all had to be terribly PC and make the correct noises.This woman has already lost control of 2 children,both of which have suffered 'non accidental injuries'and we tell her how well she is doing because she can bottle feed a baby.....Sheesh!! hmm

The good news is lo weighs 6lb 7oz-an increase of 8oz in 7 days-at long last some weight is starting to go on her bones.

I think I would feel terribly alone if I couldn't come on here and have a little moan and/or pick EMIN's brains for advice.The support system is brill here and I thank God for it every day.

Good heavens Minnerva, are you me in a different reality?

I know exactly what you mean about the meetings and the PC talk, I too sit quietly and seethe/listen to the waffling and despair.

Lo's sw is so over the top and, in my opinion, very biased towards the mum that it's a foregone conclusion that lo will go home at some stage.

Dh is now more or less retired from his working life and now takes a more active roll in fostering but there is no way I could let him go to a review or meeting because he couldn't sit quietly to save his life.

Glad to hear your lo is picking up, it's lovely when they lose the pinched look and when they smile for the first time, oh boy, keep the tissues handysmile

MarvelousNonPerfection Fri 04-Jun-10 09:42:53

Great to hear both babies are doing well, and where ever you are some sw's just don't seem to get the big picture - ho hum.

hester Sat 05-Jun-10 22:55:16

What a fascinating thread to read. I am about to adopt a baby girl who has been through the same experience. I have met the foster mum, but it's been incredibly helpful - and moving - to read these posts. It's given me much more of an insight into my dd's early weeks. Thank you.

How exciting hestersmile I hope it all goes well for you and the lo.

Minnerva Sun 06-Jun-10 10:03:26

Aw..... that's wonderful hester-I wish you all of the love and luck in the world.
How old will lo be?.

hester Sun 06-Jun-10 21:30:15

Thank you both. She will be 10 months. EarthMother, everything you've said about your lo sounds like my dd's early months.

Fortunately she is now happy, smiley and sleeping, though I know there are many uncertainties for the future. Right now I can't really see past how we will all cope with taking her away from her foster mother - the only mum she's ever known. I've watched them together on DVD and the bond between them is clearly very strong. I can't believe I am about to traumatise my dd all over again.

It's a brutal process, isn't it? sad

Oh hester if you feel like this you are going to make a super mothersmile

It always astounds me, when I move a baby on, and some of them are here from birth to 18 months, how very quickly they adapt to their new lives.

I always feel like they should miss me more (selfish I know) but deep down I'm relieved for them.

Spend as much time as you can on her level, ie the floor, during introductions. Feed change and bathe her as often as you can and, most importantly listen to, and be sensitive towards the foster mum.

If she's anything like me she will be silently grieving her coming loss.

Can I also add I usually enjoy, for the most part, getting to know the new family and helping them as much as possible.

You see, I don't worry about the ones who go for adoption, I worry about the ones that don't!

When do your introductions start, do keep us updated pleasesmile

Minnerva Mon 07-Jun-10 08:55:49

It does seem like a brutal process but she will adapt quickly and this match between you both is obviously the best thing for baby.

I can see what you mean EMIN about the ones that don't..........I suppose you know that the ones that do are going into a family that wants them very much and will love and nurture them always whereas the other choice is not probably not going to be quite such a fairy tale ending.

The prospect of yo-yoing back and forth into the care system is too horrible a reality but unfortunately too true a reality for some.

hester please give us an occasional update if you have the time-I am always interested to hear people's stories and we can all learn from other peoples experiences.

Good luck!!

hester Mon 07-Jun-10 21:47:22

You're both really kind smile. Our introductions start beginning August. The foster mother is actually not that silent about her grief, and she was a bit antsy towards us at first, but as soon as I saw that DVD of them together I completely got how she was feeling, and stopped taking it personally. She really, really cares about this baby and I would FAR rather be dealing with her and her feelings than with someone who felt cool and detached. Her loving care may be our dd's best chance of overcoming her very-far-from-ideal start in life. She'll have to really go some to make me feel she's anything less than a goddess.

Very reassuring to hear that babies usually adapt to the transition. I suppose it's very hard for us mothers to imagine that that could be possible (I also have a birth child).

Thanks so much for the advice; it's really appreciated. I'll let you know how we get on!

Baby has been for her LAC medical today. Her mum wanted to take her so I asked if the doctor could record his/her findings in her yellow book.

Baby came home and her weight is 7lb 4oz.

In the section for doctors comments it has been written, bearing in mind the medical took well over an hour, "No issues"

Dh put lo in her crib for a sleep and she started to cry, " now now" he said, "you've got no issues so go to sleep this minute" sadly she totally ignored him wink

aspiegal Thu 10-Jun-10 20:39:52

Aaaw that is so sweet! I have followed this thread since it started and I really want to say how amazing you are Emin and Minerva - I don't think I could do it, I would get too attached to the lo's!
But now your lo has had such a good start thanks to you Emin, it's so fantastic to hear how well she is doing (no issues!! smile ) now and I really hope everything works out well for her. Also many good wishes for you Hester, you will be an amazing mother to your lovely new dd smile
Please keep updating about the lo's, it's so sad but also heartwarming to hear about their progress

Lo went for her 3rd lot of jabs today and the practice nurse made the comment "you both must feel enormously proud of how far she's come, and never forget, thats down to you two"

I have to confess I sobbed all over her lovely blue uniform, poor woman didn't know where to put herselfblush

In my defence lo is teething and I'd been up best part of the night with hersad seemed cruel to be giving her injections on top of it all.

She will be 5 months old day after tomorrow and the nurse was of course right, we are very very proud of hersmile

She is still tiny, only around 12lbs but oh what a treasure she is with her wicked little chuckle and huge blue eyes. It's been incredibly hard work but I'm so glad she came to us.smile

walkbesideme Wed 21-Jul-10 11:13:07

Earth Mother - I've been watching this thread for months. Your last post brought tears to my eyes. What an amazing thing you have done for her. She is so lucky.

Thank you walkbesideme, thats very kind of you.

I have to say I've never felt as knackered in all my life, she doesn't seem to need much sleep and she becomes very upset if she's left alone for more than a few minutes but I can't look at her without feeling a sense of achievementsmile

ladylush Wed 21-Jul-10 12:18:34

I remember you as flower - am so pleased you have another baby to care for. I can't imagine anyone better to care for such a fragile being - seems like a weird thing to say when you haven't actually met someone but your kindness, compassion and nurturing comes through so much in your posts. This lo seems to be thriving. Well done smile dd was tiny so I know what it's like having such a teeny one. She was 5lb when she came home (born weighing 3lbs as 10 weeks prem). Her favourite position was the one your lo favours (against my chest under my chin). In fact that is the only way she would sleep. And she fed little and often - makes sense when they are small. It's lovely for you that her character is emerging and you are getting chuckles and smiles smile. Hope you manage to get some sleep soon - it's tough trying to keep going on minimum sleep.

Hi Ladylush, how lovely you remembered my old personasmile

Lo was under 5lbs and the smallest lo we've had so far. I found it scary how very fragile she seemed and with the constant screaming I was afraid that with such a tiny being it would be too much for hersad

Happily she came through it and while she is still small she is getting there bit by bit.

ladylush Wed 21-Jul-10 14:13:01

I nursed a young lady who was a crack addict (as was her partner)but the pair of them gave up when she was pregnant which was pretty amazing tbh given their lifestyle beforehand (plus pg was unplanned). She had bipolar disorder and the pg and birth hormones didn't help. Unfortunately she had a binge after the baby was born and was admitted due to a psychotic episode. But afaik she was doing well and abstaining from drugs (as was her dp) and the lo was being well cared for by both of them. I hope the lo you're in charge of goes to a good home wherever that may be.

It originally looked positive towards lo returning home. Mum was doing well on a methadone programme and attending every contact session without fail.

Sadly the last 6 weeks have seen a dramatic difference in her appearance and she's missed (through illness she says) 5 out of the last 6 sessions.

She is being given every chance and help to change so it's a shamesad

ladylush Thu 22-Jul-10 13:23:36

What a shame - the pull of heroin is awfully strong. It has a lot to answer for sad Isn't it a shame people can't see what lies ahead when they first go down that road.

Fatraven Thu 12-Aug-10 17:15:32

Hi girls, i am also fostering a withdrawal baby, she is 5 weeks tomorrow, should of been coming home today but still has a sore bum and only a slight weight gain , its really hard going to the hospital twice a day for the last 4 weeks, cant wait to get her home and some normality if that's possible

Minnerva Thu 12-Aug-10 21:50:26

Aw-you poor thing!!.

It will be a really hard slog (although you more than know that already) but the most rewarding thing you will ever do-is it your first withdrawing baby?.

I will send you lots of positive thoughts and wish you all of the luck in the world.

As Minnerva says it will be the hardest work you've ever done. The sense of absolute joy and achievement once baby is free of withdrawal is second to none.

Our lo will be six months old next week and although she is still weeny she is perfectly healthy and a very happy baby.

Having said that I will think long and hard before I take a baby still on medication for withdrawal again.

It isn't the caring for the baby I struggled with, rather having to administer morphine to a baby under 5lbs in weight. The responsibility is terrifying.

Hope all is well with baby Fatraven, good lucksmile

FrameyMcFrame Thu 02-Sep-10 21:28:23

I've just read this thread and been totally amazed and moved by it.
Emin, Minerva and Fatraven, you are all fantastic and deserve so much respect for all the care and love you are giving to these little people.
I hope to become a foster carer for older children when my baby is 2 (I have a dd aged 9 too).
Truly inspirational!

Thank you Frameysmile

"Our" lo is doing so well, we are constantly amazed by her progress. She is rolling over on to her tummy and pulling her legs up as if to crawl.

She is incredibly ticklish and giggles if she thinks you're about to tickle her even before you dogrin

We have started this week giving her a taste of solid food and touch wood, so far so good.

She can now sleep for up to 4 hours through the night (bliss unbound) and wakes up so delighted to see us it's humbling.

God I love this job (only sometimes mind)wink

danceteacher Wed 08-Sep-10 06:54:29

hi all
i have been fostering a baby who is now 11 months old since lo was 6 weeks old straight from the hospital. lo is a big baby now as lo was using its milk feeds to calm its craving. lo would not sleep during the day as would startle awake, but always slept well on the night, and first slept through at 10 weeks old! i noticed the change at about 5 months old when lo was alot calmer. its amazing how they come through it. lo was crawling at 6 months and started walking at 10 months! so has more than progressed well. lo is being adopted at the end of the month. we will miss lo dearly and will be devistated, but if we didnt get attacted then we wouldnt be doing our job. its the most rewarding thing we have ever done!

I know this is an oldish thread but the excitement is too good not to sharegrin

Lo almost 9 months has been rolling around the floor (her usual mode of getting from A to B) while I'm feeding 5 week old when, out of the blue, she gets up on her hands and kneesshock

She wasn't quite sure what to do next so just rocked back and forward for a while before flopping back down.

I got so excited for her. How far she's comesmile

badgerhead Fri 05-Nov-10 07:08:54

Brilliant news, It won't be long before shes following you everywhere wink

Minnerva Fri 05-Nov-10 09:12:38

Aw Emin that's so lovely to hear-you must be thrilled!!

Thanks for the update.

Don't think she'll be here long enough to be following me aroundsad Court case in a couple of weeks then off for adoption! I'm praying (rather selfishly I know) that we get to have Christmas with her.

bottersnike Fri 05-Nov-10 12:16:54

Lovely news! You have given her such a good start.

SquidgyBrain Fri 05-Nov-10 12:26:16

Excitement indeed, what a great start you have given this little toot!

Whats a toot Squidgy grin

GetOrfMoiLand Fri 05-Nov-10 12:46:10

I have never seen this thread before - I am utterly staggered by the kindness and selflessness of the foster/adoptive mums on here - Minnerva, Earthmother and chegirl and others.

Sat here crying at the story of the little babies. Earth what a wonderful woman you are.

Poor poor baby. Utterly chilled imagining what a drug dependent baby crying sounds like sad

So so glad that women like you exist. How wonderful this thread is (but how horrific that such things happen).

have had a read and a little sob here too.
You foster Mums really really are amazing smile - wonderful to read how LO has come on smile

Thanks guys (aw shucks)smile

Dh describes the cry as piglets screaming in terror, and its a very good description of the cry.

The crying, which nothing ever seems to calm is awful but it's knowing that a tiny body is in such pain and all you can do is cradle them as gently as possible (their skin often hurts too)

She is doing very well and we both feel quite proud that we helped her through this awful thing but I'm not sure I'd be first in the queue for the next drug dependent babysad It takes so much out of you and the responsibility is frightening.

I have on a number of occasions mentioned to HV, midwife etc that in my opinion babies on morphine shouldn't be discharged from hospital until they are weaned from it as the fear of giving too much or not enough is always there.

Most foster carers, whilst they will have done first aid courses, are not medically trained.

Imagine being in hospital and they send the cleaner round with the medsshock

Bumblelion Fri 05-Nov-10 14:30:10

You must feel so proud of what you have achieved and how she has progressed, through your loving and care. Fantastic.

p99gmb Fri 05-Nov-10 20:06:25

I'm only 8 weeks into fostering.. we have 2 lo's with us, and if I can be a tiny patch of a carer as some of the carers on here, I will be very proud of myself..

When I'm feeling emotional.. (which can be frequently!!) I read this thread to give myself a kick up the backside blush

I'll celebrate your milestone today with a large glass of wine - feel free to join me 'virtually'.. grin

I've just read this thread with my heart in my mouth and although I'm sorry for the situation lo's mum is in, I am delighted that through adoption this lo will have the best possible chance for a safe and secure life. EMIN - you and all the other foster mums and dads are wonderful people. Such love that you've shown - it's awe inspiring.

DirtyMartini Fri 05-Nov-10 20:49:09

Another teary mess here. Can only add to what others have said: you're amazing (and your lo is amazing too).

I'm so glad she is being adopted, and hope she'll be loved and looked after as beautifully as she has been with you.

I'll think of her when I go in to feed my DD later on.

Reading this makes me feel like the luckiest woman in the world to have a stable life and two healthy kids. It's too easy to take these things for granted.

tribpot Fri 05-Nov-10 21:00:12

EMIN, I cannot imagine the responsibility of administering oramorph to such a small person, where potentially a tiny amount could have terrifying consequences. The descriptions of the screams make me - my dh has cold-turkeyed off Oramorph but he was a 36 year old man, not a tiny, helpless infant. (And it was still quite bad, even though he has a bizarre relationship with opiates).

How marvellous she is doing so well. And, sad though it is that the birth mother couldn't come through, how lovely she will have an adoptive family. My dbro has adopted three children in similar-ish circumstances, all from the same birth family, and they have absolutely blossomed, it has been such a thing to see. I remember the middle dc was so very, very thin when he came to them I was absolutely shocked - and now he's a completely in-your-face lively 6 year old, he's a true delight.

What a terribly hard job you do. I know I couldn't do it and will freely admit that. Thank you so much.

hester Fri 05-Nov-10 21:03:10

What a wonderful thread. My adopted dd was also born drug dependent and she is such a bright, beautiful, happy baby now. There's not a day that passes when I don't offer up a prayer of thanks for the love and care her foster carer gave her. Well done, EMIN.

Ilythia Fri 05-Nov-10 21:24:55

I love when thsi thread comes up again in active convos as it really reaffirms my faith in humans. You women (and your DH's) are fabulous, marvellous peoplesmile

Am so sad but also so happy for those babies that they found you all.

We had to sort through some recent photo's of lo this morning as the adoption panel need one to attach to her profile.

Dh suggested sending one where she's crying and looking miserable "then they might not be able to find someone to take her" he said.

Poor Dh, I think he's going to take lo's leaving pretty hardsad

scallopsrgreat Sat 06-Nov-10 20:22:58

What a lovely thread. EarthMother - I feel for you both. You've done a fantastic job. Your lo has been very lucky to have you - but she knows that! So sad you are going to lose her soon. That must be really difficult. Good luck with that and the court case x

tribpot Sun 07-Nov-10 17:45:52

I'm sure you will both find it hard, EMIN. You have done such hard work and any adoptive parent should be very grateful to you. I sincerely hope you don't find the separation too hard.

Fatraven Thu 11-Nov-10 06:36:52

Hi, i am a foster mum of a withdrawal baby girl and know where you are coming from earth mother, our baby is still on pheono and i think it will have to be increased again as she is very unsettled again, its the best and hardest job ever but we wouldn't change a thing, i dread someone coming forward to adopt her although i know its for the best our final court hearing is mid December, so we should have xmas with her. She is 4.5mths old.

Lilka Fri 12-Nov-10 21:00:11

Oh, I just read this and wow. I did consider fostering for a while but ultimately decided to adopt instead. How sad the situation, but hopefully now LO can have as good a life as possible.

And you totally deserve christmas with her I think it is your right to have that after all you've done for her. Luckily it's so near now and usually kids aren't moved in December. Make some more wonderful memories with her

scarlet5tyger Tue 07-Dec-10 19:37:26

Hi, I'm new to mumsnet but am also fostering a drug addicted baby. He's 11 weeks old now and sadly I don't feel like we're anywhere near the end of the tunnel

Reading this post has been great though as it does remind me that better things WILL come eventually (I also cared for LO's sibling. She's now moved on but is well behind her peers)

Baby currently has daily contact (bar weekends) with parents and as I transport that means daily contact for me too. In a way that's even harder than caring for baby - I can't say anything about how difficult baby is without hearing "but he's fine for us". According to them he's smiling, crawling and babbling - strange that the other 23 hours of the day he's a screaming, jittery, frightened rabbit not yet meeting any of his milestones...

Sorry to rant, I found this post on a bad day! wink EMIN your positive attitude is an absolute tonic - I could do with a huge daily dose of you!

scarlet smile hi and welcome.

11 weeks and crawling, wow, who do they think they're kiddinghmm

Seriously though, looking back to our "dependent withdrawing" stage I can't believe we got through it, all of us!

Our lo is a delight and an absolute joy to us now and moving her on in the new year is going to kill me emotionally, but I'm not sure I'd put my hand up when the next drug dependent baby needs a home. It is so unrelentingly hard work and I can't count the number of times I came close to throwing in the towel.

Is your lo still on meds?

scarlet5tyger Thu 09-Dec-10 19:59:28

Another exhausting day!

LO wasn't medicated as he scored 7 on the hospital's NAS chart and they have to be 8 or above before they're medicated apparently. Then he was discharged home to me, methadone withdrawal kicked in and he went through the roof (and some days is still up there!). We considered referring him back for meds to be reconsidered but by the time the professionals had hooed and haaed I thought we might as well continue cold turkey.

Even though he's going through a bad patch at the moment I still think this was the right decision as we do have the occasional good day now.

I moved my last drug addicted baby on a few months ago and I still miss her every day. When I think back to the change in her over the 16 months she was with me though I'm so proud of the good start I gave her. Lets hope it's not too long before I start getting something back from this one!

Well the end is in sightsad

Tomorrow we get to meet the new parents chosen for lo.

Our LA policy is that they can't see the baby until panel has rubber stamped everything (ridiculous in my opinion) so Dh will take her out before they arrive.

I'm soooo nervous and I expect they are too!

p99gmb Thu 16-Dec-10 18:41:35

ahh bless... what a lovely Christmas Present for them... I truly hope you take to them, and them to you... smile

Fuchzia Thu 16-Dec-10 20:39:49

Many have said this before me but you are amazing. I stumbled on this thread and read it all. Well done. Thank goodness someone is able to give these babies the start in life they deserve

SenSationsMad Thu 16-Dec-10 20:43:36

hope it goes well x

Thanks everyonesmile

I hope they got more sleep than I did, I can't believe how nervous I amshock

It seems very wrong that they can't see lo too, so close and yet so farsad

blueberrysantabait Fri 17-Dec-10 07:36:18

EMIN - I have followed your story since the beginning, you are truly amazing you have given this lo a gift that she will carry with her for life and you have given a couple the chance to have a happy healthy baby in their lives.

I hope today goes well for you all.

Thank you blueberrysmile

I think the support I've had from Mners has carried me this far so I've no doubt it will get me through the final leg. In fact I'm counting on it!

I have to start her goodbye letter soon, I've put it off because I have no idea how to put it down in wordssad

How do I tell the 16-18 year old she will one day be, how awful her first weeks were?

Dh says I should ignore that bit and just talk about how much she came to mean to us but is that right, will it be enough?confused

blueberrysantabait Fri 17-Dec-10 08:00:09

I think she will need to know how it was but it was how she and you fought, came through and became the person she is today. Rather she hears it all in a loving way from you than in bit and bobs from medical records or social services records.

I'm glad you think I should talk about it. I'm going to start tomorrow, I know from experience that it's not something I can do in one day.

It will take me a few goes to get it right, and probably a few tearssad

Minnerva Fri 17-Dec-10 08:35:23

Good luck Emin-I will be thinking of you.

This is the end of your story with her but a new beginning for her and she is only able to take this path because of the love and care that you have lavished on her.

She is a very lucky little girl and will leave you with the sense of being loved and being able to love-a precious gift indeed.

Hi Minnerva, long time no seegrin

Thank you, I think we are the lucky ones especially when I see her now, a happy giggly little girl, into everything and so very content.

melikalikimaka Fri 17-Dec-10 09:02:21

Thank God for you, EMIN.smile

Minnerva Fri 17-Dec-10 09:03:30

I am off for major abdominal surgery on Monday so will be out of action for a couple of months.They had to find a new placement for the special needs lo that I was caring for.I do miss her but I am quite poorly at the moment and it is important that I rest a lot so I couldn't care for her properly any more.

Lovely to hear your update though-sending you my very best wishes for Christmas and the new year Emin.

I'm sorry to hear you're poorly Minnerva, I'll be thinking of you on Monday and praying all goes well for you.

Sad for lo too but obviously your health comes first. I had to move a baby on years ago because i was so ill I couldn't care for her so I understand how that feels.

Wishing you a speedy recovery and a wonderful Christmas. xxx

TurkeyMartini Fri 17-Dec-10 09:20:03

Good luck writing your letter EMIN.

Huge respect to you (and the other foster parents who've posted). I've come back to this thread a few times and it always amazes me and make me cry. So glad this baby girl had her time with you.

Merry Christmas when it comes.

TheFoosa Fri 17-Dec-10 09:32:15

to EMIN and all the people who do care for these poor children, you are amazing

Greythorne Fri 17-Dec-10 10:29:03

I def think you should write about how hard the first weeks were for you and for LO, it can be a way of telling her how wonderfully hard she fought to get through the crap hand her idiot parents life dealt her. Sorry, I feel bad being so jugdey when
you reserve judgement and just do the best for the little one. I imagine I would be a hopeless foster carer.
Anyway, good luck writing the letter and good luck saying farewell yo your LO.

wallababy Fri 17-Dec-10 10:57:36

Wow. I have just read the whole of this thread (admitedly the last few pages have been through floods of tears)
You are all amazing.
I actually have a friend who fosters drug dependant babies and always admired her, but actually, Reading these first hand accounts, it makes me in awe of her.
If there are any social workers out there, maybe let any drug dependant mothers or mothers to be read this thread, I defy anyone not to feel for these poor babies.
Well done EMIN and others. There just aren't the words to thank you enough.

Thank you everyonesmile

The new family seem lovely, they brought me winegrin

They are desperate to meet her and had zillions of questions. They brought gifts for her including a talking photo album of all of the family's voices including the dog barkinggrin

The social worker has forgotten to do a vital piece of paperwork which could, potentially, hold things up for weeks and weeks and she chose this morning to break this to themangry

It took the shine off the occasion big time.

Sometimes I despairsad

TurkeyMartini Fri 17-Dec-10 15:58:54

How lovely that you like them though.

Greythorne Fri 17-Dec-10 17:03:16

That just beggars belief! (The forgotten paperwork, I mean).
Does that mean you will "keep" LO over Christmas?
The adoptive parents must be gutted.

Regarding the birth mother, does she have anhy more recourse to appeal the decision (nosy emoticon)?

Greythorne, we would have had lo over Christmas even without the forgotten paperwork as the first panel doesn't meet until January.

They were so upset, they thought waiting until January was hard enough, to be told it may not happen until March was too much to bear.

No all avenues for BM have been well and truly closed.

PigeonStreet Sat 18-Dec-10 07:09:47

What a massive shame... I thought the key to adoptions etc was avoiding delay so that children are not waiting around for families? Some friends of ours adopted their ds in dec last year and were initially told he wouldn't be placed with them until Feb. They kicked up a massive stink about the delay to a manager and they changed it back to Dec.

Have been following this thread for months on and off and have reccommended it to people I know looking to foster babies. I just wanted to say what a wonderful job you are doing and despite the delays (not your fault)you are going to be responsible for giving the little one such a better start in life, and giving her adopters their dream.

Thanks PigeonStreet, thats kind of yousmile

I truly feel for this family, from what I gathered chatting to them yesterday they have waited so long, longer than most adopters I've met by a long way, so to drop this on them seems too diabolical.

They were shell shocked yesterday and, sadly, don't seem to be the create a stink type of people. To be honest though the paperwork thats been overlooked isn't stuff that, legally, can be done withoutsad

queenofboak Sat 18-Dec-10 08:05:50

I've just sat and read this thread.

I have to confess i'm a bit teary.

What a wonderful story. EMIN, you have taken such a poorly baby and given her the most wonderful start in life. I know that you have given her the most important gift, security and love, that will always stay with her.

I really couldn't do what you ladies do. But thank God you are there.

Getting a bit gushy now grin it's just lovely to know that ladies like you are around.

BookcaseFullofBooks Sat 18-Dec-10 09:17:10

Just read this thread and I have no words to express how stunned I am by it. You truly deserve a wonderful Christmas with your special babies.

Minnerva Sat 18-Dec-10 09:51:12

Em I am so glad that you like them-it does make the handing over a little bit easier.

Such a long time for the poor parents to wait for their lo.You say they have been waiting for eons anyway so this extra delay must just be agony for them-their christmas is well and truly spoilt.

Thanks allsmile

I had rang the adoption worker before they arrived on another matter and she said she should forewarn me she would be breaking this bad news to them.

I had to sit with a stupid smile on my face knowing the bombshell was imminent.
Of course she left it until the family were putting their coats on thinking alls well with things before she cleared her throat and said "there is just a teeny problem"

I hate this job sometimesangry Well, strictly speaking, I hate the bloody incompetence and laziness of social servicesangry

Rant overbiscuit

scarlet5tyger Sun 19-Dec-10 20:24:25

Not had time to pop back in here since I last posted and just wanted to add my comments to EMIN. Unfortunately I'm not at all surprised that SS have misses vital paperwork. A six month placement with me ended up sixteen months for similar reasons.

On a brighter note for you, you get to keep baby a few months longer. I know this is a double edged sword as every time dates are put back for me are extra time for me to get more attached.

On a more personal level, my current placement has had a better few days and I've actually had smiles now! The first one almost made me cry as it came at the end of a long, tiring day. Suddenly all the screaming was forgotten!

Hope you all have a great Christmas if I don't get chance to come online again before Sat x

thanks scarletsmile A smile makes a world of difference with these babies doesn't it. A little bit of hope and optimism creeps in.

I know with our lo when she is into everything and under my feet, (try Christmas wrapping with a crawler about) I look at her and marvel at how far she's come. She's amazingsmile

snail1973 Tue 21-Dec-10 22:45:14

EMIN just thought you might like to know about our adopted dd. She was born addicted. Spent 5 weeks in SCBU doing 2 rounds of oramorph (pretty bad withdrawal apparently) then with foster carers until 10.5 mntgs.

She certainly had a tough start but the long nights and endless love of her fc's got her back on track. She is now 4.5yrs and is just a normal girl who loves life is doing well at school and loves her new mummy and daddy.

Everything you have done for this lo is SO worth it. And there's no reason for them to be anything other than a gorgeous thriving kid.

That said we did have a tough first few months when we took her home at 10 mnths. I think she was so attached to her fc's (prob because of all they had been through ogether) that she was pretty anxious with us for some time. But she is just a wonderful daughter now and that's all water under the bridge.

Have a lovely Christmas. And good luck to her adoptive parents to be!

Thats lovely snailsmile to know they can make it through the toughest of starts.

From what our previous adopters usually tell us most lo's settle pretty quickly, never having had a baby with so many substances in its tiny system before who knows how this one will be. I can only pray for her and her new family.

On a brighter note I had a call from the adoption sw who tells me that the head of adoption has managed to find a way around the problem which would have held things up so we are back on track for January.

Have a lovely Christmas toosmile

PigeonStreet Wed 22-Dec-10 20:23:26

EMIN - that's great news about the timescales.I suspected they might be able to find a way of speeding it up again!

Quick update!

Matching panel is next week so lo will be gone by the end of the month providing all goes according to plan.

I cannot imagine our lives without hersad she is a shining light to us.

I'm going to need a lot of hand holding againsad

ednurse Sat 08-Jan-11 14:51:26

Just read this whole thread.
Big well done to all you MN'ers and families who are fostering these poor LO's.
What a satisfying and rewarding job you are all doing, you should feel VERY proud.

It's more a sense of achievement than pride I think, a bit like a mountain climbed, with this lo in particular but thank yousmile

Matching panel tomorrow, fingers crossed for the new family everyone smile

All went well at panel. "My" baby has a new mummy and daddysmile bit tremulous but still smile

p99gmb Tue 11-Jan-11 15:17:45

so when will she go??

smile sad

Probably start introductions on Monday and be gone by the end of the weeksad

We can't imagine life without her!

Her new mum has texted and her excitement is overwhelming, I'm sure they'll love her to bitssmile

p99gmb Tue 11-Jan-11 18:43:15

OMG.. I can't believe she will be gone so quickly... Silly me, I presumed at least a few weeks of getting to know her... Gosh shock

I am sure they will cherish her and I do hope they will keep in contact with you.


I can't imagine how hard it will be for you - BIG HUGS at the ready everyone!!

Been reading and lurking. What a great thing you have done for this baby. The girl and the woman she will be will have her roots in your loving care.

Minnerva Wed 12-Jan-11 09:57:13

Hi Emin,
Just wanted to day hello and that I'm thinking of you-good luck for lo's new mummy and daddy.

Thanks everyonesmile

It doesn't seem real yet but I guess it won't be longsad

Dh were talking last night after we got the babies to bed and neither of us can believe how far she's come in a few short months.

We had earlier looked up to find she'd climbed into the baby bouncer all by herselfshock this after learning how to open the bottom drawer in the kitchen.

It's like she's a bundle of "ooh, whats this, what does that do" all of a sudden.

We are so going to miss her cheeky little grin and infectious gigglesad

It is sad because you will miss her so much of course but you have done such a good job. I hope SS appreciate you and dh. The care and consistency you have shown is amazing. Without your strength she could have gone from person to person, without your care she could have succumbed to the complications of powerful medicine, neglect and low weight. I can't imagine what it must be like to hand her over to new parents but every tear you shed is because of a victory won.

Thank you Northernlurker, your words mean such a lot. I will remember the every tear shed bit in the next couple of weeks.

We feel proud of who we've helped her become already, and yes handing her to someone else will be awful but she needs a family of her own nowsad

I know the best thing I can do for her now, apart from enjoying the time we have left, is to help her new family get to know her as much as possible.

SquidgyBrain Thu 13-Jan-11 22:05:26


Not been about for a few weeks, so missed all the latest news!

So glad that your LO have found some wonderful people to be her forever family, the gift you gave all 3 of them is not one that will ever be measurable, you truly are an inspiration

Hi Squidgysmile

They are lovely people and I know she is the most wanted and prayed for little girl everwink

I send them a little mobile photo every morning of lo to say good morning to them, the wait must seem endless to them.

Lo had a final contact with birth mum recently who's only question apparently was "would any subsequent babies be taken from her"


geordieminx Fri 14-Jan-11 11:18:18

You really are such a wonderful person, and I'm sure your darling girl will be so happy in her new home.

I'll get big-headed geordieblush

SquidgyBrain Fri 14-Jan-11 14:00:10

Birth parents don't have suck sometimes

scarlet5tyger Fri 14-Jan-11 15:02:30

Oh EMIN, I remember this time so well and my thoughts are with you and your little one over the next few days. It's such a shame these last few days seem to fly by when the sleepless nights and screaming days took forever!!!

She pulled herself up, somewhat unsteadily, to her feet earlier.

God I cried like a babysad Who would have thought that tiny (under 5lbs) scrap would have made such an enormous impact on us all.

I'm trying really hard to enjoy the time we have left but in reality there is a countdown going on in my head.

armani Sat 15-Jan-11 22:11:18

have just read this thread and am sat here in tears. EMIN what a fantastic job you are doing.
this story lies very close to my heart as my sister is a recovering heroin addict. she had her ds whilst still very much hooked on heroin and was warned by the doctors she could not wean off dramatically whilst pregnant as it is dangerous. she went on to have a beautiful ds, who although was kept in for obs wasnt medicated.
she was allowed to take dn home and care for him under close supervision of ss. she did a fantastic job of bringing up dn and trying to keep her drug habit under control. he was always clean and fed and most importantly loved.
unfortunatly my dsis had been keeping secret that her dp had been abusing her emotionally and physically. he too was on heroin and couldnt handle that she was getting her life back on track. he attacked her one night, raping her and smashing all the windows in her house.
she fled with her ds out onto the street where he pushed her down a stairwell with ds. my dsis and dn ended up loosing everything and being relocated accross the country in a refuge. my dsis found this very hard as she was getting a lot of help and support form me and our mum.she made the decision to return to our hometown and ss put dn into foster care.
she is since in a very dark place and suffers everyday for not being able to look after her son.
as a family, it has badly affected us all. we all miss dn dearly and it is very hard to come to terms with. the future looks bleak for my sister,as she is still using, it looks like dn will be adopted.
please dont think badly of birth mothers. it might appear that they are just junkies who have loads of children, but under the surface there is alot more to it. most drug users turn to drugs as a last resort for coping with hideous awful situations.

my dsis loves her son uconditionally. she would give her life for his. and it is killing her that she can not care for him and bring him up. heroin addiction is an illness and doesnt mean the person doesnt have feelings,often they have been through the most horrendous experiences.

EMIN i would like to thank you for doing such a wonderful job. without people like you my dn would not now have a safe home. i rest knowing he is safe and cared for.

i havent replied to this thread to try and get sympathy for drug addicts, i just simply wanted people to spare a thought for the pain a mother goes through when she loses her child.

What a heartfelt post armanisad

I agree with what you say about about drug users to a large extent, I have said on many occasions, "there but for the grace of god"

It also must be said though that some of these mums are offered every available help in weaning off the drugs and still go back to them again and again.

My sympathies to you and your family, it must be heartbreaking for you all.

fostermumtomany Sun 16-Jan-11 19:38:39

i am a foster carer and i only take drug withdrawal babies. i have fostered over 150 of these little fighters so if you need any help just give me a shout.

fostermumtomany Sun 16-Jan-11 19:41:30

sorry just realised this was an old thred!

with regards to her leaving as hard as it is its all part and parcel of fostering as im sure you know. that said it is absolutely heartbreaking when they leave.
i had one little boy come to me at 19 days straight from nicu and leave at 28 months old.
he took my heart with him and i never really got over him however we do still get photos and 6 monthly visits with him an dhis adoptive parents.

the only good thing to come out of them leaving is the excitement of a new one arriving!

pissedrightoff Mon 17-Jan-11 20:02:11

Hi EMIN, I've been watching this thread from the start and am so happy the little girl is going to loving parents.

may I just say that I am in awe of you and your family and indeed all the carers who look after LO's such as your wee one.

I hope the coming days are not too hard for you.

Thank yousmile

Looks like introductions begin this Friday, I have to attend a planning meeting today when the itinerary will be worked out.

Deep breaths Emin, you can do it girlsad

You can do it and you are going to do it. Sending deep breaths from here!

fostermumtomany Tue 18-Jan-11 17:08:00

t will be very hard, i hate the bridging process but it has to be done i suppose.

i will be thinking of you when the time comes, this is the worst part isnt it.i know these little ones are not ours to give and i dont know about you but i always feel such a sense of pride when i hand these children over to people that have desperately wanted them and yearned for them for so long.
yes it is devastating for us and once i very nearly ran away with one, but the look on the couples face when they took that little boy in their arms and knew he was going home with them for good was priceless.

and that is what makes all this hurt and heartbreak worthwhile.
you are doing a good thing and what a good start you gave this little one. because of you this baby knows how to love and how to form attachments and how to be secure and feel safe.
what an achievement.
be proud, by all means grieve and cry but remember what you have done for this new family.
well done

The meeting went well and we have a schedule of introductions to work from.

If all goes according to plan we begin with a first meet this Friday and a moving day the following Friday so today and tomorrow are our last days when she'll be "ours" sad

As I was leaving the meeting I bumped into one of the other adoption social workers I've worked with in the past and she told me they have "earmarked" a couple for our other babysad

It looks like I may need extra tissueshmm

MrsBun Wed 19-Jan-11 07:17:58

Wow - just read this whole thread - What an inspiration! Huge strength for the next steps. I am overwhelmed by your compassion and so happy that this little girl had so much love and will continue to. How great that you are so positive about her future family. I can't imagine to think what they are feeling! Good on you. AMAZING!!

rodformyownback Thu 20-Jan-11 01:32:46

EMIN I've just read this whole thread and I have to confess I am in pieces. You have done a wonderful thing for this little girl who has a future because of you. You are my herogrin

Thanks guysblush

Today is our last full day with lo and it's a bitter-sweet sort of feeling.
I'm excited and happy for her yet sad for us, if that makes sense.

My usual way of handling introductions is to be as far in the background, but still there if needed after lo begins to get to know them so we plan on enjoying todaysmile

This will be the first introductions Dh has been fully involved in too, he has usually been away on contract work when previous babies have moved on.

I will try to post little updates this coming week, it feels right to end the post at the finish line when lo leaves us.

gemmummy Thu 20-Jan-11 07:47:13

I have followed this thread from the beginning and just want to say good luck, what an amazing job you have done xxx

Thank you gemmummysmile

Just have to share this giggle I've had with Dh this morning.

The family have been told they can visit for 2 hours the first day and then it will gradually work up to longer and longer visits.

Dh "what if they don't realize its been 2 hours and they're still here"

Me "well 2 hours is just a guideline really, it doesn't have to be exact Dh"

Dh (who never listens) "I could set the alarm clock for them"

Oh god this is going to be a long week wink

SquidgyBrain Thu 20-Jan-11 10:12:17

LOL - MEN!!!

Hoping that this week isn't too hard on you ENIM x

Cadmum Thu 20-Jan-11 11:00:40

Beautiful, beautiful thread.

Ds1 (13) and I just read through it from start to near finish.

You and your dh are amazing people! I hope your week goes well.

They've just left after the first visit. It went really well.

Lo was an absolute poppet, she happily sat on both their laps, not an honor she bestows willy nilly and they adore hersmile

Cadmum Fri 21-Jan-11 15:30:36

smile You are such a brave woman. I am happy that it went well. We thought of you often today (from sunny Cambodia).

bumpybecky Fri 21-Jan-11 16:30:32

I first read this thread months ago, so good to see it's got such a happy ending for your LO, even though it must be so hard for you EMIN.

Lilka Fri 21-Jan-11 16:55:02

EMIN, just seen this again, and my hat goes off to you. No words, just loads of respect and virtual support to you

Thank you allsmile The mum has texted to thank us "for giving them a wonderful morning"

Its going to be all go for the next week but I'll try and update when I can.

It felt strange to take a back seat this morning but I've got my stiff upper lip in working ordergrin and we'll concentrate on helping this lovely family get to know their daughter smile

MegBusset Fri 21-Jan-11 17:54:55

Been watching this thread right from the start, how and all at the same time.

The little girl and her new family are very lucky to have you

Cadmum Sat 22-Jan-11 05:05:31

Hormones are making me feel irrationally sad for you and your dh today. Three of my cousins are adopted and I cannot imagine our family without them; they brought my aunt and uncle so much joy. One has fetal alcohol syndrome and was fostered during his adoption process.
One of our closest friends also has an adopted daughter and is in the process of adopting again.

Your week is going to be so difficult but your contribution to this baby's life has made a massive difference. I hope you don't have to dig too deep to find that stiff upper lip. My chin is wobbling from thousands of miles away.

Dh just reminded me not to even consider asking him to foster. He said he would find it easier to sell crack than to hand over a baby that we had loved and nurtured to virtual strangers.

KayM Sat 22-Jan-11 05:16:52

Wow, what an amazing person you are. Good luck to you and your new special house vistor. xxxxxxxxx

slhilly Sat 22-Jan-11 07:50:43

I am stunned, astonished, humbled by the many amazing foster parents on this thread. You are truly extraordinary people. Thank you for what you do.

They've left for the day now.
DD2 is here to say her last goodbye to losad

We only see her at the weekend as she works and lives in another town and she is playing with her and having some cuddles.

They brought some clothes for lo and dressed her this morning after giving her breakfast.

Unfortunately because lo is still very small she isn't in the size clothes she should be in for her age yet so everything is quite loose on her.

They went for a walk with Dh while I made lunch for us all and after lunch they left.

My god it's been a long daysad They came for lo at 9am and will bring her back for bedtime.

Dh and I have sat like lost sheep all day and the quiet has been a taste of things to come.

My stiff upper lip wobbled ever so slightly this morning when they arrived and lo beamed a huge smile at them, little traitorwink

Didnt want this to go unanswered, but cant find the words.

Wow, just wow.

EMIN I have been following this thread from the start. My heart goes out to you, I really don't know how you do it, it must be like giving away your child, after all you are all she has known up until now. Thinking of you over the next days.

Cadmum Mon 24-Jan-11 03:11:00

sad and smile at the same time.

I don't know where you find the strength. Lo is so blessed to have spent her first 10 months with you. My heart goes out to you.

Thank you everyonesmile

Lo came back in time for bed last night and I had a cuddle with her before her mum and dad put her to bed.

She felt sooo goodgrin

Today she is with them all day again and they've just left, she seems really happy to see them and they obviously adore the bones of her.

They have told us they are definately going to keep in touch with us and visit us so thats hopeful.

Even so I'm feeling very down and tearful today, it's all happening so fastsad

mercibien Mon 24-Jan-11 11:39:57

I've been thinking about you all week, and wish i knew you in real life so I could bring round coffee, cake and a cuddle!
Might get thrown off MN for sending you a hug!But what the heck you deserve it ((hug))

Cadmum Mon 24-Jan-11 12:30:03

Willing to risk the MN eviction as well to send you a big hug.

I am feeling emotional and I have only read your story.

I am so happy that they are falling in love with her but I can barely imagine how difficult this must be for you and your dh.

It seems as though the new parents are understanding and would at least like to try and maintain a relationship with you. I hope it works out.

I can't begin to tell you how much the support on here helps me each time I have to "let go" so hug away, the more the merrier.

They've just sent me a photo from their mobile phone of new mum pushing lo in her buggy while out shopping.

Mum looks so proud and lo is sitting very cosily all snuggled upsmile

Ooooh I do envy them the rest of her lifeenvy

I finally finished our "goodbye letter" this morning, it's taken me weeks to get through it so I'm glad it's all done now.

Cadmum Mon 24-Jan-11 14:30:15

I nearly asked you about your goodbye letter in my last post.
Are you happy with it? Did you manage to find the words to explain just how difficult those early months were for her?

I am still in awe. The photo sounds lovely. I am glad that lo will have a proud mum. I just wish that it didn't involve breaking your heart.

Sending another un-MN hug {{{{{{}}}}}}

Thanks Cadmumsmile I tried a number of ways to write about those first months because it always sounded awfulsad

I think I've got it about right (hopefully) in that, yes I've included the early days but I've focused more on how much of a fighter she was and how mischevious, and funny.

I hope I've got it right for her smile

PomBearEnvy Mon 24-Jan-11 16:47:29

After reading this thread from start to finish, I am really proud of you EarthMotherImNot. (Not meant in a patronising way, but in admiration of you!)
You must be finding it very difficult at the moment even though you have obviously been fostering for many years.

I am so happy that there are kind and determined people like you in this world who can care for these unfortunate children, who are born dependant.

I hope that you have finished your letter and are feeling happy about little ones new family smile.
She has had such love from you and your dh I glad you feel happy with her Mummy and Daddy and know that they will love her as much as she deserves.

xx Best Wishes to you over the next few days, weeks and months, and best wishes to that special little girl and her family. xx

Thank you PomBearsmile

I'm just taking a break from packing lo's stuff, god it's hardsad

I'm sending the tiny babygro she arrived here in, her birth mum asked for it but I'm afraid I waffled I didn't know where it wasblush

It's the only thing she has from her birth mum so I feel it should go with her.

I've put together a treasures box and it's going in there with other reminders of her early months.

Lo has taken to the family brilliantly, she seems happy to see and go out with them and just as happy to see us when she returnssmile

scarlet5tyger Tue 25-Jan-11 15:17:04

Hi EMIN, I totally agree with you about the babygro - I've already packed up my current LO's for when he leaves along with his bootees and tiny preemie dummy! It's amazing how big he looks next to them now.

You're lucky that baby loves her new family already - I had tears and tantrums every time my last little girl had to leave for the day and it broke my heart to have to send her off with them. Yours sound like they'll love her to pieces though which must make things slightly easier (in the long run. Nothing makes these next few days easier right now!)

(On a more personal note, my current placement finally seems "withdrawn" although quite severely behind his peers as a result, and I'm now looking forward to more happier times like you've had with your LO!)

fostering Tue 25-Jan-11 20:12:24

I have cared for a couple of drug dependant babies but they have had to go cold turkey.
They appeared to like being swaddled and other carers with more experience told me not to touch them too much because the drugs make their skin very sensitive.
The piercing cry is dreadful. Most babies seem to like the womb sounds from the Slumber bear premium, especially if they hear it soon after birth.

I'm quite angry after talking to the family last nightangry

Social services are pushing them to meet the birth mother, they are using some quite outrageous tactics, ie, lo will want to know you liked her mum, wtf, What the hell difference can it possibly make 16/18 years down the line.

Why should they like her???

Sadly they are so terrified of losing lo they are going along with this but are dreading it so muchsad

PomBearEnvy Wed 26-Jan-11 11:29:09

Oh no! That sounds awful. How on earth is that beneficial to anyone?

I really don't understand the need for lo new family to have to meet up with her birth mother? Surely there must be more sensible reasons than lo wanting to know her parents liked her birth mum. It sounds totally inappropriate.

Do you have experience of this happening before EarthMotherImNot?

p99gmb Wed 26-Jan-11 11:55:01

I don't know what SS agenda is, but if you think about it from the birth mothers side, I think if it was me, I'd like to meet the 'new' family that was going to look after my child for the rest of its life.

I know birth parents are often seemed to be given so many chances, constantly blow them, and as foster carers it can seem unfair.

I am quite amazed by my own reaction to this - I think you have done an absolutely award winning job EMIN, and the new family just sound so wonderful and doting on the LO, but I do feel for the bm too.

SS sound out of order for forcing the issue, saying these types of things, but what is one meeting at the end of the day?

Maybe even this isn't due to a request from the bm..? The new family don't have to like her - nor she them, but when the LO is older and starts asking questions, at least they can say that they did meet her once..

I agree in most cases it is beneficial to have a meeting but, sadly, lo's birth mum is back in the grip of drug taking big-time.

I have seen her once while she was in desperate need of her methadone and it was not a pleasant meeting.

The meeting is not at birth mums request, they have been told that social services always want this meeting to happen.

On a different note, we have had a meeting this morning with lo's social worker, the new family and Dh and I to discuss how intro's are going.

I told her that I have already spoken to the adoption worker (she rang yesterday) and in my opinion intro's have gone so well that it is in lo's best interest to move earlier than planned.

The tentative moving date was Friday but I feel one day is neither here nor there in the scheme of things.

I had, of course, discussed my feelings with mum and dad with the proviso that it is not, at the end of the day, my decision, but that it would be my instinct that dragging it on another day is in no-ones interests.

They have gone to discuss it at the adoption unit now so we should know soon.

This may be our last night with hersad

EMIN I have followed this thread from the very beginning and have lurked on"Fostering" for a while, as I am trying to make up my mind if this might be for me in the future.

I think it very unfair that the adoptive family are being pushed to meet birth mother. BM carried on taking drugs through out a pregnancy, gave birth to a drug dependant baby, then carries on using drugs.

Pregnancy was not enough to get her to give up, a very poorly baby was not enough to get her to give up, keeping her baby was not enough to get her to give up. In my opinion she should not even be on the scene !

Please enjoy your last night together as a family and I hope everything goes well. Will be thinking of you.

Thank you HTWHsmile

It's official, it is to be our last night with hersad but smile she will finally have a mummy and daddy of her own.

They have her until 5pm when they bring her back and leave so that we can have an hour or so with her before bed.

I'm dreading it for Dh's sake, he's usually working away when the last night and leaving day arrive and he so adores her, we all do!

He's been very quiet today so it's getting to him I know.

I've said it before but for the record

I hate this part of fosteringsad

fostermumtomany Wed 26-Jan-11 15:35:03

hge huge hugs for you all.
i know it hurts i really do but all i can say is you have given this lo the best start in life.

oh i do feel for you. i remember how much it hurt when my longest lo left he took my heart with him and never sent it back.

i hope everything goes as well as it can in these situations.
let yourself grieve and remember just what you have done.
you taught this lo what love is and how to bond and trust.
well done.
i will be thinking of you

Casserole Wed 26-Jan-11 15:41:16

EMIN I've read the whole thread and am in tears. You are, quite simply, incredible. Every chance that little girl has now, she has because you and your DH fought for her. Please remember that, when you wave her off, and beyond.

I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.

mrsrobinredbreast Wed 26-Jan-11 15:50:42

EMIN, I've just read the thread and I am in bits. You are an amazing lady. This little girl has all the opportunities that a little girl should have in life now, and that is all down to you and your dh and that's just amazing.

I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling now. I am thinking of you.

twinmam Wed 26-Jan-11 15:53:12

Another one sitting here in tears EMIN. I am in awe of the selflessness and total human decency you and DH have shown.

I can't imagine how much your heart is breaking right now but what you have given to this little girl and to her new parents is just incredible.

She has the chance of such a happy future and the love and security you gave her in her first ten months will be a big part of that.

Enormous hugs (don't care if they are un-mumsnetty) and lots of hand holding to both of you. And thank you for making the world a nicer place.

Aitch Wed 26-Jan-11 15:55:29

what a magnificent woman you are, earthmother, and all of you who foster children. this little girl was immensely lucky to be in your house and your hearts. i am in bits for you, tbh, that she is leaving, and that you are being so brave. well done.

Thank you all, I really appreciate you taking the time to post. As I've said many times, the support I get from mners is magnificentsmile

The family have texted to say they are on their way back to ours now so I'll sign off for tonight, I have cuddles to give and lots of them.

I'll be back tomorrow when lo has left xxx

Aitch Wed 26-Jan-11 17:38:51

they must be so excited, it's such a dream, being a new parent. how wonderful.

bottersnike Wed 26-Jan-11 18:56:48

thinking of you all this evening.

Feeling very sad for you EMIN, the end of a wonderful chapter

iwastooearlytobeayummymummy Wed 26-Jan-11 20:06:52

Do you think we could organise a collection for Emin, I'll bring the hugest bouquet of flowers!

LowLevelWailing Wed 26-Jan-11 21:08:25

Just read the whole thread, and I can't imagine how hard this part must be. Thinking of you all tonight and tomorrow x

Minnerva Wed 26-Jan-11 22:10:43

Oh Emin,just wanted to say my heart goes out to you-I have been there and really feel your pain.I know that you will be trying to look on the bright side but...........it will still hurt-and hurt a bloody lot.sad

Virtual hugs to you and yours


Cadmum Thu 27-Jan-11 02:21:41

Thinking of you and your dh.

You have been a big part in creating a new family. I hope that your heart recovers and that lo is much loved by her proud new parents.

I really don't know where you find the strength.

I just cannot find the words. You are fantastic, an inspiration.

I really can't think of anything else except how wonderful you are. Be kind to yourself x

Good morning all, well it's not really but I suppose it's the sentiment that counts.

After an awful sleepless night, the duvet was upside down when I gave in and got up at 5.30am. I knew it was because it has a frill thing along the bottom and that was at the topshock

So I'm sat here watching the baby monitor for the first signs of her stirring and wondering if I should, perhaps, wake her up.

The new family will wait for me to text them to say she is ready but I know they are probably pacing up and down already.

I'll give her another 15 minutes then it's cuddle time awake or not!!!

We can do this, we can do thissad

thinking of you

She's gonesad

Poor Dh never usually sees this part, the goodbye, he came in after seeing them off and saw the floods of tears again, "would you like a whisky" he's just askedshock

Sadly we've just discovered we've forgotten to pack her cot blanket, I always make "my" babies one, so Dh is busy packing it up to post on to them.

It's been so difficult trying to stay cheerful for her this morning but I hope we got away with it.

Goodbye Ladybird xxx

GetOrfMoiLand Thu 27-Jan-11 10:05:56


What a wonderful woman you are.

This thread is an inspiration.

I would have that whiskey if I were you. You must feel so bereft. But what a wonderful thing you and DH have done.

Thank you GOML. Bereft is exactly how we feelsad

I had, without the aid of whisky I might add, pulled myself together somewhat when I had a text from one of our previous adopters saying she was thinking of me today.

Pass the damn tissues again!

LadyOfTheFlowers Thu 27-Jan-11 10:23:04

Flippin' eck - I'm blubbing.

What a lovely person you are.

Well done - you gave the little madam the best start.

Cadmum Thu 27-Jan-11 10:29:55

Blubbing here too not that it does your broken heart any good.

How ever do you mange to stay cheerful. Were the new mum and dad over the moon?

You are truly amazing. I hope ladybird's parents stay in touch with you Nd that your heart is not too broken without her.

I put her little jacket on and she got all wiggly with excitement because she knew that meant she was going out, then new mum and dad arrived.

She beamed her smile at them and new dad shook Dh's hand in a manly waygrin

New mum spotted my red, damp, hastily wiped eyes and said "oh bless you" and she stroked my cheeksad

She has texted to say "please don't be sad, we'll visit soon" so fingers crossedsmile

Minnerva Thu 27-Jan-11 11:14:15

She is happy and secure because of the love and care that you have shown her.

She will settle into her new home with her new mummy and daddy and go on to grow up in a loving and nurturing environment-and it's all thanks to you.You have made several lives all the richer for being a part of them.

M xx

EsioTrot Thu 27-Jan-11 11:23:15

EMIN, I have read this entire thread in floods of tears. You and your DH are truly remarkable.

I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel, but I am in awe of you. You've made such a difference to that little girls life and that of her adoptive parents too.

A huge well done. The world is a better place because of people like you.

I'll be thinking of you and the baby girl who will always be a little bit 'yours' wink

Very best wishes and good luck for the future.

wannaBe Thu 27-Jan-11 11:33:49

aww. smile

Are there any new placements looming that will help take your mind off her going?

She will be fine, and you know you have done your very best for her.

p99gmb Thu 27-Jan-11 11:53:41

Dear Emin & DH.

I went to bed thinking of you all. I awoke this morning and my thoughts were with you.

You have touched many lives - not just LO's and her new family. You have touched mine too. I can't think of what you've done and your pain without welling up.

I gave extra hugs & kisses to my 2 LO's today with the thought that they may move back home sooner rather than later. I cannot imagine how it will feel - they are my first FC but I know no matter how many I have it will always hurt. People already say they worry for me.

So - I'm banking on you all to help me when the time comes!! lol (ish) - can you have a col (cry out loud?)

I sincerely hope the family do keep in touch with you and continue the love you started.

Oh EMIN, I too am in floods here, it was your last post that did it !

"I put her little jacket on and she got all wiggly with excitement" I knew exactly what you ment as my DD is exactly the same at 16 months and I can't imagine giving away my little girl.

LO was your little girl for 10 months and the pain your are feeling must be like giving away one of your own.

Her new parents sound lovely and hopefully they will keep their promise so keep in touch and visit soon.

I have been tinking of adoption lately as the chances are I will not be able to have another child now, I have already decided that if I do, I would stay in touch with Foster Family.

Huge unMumsNetty hugs to you and DH.

ps Do most parents stay in touch ?

JessemyParkson Thu 27-Jan-11 12:36:39

I've only just seen this thread, and I've spent all morning reading through your wonderful, if testint, journey. I managed not to cry until your 2nd to last post "She's gone".

What a gift you have given both her and her new parents.

I hope you don't mind, but God bless you, and Ladybird, and her new family

JessemyParkson Thu 27-Jan-11 12:37:03



GetOrfMoiLand Thu 27-Jan-11 12:38:24

Even though you must feel so sad, EMIN, what a lovely happy ending this thread has. A little baby who was in so much pain when she was born, has, thanks to you and your DH, been loved and nurtured into the healthy child she now is. And how happy her new parents must be.

I for one am glad that she didn't have to go back with her birth mother. At least she will be safe and well and loved.

Thank you all, everyone who has posted support, each and every one of you have helped me through this.

From the first inklings of a drug dependent baby's arrival, to her leaving us today, you got me through it while I was getting her through it ITSWIMsmile

We've been blessed HTWH in that an awful lot of our adopters keep in touch and often visit us and I think I mentioned earlier one of them even texted me this morningsmileto wish us luck.

The ones who promise then don't keep in touch get pins stuck in wax imageswink

SquidgyBrain Thu 27-Jan-11 14:00:54

EMIN - (((HUGS))) It does sounds like the LO has been truly blessed, not only did she have wonderful foster parents to nurse and get her though the horrible early days, and then nurture her and help her grow, it also sounds like she has been gifted with a wonderful forever family

Hang on in there

Casserole Thu 27-Jan-11 14:06:41

Emin I woke up this morning with my heart like lead, because I knew what this day held for you.

Can't type without welling up, so can only imagine a hint of how bereft you must feel today, and how quiet the house. I hope you can put some nice things in your diary over the next couple of weeks to get you out and give you some ways to pass the time while the pain is so acute.

You should be so, so, SO very proud.

Lots of love... and whiskey.


Aitch Thu 27-Jan-11 14:53:16

oh EMIN, you have done so marvellously, so many lives transformed by your love and care. what a gift you have given to the world, there, fantastically well done. it must feel amazing/terrible, such a low and such a high. well done.

Katz Thu 27-Jan-11 14:53:31

you and your DH are amazing - thinking of you and hoping the next few days aren't too painful, just remember what a fantastic thing you have done for this little girl and all the other s who've been through your care.

fostermumtomany Thu 27-Jan-11 19:53:22

well done. you have done an extremely difficult and painful thing today but you know as do many of us that it will get easier.

the joy you have brought to the new family is an exceptional gift.

let yourself grieve, and then fill your void with tiny new arms that need you.

i know you feel so empty just now but it will get better.

again as everybody else has said be proud of yourself and your lo who without you probably wouldnt have made it.

huge hugs and love and a lot of awe.

EMIN, I can only think of the possitives for an adoptive family to stay in touch with foster family, especially with new borns like your LO's. You are sort of the roots to their growth, you gave them a good strong start and will always be the foundation of their new life.
I am pleased to that many stay in touch, and those that don't deserve pins sticking lol

Good morning all. Well thats the first night over with, it was strange not being able to put her to bed and I kept finding myself listening for hersad

Mum sent me 3 mobile photo's of little one which, of course, made me cry all over againsadespecially one where she had fallen asleep in her mums arms.

I'm on here because I'm putting off stripping her cotblush

It's official, Emin is a wimp!

Cadmum Fri 28-Jan-11 09:56:26

Emin is not a wimp; she is a lovely, compassionate, fabulous person who misses someone that has been a very big part of her life for the past 10 months.

We would all worry about you (and your babies) more if you weren't feeling sad and putting off stripping the cot.

It must be bitter-sweet to receive the photos. It does sound as though lo has a lovely new family and the fact that she is able to settle in a new environment is down to the love she learned from you.

CMOTdibbler Fri 28-Jan-11 10:01:52

Oh EMIn (((hugs))) - you do such an amazing job starting these babies off in life, and I know I could never do it.

I hope that the new families always remember you, and tell their children how you loved them till they were able to join their always family

Well I walked in her room and trod on one of her dummies, so I walked back out again because that was a sign, it's not time to strip the cot yet, wasn't it?blush

Dh has offered to do it but stupidly I feel I need to do it, just not right now!

I've contacted our placement service because we have to inform them when a child has moved from us. They asked, because it's very quiet on the baby placements at the moment, if I'd like to try mother and baby placements.

I'll talk it over with Dh but it doesn't ring any bells for me.

Aitch Fri 28-Jan-11 14:03:13

oh emin, this will be a lonely time for you and dh and the rest of your family. hold fast to each other.

Aitch we have another lo here so not totally alonesmile

He is a 4 month old relinquished baby so he won't be here too much longersad another month maybe and we get to go through this all over again.

Gluttons we are areshock

Aitch Fri 28-Jan-11 14:33:07

gawd, you are MENTAL. <in a kind way> wink

so not in a jacket that fastens up the back kinda way thenwink

Aitch Fri 28-Jan-11 14:40:25

<says nothing more>

the mark of a true friendwink

New mum had asked me before lo moved if we'd seen the little "cruising shoes" she'd bought for her and we'd searched high and low with no joy.

She was fine about it but I felt bad that they were missing but was sure they were not here.

Just got the buggy out and lo and behold the damn things are sitting there looking at me hmm

Dh is wearily making his way to the post office again (sigh)

headfairy Fri 28-Jan-11 15:42:04

Emin, you've made me really cry - and I'm supposed to be at work blush

What wonderful brave people you and your dh are. Your rewards will surely be eternal. I do hope your Ladybird has the most wonderful life with her new mummy and daddy.

Off to fix my mascara

iwastooearlytobeayummymummy Fri 28-Jan-11 21:33:59

I've been thinking about you all week, infact for many months, when I first 'lurked' here.

You and all the other fosterers are just the most amazing people.

pissedrightoff Sat 29-Jan-11 02:20:24

Just wanted to say again EMIN that I have been thinking about you and yours this week.

Thanks again everyone.

Just came back on to say I've stripped the cotsad

I had a cuddle and a sniff of her duvet and, eventually forced myself to put it in the washing machinesad

I had a little weep and now I'm pulling myself together and looking for my stiff upper lip, must be around here somewherehmm

Many thanks again everyone, you got me through another one.
smile it's wobbly but still smile

TmiEdward Sat 29-Jan-11 12:03:01

Earthmother, I am so SO in awe of you and this wonderful thing you do. You should feel so proud of yourself, taking these little mites and nurturing them into the happy, healthy babies they are now.
Your little Ladybird and her new family are blessed to have had you and you DH play such a vital role in their lives.

I am crying tears of sorrow for your loss, but also joy that there are selfless people like you in the world.

Much love and super-massive hugs to you and your DH.
Tmi xxx

Just had a photo of lo sent to my mobile.

She looks so happy and smiley and content.

Isn't missing us at all tutwink